(I go to the nearest grocery store to grab a drink. A woman is standing near the checkout and the cashier is talking on the phone, but since I’m getting just one thing I don’t mind this too much.)

Cashier: *scans the drink while still talking on the phone* “It’s [price].”

Me: *hands him the money and waits for my change*

Cashier: *hands the phone to the woman and scans the drink again*

Me: “You already scanned it.”

Cashier: “It’s [price].”

Me: “I already gave you the money; my change is [amount].”

Cashier: *starts looking around, confused*

Me: “It’s beside the register. My change is [amount].”

(The cashier is about to scan the drink again until he spots the money I gave him, then puts it in the drawer and stares at me.)

Me: “Could I have my change, please?”

Cashier: *finally gives me my change, still confused*

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?”
Customer: “No, and I don’t want one either.”
Me: “Just letting you know that the card is the only way to get our sale prices in the store.”
Customer: “No thanks.”
(I proceed to ring up her purchases and give her the total.)
Customer: “Hey! These two items are on sale for 2 for $7! And these nuts are supposed to be only $10!”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, you need our rewards card to get these sale prices.”
Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that!”
(Despite me having just told her as well as it being written on every ad tag around the store and in the newspaper, she still became angry and left her things. This happens a few times a week.)

(I work in a newsagents selling magazines and lotto tickets. A regular customer comes in a bit earlier than usual to get her magazines but they are not ready. My coworker is serving her so I get her regular magazines out of the box for her as we chat and she buys them, and everything seems fine. Twenty minutes later, this occurs. Bear in mind that this is a previously sweet old lady who I have served many times.)

Customer: “YOU!” *pointing at me*

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “You gave me the wrong magazine.”

(She throws down a very old magazine which is definitely not one from our store as it is months old.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I gave you [other magazines], not this one…”

Customer: *interrupts* “I AM AN HONEST PERSON!”

Me: “We don’t actually have that magazine in our store. Could you have possibly left your magazine in the food court? They have free magazines there; they might have gotten mixed up if you were having a coffee.”

Customer: *to my coworker, shaking with anger and ignoring me* “What will you do about it?! I AM AN HONEST PERSON! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!”

Coworker: “Um…”

Me: *to my coworker* “Give the lady another magazine.” *to the customer* “Just so you know, there is honestly no possible way this magazine came from our store. It might be worth retracing your steps. “

Customer: “I have never been so insulted. I know your manager and she will hear all about the way you have treated me!” *storms out, leaving some very bemused customers in the line behind her*

(Five minutes later, while I am serving another customer, she returns.)

Customer: *to coworker* “I found my magazine in the food court but I’m returning this one because, like I said, I am an honest person!”

(She walked out, but not before scowling at me. That was last week; she sent a friend in to get her magazines this week!)

(It’s about 9:30 pm. A regular is in the store and I’m sweeping while he is browsing. A man opens the door and pokes his head in the store.)

Customer: “Are you closed?”

Me: *deadpan* “Yep, and that other customer over there is a figment of your imagination. You really should go home and get some sleep.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves*

Regular: *staring at me* “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “Yep. I normally wouldn’t do that but I’ve had a long day full of stupid people like him and I didn’t think I could bear another without screaming or pulling my hair out.”

Regular: “That’s okay. Your secret’s safe with me.”

I witnessed this on TV over 30 years ago. It was the time where taxes on cigarettes in Quebec got very high. There were a lot of robberies of convenience stores, and they were stealing only cigarettes. Then, in the news, they showed a video of a robbery captured on security camera footage. A group of guys broke into a convenience store carrying a large trashcan, and while two of them grabbed all the cigarettes they could and put them in the trashcan, one, all smiling with a face saying, “D***! I’m so smart!” approached the camera with a pair of snippers and cut the video wire.

Apparently, Mr. Genius thought that cutting the wire would “erase” everything. Of course, they never took the videotape out. Police caught them a few days later.

During the same period, I was working as a service rep for a copier company. I got a call because there had been a break-in at a customer’s convenience store and the copier was damaged. It turned out that glass shards from the front door had fallen into the copier when the cigarette robbers broke in. Their location was slightly remote.

The police were still there when I arrived.

I asked the manager if he had them on a security camera.

He said, “Actually, it’s our third break-in. They figured out the schedule of the police rounds and hit when they were the farthest from here. The first two times, they managed to break into the office and grab the cassette. But not this time. We secured the VTR and jammed the cassette in. The police are looking at the footage as we speak. Smiling.”