I’ve Suddenly Lost My Appetite

, , , , | Working | July 2, 2021

I have just started my new job as a librarian. It’s our holiday party and I’m sitting with a few coworkers. I don’t remember what we are talking about, but one of my only coworkers close to my age sits next to me and I do remember what she says next.

Coworker: “So, I was reading about consensual cannibalism…”

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Trying To Lord It Over You From The Drive-Thru

, , , , , | Right | May 27, 2020

I live in one of few states not under full quarantine yet. Many restaurants are closed except for drive-thru, including ours. A coworker of mine is taking orders through drive-thru.

Customer: “Do you read the Bible, [Coworker]?

Coworker: “No, I’m not religious.”

The customer starts ranting.

Customer: “This disease is a punishment from God! Repent while you still have time!”

She simply took his order and then he went to the next window asking the same question, again ranting when given the same answer. A few minutes later, the same customer went through the drive-thru again, this time blowing a trumpet. We still don’t know what the deal was but everyone was talking about “trumpet guy” by the end of the day.

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What A Weird Queso-tion

, , , | Right | May 14, 2020

Customer: “Do you have that melted cheese sauce?”

Me: “Yes, we have chile con queso.”

Customer: “Is it cheesy?”

Me: “…?”

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Customers So Bad They Manage To Make Salad Even Worse

, , , | Right | May 7, 2020

I work at the salad bar in a grocery store. At around 8:00 pm we start to take it down to clean it so I go through the dining room telling customers:

Me: “We’re just about to take down the salad bar if you want to get something quickly.”

Customer: “Can I get some food quickly?”

I agree. I unplug the soup pans so they can cool down. When I get back, I hear the woman on her phone saying:

Customer: “—yes, you can come, too.”

A few minutes later she, another woman, and a few kids are all getting food. Fifteen minutes later, I’m bringing back cleaning supplies to clean the area and they’re still getting food.

Me: “Are you almost done? I really need to take it down.”

Customer: “I haven’t got my food yet.”

My coworkers and I wound up finishing it almost a half-hour later than usual because they wouldn’t leave. We became much more strict about it after that. You can get a bowl of soup or a plate of salad, but you only have five minutes to get food. No exceptions.

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Don’t Dirty Yourself By Stooping To Her Level

, , , | Right | April 8, 2020

(I am working an average day at my computer repair job when a woman approaches the counter carrying her copy of the repair order. This isn’t unusual as it’s an easy way to confirm it’s their computer.)

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name]. Are you here to pick up your—”

(She cuts me off by slamming the paper down on the counter.)

Customer: “Look at this and explain it to me!”

(I look it over; she is pointing at the information about the device.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, did we check in the device under the wrong model or serial number and were you shipped the wrong device?”

Customer: “No! Not that! This!”

(She is pointing at the description of the device; under it, my coworker who worked with her has written “dirty.”)

Me: “Well, ma’am, when a device comes in we have to note anything about its physical appearance, including damages, so we know if something was damaged or tampered with while in our possession.”

Customer: “You made it dirty! I see a lot of filth around here! You put scratches on it, too!”

(I continue calmly.)

Me: “Ma’am, your device is not here and is still at service. I apologize if it offended you, but [Coworker] was just doing his job.”

Customer: “It’s my mother’s! If you knew anything about my mother you would realize you could eat off her floor!”

(My manager is on his way because she demanded to see him, but she leaves before he gets there simply leaving a note that she demanded that she be called after everyone was staring.)

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