Caught You Red Haired

, , | Right | March 17, 2019

(It is toward the end of my shift, so I go out to empty the gaming machines to put the money through the tills. As I take the box containing the money, a regular customer comes over and starts a conversation. It should be noted that I have red hair.)

Customer: *jokingly* “Are you stealing all the money again?”

Me: “I wish it was mine to keep! Sadly, it’s on its way to the tills.”

Customer: “Oh, good. People are probably a bit suspicious of you.”

Me: “Why’s that?”

Customer: “You know how it is. Everyone knows that people who steal tend to be gingers or—“ *leans closer and whispers* “—black people.”

Me: *speechless*

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A Sure Bet That This Is A Scam

, , , | Right | October 13, 2018

(I’m working at the till in a bookies. Customers write bets on paper with carbon copy and we stamp them in the till when they pay. We keep the original and they keep the copy. After each race, the manager marks up the winners and files them so the counter staff can find them when the customer brings up the winning docket. We have computers to check all results and odds, etc. One of our regulars is a complete gambling addict and is constantly trying to scam us. She bets on the dog races every morning. For this type of race, people typically bet on the trap number rather than the dog name; a bet that just says “three €2” is a perfectly valid bet for €2 on the dog in trap three winning the next race after the till timestamp. This customer keeps all her old dockets, and if trap three wins in a different race later on, she will try to pass it off as a winning docket, so we have to double-check everything she does. One day she decides to try a new scam. She hands me docket for trap number five. I look through the winning dockets; it’s not there. I call up the results.)

Me: “This isn’t a winner.”

Customer: “It is; number three.”

Me: “This says number five.”

Customer: *shouting* “It’s number three.”

Me: “That’s number five.”

(By this stage the manager has found her original docket and brings it over. It clearly says “five.” The manager holds the docket up to the glass.)

Manager: “What does that say? What does it say?”

Customer: “That’s how I write my threes!”

Manager: “Get out; you’re barred!”

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Slightly Accenting Your Assumptions

| Friendly | May 15, 2017

(I work in an inner city betting shop and as such, we can have some pretty scary customers from time to time. One day, I’m having a chat with a scruffy looking but otherwise friendly customer I’ve never seen before when this happens:)

Customer: “You’re not from round here are you? Are you from [Major City on the other side of the country known for its distinctive accent]?”

Me: “Not quite! I’m from [Smaller City close to the other major city whose accent is very similar].”

Customer: “Oh, I love [Smaller City]! It’s beautiful up there isn’t it?”

Me: “It really is; I miss the countryside around it to be honest. I take it you’ve been?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, I did ten years in [Small City Prison, famously one of the highest security prisons in the country]. I love it up there!”

(He turned out to be one of the loveliest customers in that shop. I never did find out what he did time for, though!)

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