Have You Tried Turning Yourself Off And On Again?

, , | Romantic | June 24, 2017

(My husband works in IT, and is a bit stressed at work. One night, I am sick and running a fever. I get up in the middle of the night and check my temperature. I am coming back to bed.)

Me: “I still have a high fever. The meds don’t seem to be working. ”

Husband: *half asleep* “Did you run updates? That usually helps.”

H2-Slow, Part 16

, , | Romantic | June 21, 2017

(I promise I am usually not a stupid person, but for some reason on some days I have severe pregnancy brain, especially since hitting third trimester. I am at the supermarket with my husband, and we have to pick up — amongst other things — water and milk. We get to the water and he takes a pack of six big bottles, then we move on to get milk. In the aisle with the milk is also milk powder, and while I look at it a *genius* thought comes to my mind.)

Me: “Milk powder is actually really smart. You can carry it easily and you can get a lot of milk from it.”

Husband: “That’s true.”

Me: “I wonder if they will ever make that for water as well. Then I could buy it without you, because I could carry it on my own.”

Husband: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, just like milk powder, if they would dehydrate water and make water powder, then you could buy it at the store and at home, if you need water, then you just…” *at this point I realize that what I am about to say is not as smart as it sounded in my head just a minute ago* “…add water.”

(My husband looked at me not knowing what to say without making me feel stupid, so he just laughed, hugged me, and never spoke of it again.)

Related:
H2-Slow, Part 15
H2-Slow, Part 14
H2-Slow, Part 13

Running Off With A Younger Set Of Wheels

, , , , | Romantic | June 19, 2017

(When my husband and I first got together he was in a lot of financial trouble. I helped sort out his finances and it was decided he needed to get rid of his car and buy a new one. He couldn’t get a loan at the time so I did and put the car in my name, which was also done to prevent any repossession from debt collectors, etc. We refer to this new car as his car and the car I already had as my car. We’re now married, his car is still in my name, and we have recently sold my car. Of course, Murphy’s Law, the week after selling my car the battery on his car goes kaput. He has to bike ride to the local auto store to get a new battery. Note: I regularly remind him (jokingly) that his car is in my name and is my car.)

Husband: “You should be doing the bike riding. I have to work tonight.”

Me: “It’s not my car!”

Husband: “Oh really? REALLY? It’s not your car is it? Can I have that recorded?”

Me: “Wait… No! It’s MY CAR! The registration is in MY name!”

Husband: “Registration does not prove ownership.”

Me: “The registration in my name means if you run off with a younger woman I can have you arrested for stealing my car.”

Husband: “Oh, thanks! I run off with a younger woman and all you’re concerned about is the car?”

Me: “You run off with a younger woman and you’re on your own, buddy, but I want the car!”

Husband: “Well, you better hope there is no younger women at the auto store.”

Me: “Oh, yeah? What are you going to do?”

Husband: *putting on a mock sleazy voice* “Hey, baby, I might not have a car right now but I’ve got a sexy bicycle!”

His Scolding Is Heavy Handed

, , , , | Romantic | June 18, 2017

(I am the type of person who likes to move things around for a fresh look. My husband is the opposite so I usually move things while he’s not home. I’m cleaning the kitchen one day and decide that the microwave needs to be closer to where I prepare food instead of on the other side of the room. Husband walks in as I’m about to pick up the microwave. I usually have to move the microwave out of the spot to clean under and behind it, it’s not heavy to move.)

Husband: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Moving the microwave; it’s in a stupid spot.”

Husband: “Why can’t you just leave it there?”

Me: “Because I have to carry boiling items across the room and avoid toddlers at the same time.” *I start pick it up*

Husband: “That’s too heavy for you. I’ll do it.”

(He makes me put it down and drags it out, dropping the corner and taking a chunk out of the wooden bench top.)

Me: “Look at what you just did.”

Husband: “That thing was heavy. You would have dropped the whole thing.”

Me: “I move that microwave all the time, and have never dropped it.”

Husband: “See? This is why I don’t want you moving things around. Things get damaged.”

Me: “No, this is why I move things while you aren’t home because I don’t damage things.”

Husband: “I told you it was too heavy.”

Too Late For Puppy Love

, , , , , | Romantic | June 15, 2017

(It’s after midnight and we’re in bed, but the dog is insistent on playing.)

Me: “No, puppy! Stop trying to force your balls under the blanket. They’re gross and it’s sleep time.”

Partner: “I’m so glad it’s you saying that to the dog and not me to you.”

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