Will Make You Want A Drink In The End

, , , , , , | Working | October 16, 2017

Me: “Hello. Could I have a [chicken burger] please? Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Would you like cheese?”

Me: “No, thanks. Just the plain burger.”

Cashier: “What drink would you like?”

Me: “No drink. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “You choose the drink from the machine there.”

Me: “I just want the burger.”

Cashier: “So, you want a bottle?”

Me: “No. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Okay. That’s £6.30 please.”

Me: “The board says it’s £4.50.”

Cashier: “That’s for the burger on its own.”

Me: “That’s what I want. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Just the burger?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Do you want chips?”

Me: “No. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Do you want a drink?”

Me: “Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Just the burger?”

Me: “Just the burger.”

Cashier: “That’s £4.50, then.”

Me: “Thank you very much.”

Wisdom Teeth Do Not Make You Wise

, , , , | Working | October 15, 2017

(I am getting my wisdom teeth taken out, but have elected to have it done with just Novocaine and nitrous oxide, laughing gas, so I am awake during the procedure. This takes place immediately after the oral surgeon has injected Novocaine into the base of one tooth and is about to pull it.)

Oral Surgeon: “Jesus f***, what is this?”

Assistant: “What’s wrong?”

Oral Surgeon: “There aren’t enough teeth!”

Assistant: “What?”

Oral Surgeon: “She’s missing teeth!”

(I was born with two less teeth than normal on my top jaw, which allowed those wisdom teeth to come in just fine.)

Me: “Yup.” *lifts up my hand and taps the area where the teeth would have been* “Missing these. Thought you knew.”

(I probably should have mentioned it at the consultation, but I would have thought that the guy who had my x-rays for a few weeks and looked in my mouth during the consultation would have noticed something that strange! On the plus side, I only had to get the bottom teeth removed!)

Distraction In Action

, , , , | Right | October 15, 2017

(After a recent switch from full-time to part-time, I have been downsized from a private office to a cubicle that faces the main lobby. I’ve had the same conversation several times a day since the move.)

Client: “Hey, you moved!”

Me: “Yep, I did. Smaller job, smaller space.”

Client: “Oh, that’s too bad. I bet you get a lot more distracted out here.”

Me: “Not really; I’m good at focusing on my work.”

Client: “Oh, but don’t all the people walking by distract you?”

Me: “Only when they ask me if I get distracted a lot.”

There’s No Such Thing As A Free Lunch… Oh, Wait

, , , , , | Friendly | October 14, 2017

Many years ago, I had a weekday off from work. I was out running some errands, and I swung by an ATM to get $10 to pay for lunch at a cash-only pizza place with a great lunch buffet. I had a great lunch; I even saw an old acquaintance from high school waiting tables and it was nice to say hi. I finished my errands, went home, and had a relaxing afternoon and evening.

The next day I was at work, and I decided to go out to lunch again. I checked my wallet to see how much of my $10 I had left over, which would determine where to go and what to get for lunch. I had the whole Hamilton in there, and nothing else. It took me a minute to put together what I had done. I’ve never been back to that pizza place.

Don’t Do Coke, Kids!

, , , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

Customer #1: “What kind of soda products do you have?”

Me: “Coke.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have a Pepsi.”

Customer #2: “Dude, she just said they have Coke products.”

Customer #1: “Isn’t Coke a Pepsi product?”

Me: “Coke is Coke.”

Customer #1: “Okay. Cherry Pepsi, please.”

Customer #2: “Me, too.”

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