We’ve hired a non-gender person to our department for a few weeks to help with a large job. On their first day, I walk by them in the hall as they are waiting for the women’s washroom to unlock as someone is in there.

Me: “You can use the men’s behind you.”

Coworker: “Oh, I don’t feel comfortable using the men’s. I feel safer in the women’s.”

Me: “I understand. But just so you know, there’s a non-gendered washroom just down the hall.”

Coworker: “Wait. What?”

Me: “Yeah, we have two men’s, two women’s, and two non-gendered on this floor.”

Coworker: “…non-gendered washrooms?”

Me: “Yup.”

Coworker: “For me?”

Me: “Umm. I guess. For while you’re here.”

Coworker: “So, they were made non-gendered for me?”

Me: “What? No.”

My coworker smiles a huge smile.

Coworker: “They’re just always non-gendered?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Their smile somehow gets bigger, and I understand their excitement of having a washroom representing them without preamble or concession. I smile back.

Me: “I’ll show you where they are if you want to use them.”

This happened several years ago. After onboarding a new job, I was told I could hire an assistant. The Human Resources director handed me a stack of resumes, told me about a friend’s daughter, and bumped “Kat” to the top of my interview list. Kat passed the tech test with high scores and interviewed well, so I hired her.

Kat showed up to work on time, had a good attitude, performed well on assignments, and was generally a pleasant person all around. After probation, Kat was excited to tell me that her last raise was enough to get an apartment with her boyfriend.

A couple of months after her raise, I started to notice [HR Director] spending an inordinate amount of time talking to Kat. The conversations sounded personal and cordial, and [HR Director] was friends with Kat’s mom, so I didn’t think much about it… until one day when [HR Director] barged into my office.

HR Director: “Did you know Kat moved into an apartment with her boyfriend?”

Me: “I might have heard something about that.”

HR Director: “Well, Kat is pregnant and her mom is devastated…”

And she proceeded to fill me in on the details of Kat’s personal life.

Feeling uncomfortable, I interrupted, acting like I had a lot going on.

Me: “This really isn’t any of my business. If there’s something related to Kat’s performance that we need to discuss, please fill me in, but as for me, Kat is doing a great job.”

A few months passed. Kat’s baby bump was starting to show. [HR Director] came to my office again.

HR Director: “Kat is not in compliance with the dress code.”

At the last staff meeting, [HR Director] had handed out a dress code policy with a collage of various women’s shoes, dresses, and suits presumably cut from fashion magazines to assist us in determining what was acceptable and what was not. I picked up the policy and the Clipart sheets with a stare reminiscent of Jack Nicholson’s “I’m Of A Mind To Make Some Mookie!” Batman/Joker scene.

As I began to spread the Clipart around my desk, I said:

Me: “Is she wearing something in the ‘not allowed’ clippings?”

HR Director: “She isn’t wearing maternity clothes!”

She pointed to the bullet point about maternity clothes in the policy.

Me: “Well, the policy clearly says maternity wear is allowed. Kat is clearly pregnant and she is wearing clothes, so…”

HR Director: “You know what I mean when I say, ‘maternity clothes’. I mean clothes from a maternity store!”

I told [HR Director] that I would talk to Kat, which I did. Kat filled me in that there was some drama with her mom not liking her boyfriend, that [HR Director] was involved, etc. I just told her to read the policy and be sure she complied — and no matter what, to trust me: I had her back.

The next day, [HR Director] was in my office telling me that Kat was again not in compliance with the dress code. At this point, [HR Director] knew I was getting frustrated.

Me: “Okay. I’ll talk to her again. This time, I want you present because I’m going to give her a formal warning and assign remedial training.”

I brought Kat into my office with [HR Director] present and formally read off my prepared statement, making it clear that it would go into her permanent file.

Me: “Kat, you were given a verbal warning yesterday to comply with this dress code. Because it is not clear to me what is or is not a violation of this policy, you are to report to the Human Resources office ten minutes early every morning for the next two weeks for dress code inspection. Report to me if HR finds your dress unfit. If you are found to be in violation of this policy and are unable to correct your dress before the start of the work day, your employment will be terminated.”

By the time I was finished, Kat was tearing up and [HR Director] was staring at the floor, speechless. I dismissed Kat.

Me: *To [HR Director]* “I hope that this is the last I hear about this, because if I hear about it again, I’ll fire her.”

[HR Director], speechless, walked out of my office.

I told Kat not to worry about any of this; we had them where we wanted them. So, for a week, Kat reported to me that her clothes were fine per HR inspection. At the beginning of the second week, she was chuckling and telling me:

Kat: “[HR Director] told me that I look ‘very nice’ today.”

Attitudes began to change and everyone was smiling.

I got called to the red carpet by the CEO. He tried to keep a straight face as he recited what he heard was going on and asked me to cut the remedial training short because it was embarrassing the HR staff.

Me: *Straight-faced* “Well, [CEO], if I stopped the remedial training, I’d have to fire Kat. Company Policy clearly states that failure to complete a formal remediation plan is immediate termination. It is very clear. There is zero tolerance.”

CEO: “You can’t fire a pregnant woman for what she wears. I’m asking… No, I’m telling you to stop.”

Me: “Stop following company policy?”

Laughing, he conceded.

CEO: “Okay. I am rescinding that ridiculous dress code policy effective immediately.”

At my workplace, we have a list of common allergens and a strict rule that we are NOT allowed to eat any food containing them at work. Notice that I specified “eat”. We are allowed to, say, bring them in, keep them in the communal fridge until lunchtime, and then take them out and leave the building for lunch.

