Uknark, Uknark, Wherefore Art Thou Uknark?

, , , , | Learning | January 28, 2020

(We are reading a Shakespeare play in class. One of my classmates is a little bit dense.)

Teacher: “So, what time period is Shakespeare from?”

Everyone: “Elizabethan.”

Student: *completely serious* “The Stone Age.”

(The worst part is that that was the fourth Shakespeare play she had read.)

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Taking Irony 101

, , , , , | Learning | January 27, 2020

(I teach college seniors. I’m reviewing their survey comments after my class is over.)

Comment: “I don’t think the attendance is fair. I wasn’t there when she took it and she took my points.”

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Back In My Day, We Circumnavigated The Globe To Get To School!

, , , , | Learning | January 27, 2020

(This happens in a sophomore math class.)

Teacher: “Does anyone know the circumference of the earth?”

Student #1: “Eleven miles.”

Teacher: “Uhh. You sure about that?”

Student #1: “Eleven miles.”

Student #2: “Dude, you live twelve miles away from here.”

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But Adulting Is Haaaaaard!

, , , , | Learning | January 23, 2020

(I work at a professional studies school where the students are working towards a doctorate. Most of the students in their last year are 26 to 30 years old. I am a department admin helping to run a certification that is a graduation requirement for the students graduating in five months.)

Student: “All righty, [Nickname the students aren’t supposed to call me]. I’m all done with the training. I just have to do the final exam to get the certification, and then do I have to email it to you?”

Me: “Yep! Make sure you do it by the date on the paper, or else you’ll have to pay for a new access code.”

Student: “Oh, I threw that away. Can I have another one?”

Me: “You’re in luck. I have one left. I recommend you take a picture of it and make sure you don’t lose it.”

Student: “Hey, you’re going to email us to remind us to do this, right?”

Me: “Nope. You’ve already received three emails with instructions. You’re about to be doctors; I believe in you and your abilities to remember to send your favorite [department] admin–”  *I’m the ONLY admin for this department* “–the certificate.”

Student: *whining* “But we’re just kids. You can’t trust us with anything.”

Me: *just playing around* “How old are you?”

Student: “Twenty-eight.”

Me: “So am I. I think you’ll be fine.”

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Getting An F-Grade

, , , , , , | Learning | January 19, 2020

I am an American working as a foreign English teacher. Most of the two-hour classes for the three older age groups are done by two teachers. One teacher teaches the first hour, and then there is a fifteen-minute break followed by a second hour with a different teacher. 

For one of my higher-level classes for the seven-to-ten-year-old age group, I am the first teacher; however, my co-teacher is unavailable this day. This is not uncommon, and usually, another teacher would be assigned that slot to substitute teach for that day. However, in this instance, I am the only teacher who has that hour free and is qualified to teach that level. As such, I find myself in the rare position of covering my own class. 

The students are not informed when they are having a substitute teacher, so after my hour is done, I gather my materials for the second half of today’s lesson. I walk back upstairs, open the door, and see seven surprised and confused faces wondering why I have returned when they were expecting my co-teacher. One of my ten-year-old students decides to vocalize his surprise with a western colloquialism he has picked up.

“What the f***?!”

Well… at least he used it correctly.

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