Turkish (De)Lights

, , , , | Working | April 19, 2018

(I don’t smoke, but I’m heading over to the home of an adult friend who does. They ask me to pick up a couple packs of cigarettes on the way. They tell me exactly what type they want, but I unfortunately forget almost as soon as I hang up the phone. No matter; I know what the cigarettes LOOK like, and the brand, so I figure I won’t have any issues getting them.)

Me: “I’d like two packs of [Brand] 100s, long.”

Cashier: *picks up two packs of cigarettes in a red package*

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I meant the ones in the gold package.”

Cashier: “Lights?”

Me: “Uh… Sure?”

(The cashier picks up two packs that are blue instead of red.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry, the gold ones.”

(I point at the clearly visible gold ones, just under the red and blue. The cashier puts back the blue ones, and picks up the red ones again; he seems to be laughing at me not knowing what to call them.)

Me: “No, no, the gold ones, there.” *points again*

Cashier: “Oh, you mean the Turkish ones.” *finally picks up gold pack*

Your Argument Doesn’t Have A Bare Foot To Stand On

, , , , , | Working | April 4, 2018

(I’m walking by a small corner store not far from where I live. I see someone get kicked out for not wearing shoes or socks, as it “breaks the health code.” This upsets me, as there is no health code violation for being barefoot absolutely anywhere. I talk to the person and bring them back in, as there is no sign forbidding it, and there is no health code entry for it. I take my shoes off, as well, to help defend the argument.)

Employee: “Didn’t I just tell you to leave?! And now you brought another one?! Get out of this store!”

Me: “Actually, I came to inform you that you are discriminating. There is no health code violation anywhere in all 50 states saying you can’t be barefoot in a store, and there is no sign stating that there is a dress code violation. I’d like to see your manager on behalf of [Person].”

(The manager comes out and we explain what happened.)

Manager: “I’m having trouble seeing the big deal here.”

Employee: “It’s simple! You can’t just walk around outside without shoes! Your feet get all dirty, and its bad!”

Manager: “That’s not true at all. I barely ever wear shoes outside of work, and the only reason I wear them here is that there could be sharp things on the floor, since you don’t do your job at keeping the floors clean!”

(The employee gets flustered, and started looking embarrassed.)

Manager: “As long as you guys promise not to hold us accountable for any foot-related injuries you may obtain, I’m fine with it.”

Employee: “God, you people are a sin!” *runs out of store*

Manager: “God, I hope he quits. I do not want to send him a severance check.”

Bacon, Lettuce, and Carcinogens

, , , | Right | April 2, 2018

(I am a clerk at a local mom-and-pop gas station and convenience store. A couple with a young child walks into the store after I’ve already cleaned out our warmer of prepared food items, as we do when it’s late in the shift.)

Man: “So, no food?”

Me: “Not in the warmer, no, but we do have sandwiches in the cooler.”

Man: “Aw, but I wanted something hot!”

Me: “Well, we have a microwave you are welcome to use to heat up any of the sandwiches.”

Man: “Don’t you know those things give you cancer?”

Me: *under my breath* “So, just stand back, then.”

Man: “Never mind.” *turns to woman* “Do we need any cigarettes today?”

Me: “…” *blinks*

Some Adults Actually Believe This

, , , | Related | March 28, 2018

(I work at a convenience store. A customer with a boy of about seven comes to my register. They ring their items up and the customer swipes her card.)

Boy: “Mom, pick credit! That means you get your money back!”

Me: “Man, I wish that was how it worked.”

Unfiltered Story #107061

, | Unfiltered | March 12, 2018

(A customer hands me a $20 bill.)

Customer: “Can I get ten on the pump?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(The customer goes looking through the cooler in front of the register looking for a drink. Before he can bring it up to the register.)

Me: “You know, the [soda] is ‘Buy 1 Get 1 Free’ for 20 oz. bottles.”

Customer: “Sure. Let me go see if my friend wants one. Can I get my ten back?”

Me: “Sure, let me get you your change.”

Customer: *gives me a confused look* “What?”

Me: “You paid for $10 with a twenty. Let me get you the ten I owe you.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought you meant you were giving me it in quarters.”

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