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I Smell Time Warp Trouble

, , , , , | Working | February 9, 2016

(In the summer, our major theme park chain has employee movie nights after the park closes. The person in charge of the event posts a list of what we can and cannot do while watching the movies, the most prominent being: “No talking, acting up, or trashing the theater.”

All employees look at the list of movies showing for the summer to plan on what we want to see. When we see “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” a third of the way down the list, a coworker and I go to the person in charge of the event.)

Coworker: “[Supervisor], we want to inform you that there is a movie scheduled on [date] that will violate most if not every rule of the code of conduct list for the movies.”

Supervisor: *looking at the list* “Oh, that movie! It’s a cute musical. It is harmless.”

Me: “[Supervisor], this movie is a cult classic; we guarantee you that people are going to get on stage and act along with the movie, sing along, throw food, etc. You don’t want to be showing this movie.”

Supervisor: “You are lying. No one will do that during the movie, and you are all adults, not children. I have watched this at home many times and have not seen that happen during the movie.”

Coworker: “Have you been to any theater that shows this?”

Supervisor: “No, I don’t go to theaters to watch movies. I wait for them to get released and then watch them at home, as theaters get too noisy to enjoy the movie.”

Me: “Precisely! Things are going to get rowdy during the Rocky Horror Show!”

Supervisor: “No, it won’t. I will not hear any more about this. You are all adults and know how to sit quietly and watch the movie.”

Me & Coworker: “It’s your funeral.”

(The day after the movie, notices are posted all over the backstage areas of the park.)

Notice: “Due to employees getting rowdy last night and trashing the theater during the Rocky Horror Show, we are permanently cancelling the employee movie nights because people can’t behave like adults, and act like children, instead.”

Coworker:  *looks at me* “Called it!”


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A Cookie Monster Always Pays His Debts

, | Friendly | February 3, 2016

(I am chatting over the Internet with a fellow fanfic writer that I am friends with.)

Me: “Hey, I’ve been having some trouble with this chapter. Can you look over it and make sure I have everyone in character?”

Friend: “Okay, just give me a moment. I need to stop crying first before I can read it.”

Me: “Oh, my gosh, is everything okay?”

Friend: “Yeah, everything’s fine. It’s just that I’m writing a multi-chapter Game of Thrones/Sesame Street crossover fanfiction and I just killed Cookie Monster.”

Me: “…”

(I sincerely hope she actually finishes this one and posts it on the Internet because I get the feeling it’s something I really need to read.)


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Keeping Up With All This TV Is Murder

, | Friendly | December 3, 2015

(My best friend for twenty years and I are chatting over Skype. We just came to the theme of TV shows.)

Friend: “Any tips on good shows?”

Me: “Currently I only watch Fargo, Hannibal, and this Danish show, Bridge. Try Hannibal, it is really interesting.”

Friend: “Thanks, buddy! Currently I only watch Elementary, Fargo, Murdoch Mysteries, CSI Cyber, Bones, iZOMBiE, Constantine, Daredevil, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries…”

(Pause.)

Friend: “Jesus Christ, I need help!”


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The Red Wedding Cake Is A Lie

, , , , , | Related | November 15, 2015

(Mom is working on a crossword puzzle. My sister and I are fans of George R.R. Martin’s “Song of Fire and Ice” books and have read all of them, and we’ve watched most “Game of Thrones” episodes.)

Mom: “This answer doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “What is it?”

Mom: “The clue says, ‘Realm of Robb Stark from Game of Thrones with “the”.'”

Me: “North.”

Mom: “But the answer says ‘icing’ and the other words are right.”

Me: “Let me see that.” *reads puzzle* “Oh, the clue about Robb is number 30. ‘Icing’ is the answer to the one next to it, see? 29 says, ‘It might say, “Happy Birthday”.’”

Sister: “King of the North!”

Me: “King of the Cake!”

Sister: “It’s not wedding cake, is it?”

Me: *mock horror* “No!”

Sister: *wiggles eyebrows* “Red velvet wedding cake.”

Me: *more dramatic mock horror* “Nooo! Not the red wedding cake!”


This story is part of our Crossword Puzzles roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

14 Funny Stories About Dungeons & Dragons

 

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The Title Could Be Plane-er

, , , | Right | October 29, 2015

(I work in a theatre that occasionally shows films. One week, we are showing “Snakes on a Plane.”)

Customer: “What is that film about?”

Me: “Well, there’s this plane…”


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