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This Doctor’s Inability To Listen Is Nauseating

, , , , | Healthy | October 18, 2021

After I’ve complained about stomach pain for a few days, along with vomiting and nausea, my mom takes me to the ER.

Doctor: “Have you considered you might be pregnant?”

Mom: “Excuse you?”

The doctor turns away from my mom and takes my hands, moving her chair closer.

Doctor: “I know it may be hard to admit this in front of your mom, but you have to consider the chance that you might be having a child soon.”

She keeps on talking like that, giving me recommendations and numbers to call for help with teen pregnancy. My mom and I are looking at her in horror, until my mom can’t take it anymore and leaves the room.

Me: “Lady. I am, one, a fifteen-year-old virgin, and two, asexual, with a girlfriend. No. I am not pregnant. Can you let go of my hands and actually do some sort of exam now?”

Doctor: “Sweetie, things like this can happen by accident. Maybe your boyfriend and you were not—”

Before I got the chance to correct her, my mother came back into the room with a nurse, who told the doctor the head nurse was calling her. I ended up being seen by a different doctor, who sent me to do some actual exams. After a lot of different exams and many weeks of pain, whatever I had finally passed. We never knew what it was, but it was certainly not a child!

There’s Literally An App For That

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: MasterMirage | October 16, 2021

I work front desk at a relatively big apartment complex which has some owners and companies doing [Online Vacation Rental Company] rentals in some of the units.

A lot of the property owners hate these units, as a lot of them are not vetted properly and just book a room to party for a night and trash the place; it’s cheaper to do so compared to a hotel room. Luckily, my job does not require me to provide any service to [Rental Company] guests, as we’re only paid to look after the building and the tenants.

One day, there’s this group of six to ten women who have booked a two-bedroom apartment for a hen’s night. They come into the lobby.

Guest #1: “Hi there, we are checking in. Here are the papers.”

Me: “Hi there, I assume you’re a [Rental Company] apartment? In that case, we don’t handle keys or the check in process for your apartment.”

Guest #2: “It says here that we need to collect keys from you.”

Me: *Reading the instructions* “Hi there. It says here that you go pick up keys from the locker down the street.”

Guest #2: “Oh, my God. Why is check-in at this place so difficult?”

Me: “Unfortunately, this place is not a hotel, so we do not handle [Rental Company] guests.”

The guests groans and eventually leave to get their keys.

Later that night, one of the women phones the intercom.

Guest #3: “Excuse me, bucket of ice to our room, please. Thanks.” *Hangs up*

Me: *Calling back* “Hi there. We do not provide that service here. If you require ice, look in the freezer in your fridge or go to the convenience shop across the road.”

Guest #3: “There is not enough ice here. Can you go fetch us some from the shop, then? Thanks.”

Me: “No, I cannot. As I said, we do not provide these services.”

Guest #3: “Well, that’s a rude shock. Can you go get us extra towels for the room ASAP?”

Me: “Please ask your [Rental Company] host.”

Guest #3: “Do you do anything? Do you even know the Wi-Fi password?”

Me: “Please ask your [Rental Company] host.”

Guest #3: “Honestly shocking service.  We’ll never be staying here again and will be leaving you a really bad review.”

Me: “As I mentioned before, this place is not a hotel. You have booked an [Rental Company] apartment, so anything you require should be communicated to your host.”


Wish You Could Weed Out The Bad Customers, Part 2

, , , | Right | October 14, 2021

I handle the phones for a lawn spraying company. We treat for weeds or insects. We do not offer mowing or yard work of any other kind. The title of the company has the word “lawn” in it, but the rest suggests pretty heavily that this is a chemical spraying company.

Every year, when the advertisements go out, the phones begin to ring.

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling.”

Caller #1: “Yeah, I need my yard mowed once a week. How much would that be?”

Me: “We actually don’t offer that service, but I can recommend a few companies near you. Which city are you in?”

Caller #1: “I’ve had folks before who did a crap job. I want it mowed on the diagonal. Straight lines. Every week.”

Me: “As I said, we are a weed control company; we do not mow lawns. I do have the name and number of trusted folks who do that I’d be happy to share.”

Caller #1: “And edging. I have a fence around back and the curved sidewalk up front needs to be edged.”

Me: “Yes, but we don’t do—”

Caller #1: “And don’t leave clippings on the yard or the sidewalk. I want it all cleaned up.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. But you are asking for something we don’t offer. We are a—”

Caller #1: “You don’t sweep?! What kind of company are you?!”

Me: “We are a chemical company. We do not mow or edge. We apply products to the lawn to keep weeds away. We fertilize lawns. We also offer several options of pest control.”

Caller #1: “So, how much would it cost to mow my lawn?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir, as we do not offer that service. We do not mow lawns.”

Caller #1: “Your ad says you do!”

Me: “Can I ask where you are seeing this ad? I’ll look into why there is an error.”

Caller #1: “It says [Company] Lawn & Pest.”

Me: “Yes. That is the name of the company. If you’ll notice, the tag line says, ‘Kiss your weeds good-bye.’”

Caller #1: “That’s false advertising!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Is there anyth—”

The caller hangs up. Within seconds, I get my next call.

