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Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

, , , , | Right | February 26, 2009

(One night while working a busy dinner shift, an elderly couple shows up in my section, at a table that just left. I assumed that the hostesses were just busy and sat them immediately.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get you to drink?”

Them: “We’ve been sitting here for ten minutes? What took you so long?”

(I knew that I had cleared the table not more than five minutes ago.)

Me: I’m terribly sorry; we’re awful busy. Now, what can I get you tonight?”

(They order coffee and water, with extra cream. I get their coffee as fast as possible but have to make a second trip for the creamer. Before I can let them know I’ll be right back…)

Them: “That took forever! What’s wrong with you? It’s never taken this long before. Where’s our creamer?!”

(I calm them down enough to get away from the table and get the creamer. I am gone less than thirty seconds.)

Them: “This is the worst service I’ve ever had! I can’t believe they would hire you! This isn’t enough creamer!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I am trying my best to satisfy your dining needs. If you don’t feel that my service is adequate, please feel free to request another waiter.”

(I walk away to take care of my other tables. Shortly thereafter, the owner calls me over.)

Owner: “What did you say to those people?”

Me: *repeat the story to him*

Owner: “Okay, who sat them?”

Me: “I don’t know. They just showed up. I thought a hostess did.”

Owner: *to hostess* “Who sat that couple?”

Hostess: “They sat themselves.”

Owner: *to customers* “You sat yourselves while we have a 20 minute wait?”

Customers: “Well, there was an empty table!”

Owner: “Get the f*** out of my restaurant!”


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Deception School Drop-Out

, , , , | Right | February 26, 2009

Me: “Your total is $42.98.”

Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. Those pillows are on sale.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just got these pillows in today. They won’t be on sale for at least a few more weeks.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! They say they’re on sale! You have to give me the sale price.”

Me: “Well, I’ll double-check for you, but I already sold a few others today and no one else paid a sale price for them.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar? Because I already checked! They all say they’re on sale!”

(She points to the price tags on the pillows that have been haphazardly covered up by sale stickers.)

Me: “Yes, and those sale stickers also say that these pillows are napkins.”

All Signs Point To Yes

, , , | Right | February 20, 2009

(A customer is at the refund counter to return a DVD player. I get called over to inspect it, because I work in the electronics department.)

Coworker: “All right, everything seems okay. May I see your receipt?”

(The customer hands over her receipt, but it’s dated July. It is November now. Our return policy only allows for 45 days.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, I cannot give you a refund, because this is from July.”

Customer: “But the electronics associate said I can return it anytime!”

Coworker: “Do you remember who it was?”

Customer: “It was that young man!” *points towards me*

Me: “Ma’am, I have never told you such a thing.”

Customer: “Yes, you did! Are you calling me a liar?!”

Me: “Well, I’m just a seasonal worker who got hired two weeks ago, so…”

Fact Check Fail

, , , | Right | February 17, 2009

Customer: “I want a refund. NOW!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “I came through the drive-thru about fifteen minutes ago, and you shorted me six tacos!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well?!”

Me: “We don’t have a drive-thru.”

Customer: *slinks out of the store*


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Do As I Shout, Not As I Do

, , , , , , | Right | February 16, 2009

Supervisor: “Well, it says here that you have five books that are overdue. Would you like to renew them?”

Patron: “What do you mean, overdue?”

(The supervisor shows the patron the overdue titles on the monitor.)

Patron: “We returned those books! I can’t believe this kind of stuff happens! What kind of library is this anyway?”

Patron’s Young Child: “But, Papa, I saw one of the books at home, remember? In the–”

Patron: “Shut UP!”

(Ironically, one of the books he claimed to have returned was, “Teaching Your Child Good Manners.”)