I’m Gonna Give You A Regular You Can’t Refuse

, , | Right | November 19, 2017

(I work at a convenience store. I am training a new person when I spot one of our regulars, a man with a bad reputation for giving employees grief. He’ll fight over the smallest details, though he never gets far once the managers get involved. That doesn’t stop him from being as condescending and rude as possible beforehand, though.)

Me: *to new hire who has just finished ringing up another customer* “It’s a lot for day one, but you’re getting the hang of it.”

New Hire: “Yeah, I think I’ll be oka—”

(She gets cut off by the customer, who is practically yelling into his phone as he throws his stuff on our counter.)

Customer: “You’re so stupid! Could you stop being stupid and just order the pizza?”

(I quietly nod for the new hire to step aside and proceed to ring up his items myself, not saying a word. Meanwhile, another customer has gotten in line behind him, and she watches him scream with raised eyebrows.)

Customer: *angrily swipes his credit card* “OH, MY GOD, it’s not Coleone’s, it’s CORE-LEE-OWNS! You can’t even pronounce Italian words right!”

(Meanwhile, I’ve bagged his items, totaled his amount and stuffed his receipt in the bag without saying a word to him. He rips them off the counter and stomps out, still yelling about the pizza place and how to pronounce it.)

Me: *to new hire once customer is out of earshot* “That guy is a regular, and he thinks he is the most important human being on the planet.”

Customer #2: *after setting her items on the counter* “Yeah, I think we all kind of got that impression. I wonder why the person on the other end didn’t just hang up.”

New Hire: “I’m also pretty sure there’s no ‘R’ in the last name ‘Coleone.’”

Made You Go Red In The End

, , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(I am traveling for work in southeastern Oklahoma, and we stop at a gas station. While my coworker is filling the tank, I go inside to get some drinks. As I am paying, another customer comes into the store. He is wearing a golf shirt in a bright purplish pink, the color that’s often associated with azaleas.)

Clerk: “Oh, I like a man who’ll wear a pink shirt. You know that’s a confident man!”

(I think she sincerely means to compliment him, but the guy’s face just totally falls.)

Customer: “Oh. I thought it was red.”

73 Reasons To Get Your ID

, , , , | Right | November 7, 2017

(My grandma worked as a convenience store clerk from her early 60s until she was well into her 70s. I am visiting, and she has to work one of the days of my visit, so I take her to work so I can borrow her car for the day. I get there just before the end of her shift to pick her up, and I am hanging around when a customer brings a 12-pack of beer up to the counter.)

Grandma: “Good afternoon! Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “Aw, man, what? I’m 32!”

Grandma: “I saw you drive up, and you know you’re required to have your license with you when you drive, so let’s see it.”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s in the glovebox. You’re going to make me go out and get it? I really am 32!”

Grandma: “Well, sir, I’m not that good at judging ages. I’m an old lady; you all look like babies to me!”

Customer: “Aw, c’mon, you’re not that old.”

Grandma: “Tell you what. You guess how old I am, and if you get within five years, then I’ll take your word for how old you are.”

Customer: “Okay! I’d say you’re… mid-fifties. If I have to be specific… 54.”

(Grandma reaches in the pocket of her uniform shirt and pulls out her own license.)

Grandma: “I’m 73!”

Customer: *pauses* “I guess I’ll go get my license, then.”

(He actually did go get it, and he really was 32! Grandma told me later that she did that all the time to cut off the argument, and nobody had ever guessed over 60. Today, she’s 94 and could pass for a spry 75, with less than half of her hair gone to gray.)

Little Brother Owning The Owner

, , , , , | Related | November 2, 2017

(There is a convenience store near our house that is owned by a neighbor of ours. My mom is in one day to get something with my little brother, who is probably about four years old. While Mom’s getting what she needs, the owner comes in, pulls a soda out of the cooler, and heads back out.)

Brother: “HEY! YOU NEED TO PAY FOR THAT!”

(Cue the cashier trying desperately not to have a giggle-fit and my mom trying to sink into the floor.)

Owner: “You’re absolutely right, son. I need to pay for that.” *does so*

Chocolate Cures Everything

, , , , , , | Hopeless | October 14, 2017

I used to be a girl scout. Cookie season rolled around, and my troop was scheduled to sell them outside of a convenience store sometime very early in the year. Of course, this meant it was very cold outside.

Not many people bought cookies or even walked into the store, and we were freezing, tired, and miserable.

After a while, I went into the store to go to the bathroom and warm up a bit. When I came outside, my troop leader was holding several steaming cups of hot chocolate.

I asked her where she had gotten them, and she said that she didn’t buy them. Apparently, a woman had seen us outside the store and decided to buy them for us from a nearby fast food joint. I completely missed her!

Thank you, random woman! You made my dreary day much brighter, and the hot chocolate was delicious.

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