The Psychology Of Laziness

, , , , , | Learning | August 27, 2019

For a while, I was a psychology major in college. The major had some interesting electives, including “psychology of animal and human interaction.” I loved animals and thought psychology was interesting so it was a no-brainer to me.

Our final, worth a considerable portion of our grade, was a group research project. Groups of four to five students had to find participants and animals, and record how people talked to the animals. Each student had to have their own set of data so that the professor could still grade our individual contributions.

Enter Lazy Classmate, who, while seeming soft-spoken and nice, absolutely refused to participate meaningfully in this project worth a huge part of our grade. He was never confrontational, but he never delivered on anything promised and we had to write his portions of the paper for him, etc. Standard useless project member things. The real surprise was when we all reviewed the final paper and data.

The lazy classmate had apparently failed to collect his data set, as well, and it was incredibly obvious. He had taken my data and copy-pasted it completely. This was an upper-level, restricted elective. He couldn’t have been that stupid, right?

He was that stupid. The teacher noticed immediately and our feedback on his contributions to the project was the final nail in the coffin. The project was graded out of 100 total, and then divided for each student. So, a 100% for an individual student was a 20/20. Imagine my surprise when the lazy student didn’t show up on the final day, and the rest of the group had found we’d all been given 25/20. The teacher had not only reported the student, but had given us his points, as well, giving us all a big grade boost right before the semester’s end.

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I Can See Communism From My House!

, , , , , , | Learning | August 26, 2019

(I’m a high school sophomore in World History class. We’re doing a unit on the Cold War, and so, naturally, we discuss capitalism versus communism quite a bit. We have an assignment to complete during one of our classes. One of the questions asks for the names of the two modern communist countries. I put down Cuba and China, check my answer on the Internet, and move on. Then, I hear this from another student halfway across the room.)

Student: “Wait, which Alaska is communist again?”

(The worst part is that he’s lived in America all his life and seemed completely serious!)

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Toilet Humor Is No Joke

, , , , | Learning | August 26, 2019

(One of my students runs up to me in the gym; he’s two and a half.)

Student: “I pooped!”

Me: “Oh? Do you mean right now in your diaper? Or did you poop in the toilet earlier?”

Student: *like I’m an idiot* “I didn’t poop in the toilet!”

Me: “Okay. Well, let’s go back to the classroom and get you changed.”

Student: “Okay!” *pause* “Can I come with you?”

Me: *pause* “Yes.”

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In China, Buses Come Fully Equipped!

, , , | Learning | August 24, 2019

(I work in an overseas school teaching English. I also tutor after school. I am working with one of my students one afternoon.)

Me: “What did you do on Saturday?”

Student: “I went swimming on Saturday.”

Me: “Very good. What else did you do?”

Student: “I took a bus.”

Me: “Where did you go on the bus?”

Student: “No, I took a bus.”

Me: “Yes, where did you go?”

Student: “No… I took a shovel!”

Me: “Okay… What did you do with the shovel?”

Student: “I got clean.”

Me: “Say again?”

(She was trying to say, “bath,” and, “shower.”)

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This Clinic Provides A Terrible Cervix

, , , , , | Healthy | August 23, 2019

While I was a student, it was fairly common to have student doctors learning at the campus clinic. I was getting my routine pap and was asked if I minded having a student do it, with the actual doctor supervising. When it comes to medical stuff I have no shame and have had positive experiences with student doctors in the past — they actually take a history, for one thing! I imagine a lot of people aren’t okay with students doing their pap. though, so all the more reason for me to let them practice.

So, I said I didn’t mind at all, the student introduced herself, and I got in position. She did fine with doing the physical exam and had no problem inserting the speculum. But then came time to swab my cervix. She was looking more and more stressed, and I reassured her she was doing fine and to take her time. A few more moments passed and she was still looking. I remember an offhand comment one of my previous doctors said — that my cervix is a bit off to the side — so I passed that hint along.

“I can’t find it! I can’t find the cervix!” she finally cried.

“I promise you it’s there! Keep looking!” I tried to reassure. Meanwhile, the actual doctor was clearly having issues keeping a straight face. I was still laying there spread eagle, still trying to comfort the professional poking around my lady bits.

The actual doctor took over, and my cervix is indeed off to the side. The student sat back down and the doctor gave her directions to my cervix. She finally found it and got the swab. Good thing, too, because I was also having a hard time keeping my laughter in.

After telling my friends the story of my “lost” cervix, one replied, “But… it’s not like it could get very far!”

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