Unfiltered Story #97896

, | Unfiltered | October 17, 2017

(Husband and wife call in wanting payment extension on past due cable bill of $209)
Me: I’m sorry, It looks like if we don’t receive this past due payment by the end of today, the services would be interrupted.

Husband: You can’t give us until the 3rd when we get paid again?

Me: I do apologize, but this past due is already over a month late and you have another bill set to print before the 3rd, at that time the account will be two months past due.

Wife: Tell her thanks to her we can’t eat again for two weeks because we have no food in the house!

Husband: My wife wants to talk to you.

Me: Hi, how can I help you?

Wife: You can’t give us until the 3rd? We have been good customers. We don’t HAVE 209 to be spending on cable right now, we need to eat!

Me: I definitely understand, however, your account is already over a month past due so I cannot extend the payment out any further. I can possibly help you reduce the services to cut down on some of the costs?

Wife: I ain’t cutting nothin’ down! You and your company are crooks! When I end up in the hospital I’m taking your job and suing you and the company when me and my family starve! How would YOU like it if I came into YOUR house and told YOU that you and your family can’t eat for two weeks!

Me: (trying not to laugh) Ma’am, I absolutely get where you are coming from. As I previously stated, I can give you some options to lower your bi-

Wife: I don’t want your options! I want a f***ing extension!

Me: I’m sorry, we really cannot extend this out any further, now once you are able to make the payme-

Wife: I am going to make sure you lose your job and you’ll really be laughing once you get hit with a lawsuit for my medical bills! I am already contacting the better business bureau!

(Call drops)

Unfiltered Story #97894

, | Unfiltered | October 17, 2017

I’m the nutty customer here. I bought a new, mid-priced vaping device. Not 2 weeks later, it vanished. I know where it should be (my car), but it’s not. In frustration I go back to the store with the box so I know what unit to get again. The clerk is just finishing with one customer and eyes the box in my hand.

Clerk: [suspiciously] Can I help you?

Me; Yeah, I got one of these here a couple weeks ago.

Clerk: [with more suspicion] What’s wrong with it?

Me: It’s missing.

Clerk: It’s what?!

Me: I had it in my car and I was sure I put it on the passenger seat and then there was a big traffic jam and I hit the brakes and a few things slid on the floor. But when I went to find it, it was gone. I’ve torn the car apart and can’t find it.

Clerk: [brightening and laughing] Oh, so there’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just missing.

Me: Yup. Missing.

When he realized I wasn’t there to complain about something that was my own fault we had a nice conversation and he gave me a small discount on my replacement.

Not Speaking The Same Programming Language

, , , , | Working | October 13, 2017

(It is the mid 80s, and I have a coworker come to me with two full pages of computer programming source code.)

Coworker: “Hey, can you help me with this? This function is not working right.”

Me: “Sure. What’s it do?”

Coworker: “Well, on the first line I copy…” *drones on for a few seconds about stuff I can clearly read*

Me: “Wait! Let me interrupt for a moment. I can read the code. In 20 words or less, what does this do?

Coworker: *long pause that tells me he’s having trouble seeing the forest for the trees* “It, um, converts a date that’s a string to three integers: month, day, and year.”

Me: “Ah! Excellent. And by the time you get the string, has it been sanitized? You know, guaranteed to be pairs of digits with a slash in-between, not blanks or words or other garbage?”

Coworker: “Oh, yeah, all the user input is cleaned up.”

Me: “Okay, good.”

(I scribble “sscanf(text, “%02d/%02d/%02d”, &month, &day, &year);” in a blank spot on the page.)

Me: “Throw out everything and replace it with that.”

Coworker: “You’re kidding.”

Me: “Not at all. Use that. It’ll work. Trust me.”

Coworker: *not sure* “Well, okay.”

(Half an hour later he’s back and looking a bit sheepish.)

Coworker: “That worked. Thanks.”

Me: “No problem.”

(It’s been 30 years. Unfortunately, the new generation of programmers is in the same spot.)

Why Ad Men Become Mad Men

, , , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(I call the local paper to inquire about posting a four-line ad in the classified section. It turns out the ad will be classified in a different category than I thought ,and will therefore be four times the cost. Not wanting to pay $60 for the ad, I thank the person on the line but tell them I will not be placing the ad after all. Simple. I think that is the end of it. But, no. A few days later:)

Caller #1: “This is [Caller #1] from [Town] paper. I need to speak to [My Name].”

Me: “You’ve reached her.”

Caller #1: “You recently placed an ad in our paper under someone else’s account.”

Me: “No, I didn’t. I inquired about an ad, but did not place one. I didn’t put in under any account at all.”

Caller #1: “We have the ad billed to [Person I’ve never heard of]’s account. You can’t place an ad under someone else’s account.”

