Deactivated Brain

, , , | Right | March 15, 2019

(Our furniture company has a card that we use to finance customers’ cash for their payment; they then get a certain amount of months to pay it off. This customer has just received his. I’m trying to take a payment and the card keeps getting declined.)

Customer: “So strange, I just got this card!”

Me: “Sir, you need to call the number on the card and activate it.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

(The customer calls. It is a very long automated system full of menus and submenus. It takes the customer five to ten minutes to talk to an actual person.)

Customer: “So, you’ll activate my card?”

Woman On Phone: “Yes, I’ll transfer you to the automated system; you just put in a PIN and it will be done.”

Customer: “Thanks!” *hangs up without activating the card*

(It took us TWO more tries and fifteen more minutes. He eventually got his furniture.)

Can’t Finnish What She Started

, , , , , | Right Romantic | March 7, 2019

(I work with an EMS group and we are taking people’s blood pressure for free. I am taking an older woman’s blood pressure. I am a young, white, blonde, blue-eyed guy.)

Woman: “Are you finished?”

Me: “No, I just started.”

Woman: “No, no. Are you Finnish? My granddaughter is Finnish—“ *points to her beautiful, blonde granddaughter* “—and she is single.”

Me: “Oh, no, sorry. I’m married.”

Customer Next To Me: “I’m Finnish!”

(I bet you $5 he wasn’t.)

Stealing Is Sweet!

, , , , , | Right | March 6, 2019

(I see a boy come into the store and go right for the candy. I follow him and he detours but comes back to the candy moments later. I see him take candy with his hands, instead of the scoop provided, and no bag, meaning he’s going to steal it.)

Me: “Sorry, no tasting of candy allowed. It’s stealing.”

Kid: “I was gonna pay for it.”

Me: *not believing him* “Oh, really? Well, then, I can help you at the front.” *grabs a bag, puts his candy in it, and gets him to follow me to the front*

Kid: “I don’t have any money.”

Me: “So, you weren’t stealing candy, and you were gonna pay for it, but you don’t have any money? Listen, kid. I’ve gotten people kicked out of the mall for stealing but I’m giving you a chance to pay.”

(Then, some random woman who has been listening nearby pops into the conversation.)

Woman: “I’ll pay. How much is it?”

Me: “The total came to 75 cents.”

Woman: “Here. You know, I don’t like your attitude.”

Me: “Excuse me? I caught this kid stealing—“

Woman: “How did you know he was stealing?”

Me: “Well, he took candy with his hands, without using a bag, and he said he didn’t have any money.”

Woman: “Your attitude is horrible! What’s your name?”

(I give her my name and, despite me wearing a nametag, she spells it wrong.)

Woman: “What’s your last name?”

Me: “I don’t have to give that to you.”

Woman: “What’s your badge number?”

Me: “Let me just call my manager.”

(She rants to my manager, and afterward, he pulls me aside.)

Manager: “You did nothing wrong; don’t worry.”

(That was the first time I saw someone stand up for someone stealing!)

Time For Them To Face The Music And Pay Up

, , , , , | Learning | February 26, 2019

(I work at a private music school. I had two students who were both quite young that came for lessons for a few weeks. One week they stop showing up for their lesson time and, after more time goes by, we put another student in their slot so that my time isn’t wasted. After nearly a month and a half of not seeing these children, they show up in our waiting room with their mother, who I have never seen before, as their other parent always dropped them off prior to this event.)

Me: “Hi, it’s been a while. I’m [My Name].”

Mother: “I’ll try and remember that.”

(At this point, I knew this wasn’t going to go very well.)

Mother: “Just so you know, my kids don’t practice. I just want them to be exposed to music, you know?”

Me: *pained* “Sure thing. I totally get you.”

(I bring the first kid into my classroom and start teaching them. A few minutes later, my boss knocks on my door.)

Boss: “Who do you have right now?”

Me: “[Student #1 and Student #2] are here.”

Boss: *shocked expression* “Oh?”

(She goes to speak to the mother, which I am not present for, but based on what my boss told me, I imagine it went something like this:)

Boss: “You were away for so long that we filled the spot with another student. I’m terribly sorry. I’ll teach them for today, since [My Name] has to teach the other student right now. Could we reschedule their lessons and find a day that works for both of us?”

Mother: “That’d be really difficult.”

Boss: *checking records* “Also, it looks like payment didn’t go through for the last month of lessons. Do you have a way to pay for that today? We can take credit card.”

Mother: *shocked* “It didn’t go through? I’ll have to ask my partner what happened.”

Boss: “So… would you like to schedule a different lesson time for them?”

Mother: *icily* “We’ll be in touch.”

(My boss taught the daughter while I finished up the son’s short lesson. The mother left without paying for the month of lessons from before OR the time she had taken up today. We haven’t heard from them since and my boss took great pleasure in removing them from our student roster.)

Apparently, Appearances Are Everything

, , , , , , | Working | February 13, 2019

(I only eat strictly kosher food; this means that the only establishments I can eat at are kosher-certified. There are only a handful in the city and none are near my work. I am out for dinner with my coworkers at a non-kosher restaurant. Typically when this happens I bring my own meal in a bag and eat with them. I’ve been doing this for six years at many different restaurants, from small Somali joints to huge steakhouse franchises, and have never had an issue until now. There are eight of us at a burger/wings joint and I’m halfway through a deli sandwich when a manager comes up to me.)

Manager: “I’m really sorry, but we don’t allow any outside food here. We are a restaurant.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t eat any of your food due to dietary restrictions.”

Manager: “We can try to accommodate your restrictions, but you are absolutely not allowed to have outside food. We usually have security stop people at the door.”

Me: “Are you a kosher-certified establishment?” *knowing they aren’t*

Manager: “I think we have some kosher food in the kitchen. I’ll go look.”

(I know this is impossible but he leaves before I can say anything. Throughout this my friends have been trying to argue with him asking why this is a big deal, as we’re here with a big group, and he has refused to move. I wait with my half-finished sandwich in my lap like a rebuked boy in school while my friends continue to eat. He comes back fifteen minutes later with another manager in tow.)

Manager #2: “Well, we don’t have kosher food in our kitchen, but you’re not allowed to eat outside food.”

(I’m ready to crawl under the table from embarrassment; I just wanted to sit with my friends and this has turned into a whole ordeal.)

Me: “What do you want me to do, exactly?”

Manager #2: “Well, we really don’t want anyone looking at you and thinking they can bring their own food. Can you eat your food off our plates?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. The plates aren’t kosher.”

(They pause for thinking, while my friends continue to try to convince them to let it slide.)

Manager #2: “If we put a lining on top of the plate, could you eat it, then?”

Me: *not willing to argue any further* “Yes, I could.”

(I’d actually much rather prefer not to do this, as making it look like you’re eating non-kosher food is a no-no. But I just want this experience to end at this point. Another five minutes pass and they bring me a plate with a French fry liner on top of it. I put my sandwich and container of farfel — a Mediterranean dish — on it. Five minutes later the manager comes back AGAIN.)

Manager #2: “I’m sorry, but could you just empty your container out onto the plate? We really don’t want anyone thinking you’re eating outside food.”

(It was incredibly obvious to everyone at the table that this establishment served nothing like the food I was eating. Farfel is a bit messy, and all I had on me was a plastic fork since I’d assumed I’d be eating out of the container. I bit the bullet and dumped it out, and for the rest of the meal I held my container in my lap like it was contraband. The funny thing is that my company, which has 400 people, had come to this establishment in the past for a company event. We pretty much agreed that we would talk to the admin team to make sure that never happened again.)

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