Acting Like A Toddler Who Didn’t Get His Hot Milk

, , , , | Right | July 14, 2019

(I am stocking items in the infant section of the store when a teenage boy comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but could you point me in the direction of your pedialyte drinks for toddlers?”

Me: “Sure, just turn around and look down.”

(The customer turns around and still looks confused.)

Customer: “Where is it?”

Me: “Okay, now look down, on the bottom shelf.”

Customer: “Well, you could have just told me where it was!”

(The customer storms off with the product in his hands.)

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If You Wanna Be My Lover, You Gotta Get With My Jams

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 27, 2019

I’m driving to work, and the turn arrow I need turns red just as I pull up. I’m annoyed, as this is a major intersection, and it’ll be at least two minutes before the arrow changes.

However, at that instant, the radio changes to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. Knowing how long the light is, I crank the volume, roll down my windows, and rock out. About a minute in, I glance at the car on my left: the driver looks at me with pure judgment. I ignore them and look over at the big rig on my right.

The driver is also rocking out, and I realize he’s also jamming to the Spice Girls. We make eye contact and exchange thumbs-up before going our separate ways.

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My Cat: Sheldon Cooper

, , , , , , | Related | April 11, 2019

(My father and cat both like to sit in the same spot on our couch. One day, I come downstairs to get a glass of water and see my father moving the cat.)

Dad: “Come on, [Cat].”

(He nudges the cat who stands up but doesn’t move. It takes another solid minute to get the cat all the way out of the spot so my dad can sit. Thirty minutes later, I’ve come downstairs again to put my glass away and see the cat in the spot and my father on the loveseat.)

Me: “Hey, Dad…”

Dad: “I got up to get a new book, he jumped back into the spot, and it didn’t seem worth it to move him.”

Me: “So, not only did you and the cat get into a fight over the spot, but the cat won?”

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Unfiltered Story #142152

, , , | Unfiltered | March 1, 2019

I was taking orders for a women’s clothing catalog and had a caller indignantly tell me that her friend in California had a catalog from this company and the item she wanted was cheaper in that catalog than in hers. I asked her what the price was in hers and she said $40. I then asked what was the price in her friends catalog. She exclaimed “$39.99!” Trying not to laugh, I asked if she had the catalog code from her friends catalog. She did and I sold her the item for the cheaper price.

When It’s Up, The Tone Of Conversation Is Down

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2019

(At the movie theater where I work, we have a rewards program. It has become cardless, meaning you don’t need the card. We always ask for a guest’s phone number so we can look up their account. On this day, I get a response I wasn’t expecting.)

Me: “Okay, that’s three tickets to [Movie]. Do you have a rewards account with us?”

Guest #1: “Yes, I do, but I don’t have my card with me. Can you look it up by phone number?”

Me: “Yes, I can. Whenever you are ready…”

Guest #1: “Okay, it’s [phone number].”

Me: “Okay, got it up.”

Guest #2: “That’s what I love hearing from a man.”

Me: “…”

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