(At the movie theater where I work, we have a rewards program. It has become cardless, meaning you don’t need the card. We always ask for a guest’s phone number so we can look up their account. On this day, I get a response I wasn’t expecting.)

Me: “Okay, that’s three tickets to [Movie]. Do you have a rewards account with us?”

Guest #1: “Yes, I do, but I don’t have my card with me. Can you look it up by phone number?”

Me: “Yes, I can. Whenever you are ready…”

Guest #1: “Okay, it’s [phone number].”

Me: “Okay, got it up.”

Guest #2: “That’s what I love hearing from a man.”

Me: “…”

(I’m a manager at an auto parts store. This is a rather common discussion.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need parts for my truck.”

Me: “Okay, what year and model is your truck?”

Customer: “Black.”

Me: “Sir, I need information about your truck like the year, make, and model before I can help.”

Customer: “Well, how should I know?”

Me: “Is your truck outside?”

Customer: “No, I need parts for it!”

(I work at a regional grocery store’s deli. This particular day, I am asked some… basic… questions about a popular potato salad.)

Customer #1: “Does your deviled egg potato salad have egg in it?”

Me: “Yes, it does.”

(Later that same day:)

Customer #2: “Does your deviled egg potato salad have potatoes in it?”

Me: “Yes?”

(In geography class, the teacher calls me and my tablemate back to his desk and pulls out our last tests.)

Teacher: “Now, when I was grading your tests, I noticed some similarities on your tests. Can either of you explain this?”

Me: “I won three school geography bees, and made it to state finals my last year. This moron could not find the US on a three-country map of North America. Suggesting that I would cheat off of him is insulting.”

(With that, I flounced back to my seat. Somehow, I didn’t get in trouble for being a smarta**.)

(This occurred when I first started my job and had little experience on the floor. My store’s assistant manager is among the most accommodating individuals on the retail side of the company, and is on the computer next to mine. A customer walks into the store, visibly upset.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *with a scowl* “I have a billing issue I need resolved. I was told my bill would be $108 and it’s at $111! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “I apologize about that, ma’am.”

(I pull up her account and flag my assistant manager down, since I don’t know how to adjust pricing yet at this point in time.)

Me: “My manager will be taking over, since he has more expertise on this sort of issue. We’ll get this resolved for you!”

(My assistant manager greets the customer and does his magic, lowering her monthly rate to $103.)

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for that miscommunication when you first signed up for services. I know how frustrating that is. We have you with a few better discounts on here to adjust the bill down to $103.”

Customer: *indignantly* “I was told it would be $108! I NEED IT AT $108!”

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, we have you here on a better deal than that; we are at $103, where you will be saving $5 a month compared to what you were initially quoted.”

Customer: “You guys are a bunch of liars! Get it to $108 or I’ll find a different cable provider!”

Assistant Manager: “Absolutely.” *he shoots me a confused look* “Ma’am, it’ll be $108 as promised initially.”

(At this point, the customer nods and silently blazes out the door. To this day, over a year later, my assistant manager and I still laugh about the one lady that really wanted to drop an additional $5 per month for no reason!)