In China, Buses Come Fully Equipped!

, , , | Learning | August 24, 2019

(I work in an overseas school teaching English. I also tutor after school. I am working with one of my students one afternoon.)

Me: “What did you do on Saturday?”

Student: “I went swimming on Saturday.”

Me: “Very good. What else did you do?”

Student: “I took a bus.”

Me: “Where did you go on the bus?”

Student: “No, I took a bus.”

Me: “Yes, where did you go?”

Student: “No… I took a shovel!”

Me: “Okay… What did you do with the shovel?”

Student: “I got clean.”

Me: “Say again?”

(She was trying to say, “bath,” and, “shower.”)

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This Clinic Provides A Terrible Cervix

, , , , , | Healthy | August 23, 2019

While I was a student, it was fairly common to have student doctors learning at the campus clinic. I was getting my routine pap and was asked if I minded having a student do it, with the actual doctor supervising. When it comes to medical stuff I have no shame and have had positive experiences with student doctors in the past — they actually take a history, for one thing! I imagine a lot of people aren’t okay with students doing their pap. though, so all the more reason for me to let them practice.

So, I said I didn’t mind at all, the student introduced herself, and I got in position. She did fine with doing the physical exam and had no problem inserting the speculum. But then came time to swab my cervix. She was looking more and more stressed, and I reassured her she was doing fine and to take her time. A few more moments passed and she was still looking. I remember an offhand comment one of my previous doctors said — that my cervix is a bit off to the side — so I passed that hint along.

“I can’t find it! I can’t find the cervix!” she finally cried.

“I promise you it’s there! Keep looking!” I tried to reassure. Meanwhile, the actual doctor was clearly having issues keeping a straight face. I was still laying there spread eagle, still trying to comfort the professional poking around my lady bits.

The actual doctor took over, and my cervix is indeed off to the side. The student sat back down and the doctor gave her directions to my cervix. She finally found it and got the swab. Good thing, too, because I was also having a hard time keeping my laughter in.

After telling my friends the story of my “lost” cervix, one replied, “But… it’s not like it could get very far!”

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All The Happy Ladies, Now Put Your Hands Up!

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | August 22, 2019

This story takes place at my mum’s school where she is an office worker. Usually, the parents and children are nothing but grumpy and rude to all the staff, especially the office workers. 

However, there was one family who had a lovely little girl with MS. The girl was moving up a year and so had to have a “safe place” where she could go and where she would be accompanied by a buddy. This little girl, upon being told this, started crying with happiness. And when asked, she said, “I can spend time with the happy ladies in the office.” All “the happy ladies” were indeed happy and immediately agreed to make time in their busy schedules to do this. 

At the end of the year, as a thank-you, the family gave each of the ladies a £30 bouquet. This happened a few years ago, but my mum still talks about it, and the girl came back to see them and thank them once again this year.

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This Student Is Just On Fire Today!

, , , , , | Learning | August 22, 2019

Some years ago, when I was in seventh grade — ages 13 to 14 — we had physics and chemistry as a combined course. One day, we were all sitting in the lab while the teacher was talking. Suddenly, we all heard a “woosh” and people screaming. One of the boys was apparently bored and had built a small bonfire of matches, doused it with turpentine, and set fire to it! The flames were huge but thankfully died out quickly with a little help from the fire extinguisher. 

Everyone was thankfully okay, but one girl got some of her long hair burnt off, and her T-shirt had no back anymore. It was the only time my class got sent home early.

The girl had to get a bob haircut to save her hair. The boy’s parents had to pay for the haircut and a new T-shirt. The boy had to sit at the teacher’s desk every time we had physics/chemistry from then on. When asked why he did it, he just stated that he was bored and didn’t know how much damage he would cause. The burn mark from the fire was still on that table when I graduated.

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Quiet Departure, Loud Reaction

, , , , , , | Learning | August 21, 2019

(In my two last high school science classes, I am notorious for sitting alone in the back corner at what is supposed to be the teacher’s desk, messing around on my laptop and blatantly not paying attention. But I take my textbook home, do the classwork there, and make 100s on all my tests, so the teacher doesn’t care. Other students aren’t doing so well with their grades. One day, I raise my hand and ask to go to the restroom; the teacher gives me permission but the other students don’t hear her. I walk out of the room.)

Student: *screaming* “Oh, my gosh. [My Name] sits back in the corner and never does any work in here, but we get in trouble if we’re talking or don’t pay attention for one second! She just gets up and leaves the room and you don’t even say anything!”

(The teacher found the outburst so funny she gave me permission to leave the room whenever I wanted without asking.)

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