Discount? Discount. Discount!

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2019

(Our store is having a sale where if you buy one item, you get 20% off that item. If you buy two items, you get 25% off both items. If you buy three items, you get 30% off all three items. There are certain exclusions, items on which there is no discount because they are clearance.)

Customer: “Can you tell me if I can get any kind of discount on this item?”

Me: *scans item* “This is clearance; it does not qualify for a discount, but it does qualify as an item that will give you a discount on those items.” *pointing to the other items she is holding*

Customer: “So, I’ll get a discount on all of these?” *referring to the first clearance item, as well*

Me: “No, the discount only applies to regular-price and sale-price items, but all items qualify to give you a larger percent off items that are regular or sale-priced.”

Customer: “So, I get a discount on all of these things?”

Me: “No, only on this and this—” *indicating the regular-priced items* “The rest of these give you enough items to qualify for the discount on the full-priced items.”

Customer: “So, all of this will be discounted?”

Me: “…”

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Should Nut Have Said It That Way

, , , , , , , | Working | October 23, 2019

(I work in the kitchen of a high-end hotel. We give out “welcome packages” to VIPs, usually consisting of a small plate of food of some kind. Today, we had two people from a large company receiving welcome packages, each including a package of mixed nuts. One of the packages of mixed nuts was a bit larger than the other.)

Me: “Who gets which package, since they’re a little different in size?”

Manager: “I’m not sure! Let me call someone and find out who has seniority!” *on phone* “Hi. I was wondering who has bigger nuts in [Company]?”

Me: *stifles laughter*

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Acting Like A Toddler Who Didn’t Get His Hot Milk

, , , , | Right | July 14, 2019

(I am stocking items in the infant section of the store when a teenage boy comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but could you point me in the direction of your pedialyte drinks for toddlers?”

Me: “Sure, just turn around and look down.”

(The customer turns around and still looks confused.)

Customer: “Where is it?”

Me: “Okay, now look down, on the bottom shelf.”

Customer: “Well, you could have just told me where it was!”

(The customer storms off with the product in his hands.)

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If You Wanna Be My Lover, You Gotta Get With My Jams

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 27, 2019

I’m driving to work, and the turn arrow I need turns red just as I pull up. I’m annoyed, as this is a major intersection, and it’ll be at least two minutes before the arrow changes.

However, at that instant, the radio changes to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. Knowing how long the light is, I crank the volume, roll down my windows, and rock out. About a minute in, I glance at the car on my left: the driver looks at me with pure judgment. I ignore them and look over at the big rig on my right.

The driver is also rocking out, and I realize he’s also jamming to the Spice Girls. We make eye contact and exchange thumbs-up before going our separate ways.

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My Cat: Sheldon Cooper

, , , , , , | Related | April 11, 2019

(My father and cat both like to sit in the same spot on our couch. One day, I come downstairs to get a glass of water and see my father moving the cat.)

Dad: “Come on, [Cat].”

(He nudges the cat who stands up but doesn’t move. It takes another solid minute to get the cat all the way out of the spot so my dad can sit. Thirty minutes later, I’ve come downstairs again to put my glass away and see the cat in the spot and my father on the loveseat.)

Me: “Hey, Dad…”

Dad: “I got up to get a new book, he jumped back into the spot, and it didn’t seem worth it to move him.”

Me: “So, not only did you and the cat get into a fight over the spot, but the cat won?”

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