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I’m Afraid You Can’t Spell, Dave

, , , , , | Right | February 20, 2009

(I am monitoring the customers at the self-checkout machines when a customer holding cilantro angrily waves me over.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “These machines are so useless! They don’t even have cilantro under the look-up list!”

Me: “Sir, it’s because you’re looking under ‘S’ instead of ‘C’ — cilantro is spelled with a ‘C.'”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a know-it-all, huh? We’ll see what you know when these machines take over YOUR job one day!”

Me: “…”

Why Hello, Pheven

, , , | Right | February 4, 2009

Me: “I’m here to help, sir. Now, can I start with your name?”

Caller: “Yeah. It’s Steven.”

Me: “Is that ‘Steven’ with a V, or ‘Stephen’ with a PH?”

Caller: “No, it’s Steven with an S, idiot!”

Clarity Is Key

, , , | Right | January 23, 2009

Me: “Hi, sir, how are you today? Is there something I can get for you?”

Customer: “Fish.”

Me: “Well, you sure came to the right place. What kind of fish would you like?”

Customer: “Dead fish.”

Me: “…”

Is There Anything That Guy Can’t Do?

, , , , | Right | December 23, 2008

Customer: “Do you have movie with Forrest Gump?”

Me: “Yes, we have the movie Forrest Gump; would you like me to tell you where it is?”

Customer: “No, I look for movie Forrest Gump where he gets big.”

Me: “Uhh… do you mean you’re looking for the movie ‘Big’ with Tom Hanks?”

Customer: “Not Tom Hanks, ‘FORREST GUMP’! ‘BIG’!”

Me: “…”

Wictor Wictoria

, , | Right | December 9, 2008

(I used to work for a call center that handled an American credit card account. My coworker relayed the following transaction to me.)

Customer Service Rep: “Okay, I have your account here; could you verify your full name please?”

Customer: *garbled name*

Customer Service Rep: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t quite catch that… could you spell it for me please?”

Customer: “T…O…Wee…”

Customer Service Rep: “Sorry, was that P?”

Customer: “No, Wee.”

Customer Service Rep: “E? As in Eagle?”

Customer: “NO! Wee! Wee!”

Customer Service Rep: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand…”

Customer: “Wee! As in Wictor! As in WICTORY!”