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The Biggest Stink Is Coming From Someone Else

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2021

I’m a manager at my furniture store, and it’s nearing the holiday season. We’re running a promotion, which is keeping the store hopping. A middle-aged woman approaches me and wants to know why the ladies’ room smells so bad.

I go check it out, fearing the worst as only a retail person can. I don’t smell anything outside the door, so there is nothing concerning at first blush.

I walk in, and I notice by the tennis shoes that someone is in a stall. From the sound and smell of things, that person is working on a number two. Since I hear the appropriate sounds of someone taking a dump in the actual toilet and not an existential horror of an “art” project, I have no objections.

I leave quietly, and the middle-aged woman is practically right in my face before I can take three steps. 

Customer: “Well? Why does it smell so bad?”

Me: “Someone is in the stall using the toilet and most likely that is the source of the odor.”

Customer: “You should do something about that!”

Me: “We cannot control people’s bodily functions. If you are able, just wait a few minutes after the person is done and let our fans do the work. Then it won’t smell so bad.”

Customer: “Oh! I don’t have to go to the bathroom. I just wanted to know what the smell was!”

Me: *Thoroughly disgusted* “Let me get this straight; you just go around smelling bathrooms that you don’t even need to go into?”

Customer: “Well, you’re an employee! I would expect you to take care of problems!”

Me: *Now angry* “Ma’am, look how busy the store is. You could have figured it out for yourself if you had taken the time to pay attention for a single minute. Instead, you interrupted my job and apparently hoped that I would waste my time harassing someone who is behaving perfectly appropriately? Lady, is there something wrong with you?”

The woman turned red, turned around, and stormed out. And yes, a later check showed that there were no horrors to be found in the restroom.

Ignore The Signs And It’ll Bite You In The Butt

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: H_S_P | October 19, 2021

I work for a company that does commercial cleaning jobs, mostly restrooms, in businesses around the area. I have a big machine I use to pressure wash bathrooms that has a cleaning chemical in the water. I put up plenty of signs while I clean that say the bathrooms are closed for cleaning. The ones I have hang at eye-level in the door frames and you have to physically duck to get under them.

I frequently get people who come up and look at the signs and ask if they can use the restrooms. I always politely say no because they’re closed for cleaning, and I have a cleaning chemical on all of the fixtures. They usually are fine with that and either wait or go to a different restroom.

I clean both the men’s and women’s at the same time when I do these, so sometimes, I’ll be inside of one of the restrooms and not see someone sneak into the other one to use it. This means I have to sit there and wait for them to finish before I can finish cleaning that restroom. If they’re fast, I might just give them a look, but if they cost me a lot of time, I’ll tell them that I hope they don’t get a rash.

They usually get confused, so I explain that the chemicals I spray on the fixtures are harmful to the skin and that’s why I have to close the restrooms while I work. I usually put on a worried, sympathetic face and tell them that they may want to go take a shower as quickly as possible; otherwise, it might get really uncomfortable to sit down for the next few weeks. This usually freaks them out a bit and they rush away.

Our chemicals are actually pretty harmless, so long as it’s not straight from the jug of undiluted stuff. If I’ve sprayed it through the machine, it’s been heavily diluted so it won’t ever cause a problem, but that fear feels really good to see on someone who thought the rules didn’t matter to them.

Sometimes Instant Karma Is A Little Gross

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 11, 2021

I’m non-binary, which means that even though I physically present male, I don’t care what gender I’m associated with. I’ll usually dress neutrally, but sometimes I dress more feminine. When this story takes place, I am wearing a feminine top and a woman’s jacket with camouflage pants. I’m in the bathroom at a fast food restaurant when a man comes up behind me.

Man: “Hey, [transphobic slur]!”

Before I can even turn around and while I’m still using the urinal, the man grabs my shoulder and spins me around. He did this so suddenly, I didn’t have much time to react and I accidentally splashed his boots with… well, you know. 

Man: “UGH! WHAT THE F***, MAN?!”

He then sprints out of the bathroom. Shaken up but thinking this is the end of the encounter, I finish my business and walk out of the bathroom. A manager stops me before I reach the food counter to place my order. The man is with him and looks really angry.

Manager: “This man says you peed on him in the bathroom because he asked to use the urinal next. You need to leave or I’ll be calling the police.”

