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You Being A Doctor Doesn’t Make Us Telepathic

, , , , | Right | September 27, 2021

I work at an academic library. We are currently closed to the public. We have one bathroom upstairs for library patrons only. There is a public bathroom just around the corner on the school part of the building, and it’s actually closer and easier to get to than our library bathroom as it’s on the same floor and has an automatic door. Throughout the day, we see many people from various different departments, nearby schools, etc.

A patron walks in, wearing a mask and dressed very casually. I’m sitting in my office but I can hear everything going on from there. The man clears his throat pointedly.

Male Visitor: “Where is the bathroom?”

Female Coworker: “Let me show you where the public bathrooms a—”

He cuts her off.

Male Visitor: “Is the library bathroom broken?”

Female Coworker: “N-No. But let me show you where the pub—”

He cuts her off once more, deepening his voice.


My coworker finally convinces him to let her show him the public bathrooms. He comes back. This time our boss is also here. The visitor jabs his finger at my coworker.

Male Visitor: “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Dr. [Male Visitor]. I donate a lot of money to this school. I know [Person high up at the school]. Next time I ask you to use your bathroom, YOU LET ME USE YOUR BATHROOM!”

He glares at them both, turns on his heel, probably propelled by the panicked breathing of my coworker, and leaves. My two coworkers are standing there, shocked.

Our Boss: “It’s okay, don’t worry. I’ll let [Head Of Libraries] know what happened in case he reports you. I have your back.”

Maybe my coworker should’ve asked if he was affiliated with the school. But our next visitor after that was a person of the public who was looking for a different building and looked just as professional or authoritative as the rude guy. We can’t recognize everyone. But now we’ll definitely remember him.

Also, apparently, he had told my coworker that he had come from the same part of the building as the bathrooms AND had already walked past them to get to us.

Not Gifted In Honesty

, , , , | Working | September 22, 2021

Caller: “Hello, this is [Caller] from [Company]. At no obligation to you, would you be interested in hearing about a program for your gifted child?”

Me: “Sure.”

The caller goes on to explain the program. It’s one of those programs where you get activities every month.

Caller: “So, at no obligation to you, would you be interested in receiving the first month’s activities for your gifted child?”

Me: “Sure.”

Caller: “Okay, how many children do you have?”

Me: “Two.”

Caller: “And how old are they?”

Me: “Five and ten years old.”

Caller: “And which one is gifted?”

Me: “Both.”

Caller: “Both?”

Me: “Yes.” 

The ten-year-old is in the gifted program at school. The five-year-old is reading at a fourth-grade reading level and their kindergarten teacher is going to recommend them for the gifted program.

Caller: “Okay.”

The caller continues to take my information.

Caller: “Now I just need your credit card number.”

Me: “What?”

Caller: “I need your credit card number.”

Me: “Why?”

Caller: “To complete the sign-up for the program.”

Me: “But you said there was no obligation to me.”

Caller: “There isn’t. I just need your credit card number.”

Me: “You said there was no obligation to me.”

Caller: “I need your credit card number to send the program to you.”

Me: “If there is no obligation to me, then I’m not obliged to give you my credit card number. Send me the information and the activity so I can decide if I want to purchase the program.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone and then the caller hung up. I never did receive the activity or any information about the program.

They Could Hear Us Groaning In Montana

, , , , , | Working | September 1, 2021

The boss is working out of state to assist a different location, so my coworkers and I have to update a location log to show where he is. 

Coworker: “Is Montana ‘MT’?”

Me: “No, I’m pretty there are people somewhere in that state.”

My coworker cracked up laughing.

I’ve Suddenly Lost My Appetite

, , , , | Working | July 2, 2021

I have just started my new job as a librarian. It’s our holiday party and I’m sitting with a few coworkers. I don’t remember what we are talking about, but one of my only coworkers close to my age sits next to me and I do remember what she says next.

Coworker: “So, I was reading about consensual cannibalism…”

Trying To Lord It Over You From The Drive-Thru

, , , , , | Right | May 27, 2020

I live in one of few states not under full quarantine yet. Many restaurants are closed except for drive-thru, including ours. A coworker of mine is taking orders through drive-thru.

Customer: “Do you read the Bible, [Coworker]?

Coworker: “No, I’m not religious.”

The customer starts ranting.

Customer: “This disease is a punishment from God! Repent while you still have time!”

She simply took his order and then he went to the next window asking the same question, again ranting when given the same answer. A few minutes later, the same customer went through the drive-thru again, this time blowing a trumpet. We still don’t know what the deal was but everyone was talking about “trumpet guy” by the end of the day.