(I’ve stopped by a local 24/7 store. There are a couple of people in line in front of me. A woman walks up behind me.)

Woman: *clears her throat and coughs* “I left my wallet in the car.”  

(I don’t react because I really don’t think she is talking to me.)

Woman: *nudges me with her arm* “Did you hear me? I left my wallet in the car.”

Me: “Okay?”

(I get to the counter and she steps up next to me, drops her stuff, and tells the clerk:)

Woman: “I need [Brand] cigarettes.” 

(The clerk rings up my stuff, then swipes the cigarettes.)

Clerk: “May I see your ID, sir?”

Me: “Um, those aren’t mine.”

(The clerk looks from me to the woman and back.)

Woman: “Oh, it’s okay. I told you, my wallet’s in the car.”

Me: “And?” *shaking my head at the clerk* “Take them off, please. I’m not buying cigarettes.”

Woman: “But… I told you…”

Me: “And I would assume that’s your car parked right outside the door. I’m sure they’ll hold everything for you.”

Woman: “Look, my money is right outside in the car.”

Me: “No.”

Woman: “No?! What do you mean, no? You’re calling me a liar?”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know you and am not calling you anything. ‘No’ means I won’t loan you any money.”

Woman: “Not even just until I walk to my car? I can’t believe you!”

Me: “And I can’t believe you think that I’m just going to buy you cigarettes with my own money when your car is literally right outside the door with the wallet inside.”

Woman: “You seriously won’t save me a few steps when you know I can pay you back in just a few minutes?”

(I don’t know that, actually. She could be lying about her wallet, and then I’d be out the money. This lady has gall to pull a scam like this. Before I can say this, a customer who came in behind her speaks up.)

Other Customer: “Look, lady, either walk out and get your money, or walk out and get in your car. Either way, walk out.”

Clerk: “Ma’am, if you want cigarettes, I need to see your ID, as well.”

(The woman huffed loudly and stormed out. I could see her sitting in her vehicle glaring at me as I left. She was making no move to grab her supposed wallet, so I suspect I dodged a pretty obvious bullet. I called the non-emergency police number and let them know that this lady was lurking around the store trying to get people to buy cigarettes with no ID, and they reassured me that they’d send a patrol car around. I just found it kind of amazing that she was pulling a pretty obvious scam right in front of a store clerk, and it never occurred to her that her lack of an ID would trip her up, anyway.)

(This takes place after I receive a statement from my medical insurance company, who is also my provider.)

Agent #1: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Agent #1]. May I please have your name and insurance number?”

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name], and my number is [number].”

Agent #1: “How may I help you, Mr. [My Name]?”

Me: “I am calling about the statement that I received in the mail recently. There are several charges against my insurance that I don’t recognize. Those are the charges from [dates], for [amounts].”

Agent #1: “So, you are claiming that you did not make these charges?”

Me: “Yes, those are not my charges, and no one else has my insurance information.” 

Agent #1: *suddenly defensive* “So, are you saying that someone here at [Company] ran charges against your insurance? Could it be more likely that you gave your insurance card to someone else, and now you are trying to rip us off? I don’t know what you did, but we are not responsible for what you do, and we aren’t going to help you defraud us!”

(My insurance is very good; my copay is never more than $20 for Schedule 2 drugs and surgical procedures. Regardless, the accusation infuriates me more than the insurance fraud.)

Me: *furious, but keeping my temper in check* “Now you can transfer me to your manager.” 

Agent #1: “Why? So you can lie to her, as well? I’m not going to let you try to rip off [Company] anymore. Don’t call back or I’ll give your number to the federal government for insurance fraud!” *hangs up*

(By this point, I am absolutely furious and am about ready to call National Insurance Crime Bureau myself, but I decide to try one more time.)

Agent #2: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]. May I have your name and insurance information?”

Me: “My name is [My Name] and my number is [number].”

Agent #2: “How may I help you today?”

Me: “Does the word HIPAA mean anything to you?”

Agent #2: *slightly confused* “Yes, of course. Every medical company follows HIPAA rules.”

Me: “Apparently not.” *explains situation* “Now, the first agent accused me outright of giving my insurance to someone else. I, however, have to wonder how your company gave my private medical information to some random person. That is a major HIPAA violation.”

Agent #2: “If you’ll hold for a moment, my manager wants to speak with you about this.”

Manager: *taking the line* “Hello, my name is [Manager], and I understand you have some issues with some charges against your insurance?”