Me: “I didn’t place an ad at all. You’ve made a mistake.”

(I hang up. The phone rings again.)

Caller #1: “Don’t hang up on me! You’ve fraudulently placed an ad under someone else’s account!”

Me: “What ad was placed?”

Caller #1: “I don’t have that information.”

Me: “Look. I called your paper to inquire about an ad. I didn’t end up placing it. The ad I intended to place had my information, and my information only. I have no idea what you are talking about. I told you that already.”

Caller #1: “The ad was placed with the phone number of another person’s account.”

Me: “Really? The ad I wanted to place included this number, the phone number you called to reach me. Clearly this is my number. Does someone else have an account under my number?”

Caller #1: “No. The account is under a different phone number.”

Me: “Did my ad post? Just a second, while I look in the paper.” *I do so.* “There is no ad in either the section I thought it would go in, or the section I was told it would go in. No ad was posted. There seems to a problem in billing. It is not my problem.”

(I hang up again. When the phone doesn’t ring immediately, I again think it is over. A few hours later the phone rings.)

Caller #2: “Hello, I’m trying to reach [My Name].

Me: “You’ve reached her.”

Caller #2: “Hi, my name is [Name given to me by Caller #1] and the newspaper tells me that you’ve place an ad in the classified section using my account.”

Me: “Well, the newspaper is wrong. I called them a few days ago to inquire about an ad. It turned out to be way more expensive than I’d thought, so I did not post it. I posted no ad at all. The only information I gave them was my own. The only phone number I gave them was the number you called. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Caller #2: “Well, they told me to call you and that maybe we could work it out.”

Me: “There is nothing to work out. This has nothing to do with me. Someone at the paper has made a mistake. They are the only ones who can fix it. Someone has just transposed numbers or something. Our phone numbers must be pretty similar.”

Caller #2: “No, actually. Our numbers are not even remotely close, and one must give a password to place an ad on my account.”

Me: “Okay, this is ridiculous. I certainly never gave your number, never gave a password of any kind, and actually never even placed an ad. If you are being billed for an ad that never ran, you need to take that up with the paper. This has nothing at all to do with me.”

(I hang up. Yup, the phone rings again a bit later. It is the lady from the paper.)

Caller #1: “We need to get this taken care of.”

Me: “Listen. I’ve had enough of you. Any mistake made has nothing to do with me. You need to stop bothering me. Figure it out from your end.”

Caller #1: “We can—”

Me: “I’ve been patient. You really just need to stop talking. Let me speak to a supervisor or stop calling me. Those are the only two options I’m giving you.”

Caller #1: “Fine!”

Supervisor: “Hello, I understand you have placed an ad under someone else’s account.”

Me: “Listen to me carefully. I will say this once. I called about possibly placing an ad. While doing so, I gave my name and my phone number. My phone number was to appear in the ad. That is the only phone number I gave during the call. Before the call was over, I was given a quote for cost. I determined it to be too high and did not authorize the ad. I was asked for no billing information, as there was no reason to be billed. I. Did. Not. Place. An. Ad. Have I made myself clear?”

Supervisor: “You placed no ad at all?”

Me: “No.”

Supervisor: “Okay. We’ll look into things on this end. Thank you for your time.”

(That was the last I heard from them. I never tried to place any sort of ad in that paper again!)

Their Relationship Is About To Get A Shake-down

, , , , | Right | October 7, 2017

(I get a phone call from a customer.)

Caller: “I just got my shake, and it isn’t a shake; it’s just milk!”

(As I start to request details, I realize that her shake was made almost 40 minutes ago. It was a fairly unique shake, so, to be sure that she has called the right location, and I am dealing with the right order, I ask:)

Me: “Is this the order from a half hour ago… with the [Soda], too?”

Caller: “No! We were just there!”

(The woman on the phone then starts yelling at someone in the background.)

Caller: “What else was on the order?!”

(I start to feel uneasy, because when we handed the order out, there was a man and a woman in the vehicle, but I get the impression that this caller is not that woman. I hear the man in the background.)

Man In Background: “I just got your food, baby; I just left there. Wait, hand me the phone. Let me talk to them. They pulled me up and parked me; that’s why the shake melted!”

(The caller screams at me that we parked him.)

Me: “We may have, but I’m still trying to figure out which order yours was, and the last car we parked was 30 minutes ago. What else was on the order? Was this the guy who had the [Shake that she is claiming that is milk], the two kids’ meals, and the [Soda]?”

(There was silence on the phone. Then, I heard what sounded like a demon unleashing their wrath upon someone. Then, the phone hung up. I wish I didn’t have to deal with people trying to involve my job in their breakup or infidelity.)

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