As The Checkout Line Churns
(I’m ringing up a customer and notice her last name is the same as mine. I have a very uncommon last name, so I made the mistake of mentioning this…)
Me: “Your last name is [Name]? Mine, too. Wonder if we’re related?” *chuckle*
Customer: *very serious* “What is your name?”
Me: “Oh, I was joking; we’re not related; almost all of my family lives up in New England.”
Customer: *more serious* “What is your name?”
Me: “Uhhh… I’m no–”
Customer: “Do you have a brother named [Brother]?”
Me: “Yes, actually…”
Customer: “Is your mother [Mom]?”
Me: “Uh, yeah…”
Customer: “And your father’s name is [Estranged Father]?”
Me: “Well, he’s my biological father, yes.”
Customer: *sticks out hand* “Nice to meet you. I’m your step-mother!”
(The entire line of about a dozen people behind her gasps, like they are watching a soap opera.)
Me: “Oh, God… Please don’t tell my father I work here.”
Customer: “You know why your father left your mother, right?”
Me: “Uh… no?”
Customer: “Because she cheated on him with [My Stepfather]!”
(The line behind her gasps again.)
Me: “Oh, okay…”
Customer: “You know, your father is very heartbroken about you. You’ve grown up to be such a beautiful young woman. You should call him and talk to him just so he can see how you’re doing.”
Me: “Actually, we don’t–”
Customer: “You and I need to go out for coffee sometime. I have a lot of stories to tell you.”
Me: “Okay, well–”
Customer: “I promise, I’m not an evil stepmother. Well, I’ll see you later, sweetie!” *bounces out the front door*
Me: *speechless*
Next customer: “Sweetie, are you okay?”
Me: *still speechless*
Next customer: “Why don’t you take a break? We don’t mind waiting.”
Entire line: “No! Go take a break!”
Me: *to Boss* “Hey, I’m taking a break. I’ll be back in–”
Boss: “For God’s sake, go home! I’ll see you on Monday.”
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