(My dad has recently gotten very religious in his old age.)
Me: “Dad, you know what? I read that Jupiter has a storm that can fit three Earths in it!”
Dad: *looking disturbed* “God is great and God is big; if you believe in Him, that’s all you ever need.”
Me: “Wait, what? Why did you start talking about God?”
Dad: “Jupiter is big and God is, too. He made the Heaven and Earth.”
Me: “Did he make Jupiter, too? What about the other planets?”
Dad: *looking really disturbed* “Yes, of course.”
Me: “Why?”
Dad: “Just go read your bible. That’s all you need to know, not outer space facts.”
(I have just started working as a host at a fancy Italian restaurant part-time, and I have been working as a manager at a fast food restaurant for several years.)
Me: *answering the phone* “[Fast Food Restaurant]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”
Customer: “Don’t you mean [Italian Restaurant]?”
Me: “Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry; this is absolutely [Italian restaurant]! How can I help you?”
Customer: “Did you forget where you were working?”
Me: “I did; I am so sorry. I’ve just started here. Would you like to make a reservation?”
Customer: “Actually, this is [Owner Of Restaurant] and I wanted to check in with [Manager] about how you were doing.”
(Fortunately, the owner turned out to have a great sense of humor. Every time he called the restaurant, he would ask me if I knew where I was working that day.)
(I am shopping with my mom at the mall. It is spring, so my allergies are killer. I desperately need new clothes, so I decide to try on a few shirts. While I am in a dressing room, my allergies decide to make me sneeze.)
Me: *sneezes*
Random Girl: “Bless you.”
Me: “…”
Random Girl: “I know you hear me.”
Me: *thinking* “Oh, God!”
Random Girl: “[Her Friend], I said bless you!”
Her Friend: “That wasn’t me.”
Random Girl: “Oh… S***.”
Me: “…”
Random Girl: *to me* “Well, you could still say thank you, b****!”
(I work at a public library. I’ve experienced many dumb people and a ton of stupid questions. I worry about the future of our world sometimes. While libraries aren’t as popular as they used to be, most people know how a library works. Not this time. A patron walks up to me at the circulation desk with a few books. I assume she wants to check them out, so I kindly ask for her library card.)
Patron: “What’s that? Why do I need that?!”
Me: “In order to check out books you’ll have to have a card. The books you check out will be put on your account; that way we know who has them and when they are due back.”
Patron: “That is stupid. So, I have to have a library card to check out some books?”
Me: “Yes, you have to have a library card in order to check out library books.”
(Not a hard concept. I guess common sense is lacking in today’s society.)
I live across the street from a pricey college campus. Two blocks up, on the corner, also directly across the street from the campus practice fields, is a convenience store. I stopped to fill up the car one night, and when I went in to pay, I discovered two college girls who didn’t feel safe to leave. Several guys in a van had been following them with the side door of the van opened, and two guys by that van side door.
The thing that really horrified me? They’d called Campus Security, and Campus Security refused to come get them because they weren’t actually on campus property, though they were right across the street from campus! I, of course, drove the girls back to their dorm. My husband was a college professor, so I knew the very pleasant and accessible president of the college. He and I had a conversation about campus safety the next day.
If I were paying tuition at that college and security wouldn’t come across the street to ensure my daughter’s safety, I think what I’d have said to the head of security might have set his ears on fire.
