Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Caught Brown Handed

, , , , , , | Right | June 30, 2008

(In the Chinese restaurant where I work, we have little bottles of soy sauce on every table. They look like they’re tightly closed, but the top actually doesn’t close at all. A lady and her daughter finish dinner and are leaving.)

Me: “Excuse me, madam, but I’m afraid the soy sauce is restaurant property. You can’t take it.”

Mother: “You calling me a thief? I want to speak to the manager! This will cost you your job, you little b****!”

Daughter: “Um, mum…”

Me: “The manager is not in right now, but if you want the sauce, it’s on sale at the front of the restaurant.”

Mother: “You’ve got some nerve! I never even touched your stinking sauce, you c***! Call the manager now!”

(Several customers are starting to giggle and the daughter looks like she’s about to die.)

Me: “Maybe you have taken the sauce without noticing? Because I’m sure you touched it at some point.”

Mother: “You’re sure? I tell you I didn’t touch it! You can’t treat your customers that way! You telling me you’ve been spying on me or something?”

Me: “Certainly not. But the huge brown stain on your purse is hard to ignore.”

(Her daughter dragged her by the arm and they stormed out the front door, leaving a sticky trail of soy sauce from the mother’s cloth purse. I laughed so hard I didn’t even mind them stealing the sauce.)


This story was included in our Chinese Restaurant Roundup.

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to go to the roundup!

How To Lose Your Marbles In Style

, , , | Right | June 17, 2008

(Our store used to have a completely gutted 1957 Chevy truck as a centerpiece. It was part of the store’s trademark. Walking down the store past the truck, I am stopped by an old man.)

Me: “Sir?”

Old Man: “Young lady, how much are you selling this truck for?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, the truck isn’t for sale. It’s owned by [company].”

Old Man: “I’ll give you a hundred dollars for it.”

Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. I apologize.”

Old Man: “All right… I’ll give you two hundred!”

Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. And even if it was, it would be for a LOT more than $200.”

Old Man: “Yes, I suppose you’re right… SAY! SOMEONE STEALING, LOOK!” *points behind me*

(As I turn to look behind me, the man climbs the crates next to the truck, opens the driver’s seat door, and gets behind the wheel.)

Old Man: “WHOOOOOOOOO-HAW! CAN’T CATCH ME NOW, CAN YOU!” *swings steering wheel around and starts to make gun noises* “PEW PEW! PEW PEW!”

(Mall Security ended up being called after the old man was “trying” to run us over. I wish I was joking.)


This story is part of our Shocking Old People roundup!

Read the next Shocking Old People roundup story!

Read the Shocking Old People roundup!

Mmm, Pasty Nerds

, , , , | Right | June 3, 2008

(A woman in her forties walks in…)

Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

(The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “[Toy Store Chain] has them for $15. You should price match.”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

Me: “All right…”

(I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)

Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”

Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”


This story is part of our Video Games Roundup!

Read the next Video Games Roundup story!

Read the Video Games Roundup!

Land Of The Free, Home Of The Unobservant

, , , , | Right | May 25, 2008

Customer: “I lost my CD key and I need a new one.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. In order for me to provide you with a replacement key, I need you to email me a picture of the CD as proof of ownership.”

Customer: “What? But I only need a CD key. I paid for it last week!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but due to piracy issues, I have to get proof that you own an original copy of the CD or anyone could call and claim they bought the game, yet have an illegal copy.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I paid forty f***ing dollars for this game and I need a CD key for it?”

Me: “I can provide you with a key if you will simply email me a picture of your CD.”

Customer: “No! This is America! If I say I paid for it, you should trust me! I’m going to report your company to the Attorney General! You ripped me off and won’t provide me with the product I paid for!”

Me: “Sir–”

Customer: “Oh, wait… the CD key is here on the plastic case.” *hangs up*

Sometimes, Free Just Ain’t Enough

, , , , , | Right | May 23, 2008

(Many years ago, in an electronics store far, far away…)

Woman: “I just bought this computer and I can’t connect to Prodigy.”

(eMachine had offered a $400 rebate for users who signed up for a year of Prodigy ISP, but the modems in their PCs wouldn’t work with Prodigy. Doh!)

Me: “Yes, there’s a problem with some of the eMachines not working with Prodigy. I’ll put a new modem in for you and it will work. You can come back in about an hour to pick it up.”

Woman: “I don’t want you to do that!”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Woman: “I don’t see why I have to get this fixed!”

Me: “Unfortunately, your computer has a faulty modem, and the problem was found after it left the factory. However, I can replace your broken modem with a brand new one for free, and that will take care of the problem.”

Woman: “But I don’t want you messing around in my computer!”

Me: “This is my job–I install computer components all day.”

Woman: “Well, I don’t want you messing around in there breaking things!”

Me: “Replacing a modem is not that complicated. It’s like putting a new tire on a car.”

Woman: “But if I just bought a new car, I shouldn’t need to have the tires changed in order to get it to work!”

Me: “Yes, I understand that. I apologize about the faulty modem, and I’m offering to fix it for free.”

Woman: “Well, I changed my mind. I don’t want that! Just cancel my Prodigy subscription.”

Me: “…so you’d want to keep the broken modem?”

Woman: “Yes, I want to keep it. Cancel my Prodigy subscription.”

Me: “Ok, you got a $400 rebate for signing up for a year’s worth of Prodigy. If you cancel it, you’ll owe us $400.”

Woman: *yelling* “WHAAAATTTTT? I’M NOT PAYING EXTRA MONEY FOR A BROKEN MODEM! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY MORE MONEY! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO RIP ME OFF!”

Me: “You got $400 off of your computer because you signed up for a year of Prodigy. If you cancel, then you have to pay the full price! How can you not see that?”

Woman: “THIS IS B*LLSH*T! YOU’RE TRYING TO STEAL FROM ME! I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

(We got her security instead.)