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Very Wrong About Being Right

| Right | May 3, 2013

(An irate caller is complaining about a billing problem that has been previously resolved by our billing specialists. He has received $50 in credits, but they will not apply until the next invoice is printed. At this time, we cannot edit already-printed invoices. The customer has been made aware of this twice per my co-workers’ notes. He does not want to wait.)

Me: “Sir, you have been given the credits, but as you have been advised—”

Caller: “I don’t care what I was told! Not by you, or your workers, or your managers or whoever! You are going to apply the f****** credits! The customer is always right!”

Me: “I understand that you’re upset about our crediting system, but please refrain from using profanity.”

Caller: “F*** you! The customer is always right!”

Me: “If you continue to use profanity, I will have to end the call.”

Caller: “The customer is always right!”

Me: “Sir, we have no way—”

Caller: “I AM THE CUSTOMER. AM. I. RIGHT?”

Me: “No.”

(There is a significant pause.)

Caller: “I want your supervisor.”

Me: “I can do that for you, but they will tell you the same thing.”

Caller: “I want your supervisor!”

(I get one of my supervisors, and transfer the customer over. The caller screams “THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!” at him for 15 minutes, and then hangs up.)

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Something’s Not Right-Clicking With This Student

| Learning | April 4, 2013

(I’m sitting in class taking a test which is printed off a computer screen-shot, so a scroll button was accidentally printed on the paper. A student raises their hand.)

Teacher: “Yes, [student’s name]?”

Student: “The scroll button won’t work!”

Entire Class: *giggles*

Teacher: *facepalm* “You do know this is on paper, right?”

Student: “Are you going to fix it or not?”

Teacher: *looks blankly at student*

(The student gets angry, starts stabbing his desk, and the paper tears.)

Student: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to break the computer!”

(By now, the entire class is currently laughing our guts out.)

Other Teacher: *enters room* “What’s all the laughing about?”

(Our teacher explains situation to the other teacher.)

Other Teacher: *begins laughing hysterically*

Teacher: *shakes head*

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A-moooo-sing Explanations

| Right | April 30, 2012

(As a grocery store bagger, I often help people load their items into their cars. Tonight, as I walk out the door with a customer, she notices milk all over the parking lot.)

Lady: *casually, without missing a beat* “Oh, a cow exploded…”

 

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The Art Of Ambiguity

, , | Right | March 5, 2008

(A man drops two packs of briefs on the counter).

Me: “Even exchange, sir?”

Man: *indignantly* “I need the right size!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Man: “They’re the wrong size!”

Me: “Which ones aren’t the right size?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Me: “…So you’re returning these?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

(At a loss, I call my coworker over).

Coworker: *looks at the packages* “Even exchange?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Coworker: “So you’re returning both?”

Man: “Read what it says there.” points at one of the packs*

Me: “Um… Big Men’s Briefs? Size 2X?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Coworker: “What size do you need, sir?”

Man: “44 to 46!”

Coworker: *checks pack* “That’s what this IS!”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Coworker: “Then you have to go find it. We don’t have it up here.”

Man, bellowing: “This is BULLS***! F*****’ A**HOLE!”

(Everyone in line falls dead silent).

Me: “So… you are returning these, then?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Me: “Okay–”

Man: “These don’t fit me! I need briefs that fit! I’m a big guy!”

(We finally figure out that the briefs in the bag weren’t the size marked on the package).

Coworker: “Well, you’ll have to go find another pair, then.”

Man: “YOU go find another pair!”

Coworker: “We can’t do that! Go check the aisle!”

Man: “I did already! There aren’t any!”

Coworker: “THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO GO TO ANOTHER STORE!”

Man: “YOU call another store! Find them for me!”

Coworker: *turns to me* “Call another store.”

Me: “I… um… okay, sir, you can sit down over there and we’ll call to you when we find them.”

Man: “Speak up, I can’t understand a word–”

Me: “SIT DOWN AND WE’LL CALL YOU!”

(Our manager walks by. He comes over and gets the guy to agree to just return the briefs).

Manager: “Do you have a receipt?”

Man: “No!”

Manager: “Okay, do you want the money back as store credit or on your charge card?”

Man: “What? Just give me the money!”

Manager: “That’s what I’m trying to do. Store credit or–”

Man: “WHAT? JUST GIVE ME BACK THE MONEY!”

Manager: “Store credit it is.”

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Should Have Given Them Decaf

| Right | May 20, 2015

(I’m in line at a coffee shop before work when I overhear the following conversation between the cashier and the exhausted looking customer in front of me.)

Cashier: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “Coffee”

Cashier: “Any particular one?”

Customer: “Coffee”

Cashier: “Okay, what size would you like?”

Customer: “Coffee”

Cashier: “All righty, then, one extra large mocha supreme with a shot of espresso coming up.”

Customer: *while handing her $10* “Thank you.”

(The cashier got the coffee and the man took it and his change with one more mumbled “coffee” and left.)

Me: “That was weird.”

Cashier: “No kidding”

Me: “That’s the most expensive drink on the menu isn’t it?”

Cashier: “Yep.”

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