You Need To Be Sitting In A Comfortable Chair For This One

, , , , | Right | December 13, 2017

You Need Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, do you have [chair]?” *he then lists of the product code rather quickly before I even have a chance to realize what he’s saying* “—and it’s $375.”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry; I’ll have to look it up. What chair was it?”

(I get a pen and am ready this time when he gives me the item number. After I look it up, I go back to the phone.)

Me: “We have it on our website, but we don’t have it in store. You’d have to order from home online, or we have a computer in our store where you can do it.”

Caller: “Yeah, is that chair comfortable?”

Me: “Um, I don’t know, it depends on the person, really. I’ve never sat in it, so I can’t tell you.”

Caller: “How do I buy it from your store?”

Me: “We have a self-serve computer you can order it from. You need to use a credit card or a Visa debit, though.”

Caller: “What’s a Visa debit?”

Me: “It’s just a debit card that lets you use it as a credit card if you need to. Most people have them these days.”

Caller: “So, can I order it, then?”

Me: “Sure, you can, but you’d have to come into the store, or you’d have to do it yourself from home.”

Caller: “Can I get a black one?”

Me: “Well, the item number you gave me was for a brown chair. I can look it up.” *I check and it only comes in brown* “Sorry, that style only comes in brown.”

Caller: “But I’m looking at a black one.”

Me: “On our website?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “Because I searched the model, and it only came up with a brown one.”

Caller: “I want a black one.”

Me: “Are you looking at it on your computer right now? And the description says black?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “Are you on [Website].com or [Website].ca?”

Caller: “[Website].com.”

Me: “That’s the American site, and that might be why it’s in black.”

Caller: “That’s okay; just order it from the States for me.”

Me: “I can’t. And you wouldn’t want to order from our American site, anyway, because it would end up costing more; plus you’d probably have to pay duties on it.”

Customer: “So, can I just tell them I want a black one?”

Me: “No, you can only order what’s on our site, and on our site, we only have it in brown.”

Caller: “Do you have any black chairs in your store?”

Me: “Yes, we have lots of black chairs.”

Caller: “Are they more expensive than this one?”

Me: “Um, there might be a few…” *at this point I’m trying to figure out how to get him off the phone because it’s been almost ten minutes* “But you’d have to come into the store to look at them.”

Caller: “No, no, I can’t come to the store. Just order me the black one. The one from the American site.”

Me: “I can’t; we’re not really connected.”

Caller: “Well, I’m on the Canadian site now, and it’s in black.”

Me: “Okay; order it from there, then.”

Caller:  “Right now?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “How?”

Me: “Click, ‘Add to cart.'”

Caller: “How do you spell that?”

Me: “Don’t type it; click it. Click the button that says, ‘Add to cart.'”

Caller: “Oh, okay. I got you. Thanks!”

Wish You Could Swipe Left With Customers

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2017

(I work as a cashier. Our system allows for a transaction to run on multiple forms of payment, but the cashier has to hand-key the amounts and methods. If I don’t key it and the customer swipes their card, the system automatically assumes the whole transaction is running through that card.)

Customer: “Can I pay for [item] on one debit card, and the rest on another?”

Me: “Sure thing; I just have to key it in. Wait to swipe your card until I tell you.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(I begin to type, but I’m only two keys in when she swipes.)

Me: “Oops, can you hit cancel? I need to type in the amount before you swipe.”

Customer: “Sure.”

Me: “All right, don’t swipe until I tell you.”

Customer: “Got it.”

(I begin typing again, and she swipes before I’m done again. I cancel the payment from my keyboard.)

Me: “Ma’am, please. If I don’t type everything in before you swipe, the whole payment goes on that one card.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

(I type as fast as I can, but not fast enough, apparently.)

Me: “Ma’am, please hand me your card. I’ll just swipe it over here.”

Got To Give Him Extra Credit For Trying

, , , , , , | Working | December 12, 2017

I attempt to top-up my “pay as you go” mobile at a bank’s ATM, but the message on the screen says that the transaction failed. I try once more and get the same result, so I decide to try at a different bank.

