(I have made friends with a young Thai woman who is staying in America for one year as an au pair. She is still learning English, so as a favor, I install and teach her to use Rosetta Stone for American English on her computer. Today, we are having lunch together in a restaurant and as a joke, I start imitating the voice from Rosetta Stone.)

Friend: *takes a sip of water*

Me: “The girl is drinking.”

Friend: *eats a bite of food*

Me: “The girl is eating.”

Friend: *drinks more water*

Me: “The girl is drinking.”

Friend: “The boy is shut up!”

(A couple of coworkers and I are talking before we clock in this morning. We’re all kind of punchy from the early hour.)

Coworker #1: “Any plans for tonight?”

Me: “No, I work tomorrow morning. Collecting all that time and a half, you know.”

Coworker #2: “I’ve got to start working on my New Year’s revolution.”

Me: “Your what now?!”

Coworker #1: “Do you mean resolution?” *snickers*

Coworker #2: “What did I say?”

Me: “New Year’s revolution.” *giggling* “I honestly like that better than resolution.”

(We were laughing for a good five minutes as we made our way up the elevator. And we’ve been yelling, “VIVA LA REVOLUTION!” when we see each other through the day.)

(Passing a colleague’s desk, I note he is dealing with a very difficult — we have all dealt with her — manager at a very remote location. She refuses to do anything we ask and we usually end up sending a tech to the location to do stupidly easy fixes.)

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am. We already have on our system that you are a very special client.”

Me: *chokes back the laughter until she finishes the call*

My husband, who never was a cat person before, calls me from work one afternoon to asks me if I would like to get a cat. What the f***? I ask him why he is asking me this and it turns out the cleaning lady from his work has a few kittens that she is trying to give away and showed him pictures. My husband kind of changed his mind about cats because they were cute. 

Of course, I tell him yes, and a few hours later, she drops this cute little furball at my house along with a bit of food and litter for a day or two. She is really shy and is a bit scared of my husband and spends a lot of time hiding. 

The day after, my son comes back from school for the weekend and we are eating supper when the cat decides to come out from under my bed and stands yawning in the doorway. My son, who had no idea we had gotten a cat, stares at it for a sec and drops the fork on his plate. I realize that we had forgotten to tell him about the cat. He blinks a couple of times and declares that my husband and I are crazy!

(I work at an answering service for flower shops. Occasionally, I work the late shift and get prank callers. I can tell these particular callers are a bunch of teens that sound a little high.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Flower Shop]. How may I help you?”

Teen: “Yeah… I need to order some flowers.”

(It’s obvious immediately due to his friends giggling in the background.)

Me: “All right, I’ll be glad to help you with that. What kind of flowers would you like to order?”

Teen: “Well…” *giggles* “What do you got?”

Me: “I have a lovely bouquet of roses.”

Teen: “Yeah, I’ll get that.”

Me: “Great! What color?”

Teen: “Uh…” *whispers* “Red.”

Me: “Okay, so, that’s a dozen white roses.”

Teen: “Uh…” *whispers to his friends, giggles* “Yeah.”

Me: “Wonderful, would you like those tulips in a vase?”

Teen: “Huh? Uh… Wait… What?”

Me: “In a vase?”

Teen: “Oh.” *whispers, giggling* “Yeah, yeah…”

Me: “Great! So, that is two dozen blue daffodils in a box. Can I have your name?”

Teen: *click*

(I just sipped my coffee and waited for the next call.)