Hopefully They’re Not Taking Physics

, , , | Right | August 8, 2017

Customer: “Hello, I’m going back to college as a mature student and I need a bag that’s easy on my back and light.”

Me: “Okay, the best bag for your back carrying college books would be a backpack. It spreads the weight evenly.”

Customer: “Oh, no, no. I’m a mature student and I just couldn’t wear one of those. I’m too old. I need something over the shoulder, but light, very light. I’ll have lots of books.”

Me: “I wouldn’t say you’re too old but whatever you prefer. If you have a lot of books then I’d recommend this black nylon satchel with metal clips. It should last you and it’s a very light material.”

(She takes the satchel and off she pops. Next weekend however she’s back.)

Customer: “Hello, I bought this here last week and it was very light but when I took it home and put books in it, it was heavy. Can I exchange it?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, why not?”

Use Cerebro To Make It So

, , , | Romantic | August 5, 2017

(My husband and I are watching one of the X-men movies.)

Me: “No, Captain Picard! That’s a terrible idea; why would you do that?”

Husband: “You do know that’s Professor X right?”

Me: “He’ll always be Captain Picard to me.”

That’ll Teach You To Put A Sock In It

, , | Romantic | July 20, 2017

(My husband is getting ready for work. He takes a rolled up pair of socks and complains that I paired up two wrong socks, which appear to be completely alike except one is a bit longer than the other. I am lying in bed at the moment and we are bantering, me claiming that it’s just one shrinking and the other not, and he busting me for being bad at pairing socks. Then an idea pops into my head. I lift up my shirt and smile. My husband starts walking towards me with a smile, too, and reaches for my boobs.)

Me: “So, you like that?”

Husband: *smiling* “Of course.”

Me: “Despite the fact that one is a bit bigger than the other? So I guess the socks are just fine, then.”

First Date With Bill

, , | Romantic | June 29, 2017

(I’m on a first date with a guy I met through friends. We’re having dinner and drinks in a bar I frequent a lot. He even commented on how the wait staff greeted me by my first name when we arrived, thinking it was funny! It’s come to the end of the night and I’ve been having a great time so far.)

Me: “Thank you so much for a lovely evening! I’ve really enjoyed it.”

Date: “Me, too! We should do this again sometime.”

Me: *I take out my purse* “Sounds good! We should probably ask for the bill though. I hate to cut the evening short but I’ve got work tomorrow and need to catch the last bus home.”

Date: “Yeah… hey, I’ve got this! My treat!”

Me: “Are you sure? Thank you!”

(He goes up to the bar to pay because the restaurant is very busy and there are no servers available. I take that time to double check the bus times on my phone. When he comes back we leave the restaurant together and then go our separate ways. A few days later I’m back at the restaurant for lunch when the manager approaches me…)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name]! Can I talk to you really quickly?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, [Manager]. What’s up?”

Manager: “I just need you to settle up that bill from the other night! You forgot to pay on the way out.”

Me: “What bill?”

Manager: “The bill from your date! It’s all right; we all forget sometimes! How did your date go, by the way?”

(So it turned out the guy asked the bartender to put the bill ‘on her tab’… I tried to text him about it but he blocked my number immediately and then went on to tell our mutual friends the date was ‘a disaster.’ I haven’t seen or heard from him since, but apparently my friends don’t hang out with him anymore either.)

Just Plane Stupid

, , , , | Learning | June 28, 2017

One time in Physics I got bored and made a paper plane out of a page from my notebook. I then asked the teacher in the middle of class whether he’d let me fly it through a Bunsen burner flame. I can’t remember why I thought it was even remotely a good idea to ask, especially given that the closest thing I had to a justification was “I wonder if it’ll catch fire mid-air.”

He let me do it after the class was finished. He justified it afterwards as a demonstration of how convection worked, despite that we’d done convection two months or so previously.

It didn’t catch fire, by the way.

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