Caller #2: “I’d like a quote on services, please.”

Me: “Great! And you are looking for fertilization and weed control, is that correct?”

Caller #2: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. If you give me your address, I can measure your lawn from here and give you an exact quote.”

Caller #2: “It is [address].”

Me: “Okay. I’ve measured your lawn to be just under 4,000 square feet, so we can treat that for—”

Caller #2: “No! My house is less than 2,000 square feet.”

Me: “I’m looking at it from an aerial view and it measures to just under 4,000 square feet. It would be—”

Caller #2: “NO! My house is only about 1,800 square feet.”

Me: “Sir, I’m measuring your yard, not your house.”

Caller #2: “My house is not over 2,000 square feet.”

Me: “I understand. But we will be treating the yard, so I have measured the yard. The yard is just under 4,000 square feet, so the cost for treatment would be…”

Caller #2: “What about only the front yard? What would that be?”

Me: “All right. Let me re-measure. Okay, the front yard is less than 2,000 square feet. Since our lowest price is just under what it costs for your whole yard, it would be a savings of only—”

Caller #2: “Thank you.” *Click*

It would have been only $4 less for the front yard but he never let me give him any figures at all.

Wish You Could Weed Out The Bad Customers

If The Customer Gives Up Halfway Through, So Can You

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2021

I work in the deli section of a chain of gas stores. We make anything from hotdogs and sandwiches to pizza and Stromboli. I’m a few weeks into doing deli work, so I am still kind of slow trying to learn everything and often unsure of my abilities.

While I’m working alone on a particularly slow Sunday afternoon, a guy in his late twenties comes to me for something on the go.

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Store]. My name’s [My Name]. What can I get for you?”

The guy looks at our menu for a few moments.

Customer: “I’d like a large ham sub.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We only have one size.”

Customer: “Okay, the largest you have.”

I assume he just said that out of habit.

Me: “Okay, what kind of bread?”

Customer: “White.”

Me: “Okay, sure. Lettuce? Tomato? Mayo?”

Customer: “American cheese, lettuce, tomato, and pickles.”

Me: “Sure thing!” 

I start opening the containers for vegetables and cheese he wants and begin slicing the bread in half as he just stands there, seemingly looking at the menu or at me prepping stuff, and not saying anything. 

In general, people want either mustard or mayo on their sandwich/sub and sometimes get rather upset if I mess up. Before assembling the sub, I ask again about the condiment. 

Me: “So, did you want mayo or mustard?”

Customer: *Still with his mind elsewhere* “Yes!”

Me: *Thinking he misunderstood the question* “Sorry, did you want mayo or mustard on your sub?”

Customer: *Answering without any hint of confusion* “Yes!”

Before I can find a better phrasing to confirm that it is one or the other, he walks off and disappears out of sight and shouting distance and leaves me there trying to think on what exactly he wants.

Afraid of screwing it up and/or getting yelled at for not knowing what he really wants, I quickly ask another coworker walking around nearby and stocking stuff on shelves for help.

Coworker: “Don’t worry about it. Just give him both.”

Me: “You sure?”

Coworker: “Yes. He either wants both or is too stupid to stick around and give you a straight answer!”

Taking her advice, I assembled the sub with everything — half mayo, half mustard — wrapped it up, and rang out his order.

The customer came back maybe ten minutes later and grabbed his food with little more than a “Thanks!” before walking out the door.

Apparently, he had been acting in a similarly “out of sorts” manner while at the front register. He didn’t appear to be intoxicated or on drugs and may have just had an off day.

Looking back, I should’ve been a little more assertive and tried harder for a straight answer, but he never came back to complain, so maybe he did want both. It did give us something to laugh about for a while after that, though.

These Salesmen Are Sofa-King Annoying

, , , , , | Working | October 14, 2021

I am sofa shopping. I’m only really in the store to check out how they look in person. I already know the styles I’m interested in and the costs. I have refused assistance twice, but unfortunately, my phone, which has all the names and measurements, is playing up. 

A third sales guy seems to sense this and sneaks up behind me.

Sales Guy: “Can I help?”

I’m still struggling with my phone.

Me: “Actually, maybe. I am looking for a sofa that is no wider than 228 cm, available in grey, and under £800.”

Sales Guy: “Hmm… I’m sure I can help you with that. Did you have a budget in mind?”

Me: “Under £800.”

Sales Guy: “Okay, that’s great. How about this one here?”

He leads me to a sofa that looks massive.

Me: “That looks pretty big. Are you sure it’s under 228?”

He doesn’t answer, so I grab my tape measure.

Me: “No, way too big.”

Sales Guy: “You could always try it and return it if it doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Err, no, I know it’s not going to fit.”

Sales Guy: “Okay, then. How about this one?”

Me: “It’s way over budget.”

Sales Guy: “We offer finance?”

Me: “You know what? I’m okay, actually. I will have to talk to my wife, anyway.”

Sales Guy: “Okay, whenever you’re ready to buy, just ask for me and I can help you further.”

You haven’t helped me at all so far, but okay. We ended up buying online at a different store. Way to screw yourself out of commission.