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When Religion A-tax

| Right | June 23, 2016

(I’m the night auditor/overnight clerk at a random hotel adjacent to the interstate in Georgia. A potential client comes in around one am.)

Customer: “I’d like to rent a room.”

Me: “I have space available. Tonight’s price is [total] plus state and local tax.”

Customer: “I don’t have to pay tax.”

(Customer presents tax exemption form from Florida, naming a church, which exempts church activities from Florida state taxes.)

Me: “Well, I’m not familiar with Florida tax rules, but this doesn’t exempt Georgia taxes. I can’t waive them with this form.”

Customer: “You’re going to Hell.”

Me: “I’ve been through an audit. Hell sounds better. But if you are here on official business, it’s a simple matter to file for a refund in Georgia. I’m afraid that I can’t waive sales and use tax with these forms.”

Customer: “Thou whited sepulcher.”

Me: “Render unto Caesar.”

Customer: “God is going to smite you!”

Me: “I’ll be glad to rent a room to you, at [total] rate, plus tax. If you won’t pay the taxes, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

Customer: “I don’t pay taxes! God’s people don’t pay taxes! If anyone calls for me, forward my calls to [Hotel across the street, which also collects proper taxes.] Good evening!”

Next Customer In Line: “What do you drink? You dealt with that like someone who drinks after work!”

(The next customer checked in, paid for his room and taxes, and came to the lobby an hour later with a six-pack for me.)

I Was Only Borrowing It

, | Right | January 15, 2015

(I volunteer in a charity second-hand bookstore where all our stock comes from donations. A woman comes into the store.)

Woman: “Excuse me, do you have ‘The Book Thief?’ I can’t remember who wrote it.”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure. Let me check.”

(I ask a coworker, who knows the author. Once we have this we go to the fiction shelves, where the books are in alphabetical order by author.)

Me: “Sorry, we don’t appear to have it.”

Woman: “Oh, no! I need a used copy. I borrowed one off my friend and she wants it back, but my husband accidentally gave it to a charity shop and he can’t remember which one.”

Me: “We can have a look out the back, as we’re currently sorting out some stock.”

Woman: “Would you? Thank you.”

(I go out the back where shelves of books ready to go out are sitting. They are not in order so it takes a few moments to search, but luckily we have one.)

Me: “Got it!” *I hand it over*

Woman: “Thank you so much! This may even be the copy we donated.”

(We head to the till and she offers to pay as we are a charity.)

Me: *as she leaves* “Tell hubby it cost £20 to buy it back!”

Woman: *laughing* “Oh, he’ll be paying for this for a long time!”

(It was only afterwards that we realised the irony in losing a book called ‘The Book Thief!’)

Why It Pays To Listen

, , , | Right | June 18, 2008

(A customer reserved an expensive feather blanket a week before, and it was on sale when he came to pick it up.)

Customer: “This blanket is on sale!” *waves his reserve slip*

Me: “Yes it is, sir.”

Customer: “I’m not taking it, since I have to pay double the price!”

Me: “You automatically get the discount even though your reservation slip says the price is higher.”

Customer: “I’m not paying the full price for this blanket!”

Me: “Sir, you don’t have to. You get the discount.”

Customer: “Are you a f***ing idiot? I’m not paying the full price! It’s on sale, and I’m only paying the sale price!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, I’ve been trying to tell you that our system will automatically sell it for the sale price.”

Customer: “You don’t get it! Let me speak to your manager!”

(I call the manager, and after about 5 minutes of this, he and I finally got the customer to believe he was getting his blanket for the sale price. We laughed a good ten minutes after the guy had left.)

Not Gonna Slip Your Way Out Of This One

, , , , , , , | Legal | February 7, 2022

Most people don’t realise that it is difficult to get snow in some places. Wellington, New Zealand, is one of those places. The low altitude and the salt from having ocean around three sides mean that snow is basically unheard of… until 2011.

A strange weather pattern led to three days of white stuff even at levels less than five meters above sea level. It was gorgeous and amazing. We all muddled about our businesses and got on with everything, with some things being a little more slippery than others.

Not the criminals, however.

During this three-day powdering, when you might experience the joy of watching your footprints stay in the new snow coat, two clever people decided they were going to rob a dairy.

Then, they walked straight home.

In the snow.

They were shocked when they were caught less than an hour afterward. Somehow, the police had managed to track them down. They got hauled away.

Oh, and the riches they had taken from the small store? Ice cream. Just in case the story wasn’t cool enough.

The Thank You Was Complimentary

| Right | September 21, 2013

(I’m shopping with my four-month-old daughter when we have an encounter with another customer. Usually, when someone compliments her, I thank them since she can’t, and I feel it’s only polite.)

Customer: “So beautiful!”

Me: “Thank you.”

Customer: “No, I meant her.”

Me: *pause* “I know…”