My church has a “Two Wheel Ministry” in which everyone with a motorcycle gets together on the first Sunday of every month, weather permitting, and goes on a long ride together after service. The Pastor rides ahead of the group and the ones who run it run behind them in order to assist in keeping everyone together, as not everyone is used to riding in large groups.

On this particular ride, we’re about thirty bikes strong. Even though the weather is really nice, most people are dressed in their riding leathers and you wouldn’t automatically know we’re a bunch of church-goers out for fun.

We make our mid-trip stop, which is about an hour into the ride, to get gas and stretch. There happens to be a famous American coffee shop in the same parking lot and we all decide to have a short stop over to grab something to drink.

The look on the faces of the wait staff and the few customers as around fifteen of us file in is priceless. It is a mix of shock, fear, and confusion. Always being one to be able to read the room, the head of the motorcycle group turns around and addresses us.

Group Leader: “Okay, listen up! Tall orders only! Anyone else getting whipped cream on their coffee?!”

Almost All Of Us Together: “I am!”

Me: “And yes! Yes, I do want sprinkles!”

I hear the door open and, without missing a beat, I hear my pastor shout:

Pastor: “Oh, heck yeah! SPRINKLES!”

The staff started laughing and you could see everyone relax. We introduced ourselves to the few customers there and the staff as we waited for our drinks. We picked up a few new members to the church that day, too. It was great.

This story was included in our May 2020 Inspirational Roundup.

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I am a customer at a local supermarket. While my items are being rung up, I realize I have forgotten to get lip balm. I notify the cashier and step away from the line to get some from another aisle. When I return with the lip balm, I hand it to the cashier, who rings it up and gives me my total.

However, in the time I was out of the line, the daughter of the female customer behind me had stepped in front of the area where the credit card scanner was. I say to the little girl, who is maybe seven or eight years old, “Excuse me,” and then step in front of the card scanner. As I step in front of the scanner, I brush against the little girl ever so slightly.

Customer: “What do you think you’re doing, pushing my little girl like that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I need to pay my bill.”

Customer: “You could at least say, ‘Excuse me.’”

Me: “I did say, ‘Excuse me.’ You must not have heard it.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! You know, it’s because of people like you that little girls are messed up today!”

Me: “No, little girls are messed up today because of bad parenting.”

Customer: *Scowling angrily* “I denounce you, in the name of Jesus, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done…”

Me: “Why are you using the name of Jesus like that? You’re clearly following the way of Satan.”

The customer closes her eyes and begins clapping her hands while rocking from side to side.

Customer: “In the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus…”

By this time, close to twenty people had stopped what they were doing to observe the situation. My items were rung up and I had paid my bill, so I invited her to my church and got out of there!

I’m a private English tutor in Spain, and from time to time I help my students with other subjects they are also being taught in English.

During an intense lesson in science and the reproductive system:

Me: “So, do you remember what we said about Adam and Eve, and why they have a belly button?”

Student: “Yes, I do. I also asked about it in religion class.”

Me: “Oh, really? And what did they say?”

Student: “The nun kicked me out!”

I high-fived him. Hard not to laugh! Question authority, little man!

Every Sunday, we scan items on the sales floor and mark them down for clearance. Customers will sometimes see what we’re doing and ask us to scan items they want to buy to see if they’re on clearance, and since it only takes a second of our time, we’re allowed to oblige them.

It’s currently the afternoon and a sweet little old lady who looks like she just came from church approaches me with some jewelry.

Sweet Lady: “Excuse me, but I noticed you were doing the clearance and I wanted to buy this, but I was wondering if you could see if it’s on sale for me?”

She hands me the jewelry and I happily scan it for her. The machine beeps and prints out a clearance ticket for the item.

Me: “You’re in luck. It’s on clearance!”

The lady suddenly shouts at the floor, catching me by surprise.

Sweet Lady: “YES! Screw you, Satan! That’s another victory for the Lord!”

She then shuffled off to pay for her items while I tried hard not to burst out laughing.

We are nearing the beginning of the school year and I have a lady come up who is just livid — not with me or the store, but with the school.

Customer: “This is just stupid! Get this! I am paying for my child to go to [Private School], it costs a fortune, and they’re making me buy school supplies! This is just stupid!”

I finish ringing up her order. I look at the total and then look back to her.

Me: “This wouldn’t happen to be a Catholic School, would it?”

Customer: “Yeah. Why?”

Me: “Well, your total is… $6.66.”

The customer stares for a moment and then laughs.

Customer: “I think I need to buy a candy bar now.”

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