Dude, Where’s My Brain

, , | Right | July 23, 2009

(Two guys walk into our video rental store, find their video, and come up to pay.)

Coworker: “What’s your phone number?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s [phone number].”

Coworker: “Okay, so, [Customer]?”

Customer’s Friend: “Holy s***, man, he knows your name!” *turns to my coworker* “Dude, what’s my name?!”

Coworker: “…”

Customer: “Dude, I have an account here.”

Customer’s Friend: “Oh. I’m going to go wait in the car…”

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Butthead, The Incontinence Years

, , , | Right | July 23, 2009

(I notice a customer is standing in front of a freezer. After remaining there for several minutes, I get concerned.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

(At this point, I notice that he’s urinated in the freezer. The customer turns around, zips up his fly, and then pulls his shirt over his head.)

Customer: “I AM CORNHOLIO! I NEED TP FOR ME BUNGHOLE!” *runs away*

Coworker: “They don’t pay us enough for this.”

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The Outer Limits Of Entertainment

, , , | Right | July 21, 2009

Customer: “Two for ‘Ice Age’, please.”

Me: “No problem. Did you want the 3-D showing at 2:15, or the regular, 2-D showing at 2:50?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “…thirty-five minutes, and a dimension.”

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Ired By Shire Attire

, , , | Right | July 20, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me choose which suit I should get?”

Me: “Certainly. This model here was worn by actor Sean Astin.”

Customer: “Who is that?”

Me: “He played Sam in The Lord of the Rings. He was one of the hobbits.”

Customer: “You sell to hobbits!?”

Me: “Well, he’s not re–”

Customer: “You shouldn’t sell to hobbits!”

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Rated ‘R’ For Reality

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2009

(A customer comes up to the register with three under-five-year-old kids with a “Watchmen” graphic novel.)

Me: “Hi! So have you seen Watchmen yet?”

Customer: “No, we are going right after this.”

Me: “You do know that Watchmen is a very violent movie geared towards adults, right?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s okay. We’re from the Bronx.”

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