I did three years working at the Grand Canyon but there was really only one tourist interaction that broke me:

Tourist: “So the other side… is that Canada?”

Before I could respond, another tourist beat me to it.

Other Tourist: “Are you stupid? Have you seen a map?”

Me: “Now, sir, there’s no need to—”

Other Tourist: “—It’s Mexico on the other side!”

Tourist: “Oh. Yeah, I guess that makes more sense. It’s not snowing on that side…”

We’ve just finished walking a relatively relaxed and well-marked trail in a national park. The trail is paved the whole way and has regular trash cans, so it’s designed for the most relaxed and casual strolls while still taking in some pretty sights.

I see a park ranger as we end the loop, close to the visitor’s center.

Me: “Hi, I noticed one of the trash cans might have been raided by some raccoons or maybe a bear? There’s stuff everywhere.”

Park Ranger: “Yeah, that happens occasionally. We have staff making regular inspections so they’ll find it.”

My Dad: “Why don’t you make the trash cans more resistant to tampering by bears and raccoons?”

Park Ranger: “Well, when you look at the intelligence of the smartest bears and raccoons compared to the dumbest tourists, it turns out that there is quite an overlap…”

I am giving a tour in the Glacier National Park, which as the name suggests, includes glaciers. I am explaining glacier formation on a shoreline facing a glacier in the distance. Large chunks of ice can be found all over the lake, and some have washed ashore. 

As I am giving the tour, one of the tourists picks up some glacier ice and puts it in her pocket.

Me: “Ma’am, what are you doing?”

Tourist: “You said this ice has lasted a thousand years?”

Me: “Yes?”

Tourist: “Then it’ll last until I get it home.”

I’m working at a visitor’s center in a large national park near the Canadian border.

Tourist: “What time will the moose be here tomorrow morning?”

Me: “Uh, well, they’re wild animals and don’t really stick to a schedule.”

Tourist: “But I need to see one!”

Me: “I wouldn’t recommend going out to look for them or approaching them, ma’am. If you walk the normal trails, though, there is a good chance you’ll see one this time of year.”

Tourist: “I want to hug a moose.”

Me: “Please don’t do that.”

Tourist: “But… I want to.”

Me: “Please don’t do that.”

Tourist: *Walking away* “I’ll hug a little one.”

My grade went on a field trip to a national park. We were split into several groups, each supervised by a different adult. Most of these groups managed to follow their assigned trails, break for lunch, and get back to the buses within the assigned time frame.

Not my group. Things started going wrong immediately. Our adult let us vote on which path to take, and we chose the longest hiking route — one that simple math showed would be impossible to complete before pick-up time. Not that anyone listened to me trying to point it out.

Then, a few kilometers in, we took a wrong turn. I’ve hiked before, and I was familiar with the path markers. The adult in charge was not. I tried to tell him it was the wrong route, but he didn’t want to listen to a little girl.

The new route we were on did not circle back to the parking lot at all.

Our adult did, at some point, figure out that something was wrong. Unfortunately, his solution was twofold: he refused to let us stop for a lunch break, and he took us off of the marked paths.

I tried to tell him that we should either sit and wait until rescued or turn around and follow the path back, and that eating lunch would help us feel and think better. I think that made him more convinced his idea was correct. He did not like the idea of listening to a little girl.

Long story short, the sun was starting to set when the park rangers found us and led us out of the park.

The kicker is that our group’s adult wasn’t a teacher and didn’t have any wilderness or educational training. He was the adult layabout son of the vice principal and had been voluntold to lead a group. He’d mismanaged other events for the school in the past, but none to this extent.

I don’t know what punishment he suffered as a result of his repeated mistakes (I cheerfully told the park rangers everything he did wrong as we were walking back), but he never showed up to participate in a school event again.