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Self-Rising Expectations

, , , | Right | December 22, 2008

Customer #1: “You bake all of this French bread here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, every day.”

Customer #1: “Do you make the dough yourselves, or does it come in frozen?”

Me: “Oh, it comes in frozen. We bake more than 100 loaves of French bread a day on top of everything else we make, so we really wouldn’t have time to make dough from scratch.”

Customer #1: “So, you’re cheaters, then?!”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yes, sir, we certainly are!”

Customer #1: “Well, that’s shameful!” *to another customer* “Did you know they don’t make the dough themselves?!”

Customer #2: “It only costs a buck a loaf, dude. What do you want from them?”


This story is part of our Bread roundup!

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Around The World…Eventually

, , , , , | Right | December 19, 2008

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need directions.”

Me: “Ok, where are you right now?”

Caller: “Highway One.”

Me: “Are you heading north or south?”

Caller: “South.”

Me: “Okay, so after the highway turns away from the ocean…”

Caller: “Oh, I’m nowhere near the ocean.”

Me: “Wait, you’re heading south, right?”

Caller: “Yes, that’s what I just said!”

Me: “What city are you in?”

Caller: *names a city that’s about 30 miles south of where our place is*

Me: “Oh, that’s actually south of us.”

Caller: “I know that! Don’t talk to me like I’m a moron. I’m south of where you are, so I can only take the highway south to get to you!”

Me: “Well, then, we’ll see you here once you’ve circumnavigated the globe!”


This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Stories About Lost Customers Who Are Terrible With Directions

 

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The Effect Of High Tide On Man-In-The-Moon Bowlers

, , , , , , | Right | December 19, 2008

(Note: We are two blocks away from the beach.)

Customer: “Your lanes are crooked.”

Me: “Sir, I assure you they are not crooked; we have lane inspectors that come in every eight weeks and check for that kind of thing.”

Customer: “No! MY LANE IS CROOKED! Every time I bowl, the ball goes to the right!”

Me: *glancing at the clock* “Well, you know, it’s about 1:30. The tide is coming in.”

Customer: “That has an effect on it?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I mean, we’re only a few blocks from the beach…”

Customer: “Huh… well, I guess I’ll try to bowl more towards the left, then…”

It Will Return Soon Enough

, , , , | Right | December 18, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Place]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I ordered some food and I need a refund.”

Me: “Of course; can you please explain what the matter with your food was?”

Customer: “Well, I drove it home and put it on the counter. My husband asked me to help him rake up some leaves. When I got back in, the dog had gotten up on the counter and eaten everything.”

Me: “You want me to replace the food your dog ate?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “…”

The Final Step Is Acceptance

, , , , , | Right | December 18, 2008

(I work as a phone support technician for a large software company. Once a month, one of our mentors listens to our calls to ensure that we follow protocol. I was being listened to one day a few weeks ago.)

Me: “Welcome to Tech Support; you’re talking to [My Name].”

Customer: “Hi, my name is [Customer] and I work at [Bank]. You’ve really gotta help me! I’ve got this message on my computer, and I don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Okay, if you could start by reading the message to me, I’ll see what we can do.”

Customer: “Oh, okay… It says, ‘Your computer has been automatically adjusted for daylight saving time.’ What do I do?!”

Me: “Er… is there a button that says, ‘OK’?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you tell me what happens when you click the ‘OK’ button?”

Customer: “Oh, thank you very much! You’re a lifesaver! Thank you, thank you; now I can finally get these reports done!” *hangs up*

Me: “…you’re welcome?”

Mentor: *after listening in* “You know what the scary part is? That is my contact at the bank… the same person I entrust my life savings to.”


This story is part of our Daylight Saving Time roundup!

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