(I work behind the customer service desk, and we handle lottery sales. Three of our big lotteries are Pick 3, Pick 4 and Pick 5. They have a midday and an evening drawing. A customer comes up to my counter looking disgruntled.)

Customer: What was the winning midday number?
Me: (knowing she meant one of the ‘Pick’ lotteries) For which one?
Customer: (under her breath) Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. *places a Pick 3 ticket on the counter*
Me: Is that a winner or a replay?
Customer: I don’t know! I don’t know what the midday number was!
Me: …
(All she had to was say it was for the Pick 3!)

Me: “Hi, I would like a pack of [Cigarette Brand], please.”

Cashier: “May I see some ID?”

(This is where I have my “oh, crap” moment. While I am definitely old enough to purchase tobacco, earlier in the day I renewed my driver’s license, which means that I had to surrender my photo ID. I do have an interim copy of my license on paper, but the print clearly indicates that I cannot use it as identification.)

Me: “Aw, geez, my bad. I totally forgot my ID.”

Cashier: “Oh, sure, you did.”

(The cashier’s reply is teeming with sarcasm. I imagine at this point, she is assuming I’m an underage teenager trying to pull a fast one on her.)

Me: “Looks like I’ll have to go home to get it. I’ll be right back!”

Cashier: “Okay, whatever you say, sweetie!”

(I really don’t like it when people don’t believe me, AND I want to buy cigarettes, so I actually go home and then return to the same convenience store.)

Me: “Hello again. I’d like a pack of [Cigarette Brand], and I brought ID this time!”

(I present her my current and valid passport, which is pretty d*** ironclad when it comes to identification.)

Cashier: *laughing* “Okay, you win this round. You are literally the first person I’ve ever met to use the ‘I left my ID at home’ excuse who was actually able to back it up!”

(Moral of the story: carry a second piece of ID if you’re going to renew your driver’s license, or quit smoking altogether!)

(I run a convenience store. I’ve been here forever so I know almost every customer and what they buy except for out of townerns)

*car pulls in with out of state plates*
Woman: “hey, can I buy power ball tickets on my card?”

Me: “Yes if you run it as a debit.”

Woman: “Can I get five dollars on the powerball”

Me: “They are two dollars each”

Woman: “I guess just give me five dollars”

Me: “I can add the extra option to one ticket and the regular easy pick on another, that would make it five dollars ”

Woman: “Just give me six dollars worth then”

Me: “Okay just slide your card there and it will ask you a couple of questions”

*she slides her card then stares at the terminal*

Woman: “Do I press the green button or the red X for credit?”

Me*slowly dying* “You have to run your card as debit to purchase lottery tickets”

*she then yells at me and leaves without buying anything*

A Public Service Announcement on behalf of Powerball retailers everywhere:
If you are the elected individual from your workplace or group of friends to go to the store to buy 100 tickets for the group,
#1 have your poop-in-a-group and know what you’re doing. If you don’t know what you’re doing, elect someone who does.
And #2, if the members of your group pay you singles or quarters, either pocket the cash and use your credit/debit card (many many places DO let you buy lotto with credit/debit cards) or at the very least, have the cash all neatly sorted and counted. Please do not just shove a pile of crumpled up bills at the cashier and say, “I want this many Powerballs!”

And to those who have never purchased a Powerball ticket ever and are only buying one now because it’s over a billion…do us all a favor and ask for a “QuickPick” or “X# of QuickPicks”. If you really have your heart set on picking your own numbers, go online and do your research before you go to the store. Ask the cashier for a slip to fill out, and follow the directions. If you do not wish to choose your own numbers, don’t waste time and paper filling out a slip…just ask for a QuickPick.

(I am a customer in this story. In New York, we have a chain of convenience stores that also serves really good ice cream. I am there getting ice cream and a woman walks in with her husband and two daughters, about six and four years old.)

Six-Year-Old: *to the cashier* “May I please have a scoop of chocolate ice cream in a cone?”

Cashier: “Certainly.” *to the four-year-old* “And what would you like?”

Four-Year-Old: “I just want a cone, please!”

Mother: “No, [Four-Year-Old], you have to get something in the cone.”

Four-Year-Old: “But I just want the cone!”

Mother: “No, you have to get something in the cone.”

Four-Year-Old: *looks like she’s about to cry* “I just want the cone!”

Mother: *to the cashier* “She’ll have chocolate, too.”

Four-Year-Old: *upset* “I just want the cone!”

(The family got their ice cream and went to sit down and eat it. The daughter ate her ice cream, but was very grumpy about it.)