When I went to pick up my nine-year-old daughter from school today, I passed a group of students also walking home. One had a gorgeous red dahlia. She handed it to me.

Student: “Here, would you like this?”

Me: “Are you sure? You weren’t going to give it to your mom or dad or someone at home?”

Student: “It’s fine, you can have it.”

Me: “Well, thank you! I love it.”

A minute or so later, my daughter found me.

Me: “Look what one of the other students gave me!”

Daughter: “It’s very pretty. The teachers told us to give those to parents who look exhausted.”

I like the flower even more now!

Related:
Flower Power, Part 3
Flower Power, Part 2
Flower Power

My grade four class is reading ‘Charlotte’s Web’.

Student: “Why do they want to kill him? He’s their pet!”

Me: “To eat.”

Student: *Shocked.* “But… why?!”

Me: “For the meat. Pork comes from pigs.”

Student: “Pork comes from animals!?”

Me: “Uh… let’s get back to the book, shall we?”

Another student who is a bit of a troublemaker speaks up.

Other Student: “[Student]. You ever wondered why chicken is the name of food and an animal?”

Student: *Penny drops.* “Chicken too?!”

That student left my class traumatised that day. The next day, I had to have a meeting with a p***ed-off parent.

I pull up to the drive-thru.

Employee: *Over the speaker.* “Welcome to [Fast Food Place], what would you like to order?”

Me: “Yeah, can I get a cheeseburger meal with cheese, please? Medium fries and a Diet Coke.”

Employee: “So that’s a double bacon burger with no cheese, onion rings, and a Dr. Pepper?”

Me: “I… I don’t even know how you could get everything so wrong.”

Employee: “Thanks so much! Please pull forward!”

Me: “No, wait, I—”

Employee: “—Welcome to [Fast Food Place], what would you like to order?”

Me: “Are you an AI?”

Employee: “We don’t have that on the menu, currently.”

Done with this, I pull forward so that I can speak to a human being… to be presented with a young worker speaking in the exact same voice I heard on the speaker, so not an AI.

Employee: “So, double bacon burger with no cheese, onion rings, and a Dr. Pepper?”

Me: “Not even close. I asked for a cheeseburger meal with cheese, medium fries, and a Diet Coke.”

Employee: “Isn’t that what I said?”

Me: “Dude, are you okay?”

Employee: *Huge fake smile.* “I’m great and happy to be here!”

His smile seems to be hiding deep, sunken eyes and exhaustion. Then I remember what week it is and that this is a college town.

Me: “Oooooh, finals week.”

Employee: *Huge fake smile, somehow becoming even larger, speaking in a sing-song voice.* “I haven’t slept in three days!”

I got my lunch somewhere else…

I work for a radio station that presents local news, with a little world news segment. We offer a summer internship for journalism students at the local university to come and see how radio news works, and even help put together the script for some stories. Part of this involves a quick test during the interview stage, asking them to write a quick headline and copy for made-up world news events.

Manager: “Why didn’t you put [Student’s Name] through to the consideration list?”

Me: “Oh, that guy? Look, we only have two intern spaces, so they need to go to the very best.”

Manager: “What’s wrong with [Student’s Name]? He’s the son of a friend, so I kinda wanted to give him a chance.”

Me: “On his newscast copy, he said guerrilla warfare was ‘monkeys with guns’.”

Manager: “…Never mind.”

Our class is reading the Diary of Anne Frank in middle school, aloud as a class over the course of a few weeks.

We get to the part where they celebrate Hanukkah. One of my classmates blurts out loud:

Classmate: “Wait, are they Jewish?”