Man: “And you’d better apologize to me, you [transphobic slur]!”

Me: “Um… actually, you yanked me away from the urinal while I was using it.”

Man: “That’s a lie!” *To the manager* “This [transphobic slur] and people like him should be locked in jail! They’re mentally diseased!”

Me: *Stunned* “But… you’re the one yelling insults at strangers.”

Manager: “I don’t care who started this.” *Looks at me* “You need to leave now or the cops will be called.” *Looks at the man* “You need to leave, too.”

Man: “But why me? I’m the victim! This [transphobic slur] peed all over me!”

I’m not usually a confrontational person, so I complied with the manager and left the restaurant. I didn’t see how the rest of it went down, but I did pass by a cop with flashing lights on my way home.

Wash Your Hands And Watch Your Mouth

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Gabi_Babii | July 6, 2021

I’m visiting my mother at work today. My mum works in an office that gives out documents for truck drivers. Like every employee, my mother has keys to the office staff toilets, whereas the drivers don’t have them and have to use another, paid toilet. In order not to lose money, my mother usually gives me these keys.

My mother has always told me that the women in her work were terribly messy. There was often water spilled over the sink, paper was all over the floor around the toilets, and sometimes the women didn’t flush after using the toilet.

When I went to the toilet, the first thing I saw was a stack of pizza boxes standing on the sink, just left by some woman. Who does that?

I hate mess. When I see something being messed up, I can’t walk past it, and I just clean it up.

So, I take those pizza boxes, fold them up, and throw them in the trash. And then, I see a big puddle of water on the floor. Great. I get some paper towels and start wiping it up. Then, a woman comes into the toilet. She walks past me, ignoring me. I have not even finished wiping the floor when the woman shouts.

Woman: “THERE’S NO PAPER!”

Me: “Hold on!”

I take the roll of toilet paper, throw it into the toilet cubicle, and go back to mopping the floor. When the woman comes out, she immediately approaches me.

Woman: “Start doing your job seriously.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “You should make sure that there is toilet paper in every cubicle.”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Woman: “You do. Otherwise, why would you be wiping the floor?”

Me: “Because there was a puddle of water?”

Woman: “And why are you wiping it?”

Me: “Because women like you make a mess and leave it for the cleaners to clean up later!”

Woman: “That’s what cleaners like you are for. By the way, wipe around the toilet. It’s dirty there.”

Me: *Angry* “I don’t work here. And even if I did, that doesn’t give you the right to humiliate me or anyone else. If there weren’t any cleaners, you’d be walking around with a s***-covered a**.”

I throw the paper in the bin and start to leave. I feel the woman grab my jacket. I turn rapidly toward her.

Me: “Don’t touch me with your dirty hands. I didn’t hear you flush the toilet. You are disgusting.”

The woman was shocked. I fixed my jacket and left the toilet.

Who’s The Real Baby Here?

, , , | Right | CREDIT: TheMidwestD**e | June 16, 2021

I work at a local sub shop in my town. We have single-stall bathrooms — the kind where you walk in and the toilet and sink are next to each other and you have to lock the door behind yourself. We have baby changing tables in both the women’s and men’s bathrooms because single fathers exist.

A customer orders his sandwich and heads into the bathroom. A moment later, he storms out of the bathroom and snaps his fingers at me.

Customer: “Hey, kid!”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “Why is there one of them women’s things in the men’s bathroom?”

I have no clue what he’s talking about.

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “One of them girly tables for the babies — you have one in the man bathroom!”

Me: “Oh, the changing table? Yes, sir, we have one in both bathrooms.”

He huffs and puts his hands on his hips in an exaggerated fashion.

Customer: “Well, why is that?”

Me: “So that men can change their babies’ diapers if they need to.”

Customer: “That’s the wife’s job. Why are you promoting men to be like women?!”

Me: “Sometimes single fathers come in, or it’ll just be a dad and his kids. It’s just there for convenience.”

Customer: “It makes me feel like a woman. I don’t need it in the men’s bathroom.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Honestly, I am past the point of caring and am just trying to appease him so he’ll leave me alone.

Customer: “Well, I don’t need to use it!”

Me: “Sir, you’re not obligated to use the baby changing table.”

He just stares at me with his mouth hanging open before shaking his head, sighing, and saying to himself:

Customer: “I can’t believe these d*** kids.”