This happens in middle school, during the last week. We are basically doing nothing in all of our classes, so in homeroom, we watch a movie each day. We have a small homeroom class so the back row of desks is empty and I decide to sit on one of them to see better. After a few minutes, another student does the same and the teacher immediately yells at him to get down.

Classmate: *Pointing at me* “How come he can do it?!”

Teacher: “Because he never does anything!”

At the end of class, some of my classmates actually said they hadn’t even realized I was in there all year since I was so quiet.

I work at a healthcare clinic as a receptionist. Due to HIPAA policies, whenever I call a client, I have to confirm I am actually speaking to the client. If I am speaking to someone else, I am not allowed to disclose the reason I am calling. I typically say something generic like, “This is the doctor’s office.” This doesn’t always soothe people’s curiosities, though.

Me: “Hello, is [Client] there?”

Caller: “No, she is busy.”

Me: “Okay. This is the doctor’s office. Can you ask her to call us back?”

Caller: “The doctor’s? Which doctor?”

Me: “I am not allowed to say. Can I leave a callback number?”

Caller: “You’re not allowed to say? What is this? Russia?”

I guess following the federal American law of not giving away personal information is considered by some to be an act of Communism?

A customer comes in with a pair of sunglasses to return with no receipt and no tag. There isn’t any brand name on them and no identifying marks or numbers. While I’m looking on our website for the sunglasses (for the UPC number), the customer interrupts me. 

Customer: “Can’t you just look them up from my card?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That is why I have to find the item number, to search for it in your card history.”

Customer: “But my card is right here.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand. I’m trying to find the item so we can search for it on your card. It doesn’t give us a list of all your transactions.”

After I spend about fifteen minutes looking through about two-hundred different sunglasses, none of them is a match. This means we don’t carry them anymore or we never have.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t seem to carry these glasses anymore, which means I can’t do the return without the receipt or the tag.”

Customer: “But you guys told me when I got this [Store] card that I could return things without a receipt as long as it was on my card! I want to speak to the manager!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. But that is if I am able to identify the item you are returning, which I cannot do. If you’d like, you could call the card customer service and they’d be able to look at all of your transactions and find the UPC number for you since they have access to more information than I do.”

Customer: “I still want your manager. This is ridiculous.”

I called a manager over and she decided to take out her own personal phone and call the card company for the customer. Of course, they wanted to talk to the customer because she had all of the information that they needed — birthday, social security, etc.

She threw the phone back at my manager when she was done talking so that my manager could write the UPC number down for her. We were finally able to do a return, even though we could not be sure that the UPC number even matched the item. The customer then looked at me and said, “And YOU wanted ME to do that!”

Next time, leave the tag on or have the receipt if you want a flawless return!

Related:
A Different Kind Of Returner Burner
Returner Burner, Part 8
Returner Burner: International Edition
Returner Burner: On Location
Returner Burner Until Burning Point

I’m a personal shopper. If we are out of an item, we will call you and ask if we can sub it with a similar item.

Me: “Hello, Mrs. [Customer], this is [My Name] with [Store] Online Shopping. I wanted to let you know that I finished picking your order, and I was out of [Brand] whole-grain English muffins. I did find some whole-wheat whole-grain English muffins if you would like those, instead.”

Customer: “Oh, no, those won’t do. I can’t have wheat. It makes me sick. Give me the sourdough muffins, instead.”

Me: *Flabbergasted* “Uh… [Brand] doesn’t make sourdough English muffins.”

Customer: “They don’t?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Then give me the plain ones.”

Me: “All right, but those have wheat in them, just so you know.”

Customer: “No, they don’t.”

Me: “They do.”

Customer: “No, they don’t. I can eat them because they don’t have wheat.”

I figure she’s a grown woman; she can make her own mistakes.

Me: “All right, I’ll grab you the plain English muffins.”

Customer: “Thank you. Was that so hard?”

I later tell this to my mom, who is gluten intolerant.

Mom: “Does she not know what wheat is?”

Related:
Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance, Part 5
Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance, Part 4
Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance, Part 3
Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance, Part 2

This story is part of our crazy-online-shoppers roundup!

Read the next crazy-online-shoppers roundup story!

Read the crazy-online-shoppers roundup!

I work in a popular southern-style restaurant as a hostess. This restaurant serves breakfast all day. This story takes place in the middle of 2015 when a well-known fast food burger chain begins to serve breakfast all day.

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Restaurant]! How many will be dining today?”

Customer: “Two adults, two kids.”

Me: “All right, and would you like both dinner and breakfast menus? We serve breakfast all day here.”

Customer: “Oh, are you trying to be like [Fast Food Restaurant]?”

Me: “No, we’ve been serving breakfast all day since we opened forty years ago… so [Fast Food Restaurant] is trying to be like us!”