Customer: “I want a refund! Sherlock Holmes was possibly the worst film adaptation of a Jane Austin book I’ve ever seen!”
Me: “Sherlock Holmes was not written by Jane Austen. It was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”
Customer: “I thought there was something odd about it. Well, I guess it really is nothing at all like her other books. Silly me!”
Me: “Hi, this is [Airline] calling to inform you that your flight as been canceled for tomorrow. I’m sorry to tell you that the next available flight we have is Monday.”
Customer: “What?! How can that be? Why are you just now canceling the flight?”
Me: “Well, sir, due to the weather disruptions, we had to cancel your flight for the safety of the passengers and crew.”
Customer: “This is ridiculous. You should have canceled this flight back in September!”
Me: “Sir, we didn’t know the weather would be bad in September.”
Customer: “I demand you send me your private plane to take me to Fort Lauderdale immediately!”
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(I’m partway through a phone conversation with a client.)
Me: “Okay, and how many people live in your house?”
Client: “Me, my wife, and our two dogs.
Me: *laughs* “All right then, sir. So, it’s two people, yes?”
Client: “…and my two dogs.”
This story is part of our crazy pet owner roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Hilarious Stories About Taking Your Cat To The Vet!
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Read the crazy pet owner roundup!
(A woman enters the bus with her son.)
Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Your son didn’t pay the fare.”
Customer: “But children are free!”
Me: “No, ma’am. Children’s fare is currently at seventy-five cents.”
Customer: “Well, I’m not paying that! It’s free!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ve been misinformed. Children still have to pay a fare to ride the bus.”
Customer: “No, they don’t! You’re just trying to scam me!”
Me: “The farebox is locked, and is only accessed at the end of my shift, when I’m long gone.”
Customer: *pointing to the farebox* “You’re lying! This thing opens right up!”
Me: “If you can open it, your son can ride free.”
(The customer proceeds to struggle with the box for some minutes.)
Customer: “Seventy-five cents, you said?”
Customer: “I ordered a large prime rib last time I was here and it was awful! I want a new one.”
Me: “Okay, ma’am, I will be happy to remake it for you. We’ll have it ready for you in a few minutes.”
(I make a sandwich while the woman strolls over to the chips, hides a bag in her jacket and takes it to her truck. She comes inside with a water bottle, fills it up with soda and takes a seat.)
Me: “Ma’am, your sandwich is ready. So you had a large prime rib and a bag of chips.”
Customer: “I didn’t have chips!”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, you took a bag of chips to your truck. We have it on camera.”
Customer: “Okay, maybe I got chips.”
Me: “And I have to charge you for a medium drink.”
Customer: “I didn’t get a drink!”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. You filled up your water bottle with soda.”
Customer: “But it’s my water bottle!”
Me: “Yes, but you filled it with our soda. We have you on camera.”
Customer: “Okay, maybe I did that. But my sandwich is still free, right?”
This story is part of the Thieves Getting Caught roundup!
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Read the Thieves Getting Caught roundup!
