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Locked Up With Fear

, , , , , , | Right | October 21, 2021

My family owns a restaurant in the city. We are offering food for people in need and the homeless in these crazy health-scare times.

A man comes into the store on his second visit here. I realize during his first visit that he is mute and types on his phone to communicate with me. During his first visit, he asked many questions like, “How many employees does this restaurant have?”, and so on. I thought it was odd but not too bad. He asked for the food for the people-in-need special and left soon afterward.

Today, his second visit, he comes to ask for food again. He types on his phone and shows me that he’s asking for food.

Me: “Sure! Let me grab that for you.”

I start to pack food for him when I notice he’s heading to the front door, which he then locks. I see this and I start to inwardly freak out. Why would he lock the door?!

Me: “Please unlock the door.”

Customer: *Gesturing* “What?”

Me: “Unlock the door. You’re making me really uncomfortable.”

He unlocked the door and walked out. I ran to the back and told my dad what happened. 

I’m still a bit shaken. It was such a small thing, but I am manning the front by myself and I don’t know who he is. I didn’t want to be on the six o’clock news.

Underaged And Under Pressure

, , , , , , | Right | October 12, 2021

I work the door at a bar/club on weekends. Two university students come in. One seems fine but the other one is looking around nervously.

Me: “Can I see your IDs, please?”

The calm one starts reaching for his wallet.

Nervous Student: *At the top of his lungs* “I’M UNDERAGE!”

And he runs out. The remaining student rolls his eyes, shakes his head, and then wanders out after his friend.

Can’t See The Forest For The Tees

, , , , , | Right | September 14, 2021

I’m going to a grocery store with a shopping list from my wife. I get there and there is an open curbside space right by the front door. My lucky day!

I check out the list. My hands are full, what with phone, car keys, mask, etc., but I get out of the car and manage to get in the front door with only an upside-down mask to give me pause.

I am halfway down the veg aisle before I notice that I am not wearing my glasses. Quick check: old lottery tickets, dog treats, receipts, poop bags; it’s not in my coat or in my pants pockets, either. No biggy. Must have taken them off in the car when I was reading the shopping list.

Go through checkout. Get the members’ discount. Cashier tacks on a senior discount. I find that amusing.

Get back to the car. No glasses. Not on or under the seat. Not in the console. Not on the floor. Not on the sidewalk heading back to the store. Not on the floor of the produce section or on the shelves. Clerks haven’t found any. Cashiers haven’t seen them.

Go back to the car. Pray for intercession.

Go back inside and give my number to the nice young woman in customer service just in case they turn up.

She writes down my number and looks up.

Customer Service: “Do your lost glasses look anything like the pair you have hooked in your T-shirt collar?”

You Ever Heard Of The Italian Tax?

, , , , , | Working | August 31, 2021

There is an upscale restaurant here where you get your food by going to various cooking stations. There are stations for steaks, roast chicken, vegetables, desserts, coffee, etc. You collect what you want and then pay at the end.

The coffee station lists various fancy coffees, including Cafe au Lait for $2.80 and Cafe Latte for $2.95. One is of French origin and the other Italian.

I catch the barista’s attention.

Me: “What’s the difference between these two coffees?”

Barista: “Fifteen cents.”

As I expected.

Not Fluent In The Language Of Love

, , , , , , | Right | July 15, 2021

I am a lawyer practicing in a pretty diverse area. I speak English, Sinhala, and Tamil, and I take meetings in all three languages.

I had this couple come to meet with me. The husband spoke Sinhala as his first language and had a smattering of English, but the wife spoke Cantonese as her first language and spoke decent English. It was very confusing. I still have no idea how they managed to get married without being able to communicate without a translator. A lot of pointing, I suppose?

The meeting went okay, with me relaying things in Sinhala and English and translating where necessary, but the final moments of the meeting were the most surprising.

Me: “So, is there anything else we need to discuss?”

Husband: *Looks bashful* “Um, would you mind telling my wife I love her?”

Me: “No?”