Customer: “I’m not buying carpet from you because you don’t sell Christmas trees.”

Me: “Actually, we have them in the garden center.”

Customer: “No, you sell holiday trees. You’re afraid of offending people, but this is the Christmas season, not the holiday season.”

Me: “It’s just our policy, sir.”

Customer: “I’m going to [Another Home Improvement Store] where they aren’t afraid of offending!”

This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

Read the next Christmas Day roundup story!

Read the Christmas Day roundup!

Customer: “It’s so loud in here!”

Me: “I know, right? Christmas is crazy for us every year.”

Customer: “It’s so loud. Why do people have to talk so loudly?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it’s just because there are so many people.”

Customer: “Forget this! I’m turning off my hearing aid. You guys should really try to keep the noise level down.”

Me: “Right you are, sir! If that’ll be all, your total is [total].”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your total, sir? It’s [total].”

Customer: “Speak up! I can’t hear you!”

This story is part of our Ironic Customer roundup!

Read the next Ironic Customer roundup story!

Read the Ironic Customer roundup!

Customer: “I’ve just received a leaflet for broadband from you. What’s broadband?”

Me: “It’s a faster type of Internet.”

Customer: “What’s Internet?”

Me: “It’s a method of accessing information through a computer.”

Customer: “What’s a computer?”

Me: “I don’t think this offer is for you, sir.”

This story is part of our Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup!

Read the next Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup story!

Read the Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup!

(I work in a shopping mall. On my lunch break, I visit the pharmacy. A woman runs into me.)

Customer: “You! Where do you keep your toilet paper?”

Me: “In my cupboard.”

Customer: “How dare you talk to me that way! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Oh, so now you’re going to get into trouble, it’s ‘I don’t work here,’ eh?”

Me: *pointing to the company logo on my shirt* “No, I genuinely do not work here. I work in [Shop], see?”

Customer: “So, you don’t wear your uniform either? Where’s your manager?” *turns to make-up counter employee* “Are you her manager, missy?”

Make-Up Counter Employee: “Yes. Yes, I am.” *turns to me, winking* “Don’t do that again.”

Customer: “Thank you! See, now I can shop here again!” *to make-up counter employee* “You! Where do you keep your toilet paper?”

This story is part of our roundup about customers who refuse to listen! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Crazy Stories About Customers Who Struggle With Reading And Comprehension

Read the first story in the bad listening customers roundup!

Read the bad listening customers roundup!

Caller: “I keep getting calls from you people and I want them to stop!”

Me: “Ma’am, what are the calls regarding?”

Caller: “I don’t know! They say they want to verify who they’re calling?”

Me: “Is it as though the caller doesn’t know who they’re calling?”

Caller: “Yes, and I want them to stop”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can certainly connect you to our do-not-call line. All you have to do is listen to the prompt and hit the appropriate key.”

(The caller continues to go on a tirade, which turns out to be about a different company than the one I work for. Literally every second word is a curse. I finally decide to cut in and stop her.)

Me: *very politely* “Ma’am, you’re calling [Company]. We have nothing to do with [Other Company] and any calls they might be giving you. However, I would be happy to get you the phone number for [Other Company] if you would wait a moment.”

Caller: *pauses a moment* “Oh… oh, my gosh. I am so sorry! You…  were so nice! Why were you so nice to me? I was swearing at you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve worked at three different call centers, and nothing will ever compare to what people called me in tech support.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. That makes sense!”