Mister Cellophane, The Early Years

, , , , , , | Learning | April 5, 2020

For some reason, my twelfth-grade English teacher has trouble noticing I’m in the room. She was also my teacher for tenth and eleventh grade English without issue, just to add the confusion.

And I’m not imagining things either: I end up accidentally marked absent a few times because she fails to see me raising my hand or hear me calling out, “Here!” when she says my name during roll-call.

I end up having to ask the student next to me to answer for me for the rest of the year. He also takes it upon himself to point out to the teacher when I have my hand raised to answer questions in class. It’s not uncommon for the teacher to ask a question about whatever we’re discussing, me to raise my hand, her to ask incredulously if really no one knows the answer, and the student next to me to raise his hand to say that mine’s been up the whole time. The absences always get fixed and my grade is unaffected, so it’s pretty funny that I’m “invisible.”

The icing on the cake came the last week of school before graduation. The class president gave our English a picture frame with several pictures of our class, explaining that it was for her to remember us by. However, there was an oversight…

I took every single picture in the frame. The other sixty-eight students in my class were each in at least one picture, but I was in none of them. I really am invisible to that teacher!

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To Pea Or Nut To Pea

, , , , , , , | Learning | April 3, 2020

There’s a boy in my shop class who is very allergic to peanuts. For some unknown reason, there has been a large container of peanuts in our classroom since before I started at this school. Why it remains has been a consistent mystery, and every time we think it is gone one of us will find it in a cabinet somewhere.

During finals, our shop teacher gives us a free day. A lot of people are spending the class either playing games or studying for the finals of other classes, but our classmate with the allergy somehow slips out of the main classroom and into a side room. A minute or two after he leaves the room, another classmate looks up towards the door and rushes out. 

I, along with some other students, follow to see what’s going on. There’s a lot of yelling, and as I turn into the side room, I see a larger classmate holding our allergic classmate off the ground while a girl is trying to wrestle the jar of peanuts out of his hands.

Turns out that, for some unknown reason, our allergic classmate decided it’d be better for him to trigger an allergic reaction and go to the hospital than it would be for him to just study and take his English exam next period.

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If You’re Going To Try To Be Sneaky, At Least Be Quiet About It

, , , , | Learning | April 2, 2020

I work in a university admissions office. At our school, potential students schedule calls for a specific time and then anyone who is available at that time “claims” the appointment. I claim a call for 6:00 pm and ring the student right on the dot. Someone, I assume a relative, picks up the phone.

Relative: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi! This is [My Name] from [University]. Is [Student] available?”

Relative: “[STUDENT]!”

I hear some shuffling in the background and then another voice, presumably the student.

Student: “WHAT?”

Relative: “YOU HAVE A CALL!”

Student: “WHO IS IT?”

Relative: “I DON’T KNOW!”

This is followed by some shuffling and incoherent whispering. After a prolonged pause…

Me: “Um… Hello?”

Relative: “Yeah, she’s not here right now.”

Me: “That’s all right. Can you please let her know that [University] is calling about her appointment?”

There was no response, and after a few seconds I just hung up. Really, I get it if you don’t want to talk to spam callers, but we had an appointment to speak at that time. It was also quite easy to hear them since they were both screaming, so I’m not sure why they couldn’t just ask me to call back later. Still, not the weirdest person I’ve spoken to in this job.

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Stop Being A Pill And Get Back To Class

, , , , , | Learning | March 31, 2020

I teach workshops to the general public. I allow a ten-minute break about halfway through. I use breath mints to keep my mouth moist as I have to talk for about three hours. At break time, I finish the last mint and throw the tin away. One of the participants sees me.

Participant: “Hey, don’t do that; you could use those for pills or something.”

Me: “I didn’t need it, so…”

Participant: “Yeah, but those tins are useful. You can use them for pills.”

Me: “Well, I’m not going to take it out of the trash, but feel free if you want to.”

She looked at me like I’m the one who was crazy. At the end of the workshop, I looked in the trash and the tin was still there. I guess she wasn’t that gung-ho about it, after all.

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A Student, Hungary For Knowledge, Visits Turkey

, , , , , | Learning | March 30, 2020

I teach fourth grade. I’m trying to get my students familiar with the nations of the world.

Me: “[Student], please name a country.”

Student: “Oh, man…”

Me: “Correct.”

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