My Nose Is Constipated

, , , , , , | Right | December 10, 2019

(I am the weird customer in this one. I have just moved to the US from Norway to go to college. While I am fluent in English and most people don’t notice my accent, I still get the odd words mixed up. I’m standing in line at the college bookstore, with a pretty bad cold so my nose is stuffy and my eyes are red.)

Cashier: “Good afternoon, miss. How are you today?”

Me: “I’m good, thanks, other than being really constipated.”

Cashier: *blank stare*

Me: *smiling more and more insecurely*

Cashier: “Um…” *clicking* “Oh, you mean congested?”

Me: “Ohhh, oh, my gosh yes! I’m so sorry. I got the words mixed up.”

Cashier: “You’re not from around here, are you?”

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Not Thermodynamically Intuitive

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2019

(I work at a very well-known coffee shop, and on this particular day, I’m working drive-thru. A car pulls up to the window, and I take the payment and chit-chat with the driver for a couple of seconds. He’s a nice, normal-seeming man, up until I hand out his drinks.)

Me: “All right, sir, here is your hot decaf black coffee, and here is your iced green tea latte!”

(He looks at the drinks, then turns back to me with a confused look on his face.)

Customer: “Which one is the hot coffee, and which one is the iced latte?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “The… green one in the clear cup is the iced latte, sir. Have a nice day.”

(My faith in humanity dies a little more every time I have to tell someone how to tell the difference between a hot drink in a hot cup that feels very hot and an iced drink with visible ice in it in a cold cup that feels cold.)

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Unfiltered Story #173048

, , , | Unfiltered | October 23, 2019

(I’ve been working at a popular retail store for a few months. This day in particular I was helping to train a new girl on the register. Its late at night about 30 minutes before we close. I hear my trainee call me over to her register where two men are waiting.)
Trainee: “They want to return these shoes, but they still have the security tag on them.”
Me: “Sir you want to return these shoes? Then why do they still have the security tag?”
(The gentlemen do not speak much English and after much confusion they tell me that the shoes they were returning, he put them back on the shelf.)
Me: “Sir you put the shoes on the self?”
(He nods his head)
Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we have to have the merchandise before we can return an item.”
Customer: “So you need shoes?”
Me: ” Yes sir, we have to have the shoes.”
Customer: ” I go get shoes?”
Me: “Yes sir, we have to scan the shoes in order to do a return.”
(I take the new shoes off the counter while the customer goes to look for the shoes, at this point we are closing in 10 minutes. After 20 minutes go by, the man finally returns with no shoes.)
Customer: “I can’t find my shoes.”
Me: “Okay sir, I’m sorry but we cannot exchange them then.”
Customer: “I don’t get the shoes?”
Me: (At this point being tired and ready to go home, I’m very frustrated.) “No, you do not get the shoes, you cannot do a return.”
Customer: “I come tomorrow to look?”
Me: “Fine, you can come tomorrow and look.”
(Finally the customers leave and I turn to my trainee.)
Me: “What the hell just happened.”

Unfiltered Story #167625

, , , | Unfiltered | September 22, 2019

(There are many children and parents-including me, my husband, and daughter-around the table for receiving prizes from the cashier in exchange for their tickets. One child in particular is with her father. She has only 50 tickets.)

Daughter: “I want… this one!” *points to something behind the counter costing over one thousand tickets*

Cashier: “I’m afraid that you don’t have enough tickets for that. But you can choose from a tootsie roll, mini magnifying glass, or a temporary tattoo page.”

Father: “Excuse me, is there any way that she could just get the toy she wanted?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but she has far less tickets than she can use to get the prize. Like I said, she can choose from – ”

Father: *clearly tired* D***, b****! Just give us the toy.” *begins to reach over counter*

Cashier: “Stop! I’m going to have to ask you and your child to leave the facility now!”

Father: “We don’t have enough money to pay for games to get that many tickets!”

Me: (completely done with this man) “I can definitely tell you don’t have enough money, even though you have the latest phone and brand name clothes.”

Father: *furiously pulls daughter away*

Another random kid: “Daddy, what’s a b****?”

Driving Them Away Via The Driveway

, , , , , | Legal | July 5, 2019

(Our house is on the corner of the street, so it is very common for people visiting our neighbors to park in front of our house. I don’t mind when they park in front of our yard, but recently, I’ve been having problems with one particular car getting parked forward enough to be in front of our driveway. They are just an inch or two in front of the drive, and one of my friends who is a cop says that it is unlikely to get towed or even ticketed for just that, so I just deal with it. I do keep a lookout to see if I can catch the person who owns the car and try and talk to them about it. Then, one day, I come out to find the car a full two feet in front of our driveway, blocking me off from getting to work. Thanks to some brick walls along the edge of the drive, there is no way for me to cut around, so I call the police. They arrive about twenty minutes later, after I’ve already called into work to explain the situation. They look at it and then head around to knock on a few doors to see if they can get the driver to move the car before getting a tow truck called out. None of the people who answer claim the car, so a tow truck is called out. By the time it actually arrives, I am an hour late for work and rather steamed. The tow truck gets hooked up and they are loading up the car, when a man suddenly comes charging out of one of the houses across the street — which happens to have a completely empty driveway — screaming about them moving his car.)

Man: “That’s my car! What do you f*****s think you’re doing to my car?!”

Officer: “Sir, your car is blocking this man’s driveway. If you will move it, we can let you off with a ticket rather than impounding it.”

Man: “F*** you!”

(He tries to shove the cop, and ends up being wrestled to the ground, swearing the entire way. He ends up being arrested, and his car is towed off. However, that isn’t the end of it. About a week later, I get a knock on my door, and I answer to see a woman I vaguely recognize from around the neighborhood.)

Woman: “Hey! A**hole! You got my boyfriend arrested, you dumb c***!”

(She then hauled back and tried to spit at me, but she didn’t get enough force, leaving her standing there with spit dripping from her mouth and onto her shirt. She spun around and scurried away at that, but then, a couple of days later, we found our front garden torn up and insults written in lipstick on the side of our car. We contacted the police, mentioning the prior incidents, and they eventually sent out a unit to investigate. I watched as they went and knocked on the door of the house across the street, and I got to see this lady try and take a swing at the officers and end up getting hauled off. Like boyfriend, like girlfriend, I guess.)

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