This Is Why You Keep Your Work Life And Personal Life Separate

This happened several years ago. After onboarding a new job, I was told I could hire an assistant. The Human Resources director handed me a stack of resumes, told me about a friend’s daughter, and bumped “Kat” to the top of my interview list. Kat passed the tech test with high scores and interviewed well, so I hired her.

Kat showed up to work on time, had a good attitude, performed well on assignments, and was generally a pleasant person all around. After probation, Kat was excited to tell me that her last raise was enough to get an apartment with her boyfriend.

A couple of months after her raise, I started to notice [HR Director] spending an inordinate amount of time talking to Kat. The conversations sounded personal and cordial, and [HR Director] was friends with Kat’s mom, so I didn’t think much about it… until one day when [HR Director] barged into my office.

HR Director: “Did you know Kat moved into an apartment with her boyfriend?”

Me: “I might have heard something about that.”

HR Director: “Well, Kat is pregnant and her mom is devastated…”

And she proceeded to fill me in on the details of Kat’s personal life.

Feeling uncomfortable, I interrupted, acting like I had a lot going on.

Me: “This really isn’t any of my business. If there’s something related to Kat’s performance that we need to discuss, please fill me in, but as for me, Kat is doing a great job.”

A few months passed. Kat’s baby bump was starting to show. [HR Director] came to my office again.

HR Director: “Kat is not in compliance with the dress code.”

At the last staff meeting, [HR Director] had handed out a dress code policy with a collage of various women’s shoes, dresses, and suits presumably cut from fashion magazines to assist us in determining what was acceptable and what was not. I picked up the policy and the Clipart sheets with a stare reminiscent of Jack Nicholson’s “I’m Of A Mind To Make Some Mookie!” Batman/Joker scene.

As I began to spread the Clipart around my desk, I said:

Me: “Is she wearing something in the ‘not allowed’ clippings?”

HR Director: “She isn’t wearing maternity clothes!”

She pointed to the bullet point about maternity clothes in the policy.

Me: “Well, the policy clearly says maternity wear is allowed. Kat is clearly pregnant and she is wearing clothes, so…”

HR Director: “You know what I mean when I say, ‘maternity clothes’. I mean clothes from a maternity store!”

I told [HR Director] that I would talk to Kat, which I did. Kat filled me in that there was some drama with her mom not liking her boyfriend, that [HR Director] was involved, etc. I just told her to read the policy and be sure she complied — and no matter what, to trust me: I had her back.

The next day, [HR Director] was in my office telling me that Kat was again not in compliance with the dress code. At this point, [HR Director] knew I was getting frustrated.

Me: “Okay. I’ll talk to her again. This time, I want you present because I’m going to give her a formal warning and assign remedial training.”

I brought Kat into my office with [HR Director] present and formally read off my prepared statement, making it clear that it would go into her permanent file.

Me: “Kat, you were given a verbal warning yesterday to comply with this dress code. Because it is not clear to me what is or is not a violation of this policy, you are to report to the Human Resources office ten minutes early every morning for the next two weeks for dress code inspection. Report to me if HR finds your dress unfit. If you are found to be in violation of this policy and are unable to correct your dress before the start of the work day, your employment will be terminated.”

By the time I was finished, Kat was tearing up and [HR Director] was staring at the floor, speechless. I dismissed Kat.

Me: *To [HR Director]* “I hope that this is the last I hear about this, because if I hear about it again, I’ll fire her.”

[HR Director], speechless, walked out of my office.

I told Kat not to worry about any of this; we had them where we wanted them. So, for a week, Kat reported to me that her clothes were fine per HR inspection. At the beginning of the second week, she was chuckling and telling me:

Kat: “[HR Director] told me that I look ‘very nice’ today.”

Attitudes began to change and everyone was smiling.

I got called to the red carpet by the CEO. He tried to keep a straight face as he recited what he heard was going on and asked me to cut the remedial training short because it was embarrassing the HR staff.

Me: *Straight-faced* “Well, [CEO], if I stopped the remedial training, I’d have to fire Kat. Company Policy clearly states that failure to complete a formal remediation plan is immediate termination. It is very clear. There is zero tolerance.”

CEO: “You can’t fire a pregnant woman for what she wears. I’m asking… No, I’m telling you to stop.”

Me: “Stop following company policy?”

Laughing, he conceded.

CEO: “Okay. I am rescinding that ridiculous dress code policy effective immediately.”