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Something, Something, Audio Jack, Insertion, Something…

, , , , , , , | Working | April 6, 2022

I overheard a coworker talking to a customer over the phone.

Coworker: “Well, when a Mommy Phone and a Daddy Phone love each other very much, they like to BlueTooth…”

Disclaimer: This May Or May Not Be Legal Where You Live

, , , , , , , | Legal | April 5, 2022

I’m just a witness to the story, and I live in a pretty “out in the boondocks” area of Montana.

It’s a Friday night (years before the global issue) and I’ve just come back from the movies. That soda hit me pretty hard, so I make an emergency stop at a gas station to take care of business.

I come out, hear the beep of someone coming in the door, and then… clopping noises?

My eyes are probably the size of saucers as I peer around the shelves full of junk food, and sure enough, there’s a brown and white horse inside the gas station. But Flicka isn’t just out on a wander tonight; a guy wearing a T-shirt, blue jeans, and a tan cowboy hat is perched on the horse’s back, having ducked to get through the door.

I’m struggling to process why a guy just rode a horse INTO a convenience store when the convenience store clerk gets his wits together faster than I do.

Clerk: “Uh… Dude… Why are you riding a horse in the store?”

Man: *Slurring a little* “I needed more beer and I was too drunk to drive.”

Because that makes sense.

I was kind of trapped at this point because the horse was standing right in the doorway. I had NO desire to try squeezing past 1,000 pounds of animal that might or might not take exception to me being within kicking distance.

The clerk and the drunk guy start arguing with one another, as while those on horseback cannot be arrested for “driving under the influence,” he could not just ride the horse around inside the store. The drunk guy was arguing that he could not tie the horse up outside, so he just wanted the clerk to let him get his beers with the horse in tow. It went downhill as the clerk refused to sell more alcohol to a person who had already confessed to being drunk.

I ultimately just decided to stand and vibe as the two went back and forth. Then, a vehicle pulled up outside. A local officer got out and just stopped to stare at the giant horse butt in the doorway.

I was looking past the horse at the officer, and our eyes just kind of met. I slowly spread my hands in a shrug. The officer gave a slow facepalm as if to say, “This is going to be that kind of night.”

The officer then cleared his throat and coaxed the man (with horse) back outside, and the two started to have a long discussion. I was finally allowed to escape, so I don’t know how it ended, but I will say that someone drunk driving a horse into a gas station is one of the more interesting encounters I’ve had.

Developing Film Is Becoming A Lost Art

, , , | Right | September 9, 2021

We have a customer who brings in a twelve-exposure film to our camera man to be processed.

Customer: “How soon will it be back?”

Coworker: “Thursday.”

Customer: “Boy, I’m glad I didn’t bring in a twenty-four- or thirty-six-exposure film, that would take forever to come back!”

Makes sense to me!

Had The Gall To Share That With You

, , , , , | Right | September 9, 2021

I’m chatting with a strange but pleasant elderly lady customer.

Customer: “Look what I have in my purse!”

It contains some polished rocks, or shells, or pearls. Upon her offering, I take several out and look at them curiously.

Customer: “These are the gallstones they took out of me last week.”

I hope I didn’t toss them back into the purse too quickly.

Ah, Parents, Part 4

, , , , , | Right | July 21, 2021

I work at a large retail store chain. A regular customer comes in.

Customer: “You guys always help me with what I need!”

Me: “We try!”

Customer: “I know, and I thank you for that. But I need you to watch my kid while I shop at [Rival Store].”

Me: “Um, no, sorry, that’s not something we can do.”

Customer: “Oh, is it because I’m not shopping here today?”

Me: “No, even if you were shopping here today, we still couldn’t watch your son for you.”

Customer: *Turning red* “I need a babysitter while I shop, and my last one just quit on me!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, but we could get in trouble because we aren’t a licensed daycare. You have to take him with you.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I’m leaving him here. I’ll only be gone for two hours at the most. Just watch him and feed him if you need to! He likes breast milk, and it looks like you have plenty. Now, goodbye!”

She stormed off. I called my manager and told her the situation. She didn’t believe me at first, but I told her to go watch the cameras. She did, and when she came back, she was on the phone with the police. Meanwhile, the kid was starting to realize that his mom had just left him, and he was starting to get upset. We called over a couple of employees to watch him until the police arrived.

They arrived quickly, and they watched the cameras, too. I told them the regular customer’s name and where she told me she’d be, along with the name of his father, who is also a regular. They managed to reach him on his cell phone and tell him the situation. He came to pick the child up, and I later learned the mother was arrested for abandonment and child endangerment. She’s been banned from our store, but we sometimes go to the same gas station, and she gives me the finger every time!

Ah, Parents, Part 3
Ah, Parents, Part 2
Ah, Parents