Your Wife Must Really Love That

, , , , , | Working | March 20, 2019

(It’s the day of my office’s holiday party. My father died at the beginning of the year, and it’s been a struggle every day, let alone with the first birthdays and holidays without him. Weeks prior to the party, there are signup sheets for people who were interested in participating. I can’t bring myself to sign up, because I just can’t get into the spirit. It is also important to note that I am not Christian, and am a polytheist; I don’t advertise this, but I don’t deny it if someone asks.)

Coworker: “You missed a great party! Why didn’t you come and join us?”

Me: *explains that I’m having a hard time after losing my dad*

Coworker: “Oh, no, no, no! You can’t think like that! You have to think about what a great Christmas your dad is having; he’s truly getting to celebrate the reason for the season.”

Me: “…”

Coworker: “I listen to this Revelations preacher every day, and he says that you can’t think of the dead as truly dead. They are only sleeping until the soul and body are resurrected!”

Me: *glancing over at the paperweight on my desk that contains some of my dad’s ashes* “Okay, I’ll take your word for it.”

Coworker: “And just like I tell my wife, buck up, buttercup!” *slaps my back and walks away*

(I was seething with anger for the rest of the day and could barely focus. I told my other Pagan and atheist friends about what happened and eventually shook it off. With my friends, I decided to not say anything for now to the higher-ups, but if he does it again, to report it next time.)

Sit In The Park, Feed The Ducks, Learn Another Culture…

, , , , , | Friendly | March 4, 2019

(One day, I decide to walk home from work rather than take the bus. I start to get tired, so I call my husband to let him now I’ve stopped at the park and ask him to come and get me when he’s off work. He agrees, and I settle in at a park table, reading off my tablet.)

Man: “Hello there. Can I please join you?”

Me: “Okay, sure.”

Man: “I am [Man] and I’m from Africa, from [Country in Africa].”

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name]; nice to meet you.”

Man: “I am Christian, like you.”

(I am not Christian, nor am wearing anything that indicates Christianity; in fact, I’m wearing a ring with a Pagan symbol on it. I assume he might think I’m Christian because I’m not in a hijab, which might be the way he could tell in his home country.)

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Man: “As I was walking, God laid it on my heart to talk to you.”

Me: “O… kay…” *braces self for proselytizing*

Man: “I have no wife, and I want you.”

Me: “W-what?”

(I’m not conventionally attractive and am very rarely hit on.)

Man: “I. WANT. YOU.”

Me: *holding up left hand and kind of shrinking away* “Oh, no. I’m married.”

Man: “I will leave in peace.” *wanders off*

(About that time, my husband pulled up. I was a little rattled by the encounter by then. I guess I’m going to pan it off as a cultural difference, but I did stop walking through that park by myself.)

Unfiltered Story #142152

, , , | Unfiltered | March 1, 2019

I was taking orders for a women’s clothing catalog and had a caller indignantly tell me that her friend in California had a catalog from this company and the item she wanted was cheaper in that catalog than in hers. I asked her what the price was in hers and she said $40. I then asked what was the price in her friends catalog. She exclaimed “$39.99!” Trying not to laugh, I asked if she had the catalog code from her friends catalog. She did and I sold her the item for the cheaper price.

A Heavy Request For A Light Salad

, , , | Right | February 26, 2019

(I work at a popular pizza and chicken buffet restaurant, and we also deliver. My boss is on the phone taking a delivery order, and this is what I hear.)

Manager: “No, ma’am, I can’t do that.”

(The customer responds.)

Manager: “Because I can’t deliver a salad bar to you.”

Only Likes Manly Numbers

, , , , | Working | February 19, 2019

(I’ve dropped my car off for some maintenance at a garage a few blocks from my work and am calling to check on it. My husband has a charge account here for our farm.)

Me: “I was just wondering if you had an idea of when it will be ready; I’m here until five so it’s no rush.”

Owner: “It’ll probably be about two hours, yet.”

Me: “Do you want my phone number so you can just give me a call?”

Owner: “Does [Husband] have your phone number?”

Me ”Yes?”

Owner: “Oh! I’ll just get it from him, then.” *hangs up*

Me: “What just happened?”

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