If You’re Michael Jordan Then I’m Bugs Bunny

, , , , , | Working | June 19, 2017

(I am the prospective customer. The employee in question is either working too hard, or not hard enough.)

Me: *answering phone at home* “Hello.”

Telemarketer: *heavy accent* “Hello, my name is Michael Jordan and I’m offering duct cleaning services.”

Me: “Michael, the spokesperson deals not paying enough after your b-ball career?”

Blame Canada!

, , , , , | Working | June 7, 2017

(I recently moved to Canada from the UK and am still adjusting to some Canadian quirks.)

Me: “[Coworker], where’s the manager? A guest wants a refund.”

Coworker: “He’s in [Popular Electronic Store] watching the Stanley Cup playoffs.”

Me: “So watching the playoffs is more important than doing his job?”

Coworker: “Welcome to Canada!”

Ph.Duh.

, , , , | Right | May 31, 2017

(We are just about to close shop. A woman is talking to my manager about an e-reader case.)

Customer: “That’s false advertising. On your website it says this ereader case is $7.50.”

Manager: “That is a similar looking case. They have different SKUs.”

Customer: “But I don’t see it. You should give me that price.”

Manager: “Our website has many items where our store only has a limited amount of stock.”

(The customer goes on how the case should be that price. I notice she is still in the store when I go to close the doors, so I leave one door open and one locked. I come to see my manager to see what the problem is.)

Manager: “We can give you the price of this case for that one you saw on the website.”

Customer: “I have a student card!”

(We give student deals. My manager looks at the student card carefully.)

Manager: “Uh… this card is from 2006.”

Customer: “I am doing my Ph.D. It takes a long time, you know; it’s a Ph.D.”

Manager: “You don’t have an updated student card that is renewed?”

Customer: “I’m doing my PH.D part time!”

Manager: “Still, eight years. That’s a long time ago.”

Customer: “Isn’t there anyone else I can talk to?”

Me: “He is the manager so there is no one else.”

Customer: “What about your head office?”

Me: “They close between 4:00 and 4:30, and it’s 6:00. You can’t contact them at this time.”

(The customer goes off about how her student card is valid, and how I don’t know about the head office because I don’t know the exact time they close, and how we have poor customer service. We give her the discount and she finally pays for the item.)

Manager: “We’ll contact head office for you since they are closed at this time. What is your phone number?”

Customer: “I’m not giving it to you!”

Manager: “How they can contact you?”

Customer: “I’m filing a complaint!”

(On the way out she tries to force the locked door open. She is pushing the locked door to the point where it almost breaks. I can’t help but laugh.)

Customer: “She is laughing at me!”

(I laugh harder while my manager opens the unlocked door for her, making exiting seem easy.)

Me: “She is doing a Ph.D. and she can’t even open a door!”

Manager: “No wonder her degree is taking her eight years.”