Canned Tomatoes To You, Too!

, , , | Right | February 1, 2019

(I’m working in a grocery store, straightening up the cans of tomatoes on the shelf.)

Customer: “Canned tomatoes?”

(That’s what she opened with. No “hello,” no “excuse me,” not alerting me to her presence in any way, shape, or form. I’m about to transfer to a different department and I don’t really care anymore.)

Me: “We have them.”

Customer: *really cranky with me now* “Well, where are they?”

Me: *pointing to the shelf directly in front of her* “Right here.”

(She snatched the cans off the shelf and grumbled out of my life forever.)

Price Check What The Heck!

, , , , , | Right | November 18, 2018

(I am a cashier in a large retail store. I have a line of three people come up all at once.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer #1: “Price check this dress.”

Me: “Sure thing!” *I price check it, which takes less than a minute* “Alrighty, this dress is $22.”

Customer: “Okay. Also, there was a white dress just like this one right next to it but it had a belt; this one doesn’t.”

Me: “Oh! Perhaps it got removed when someone was trying it on and got left behind by accident. It may still be in a dressing room, or maybe they brought it to accessories.”

Customer #1: “Um, so go get it?”

Me: “Well… I have a few other people in line behind you. My manager would chew me out if I just left people at the register and didn’t help them. I could call someone over to help you if you’d like!”

Customer #1: “Ugh. Never f****** mind. You guys are all so f****** lazy.” *she throws the dress down and stomps away*

(The next customer steps up.)

Customer #2: *loud enough so [Customer #1] can hear her* “Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to waste your time to go get something for me if I could easily do it myself!”

Not Too Chicken To Have Your Back

, , , , , , | Right | September 25, 2018

(I have just started work as a cashier. An older woman comes through my checkout lane. We talk, and I ask her how her day is going, etc. I finally scan her rotisserie chicken through and it rings up $8.99. She gets all up in arms.)

Customer: “That is supposed to be $5.99.”

(I look at the chicken, and sure enough, in red it says $5.99. I apologize for my error and flip my light so my supervisor can come over to fix it, since I can’t void anything over a certain amount. Apparently, this doesn’t satisfy her.)

Customer: “No, I want it fixed now, or it won’t get done.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do anyth—”

Customer: “You don’t talk to me like that! I’m the customer; you’re not! Now, fix it!”

Me: “Ma’am I honestly—”

Customer: “Stop talking! Stop! Fix it.”

(At this point, everyone in the store is watching, and I shoot a glance around for my supervisor.)

Customer: “Do you like your job? Do you want to keep your job? I’m calling corporate and you won’t have a job anymore. How’s that sound?”

(Finally my supervisor walks over.)

Supervisor: “I’m there a problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “That chicken is supposed to be $5.99, not $8.99. I want it fixed now, and she won’t do it!”

Supervisor: “That’s because she needs a manager to do it. I’ll get that fixed for you right away.”

(I walk away from my station to get a drink, thinking that when I get back she’ll be gone because the supervisor is handling it. Nope. She WAITS for me to come back so she can yell at me some more. I avoid eye contact because I am about as done as could be. She REACHES OVER my counter and pulls my face to look at her.)

Customer: “I’m the customer. You’re not. Once I get a hold of corporate, you won’t have a job anymore, understand?”

(Our store director interferes. The customer yells at him and tells him that I’ve been disrespectful. He responds:)

Store Director: “I’ve been watching the whole scene unfold, ma’am. She did her job. I will also be getting a hold of corporate, and you are no longer welcome in this store.”

(She left in a huff, ranting and raving that our store was not the only store she could go to. However, after chatting with some colleagues who had been here far longer, it turned out she’d been banned from several grocery stores in town because of her behavior.)

This Conversation Died And Won’t Rise Again Three Days Later

, , , , | Working | June 21, 2018

(It’s Easter Sunday and I’m riding up an elevator at work with a coworker. We work at a hospital.)

Coworker: “Happy Easter.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s not a happy Easter for me.”

Coworker: “Well, for us Christians, it is.”

Me: “My mother-in-law just passed away; how’s that for a ‘Happy Easter’?”

(My coworker just looked at me and asked what her name was, I was like, “Nope, not going to happen.” You don’t get to know her name because you jumped to conclusions. Luckily, my stop was next and I was able to get off the elevator without anything further said. But really, why would you instantly go and assume I’m not a Christian just because I said it wasn’t a happy Easter for me?)

Give Me A 49th Chance!

, , | | Legal | May 24, 2018

(The defendant has been found guilty of public urination. After a police officer was requested to make him leave an event at the local community center, [Defendant] insisted on taking a long piss out of his wheelchair in the community center parking lot, all captured for posterity on the officer’s body camera. This is his fourth arrest — and conviction — on misdemeanor offenses in the last six months. [Defendant] is representing himself.)

Judge: “Ready for sentencing? Does the State have any recommendations?”

State’s Attorney: “Well, Your Honor, [Defendant] is a frequent flyer in the criminal justice system. Over the years, he’s been found guilty of…”

(The list the State’s Attorney reads from has 48 convictions that range from public drunkenness to felony possession and ingestion of controlled substances, with forays into disorderly conduct, various levels of theft, violation of a protection order, simple assault/domestic abuse, and driving while intoxicated.)

State’s Attorney: “…recommend [maximum jail time for the crime].”

Judge: “Do you have anything you’d like to say, [Defendant]?”

Defendant: “People can change, Judge.”

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