Unfiltered Story #157560

, , , | | Unfiltered | July 13, 2019

I work maintenance for the local mall and one day I was painting one of our barricades blue. (We build barricades to cover up store that have left)

Me: *standing on lift painting*
Mall Customer: “Really? Light Blue?”
Me: “Yup”
Customer: “Why the hell would you choose such a horrid color?”
Me: “I’m Sorry?”
Customer: “That blue is offensively bright, why would you choose such a disgusting color?”
Me: “I didn’t sir, the owner of the mall and the people working in administration select the colors, it is just my job to paint the wall in the color they provide me”
Customer: “Well you should get a different color.”
Me: “I cannot sir, this is the color designated to this barricade, I’m sorry if it offends you, but there is nothing I can do about it.”

The Customer then storms off and starts yelling at guest services about it until security persuaded him to leave the mall.

She’s Really Not Kidding

, , , , , , | | Right | July 8, 2019

(I’m checking a guest in around two am. He keeps asking personal but not really inappropriate questions. I don’t like talking to strangers about anything personal so I keep giving short, polite — as I can — answers and try to get back to checking him in.)

Me: “So, I need you to read and initial the smoking and pet poli—“

Guest: “So, are you married?”

Me: “No, sir. If you would just initial here and—“

Guest: “Why not? You want kids, don’t you?”

Me: *forced smile* “And your vehicle information goes here.”

Guest: “You really should think about having kids soon.”

Me: *tired of this* “Oh, I have kids, but if I can’t find a buyer we’ll use the meat ourselves.”

(The guest just stares in horror.)

Me: “My goat had twin boys this year and we can’t keep them so we’re looking for buyers. Now all we need is a signature.”

(The guest signed and I got him his keys. I told my manager in the morning and he laughed. The guest actually apologized at breakfast; I nearly passed out in shock! The goat boys found a weed-eating flock for a home once we wethered them and their mom is an amazing dairy gal so I can’t wait for her to have a girl. Then I will keep a kid!)

On Your Last Gulp Of Patience

, , , , , | | Right | May 11, 2019

A few years ago I decided to get a job waitressing at a “diner” chain known to be very popular with drunks in the night hours. It wasn’t too bad; management was really fair and considered the fact that most of their customers were bats*** crazy.

Every other night, these older gentlemen always came in and demanded coffee and for their cups to never be empty. They always emptied them in two minutes flat. If they had to wait for any length of time, no matter how small, you got no tip. If you weren’t at the table by the time they took their last gulps to fill their cups, you got no tip.

Since they were so incredibly high-maintenance the manager would usually wait on them because the other servers were obviously too busy to wait on these a**holes hand and foot every two minutes. Forget about leaving the pot at the table. “We’re paying to be waited on,” as they always said. The coffee was less than three dollars and it was bottomless.

For some reason beyond anyone’s control, I had to wait on them one night. I thought I’d have a plan: always have a coffee pot reserved for myself so I could accommodate them. I told all the other servers to keep their mitts off of it. I even made an extra pot, just in case. That didn’t work out very well, as they all seemed to just think both pots of coffee were for them and took both of them, anyway.

The old men started complaining about me taking three minutes instead of two. I was still juggling my other tables on top of it all. One of the coffee pots was left unattended, so I snatched it and made a new pot. I decided to leave the d*** thing at their table and accept the fact I wasn’t going to be tipped.

These old men never bought anything else and sat there for at least three hours. I told my manager I would never wait on them if he happened to ask and, frankly, that we’re just losing money on servicing them. My manager never made anyone wait on them again.

Unfiltered Story #144753

, , | Unfiltered | March 25, 2019

(I’m a Park Ranger and I am trying to catch an injured Canada Goose in order to fix it up.  Another ranger and I each have large fishing nets and are sneaking up on the goose.)

(Some girls are giving us funny looks and then begin walking toward us.)

Ranger 1:  “If they come up and ask us what we are catching, let’s tell them we’re catching Honeybadgers.”

Ranger 2:  “Sure.”

(The girls approach us.)

Girls: “What are you trying to catch?”

Rangers 1 and 2, together: “Honeybadgers.”

(The Rangers turn around and continue stalking the goose.)

Girls, whispering: “Did they say Honeybadgers?  We have Honeybadgers here?  I never knew that!”

Try Not To Do That, Deer

, , , , | Romantic | March 1, 2019

(My husband and I make arrangements to buy a used SUV to replace our current one. We’re driving home in the current vehicle, with an appointment to switch vehicles the next weekend.)

Husband: “So, we’re done with the paperwork for the [new SUV]. What happens if we wreck this SUV in the meantime?”

Me: “Well, we’re still insured for this one. We’d have to report to [Insurance Company] and do the deductible and so forth. Big pain, but I’m sure it happens.”

Husband: “We’ll try really hard not to do that.”

(Less than two miles later, my husband spots three deer by the side of the road, and watches them. I’m looking straight ahead and I see the fourth deer — literally a deer in the headlights — in the middle of the road.)

Me: “Watch out! Deer in the road!”

(My husband brakes like mad and swerves around the deer, muttering various expletives. We miss the deer, which finally moves across and off the road.)

Husband: “What did we just say about trying hard not to do that?”

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