A front-of-house coworker comes up to me at the kitchen entrance.

Coworker: “They’ve asked me for a medium rare chicken breast.”

Me: “No. We don’t do that.”

Coworker: “Oh… why?”

Me: “Chicken has to be cooked. It can’t be served rare in any form. Red is dead when it comes to chicken.”

The front-of-house coworker goes away and then comes back.

Coworker: “They say they’re willing to risk it.”

I actually follow them to the customer, and we have to have a conversation as to why that’s not something I’m willing to do.

Customer: “I’ve never had medium rare chicken; I wanted to try it.”

Me: “There’s a very good reason you’ve never had it. Anyone who would make it for you really doesn’t like you.”

Our restaurant has a very large wine selection, and I have given one of our diners the very dense wine book to peruse.

Customer: “Between these two bottles, what’s your preference?”

I give him my honest opinion.

Customer: “You only picked that one because it is $12 more expensive.”

I look him dead in the eye and say in my driest voice:

Me: “It’s clearly $12 better.”

Customer: “Ha! Fair enough!”

He loved the wine!

Related:
There Is Truth In Wine

I sell high-end cosmetics, skincare, and makeup. We are expected to take time with the customers and make sure they get the right products to meet their needs. Some people will tell a customer anything that will get them a sale because we have huge goals, but returns cost the company money in lost sales, plus we have to destroy the products.

I once stayed over two hours after I was to be off, doing two ladies’ skincare and makeup. They were together. They were so nice, loved everything, and wanted new looks. I was happy to help because they seemed to genuinely want help; they were so happy with everything.

It was supposed to be only one of the ladies, but then her friend decided she liked what I did and wanted me to help her, too. I never push customers because I want repeat clients. I want to help you have your best look; that’s my reputation, too.

I explained everything I used and taught them how to apply everything. They each spent over $500. That was a huge sale for me — well worth staying over for — and it was unexpected that they would buy so much. My average sale is between $80 to $250.

One lady came back a couple of days later to return everything! She didn’t keep one item!

Me: “May I ask what I did wrong for you?”

Customer: “Oh, we were just out to have a fun girl’s day. You did such a nice job and were so sweet that we just wanted to give you a good sale. My friend returned her stuff yesterday at the other location, so it’s not all at your store!”

All of it.

That was over $1,000 in sales returned in two days.

My employee number is on the receipt. Our company gets that in its system, so it doesn’t matter which store you return it to; it’s still traced to me.

I got called to the manager’s office to explain why I had such higher returns than corporate average. They were going to write me up, and I could have lost my job over it because it looked like I wasn’t doing my job well. Luckily, I knew it was those two customers who were together and accounted for all that in one return.

I lost two hours of my personal time, the commission, and $1,000 in products that I could have sold to someone else who wasn’t going to return it, and I could have lost my job, too.

Related:
Returner Burner, Part 11
Returner Burner, Part 10
Returner Burner, Part 9
Returner Burner, Part 8
Returner Burner, Part 7

A woman and her young son, maybe around six or seven, are checking out at the till. The son is playing a game on a phone, and something apparently goes wrong.

Child: “What a fudging, son of a biscuit, dingle-dapping, slart-blasting, mudder-trucking, blancmange-brained bum-spray!”

Mum: *To me, acknowledging my curious face* “I’ve told him that he loses an hour of playtime every time he swears. He’s gotten… creative.”

Me: “I’m going to have to write some of those down!”

I have a birth defect, and when my neighbor’s kid (around five or six at the time) asked me about it, I just very quickly answered:

Me: “Because I didn’t eat my vegetables.”

Both his mom and mine cracked up, but the kid looked terrified. His mom told me later that when they were visiting his grandma, she asked what he wanted to eat and he said, “Vegetables!” It freaked HER out!

I did tell him the truth a few years later. I was just poking fun at myself.