That’s One Heckuva Mega-Bite

, , , | Right | June 18, 2009

Me: “So you want to return the game, then, right?”

Customer: “Yeah, and I wanna make sure I’m covered by the warranty.”

Me: “You should be, as you purchased the game within 90 days.”

Customer: “Okay, but let’s say that there are bite marks on the CD. Would the warranty still cover that?”

Me: “I’m sorry… what?”

Customer: “I may have become a little upset when I couldn’t install the game and I might have chewed on the disc a bit…”

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Chernobyl Over Ciabatta

, , | Right | June 18, 2009

(A woman comes to my coworkers drawer and orders a loaf of ciabatta bread. Coworker rings it up and hands it to her.)

Customer: “This isn’t a loaf of ciabatta.”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, that’s our ciabatta.”

Customer: “No, this is NOT ciabatta! You don’t know what you’re talking about! I know a loaf of ciabatta when I see one!”

Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! I ordered a loaf of ciabatta, and this is not a loaf of ciabatta!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is a loaf. See, here… It says ‘Ciabatta loaf’.”

Customer: “No, this is ridiculous! This is not a loaf of ciabatta!”

(At this point, the customer is hysterical, near tears, and waving the bread wildly.)

Me: “Let me get you a manager to speak to…” *gets the manager*

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I ordered a ciabatta loaf and these kids are trying to sell me THIS!”

Manager: “That is our loaf of ciabatta. When is the last time you visited our store?”

Customer: “About a year ago.”

Manager: “Ah, that’s why. We changed the size of our loaf about six months ago.”

Customer: “Thank you! Now why couldn’t you tell me that?!” *points at me*

Manager: “She’s only been here two months. She wouldn’t have known.”

Customer: “PATHETIC!” *pays for bread and storms out*

Next Customer: *shocked look* “Wow.”

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Feel The Burn, Pay For The Lawsuits

, , | Right | June 15, 2009

(I work for a construction company that often works on residential streets. As we are working on one road, a woman steps under the caution tape and proceeds to walk through the construction zone.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you’ll have to go around this area. I could give you an alternate–”

Woman: “NO!”

Me: “Uh, I’m afraid you have to. It’s against the law to go into construction zones.”

Woman: “CAN’T YOU SEE I’M GETTING MY F****** EXERCISE?!”

Me: “…”

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Fudge In Flight

, , , | Right | June 9, 2009

Customer: “This isn’t a hot fudge sundae.”

Coworker: “No, it isn’t. I’m afraid we don’t make it with hot fudge here.”

Customer: “Then I’m not paying for it!”

Coworker: “I’m afraid you have to. The menu states that it’s not made with hot fudge.”

Customer: “FINE!” *throws the ice cream at my coworker*

Coworker: *covered with ice cream* “I’m suddenly glad we don’t have hot fudge.”

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Guardian Of The Tubes And Protector Of The Google

, , , , | Right | June 5, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. How can I–”

Caller: “Yeah, I’ve heard all that already, sir, so I don’t need any more of your crap, okay?!”

Me: “Okay, sir, what can I do to–”

Caller: “Look, buddy, my Internet is down, and you need to get it up right now or I’m going to get your a** fired!”

Me: “Sir, I want to get this problem resolved for you just as soon as possible, but you need to–”

Caller: “I don’t need to do s***! That’s it! I want to speak to your supervisor. No, I want to speak to your supervisor’s supervisor! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MAYOR OF THE INTERNET!”

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