Finally Got Your Goat

, , , , , | Friendly | December 12, 2017

(We farm goats. Sometimes first-time nanny goats have twins, and sometimes they reject one of the twins. When this happens, we have to bottle-feed the rejected kid. The first few weeks, it’s pretty much a 24/7 proposition, but not one that’s too hard to take as kids are mobile pretty much from the get-go, and small enough to be portable. It also helps that they’re adorable. Rather than cancel a camping trip, I take a red-brown female kid trailer-camping with my family.)

Campers #1, #2, and #3: *all separate occasions* “What kind of a dog is that?”

Me: “She’s not a dog; she’s a goat. I’m bottle-raising her.”

(Reactions range from “cool!” to “that’s stupid,” and I quickly grow weary of folk who can’t tell a goat from a dog.)

Camper #4: “What kind of a dog is that?”

Me: “She’s a Chupacabra-doodle.”

Unfiltered Story #101503

, , | Unfiltered | December 8, 2017

(Our seventh-grade science class is learning about genetics and heredity. The teacher has us make bracelets based on what traits we have, dimples, cleft chin, widow’s peak, etc. There are three people of note in this story. Me, a short, chubby blonde, and a pair of identical twins, [Twin #1] and [Twin #2]. They are both very tall for their age, are very skinny, and have short black hair. We are looking around the room to see if there are any of our ‘twins’ around the classroom. I have just compared bracelets with [Twin #2].)

Twin #2: “Oh my god! We match! [Teacher], look, my twin!”

Me: *laughing* “Looks like I’m more of your twin than your actual twin! Look, the bracelets don’t match!”

Teacher: *also laughing* “Well, looks like you have a new twin, [Twin #2]!”

Me: “Ready and willing to fill the position!”

(At the end of the school day, we said “Bye twin!” to each other. I guess I have a twin now.)

What A Sweet Gesture

, , , , , | Hopeless | November 23, 2017

(I am working a long shift at the thrift store, and have not eaten for a while. A customer approaches me with a plastic bag with some white thing inside.)

Customer: “Hi! Who is the manager now?”

Me: “Well, that would be [Manager].”

Customer: “Oh. Well, is she out on the floor?”

Me: “No, ma’am. She’s in the back. Would you like me to call her up for you?”

Customer: “No, no, that’s fine. How many people are working today?”

Me: “Three.”

Customer: “Only three?! Well, I guess you each get a box.”

(She pulled three boxes of delicious-looking caramel rolls out of her bag and walked out, after I thanked her profusely. Not all customers are horrible!)

A Performance That Brings You To Tears

, , , , , | Learning | November 20, 2017

(We are rehearsing for a performance of the play “Oz.” As a middle school, the acting is about what you would expect. I am a tech, sitting in the audience. [Student] is playing The Wicked Witch of the West.)

Teacher: “You aren’t scary enough, [Student]! When you come onstage I want tiny children crying!”

Creating Colorful Memories

, , , , | Related | June 22, 2017

(My family is on vacation in South Dakota. I’m eight and my sister is seven at the time. We are going to Deadwood to see the shops and the gunfight. My mom is explaining what it should be like.)

Mom: “It’s going to be just like one of the movies your dad watches.”

Sister: “Will it be in color?”

(30 years later we still give her grief about it.)