(I work at a store in the children’s department. I have an older customer come up to my register.)

Customer: “Hi, do you sell thongs for children?”

Me: *blinks* “Do you mean, like…”

Customer: “Children’s thongs.”

Me: “Do you mean… shoes?”

Customer: “Oh! Yes. Flip-flops.”

Me: “Yes, they’re right over there.”

(I knew that “thong” was another word for “flip-flop,” and assumed that’s what she wanted, but it was so unexpected that it caught me off-guard. We both had a good laugh about it once she realized what it sounded like.)

(I am out running errands in the afternoon with a friend and have passed my turn. We have to turn around, and there is a sign posted at the intersection forbidding U-turns between the hours of ten pm and six am. Directly across the intersection from us is a police cruiser. Knowing we’re fine, I make the U-turn, and not ten seconds later, there are flashing lights behind us. I pull into a parking lot and the officer approaches.)

Officer: “Hello. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Me: “Honestly… no. Not a clue.”

Officer: *gestures back toward the intersection* “You made an illegal U-turn back there. There’s a sign.”

Me: *confused* “I don’t think I did. Are you sure?”

Officer: “Yes… I’m sure.”

(He does not sound 100% sure anymore.)

Me: “But it’s 4:30 in the afternoon. I’m pretty sure the sign said no U-turns from ten pm until six in the morning.”

Friend: “We checked the sign!”

(The officer is now looking just as confused as I am. He looks at his little clipboard and is clearly doing mental math.)

Officer: “Well, I’m just going to let you off with a warning. You have a nice day.”

(He walked back to his cruiser and drove away, still looking a little dazed.)

(I am working the front desk over lunch, I am a very white bread kind of guy and the other med tech on desk is a a very intelligent student, born in the middle east, has a cultually appropriate name, speaks English better that most of our patients. He answers the phone.)
Him:”Hello, (our clinic) this is (his cultural name) what can I do to help you? Oh, OK, just one moment. This guy says he wants to speak to someone else besides me.”
Understanding the situation I pick up the line;
Me, doing very thick imitation of Apu from The Simpsons: “Hello, my name is Subankhar, how may I be of service please?”
Man on line:”Uh, let me speak to the other guy.”
Suddenly he didnt have any problem talking to our student.

(I work at the surgical registration desk at a hospital. The infusion center has started sending their patients to us to check in because they have recently been overwhelmed. One of these patients approaches me.)

Patient: “Where is the infusion center?”

Me: “It’s up on the fifth floor, but you have to check in here first.”

Patient: “No. They moved. Do you know where they are now?”

Me: *Thinking he’s really supposed to go somewhere else* “They’re still on the fifth floor, but I can look you up and seee where you’re supposed to go.”

Patient: “You don’t know where they are. I’ll just find someone who does.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t just want me to look you up?”

Patient: “I guess.”

(He walks over, and I start to go to the patient lookup screen on my computer)

Patient: “It used to be on the fifth floor, but they moved.”

Me: “No, they’re still there. They’re just having us check people in down here now.”

Patient: “No, they moved. I’ll find someone who knows where they are.”

Me: “You don’t want me to just look you up?”

Patient: “No”

(He walks away. About five minutes later, he comes back.)

Patient: “I’m sorry, you were completely right. Can you check me in?”

(I get him checked in and he leaves, but I’m left wondering why he was so reluctant to let me look him up.)

(I work in the children’s department, but since we are right next to a door, we often get people doing returns from other departments. It’s usually not an issue, especially if we’re slow. A woman and her husband come in with two bags.)

Customer: “Hi, can we do returns here? One is from men’s and the other is from the home department.”

Me: “Absolutely. Do you have your receipt?”

(She hands me the bag with men’s clothes and I start the return process.)

Customer: “As you can see, I paid off the charge with a check.”

(She has stapled the receipt from her account payment to the top of the receipt, which I know a lot of people do to avoid carrying a balance on their store card while still earning their rewards. However, she did pay for the items with her store card, and our return policy is to refund on the original form of payment, or give in-store credit.)

Me: “Okay, that return will be [amount]. Do you have your store card with you?”

Customer: “No, I should get cash back. I paid with a check, see?”

Me: “Well, no, you paid with your store card, and then paid the bill with a check. They’re two different transactions.”

Customer: “But I paid with a check, so I should get cash back. I’m thinking of closing my card, anyway.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but I can only refund the money to the original form of payment or to in-store credit. I can get you the in-store credit, if you would prefer, but the system won’t let me return it any other way.”

Customer: “I don’t believe that. I paid it off with a check, so I should be getting cash back.”

(After a few more minutes of this, she and her husband decide to go back to the other departments to do the returns there and presumably complain about our return policy. I help a few other customers and clean up, and fifteen minutes later the customer returns with the men’s clothing.)

Customer: “I guess I understand now. Just go ahead and do the return.”

Me: “Not a problem.”

(I’m still not sure how she thought the two separate transactions would have been linked that way.)