If that sounds like it blatantly misses the point of prohibiting foods with allergens, that’s because it does.

We hire a new worker who has a severe peanut allergy. Peanuts are on the aforementioned list of allergens. Having grown up with this allergy, [New Hire] takes it very seriously, keeping at least two EpiPens in his bag at all times.

A couple of days after he joins us, he has a serious allergic reaction and ends up leaving early. Management immediately realizes the major flaw in the food rule and informs us that they are going to revise it so that ANY food on the allergen list is straight-up prohibited from being brought into work.

Coworker: “Oh, no. I brought a pack of [Well-Known Candy Brand] peanut butter cups. It’s so hot today; I put them in the fridge so they wouldn’t melt!”

He found one of the cups with a bite out of it.

When this was reported to management, they wisely decided that the revised food rule wouldn’t OFFICIALLY go into effect until they had fired the new guy — although we the workers had come to the same conclusion and treated it as though it were official from that point on. Their motivation was clear enough when [New Hire] tried to get my coworker in trouble for bringing in the peanut butter cups. Management merely pointed out that the cups had been in a bag with [Coworker]’s name on it, and [New Hire] had no good reason to have been touching them — and why the f*** would he, having a severe peanut allergy, bite into a candy that is KNOWN to have peanut butter in it?

To this day, I wonder whether management fired him because he was a food thief or because his judgment was so poor.

A few years ago, I worked as a marketing manager for an online learning platform. We were quite a diverse bunch from multiple countries, myself included. Once or twice a year, we would hire a student or graduate on a paid internship. This was usually a three- to six-month contract, but if the person proved themselves and we were able to financially, we could extend the contract or take them on full-time.

One year, I got back from holidays and my boss, the Head of Operations, and a colleague had done a few interviews for a junior marketing role. My boss liked one candidate and wanted me to do the second interview, as they would be reporting directly to me.

The candidate was in their early twenties, newly graduated but impressive, and they aced the interview. But there was something bothering me; I just couldn’t put my finger on what. After much debate with my boss and the CEO of the company — neither of whom felt the same “something” I did — we decided to hire her for three months on a fixed-term contract and see how it goes.

The first few weeks were great. She got to work early, she completed all tasks I gave her within the deadline, she used initiative, she got along with other colleagues, and so on.

Then, little things started happening — the red flags my instincts were screaming about. This is a condensed version of her first-month review meeting with my boss and me.

Me: “[Intern], you’ve been doing really well with all the tasks I’ve assigned to you. I’m very happy with your work so far.”

Intern: “That’s great, thanks.”

Boss: “I’ve had great feedback from a few colleagues, as well, so well done. There are a few small issues we’d like to discuss with you, though. [My Name] has mentioned that you’ve been in after 9:00 am a few mornings this week. With your contract being quite clear on a 9:00 am start, is there something going on that you want to share?”

Intern: “Oh, well, it’s only a few minutes past 9:00. I don’t think it’s that big a deal.”

Me: “It’s been anything from a few minutes after 9:00 am to almost 9:30 am one day. And when you do get in, you spend at least ten minutes switching your computer on, making a coffee, and chatting with people. If there’s a valid reason for getting in late, I’m open to reviewing your start time.”

Intern: “So, the truth is that I live with my sister, and when I started working here, she wasn’t working, so I had the bathroom all to myself. Now she’s started a new job and she’s in our bathroom when I need to get in there every morning. That’s why I’m late every day.”

My boss and I just stared at her, not really believing what we were hearing. 

Boss: “That is really something you need to sort out with your sister. It is not a company issue and not something we can accommodate to give you a later start. Maybe get up earlier?”

Intern: “Oh, okay, yeah. I hadn’t thought of that.”

Boss: “The other area of concern is the amount of time you spend on your cell phone during the day. We have no issue with taking a quick personal call outside of your breaks, but it’s been brought to our attention that you are constantly doing this every day, throughout the day.”

Intern: “I’m not sure who’s told you that, because I only take personal calls during my breaks.”

Boss: “The CEO brought it to my attention, and I’ve seen you myself.”

[Intern] kept quiet, not knowing what to say to this.

Me: “The bottom line, [Intern], is that you’re a good worker with potential. These are small issues that are easily fixable by you. Now that we’ve told you about them, you can work on fixing them before we meet for your next review in a month’s time. To summarise, I’d recommend that you get into the office about ten to fifteen minutes before 9:00 am so you’ve got time to settle in before you start work. And limit the personal calls to break times only, unless there’s an emergency. And lastly, if there’s an issue, talk to me. Sound okay?”

Intern: “Absolutely. I can definitely fix those things. Thanks so much!”

She did not; it only got worse. By her second review meeting, it was most of the above conversation all over again. By the third, we told her we were not extending her contract. 

The funniest part? She was not from Ireland and happened to be from a country another colleague was from, as well. I asked that colleague if this was normal behaviour there, and she said it absolutely was not. She also said that she’d talked to [Intern] herself to try and explain that it’s quite normal around the world to get into work before your start time to settle in, grab a coffee, etc. [Intern] had asked her, “Is that an Irish thing?”

A new assistant recently started working with us, and for the first week, she was fine. She fit in with the rest of us, worked well, and was friendly.

After a week, she announced:

New Assistant: “I’m pregnant! I’m going to leave to take my maternity leave after my first six months are up. That way, I get my maternity pay.”

Manager: “I don’t think so. You have to work your six months before you get pregnant.”

New Assistant: “Oh… I thought I could just do six months, and then I’d be entitled to it.”

Manager: “Nope.”

She went home that evening and never came back.