Next Year All Cars Will Be Blue

, , , , , | Right | January 14, 2019

(I’m a manager at an auto parts store. This is a rather common discussion.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need parts for my truck.”

Me: “Okay, what year and model is your truck?”

Customer: “Black.”

Me: “Sir, I need information about your truck like the year, make, and model before I can help.”

Customer: “Well, how should I know?”

Me: “Is your truck outside?”

Customer: “No, I need parts for it!”

Love Is True When It Can Mock Itself

, , , , | Romantic | January 14, 2019

(My husband and I are walking through the mall, on our way to buy a birthday present for a friend. My husband and I don’t really have a preference for fancy jewelry. For example, my engagement ring had an opal instead of a diamond, and our wedding bands are sterling silver with acorns and oak leaves. We are laughing as we walk hand in hand. As we pass a jewelry store, this happens.)

Sales Lady: *with a huge smile* “Helllooo!”

(My husband nods back as we are walking.)

Sales Lady: *waving us over* “Come on over! We have some great deals for the holidays!”

Husband: “Nah, she’s not worth it!”

Sales Lady: “What did you say?”

Husband: “It’s fine! SHE’S NOT WORTH IT!”

(The look of horror on the sales lady’s face is priceless as we merrily walk by.)

Me: “Next time tell them I’d just pawn it for drugs.”

Your Brain Has Cashed Out For The Evening

, , , | Right | January 1, 2019

(I’m the dumb customer in this one. I pretty much never get gas at the same place every time. I also never pay at the pump; when I prepay with my card, some gas stations will automatically refund the amount to the card while others make me come in and get cash, so I always make it a point to ask before I pump. It has already been a long day, and I am getting gas before I have to go to class.)

Me: *sets energy drink on the counter* “I need $25 in pump [number].”

Cashier: “That’ll be $30.”

Me: *hands her cash*

Cashier: *hands me change*

Me: “If it all doesn’t fit in the tank, do I have to come back in, or will you automatically put it back on my card?”

Cashier: “Well, you paid in cash, so…”

Me: *facepalm*

Being A Diva About Not Being A Queen

, , , , | Right | January 1, 2019

(Our hotel is set up a little strangely, with very few rooms on the first floor. What rooms we do have, only have two queen-size beds in them. A guest calls me at about 7:30 on a very slow Sunday evening.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How can I help you?”

Guest: “I need to book a room tonight with a king-sized bed, and it must be on the first floor.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately we don’t have any king rooms on the first floor. I would be glad to get you into a room with two queen beds, if that is all right.”

Guest: “No, I have to have a king bed, and it has to be on the first floor.”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I’m really sorry, but we do not have any king bedrooms on the first floor. However, if you need a king I can get you into one on the second floor near the elevator.”

Guest: “Are you stupid? I need a king room on the first floor.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. Unfortunately, with the way our hotel is set up, I can only give you a room with a queen bed on the first floor, or a room with a king bed on a different floor.”

Guest: “Well, then, can’t you just move a king bed down to one of the rooms on the first floor for me tonight?”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s not possible, as I’m the only person at the hotel tonight.”

Guest: “Well, I guess you don’t want my business, then.” *hangs up*

Letting Him Down Tenderly

, , , , , , | Right | December 29, 2018

(I work at the cafe in a large department store, generally by myself. It was three minutes until closing, so I had my oven turned off, which I’m required to do five minutes before closing down. This means that our made-to-order items can no longer be sent through. A guest and her daughter come up to my counter.)

Guest: “Can I get two orders of chicken tenders, please?”

(The chicken tenders are a made-to-order item, and take fourteen minutes.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we are closing in three minutes, and my oven is turned off for the night.”

Guest: *storms off angrily*

Daughter: *trying to defuse the situation* “I’m sorry! We’re sorry! Have a good night.”

Guest: *who is still in earshot* “DON’T APOLOGIZE TO THAT B****!”

(The daughter glared in her mother’s direction, then gave me one more apology before following her mother out the door. At least the daughter understood.)

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