Should Put A Lid On Long Days

, , , | Right | September 7, 2018

(Self-reporting here… I have been helping a family member move. Thanks to bad timing and a trailer tire blowout, I went to bed at 3:30 am after a long hard day. Then I get up again at 9:00 am for another one. We are finally eating lunch around 2:00 pm. I fill a large drink and grab the largest lid on the rack. It doesn’t fit.)

Me: *to employee nearby* “Where are your large lids?”

Employee: “We have them at the counter… Actually, you have one in your hand.”

Me: *shows her that the lid is too small for the cup* “This one doesn’t fit.”

Employee: “In your left hand.”

Me: *looks at other hand, where I am holding the table marker and lid* “… mIt’s been a very long day.”

That’s An Old Joke

, , , , , , | Working | July 20, 2018

(After adding a battery to my customer’s wife’s watch and handing it to him…)

Me: “I forgot to check what brand your watch is. May I see it again so I can enter it into our system?”

Customer: *handing back the watch* “Sure, but it’s not my watch; it’s my wife’s. She’s been with me over 50 years!”

Me: *looking at watch* “A fossil!”

Customer: “…”

Me: *mortified* “No! The brand of the watch for which I just put in a battery for you. Not your wife!”

Unfiltered Story #116488

, , | Unfiltered | July 16, 2018

(I’m shoulder-deep in a freezer shelf, putting price stickers on items, when someone comes up behind me and starts talking. I can’t hear what they’re saying, so I stop tagging and turn around.)

Me: “Hello. Can I help you?”

Customer: (Says something in Spanish, the only word I catch is crema, or cream.)

Me: “Lo siento, no hablo Español.” (Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.)

Customer: *rolls her eyes* “Crema. Crema!”

Me: “Oh, this way.” (I motion and start leading her to the dairy section, which has milk on one part and other things, including heavy cream, whipping cream, half and half, etc. next to it.) “Which kind do you need?”

Customer: *Suddenly starts speaking English with barely an accent.* “No, you idiot. That’s leche. I needed crema!”

(She walks off, leaving me baffled.)

Leaked Their Scam

, , , , , | Right | June 13, 2018

(In early 2012, I’m selling my PT Cruiser as part of getting ready to take a job in Japan. I have had a woman test the car and am getting ready to turn it over to her, but her husband decides to do one last check.)

Husband: “Well, you have an oil leak, so I can’t take it for the asking price. I will pay you [less than half what I am asking].”

Me: *knowing that my car consumes barely any oil at all, much less enough to account for a leak* “Where’s this leak?”

Husband: “Right there, see? And there.” *points out a couple of wet spots on the parking lot under my car*

Me: *now uncertain* “Well, my garage never mentioned an oil leak; let me have it checked out again and I’ll get back to you.”

Husband: “They’re just going to say what you want to hear. Take my offer or leave it.”

Me: “Okay, bye.”

(He gives a surprised expression and I leave. I am living with my parents in the lead-up to leaving and my father has this to say.)

Father: “I know for a fact you don’t have a leak. If you did, we’d have oil stains in the driveway.”

(I eventually sold it to a national used car chain for slightly less than my asking, because the only thing wrong with it was cosmetic damage. It was in better shape than most Cruisers its age.)

Unfiltered Story #113072

, , , | | Unfiltered | May 29, 2018

I was running the self check out lanes and l notice a woman having trouble entering in produce.

Customer: I can’t find jalapenos in the search page. This system never works right.

I looked at watch she typed in..

Me: ma’am, jalapeno starts with a J

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