(In geography class, the teacher calls me and my tablemate back to his desk and pulls out our last tests.)

Teacher: “Now, when I was grading your tests, I noticed some similarities on your tests. Can either of you explain this?”

Me: “I won three school geography bees, and made it to state finals my last year. This moron could not find the US on a three-country map of North America. Suggesting that I would cheat off of him is insulting.”

(With that, I flounced back to my seat. Somehow, I didn’t get in trouble for being a smarta**.)

(This occurred when I first started my job and had little experience on the floor. My store’s assistant manager is among the most accommodating individuals on the retail side of the company, and is on the computer next to mine. A customer walks into the store, visibly upset.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *with a scowl* “I have a billing issue I need resolved. I was told my bill would be $108 and it’s at $111! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “I apologize about that, ma’am.”

(I pull up her account and flag my assistant manager down, since I don’t know how to adjust pricing yet at this point in time.)

Me: “My manager will be taking over, since he has more expertise on this sort of issue. We’ll get this resolved for you!”

(My assistant manager greets the customer and does his magic, lowering her monthly rate to $103.)

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for that miscommunication when you first signed up for services. I know how frustrating that is. We have you with a few better discounts on here to adjust the bill down to $103.”

Customer: *indignantly* “I was told it would be $108! I NEED IT AT $108!”

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, we have you here on a better deal than that; we are at $103, where you will be saving $5 a month compared to what you were initially quoted.”

Customer: “You guys are a bunch of liars! Get it to $108 or I’ll find a different cable provider!”

Assistant Manager: “Absolutely.” *he shoots me a confused look* “Ma’am, it’ll be $108 as promised initially.”

(At this point, the customer nods and silently blazes out the door. To this day, over a year later, my assistant manager and I still laugh about the one lady that really wanted to drop an additional $5 per month for no reason!)

I work in a home decor store where all the registers are at the front, and people go to the next available register. It’s a busy Saturday, so all the registers are staffed and there’s a line. When my previous customer leaves, I look back at where the line starts. I call out that I can help the next person, but no one moves. At the front of a line is a woman with one item — a painting — who seems to be almost deliberately avoiding eye contact. I repeat that I can take the next person, thinking maybe she’s with the customer at the register closest to the line and the people behind her are next, but none of the customers move around her.

After about a minute goes by, I step out from my register so I’m more visible, and call for the next customer again, still to no avail. The customer at the front of the line is looking everywhere but at me. I finally start to walk closer to her, which gets her attention. We go to my register, where I start to ring her out.

“Sorry about that!” she says. “I must not have heard you; I was talking to my friend!”

Not only was she there alone, but she never said a word until she got to my register.

(I am pulled over by a police officer:)

Officer: “Good morning, ma’am. Did you know you have a headlight out?”

Me: “Good morning, officer. No, I didn’t. Did you know you also have a headlight burned out?”

Officer: *looking back at his cruiser* “No. I didn’t know that. Have a nice day.”

(I am the horrible customer in this story, and I’ve never done anything like this since. I work retail and our store closes at six pm on Sunday. I have had a rotten day at work, but I am starving, so I stop at a not-so-fast food establishment that specializes in ice cream.)

Cashier: “What can I get for you?”

Me: “I’d like a plain chicken sandwich combo. Please hold the lettuce, tomato, and mayo.”

(Since it is a not-so-fast food place, I wait a few minutes before I receive my food. I grab my food, get in my car, and start home. At the first stoplight, I open my sandwich, only to find it has lettuce, tomato, and mayo. I turn around and go back.)

Me: “I asked for my sandwich to be plain. Bun. Chicken. Bun. This has lettuce, tomato, and mayo.”

Cashier: “We’ll make another one for you.”

Me: “No. I want a refund. I’ll go somewhere else.”

(The cashier processes the refund, but only refunds me for the sandwich.)

Me: “I’d like a refund for the whole thing. I’m going somewhere else.”

Cashier: “But there’s nothing wrong with the fries or drink.”

Me: *shoving the bag with my fries and the drink on the floor* “Now there is.”

(The cashier refunded me for the combo. I never set foot in there again… mostly out of embarrassment. I still can’t believe I did that, all these years later.)