Me: “No, I have issues with what your company has done, by the admission of your own agent and the charges I see here. There are charges on my account that I didn’t make. Now, one of two things happened here. One, someone else was allowed to use my insurance information to schedule an appointment, see a doctor, and get several high-class prescriptions, all without checking to see if they were me. That would be so many HIPAA violations I can’t even count them all. Or two, someone in your company is scamming insurance for money or drugs. That would be insurance fraud, in which case I would be within my rights to sue.”

(The manager is suddenly quiet, followed by the sounds of typing. When she comes back on the line, she sounds a little shaky and nervous.)

Manager: “If you’ll just bear with me for a little bit longer, I think I might know exactly what happened. Can you please confirm the dates, doctor’s name, and pharmacist name listed on your account?” 

Me: “The dates are [dates], all of them are listed as being with [Doctor], and the prescriptions are all listed as filled by [Pharmacist].”

Manager: *eerily calm now* “I think I have found the problem. Please give me a phone number, and I will call you back as soon as I get what I need.” *gives my number* “Again, my name is [Manager] and my direct extension is [number].” *call disconnects*

(She called me back about three hours later and explained everything. It seems that it was, in fact, insurance fraud: hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of it. From what the manager told me, the doctor, the pharmacist, and [Agent #1] were all family. It seems that they had been running a MASSIVE insurance scam, one where the doctor ran up fake appointments against insurance, usually avoiding triggering patient copay by billing it as a copay-free appointment. He would then write prescriptions, also against insurance, which would then be filled by the pharmacist, also his sister. They would then take those prescriptions and sell them for a much lower price and pocket the money. [Agent #1]’s job, it seems, was to direct patients away from any suspicion. Usually, he succeeded by claiming it was some type of hidden fee, but that insurance would handle it and there would be no charges for the patient. They messed up this time, though; my insurance is through the state, and one of the prescriptions that the doctor wrote automatically triggered the copay on the state insurance plan, thus my problem. This manager just happened to notice the family connection, and, when she opened the records, she put it all together from the appointment records. Things dragged on for a while, and the doctor tried to run once the feds started investigating, but in the end, all three were arrested. Last I heard, they are all facing very, very long sentences. As for the charges? They were reversed with no difficulty by the manager who took my call the first time.)

(I work in a deli that’s close to a very famous theme park.)

New Hire: “So, we don’t make sandwiches when customers order them?”

Coworker: “Nope. We only have premade subs.”

New Hire: “Why?”

Coworker: “We used to make them to order, but they didn’t sell. We were losing money keeping the sandwich station open.”

New Hire: “No way. Really?”

Coworker: “Our customers have spoken. They don’t want quality meals made by skilled food preparation experts; they want something fast and simple and cheap and sh**ty that they can sneak through [Company] security by cramming it up their butts.”

(My father owns a hardware store where I sometimes offer to man the phone during busy times.)

Me: *answering the phone* “[Hardware Store]. [My Name] speaking.”

Woman: “Hello, I need to be put through to [Father]. It’s his sister and it is an emergency!”

Me: “I should think so! You died twenty years ago giving birth to [Twin Cousins].”

Woman: “I’m very sorry for your loss… Is [Father] in? It’s an emergency.”

Me: “Given the means by which you tried to access him, I’m not inclined to pass you on. Whatever it is I’m sure I can help.”

Woman: “No, you won’t do. I need to speak directly to him.”

Me: “Tough. You have five seconds before I hang up.”

Woman: “What time do you close on Sundays?”

Me: *seriously?* “Five pm.”

Woman: “I would rather be told that by [Father].”

Me: *hangs up*

(She came over later that day and demanded I be fired for rudeness. My father then shouted so loud the entire store took notice, “CAROL, GET BACK IN YOUR COFFIN!” The woman blushed and scurried out. Obviously, I’d told him the second I hung up, and he was praying she would come by.)

We have a certain customer that always tries to use four or more duplicates of the coupons that say, “limit of two per household per day.” Usually, I somehow end up dealing with her, and she leaves half — or all — her stuff behind because I deny half of her coupons. 

Tonight, she shows up and goes to one of my new cashiers that I’ve not had the “read your coupons” talk with. I decide to hang around, just in case. Lo and behold, the lady tries to pull her usual coupon fraud. I count and she’s instantly on me, saying, “WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COUNT THEM? THE OTHER MANAGERS ALWAYS LET ME USE FOUR. YOU NEED TO BE NICER TO YOUR CUSTOMERS!”

She and who I’m assuming is her mom then switch over to Spanish so that I can’t understand them. After they’ve left — in a huff — I explain to my cashier the policy on coupons. She then tells me that when the lady switched to Spanish, she said I wouldn’t take her coupons because I was white. 

Not sure what that has to do with your inability to properly use coupons, but you have fun coming back to see another manager only to find me still staring down upon you and your coupons like the eye of Sauron.