(My daughter is a driver for a restaurant delivery company and is delivering a meal.)

Daughter: “Hi. I have your food. The total is [price].”

Customer: “I paid with a card already.”

Daughter: “I’m sorry, but the order says ‘cash.’ I have to collect that from you before I hand it over.”

Customer: “I tell you, I paid cash.”

Daughter: “Okay, that’s fine. Let me see your receipt.”

Customer: “It’s on my phone.”

Daughter: “Yes, I know. If you can show me, I can give you the food.”

Customer: “My phone is dead. It needs to charge.”

Daughter: “That’s fine. I can wait a few minutes so you can show me.”

Customer: “Just give me my food and I’ll show you when it’s charged.”

Daughter: “No, sorry. I need the receipt first.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *slams door shut*

Daughter: *to the closed door* “I thought so.”

(The customer got a permanent ban on ordering. You have to wonder just how stupid someone has to be to have the capacity to use a telephone, yet think it’s a bright idea to rip off others while giving a real name, address, and phone number.)

(I am leaving the doctor’s office and waiting to exit the side road. The road ends on a downward incline toward the stop sign. There is one car waiting at the stop sign. As I’m waiting, my foot slips off the brake and I quickly put it back, but not before I accidentally tap the back bumper of the car in front of me. As I’m putting the car in reverse, I hear, “My back! My back!” in an unnaturally screeching voice. Horrified, I watch the driver get out, hands balled into fists. Although I know it’s my fault, I also barely touched the car and this guy’s reaction seems extreme.)

Old Man: “What the h*** are you doing? I’m calling the police and we’re going to sue you for every penny you’ve got! My wife just broke her back! You f****** idiot, you’re going to pay for this!”

Me: *stammering, rolling down the window* “I’m so sorry, sir, my foot slipped off the brake. I—”

Old Man: “Ah, typical f****** millennial, probably driving without a license! You kids these days, you’re the biggest idiots in human history. Look what you’ve done to my wife.”

Me: *getting out of the car in horror, bracing myself for the worst* “Sir, I’m so sorry, I—”

(The old man looks me up and down. I’m wearing the rattiest clothes you could imagine since I didn’t bother to dress up for my appointment. I see his wife leaning out of the driver’s side, definitely not in the agony you’d expect for a broken back. The woman gestures to her husband to come over and then whispers something into his ear. They look at me.)

Old Man: “Um, erm… So, I guess my wife is fine, actually. No need for trouble.” *laughs nervously* “Have a good day.”

(He got into the car and they sped off, nearly getting T-boned by another car. I guess they figured I wasn’t worth suing!)

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(It’s a bit past closing. I’m pulling the trash from a can near the door when a guy starts banging on the door. My manager rushes over and starts telling him we’re closed.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, we’re closed!”

Customer: “I just need one thing!”

Manager: “The drawers have been pulled; we can’t sell anything.”

Customer: “But my fiancé works here and told me it was okay!”

(My manager looks at me, as I’m the only one engaged. I tell her I’ve never seen this guy in my life. She turns back to him.)

Manager: “Sir, we open at nine tomorrow. That’s the soonest you can come back.”

(He stormed off. We never saw him again.)

(I am working at the jewelry counter helping two customers who are looking at diamond earrings. They want nice quality pieces; however, they are horribly stingy and don’t want to pay big money to get nice pieces. All of our jewelry is 60% off but, considering how cheap they are, I grab a pair of diamond earrings out of our discontinued stock which is 80% off.)

Me: “As you can see, these are one-carat diamond studs and because they are discontinued, they might be able to fit your price range better.”

Customer: “Excellent, I will take this pair—” *motions to ones that are 60% off* “—for this price.” *taps the discontinued ones*

Me: “Sir, that’s not how this works. These are on a better sale because they have been discontinued and the company has stopped making them. I cannot adjust the price on these ones because they are still in production.”

Customer: “Call a manager over. I don’t know why you aren’t understanding what I want to happen.”

(I call a manager over and I explain the situation.)

Manager: “Sir, she’s clearly explained that she cannot mark down the price on this pair because they are still in production. If you want to get your price down cheaper, I suggest opening a store card which will save you another percentage.”

Customer: “I already have one and I have this coupon, too, for my card.”

(He shows the manager a coupon on his phone.)

Manager: “And that is a fraudulent coupon which we will not honor in this store. I suggest you either buy the earrings for the price offered or leave.”

(He ends up buying the pair and stays silent the rest of the transaction. Later, my manager comes back.)

Manager: “Those guys were shysters. I also love how they insisted on having me come over and then showing me something that they probably could have gotten away with if I hadn’t shown up.”

(I’ve had a horrible twelve months, and I’m at the end of my rope. An older customer comes in to pay for her fuel and return a rental vehicle. This is definitely Not Always Working due to my depressed, monotone voice. Bear in mind, her way of saying hello is, “I’m paying for fuel and returning this car.”)

Me: “No problem. Just park around the back and I’ll run out and get the kilometers.”

(I run out after she returns, look at the kilometers, and come back in a little confused as she has mentioned she’s had the car a week and barely driven it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but you said you’ve had the car a week?”

Customer: “Yes, just a week.”

Me: “Okay, well, according to the paperwork, you’ve driven over 200 kilometres. No problem. I’ll just call the bosses and figure out whatever is going on. You’re fine to go. Have a good one.” 

(The lady goes to leave but pauses at the door and turns back to me.)

Customer: “I have to say, your customer service skills are absolutely horrible.”

(I pause from where I was walking to serve another client.)

Me: “Yeah, well… I hate my life and just want to die, sooo…” *gives two thumbs up and grins sarcastically before continuing to approach the next customer*