Then I check my phone and see that, according to it, my credit had been topped up successfully, both times. So I go back to the bank and print a statement, which shows that both transactions failed and my account hasn’t been charged. Effectively, I have gained money out of nowhere!

I explain the situation to the teller, who tells me that there is nothing the bank can do, and it is the phone company’s problem. I call the phone company’s service number and tell them, but they insist it is the bank’s problem. Since both sides don’t want to do anything, I don’t mention it again.

I figured that eventually the issue would be discovered and the money taken from my account, but that never happened. I got a lot of credit for free.

Customers Are A Danger To Everyone

, , , , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I work as a farmhand, and part of my job description entails operating farm tractors and ATVs. Due to safety regulations, as well as liability and insurance policies, customers are not permitted to ride on the tractors or ATVs. On this particular day, I’m helping customers by taking baskets of tomatoes they’ve left in the field to the storefront, where they can check out. To do this, I need a tractor.)

Me: *driving tractor* “Can I help you guys with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah. Can you pick up our tomatoes, please?”

Me: “Sure, I’ll go and get them.”

(I drive off, and the customer starts yelling. I stop the tractor.)

Customer: “Can I get a ride?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; it’s against our safety rules.”

Customer: “Come on, just a little one? I’ll tip you extra if you do.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t. You might get hurt.”

Customer: “But it’s so slow.”

(I walk around to the fender of the tractor, and I point to a sticker that says “DANGER: Riders can fall off and be killed or seriously injured.”)

Me: “Sir, can you please read that for me?”

Customer: “’Danger: riders can fall off and be killed or seriously injured.’”

Me: “That’s why I can’t give you a ride.”

Customer: “I’ll hold on!”

Me: “What if you lose your grip?”

Customer: “Where’s your boss?!”

Me: “He’s inside the store.”

(The customer storms off to the store while I help other customers. A short time later, the customer and my boss walk out to where I am.)

Boss: “Hey, [My Name]. Can you come over here, please?”

Me: “Sure.” *I walk over to him and the customer*

Boss: “This customer tells me you won’t help him.”

Me: “I told him that I won’t give him a ride on the tractor, but I’ll be more than happy to pick up his tomatoes.”

Boss: “Okay, I just wanted to clear that up.” *turns to customer* “Sorry, but we can’t give customers rides. It’s not safe.”

Customer: “But it’s so far!”

Boss: “Again, [My Name] will be more than happy to help you.”

Customer: “What kind of a place is this?! You people are stupid!”

Boss: “Where do you work?”

Customer: “I work at [Construction Company].”

Boss: “Would you let your kids play with a backhoe?”

Customer: “No, that’s dangerous!”

Boss: “Yeah, go figure.”

Customer: “But this is different!”

Ahhthentically Dense

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I work at a pizza place. I take a call. I’m not sure if the caller is drunk or high, but there is no getting through to him!)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant] on [Street]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?

Caller: “Yes, I have a coupon for the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Yes, sir.” *verifying this is a delivery and getting the address* “What would you like on that?”

Caller: “That’s what I want. The ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Yes, sir, and what toppings would you like on that pizza?”

Caller: “That’s what I want, the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not a pizza; that’s our slogan.”

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: “What would you like on your pizza?”

Caller: “I want the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s not a pizza; that’s our slogan. What would you like on your pizza?”

Caller: “Yes, I want the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Sir, what does the coupon say?”

Caller: “It says a large three-topping ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza for [amount].”

Me: “All right, sir, and what three toppings would you like?”

Caller: “I want [three toppings], and I want a cheesy bread and a two-liter drink.”

Me: “All right, sir, your total is [total].”

Caller: “Why is it so much? The coupon is for [price on coupon]!”

Me: “Yes, sir; the coupon is only good for the pizza. The cheesy bread is [amount], the two-liter drink is [amount], and the delivery fee is [amount].”

Caller: “Oh, okay.”

(Some people shouldn’t be allowed access to phones, or be left alone without intelligent adult supervision.)

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