Giving Way More Than Your Two Cents On The Situation

, , , , | Legal | July 16, 2018

(I work for a civil division small claims court, where you sue people for smallish amounts of money and represent yourself in court. An older man comes in the office and up to the service counter with a wheelbarrow. In the wheelbarrow is a burlap sack full of… something.)

Defendant: *after ranting about the case he was involved in with a neighbour/ex-friend and the judgment rendered against him* “I am here to pay my judgment BUT I am paying it in PENNIES! If [Plaintiff] wants his money, FINE, but he’s going to have to work for it!”

Me: *looking at burlap bag and realizing what’s in it* “Um, I’m sorry sir but we cannot accept that here.” *IN MY HEAD: “Never mind the fact that WE would be the ones ‘working’ for it, not the plaintiff!”

Me: “If you wish to bring them to the plaintiff directly you can see if he will accept them.”

(After grumbling a bit more, the defendant leaves. The judgement was $800 so it would have been 80,000 pennies, weighing around 50 pounds. About 30 minutes later I answer the phone and immediately know who I am talking to:)

Plaintiff: “[Defendant] just showed up at my door with a bag full of pennies! Do I have to accept them?”

Me: “Well, sir, you can refuse it but then you will have to take further proceedings to collect on your judgment, such as a garnishment, which will take time and cost money. Monies paid out for further proceedings are recoverable and added onto the judgment, but seeing as the courts are not a guarantee that you will get your money it might be in your best interests to take the pennies.”

Plaintiff: *lots of swearing and ranting about [Defendant] and the case in general*

(In the end the plaintiff took the pennies and had to roll them all by hand because change sorting/rolling machines had not yet been invented for the casual user. I thought to myself then, and still think now, that if I ever got sued and had a judgment against me, that’s exactly the way I would pay it, too!)

Best Little Brother, Period

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | July 6, 2018

My 15-year-old daughter was having particularly painful period cramps one day, and spent the day lying in bed. Her 12-year-old little brother asked what was wrong, and she told him; we’re very open about these sorts of things in our family. He then asked me if he could go for a bike ride, and I said yes.

He took his bike down to the nearest grocery store, went in and bought several of his sister’s favorite chocolate bars with his own money, and brought them home for her, telling her he hoped she felt better soon.

He’s going to make some lucky girl a wonderful boyfriend and husband someday.

How To Treat Dog-Breath

, , , , , | Healthy | July 6, 2018

(I am a veterinary technician and sometimes I leave work still wearing scrubs.)

Cashier: “So, you work at the dental office in this plaza, right?”

Me: “Nope, I’m a veterinary technician. I work at the vet clinic over there.” *gesturing*

Other Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “I’m a nurse for animals.”

Other Customer: “Oh. There’s this mouth-wash I’ve been meaning to try. The stuff from [Human Brand]. Can you tell me if it’s any good?”

Me: “Um… I’m a veterinary technician. I nurse animals.”

Other Customer: “It’s all the same. So, can you tell me if the mouthwash is any good?”

Escorting You Directly To Karma

, , , , , | Working | June 30, 2018

(I work for a very large company and have just accepted a new job offer that is closer to home and pays more. I don’t start my new position for another month or so, but I still want to give my notice. While waiting for the right time to hand in my notice, another coworker hands her notice in and our manager has her immediately escorted out of the building by security in the middle of lunch hour. I go to the HR Director that I am familiar with to have a conversation about something unrelated, but I bring this situation up.)

Me: “Was [Coworker]’s leaving considered a termination or a resignation?”

HR Director: *quite shocked* “It was a resignation, of course! Why would you even ask that?”

Me: “I’ve never seen anyone immediately escorted out of a job after giving their two-weeks notice; that’s all.”

HR Director: “Well, it’s up to the manager to deal with it how they see fit.”

(Not happy about that answer, I decided to play the system, since I was leaving, anyway. Just before lunch on the Friday I decided would be my last, I walk into my manager’s office and handed in my notice. True to form, I was asked to pack up my desk, and then to be escorted out. As the security guards came up, I handed each one a box of my belongings and started walking to the elevators. They followed me to my car, through the cafeteria, the common rooms, and the main lobby while I smiled and waved at all the folks I knew. Apparently, the manager was reprimanded and is now no longer allowed to have people walked out of the building for resigning. I enjoyed a two-week paid vacation, while they figured out what to do with my workflows after I left.)

Your Beaver Sets The Room On Fire

, , , , , , , | Working | June 21, 2018

I used to work in a very international office. There were two classes of workers: analysts — mostly Canadian-raised — and phone researchers — mostly international. For whatever reason, the analysts almost all bought their lunches. I was the only analyst who consistently brought lunches from home, and I ate them with the researchers in their lunch room. I was the only native English speaker who ate there.

One of the researchers was from France. He was friends with a neighbour of his, a fellow who was into hunting. One day, my French colleague came in very excited. His neighbour, the hunter, had gone on a hunting trip and had brought him some cooked moose meat and beaver meat, figuring that he’d never had them before. My French colleague brought the meat to work to share with the rest of us.

I found out about this as I was on my way to the lunch room when my French colleague yelled down the hall, “Who wants to eat beaver with me?”

I had to explain to everybody in the room why that was both completely inappropriate and hilarious.

He was so flustered after that that he put the beaver meat into the microwave still in the tin foil, which caused sparks and made the meat explode all over the inside of the microwave — so none of us actually got to taste the beaver meat. We did all share the moose meat, though, and it was fine.

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