Somewhere, Jesus Is Face-Palming

I am a customer at a local supermarket. While my items are being rung up, I realize I have forgotten to get lip balm. I notify the cashier and step away from the line to get some from another aisle. When I return with the lip balm, I hand it to the cashier, who rings it up and gives me my total.

However, in the time I was out of the line, the daughter of the female customer behind me had stepped in front of the area where the credit card scanner was. I say to the little girl, who is maybe seven or eight years old, “Excuse me,” and then step in front of the card scanner. As I step in front of the scanner, I brush against the little girl ever so slightly.

Customer: “What do you think you’re doing, pushing my little girl like that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I need to pay my bill.”

Customer: “You could at least say, ‘Excuse me.’”

Me: “I did say, ‘Excuse me.’ You must not have heard it.”

Customer: “No, you didn’t! You know, it’s because of people like you that little girls are messed up today!”

Me: “No, little girls are messed up today because of bad parenting.”

Customer: *Scowling angrily* “I denounce you, in the name of Jesus, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done…”

Me: “Why are you using the name of Jesus like that? You’re clearly following the way of Satan.”

The customer closes her eyes and begins clapping her hands while rocking from side to side.

Customer: “In the name of Jesus, in the name of Jesus…”

By this time, close to twenty people had stopped what they were doing to observe the situation. My items were rung up and I had paid my bill, so I invited her to my church and got out of there!