Used Bookstores Need To Get Used To This

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2018

(I work at a secondhand bookstore, and it is obvious that we do not sell brand-new or never-even-opened books. And yet…)

Customer: *holds up a small stack of books* “Are these books new?”

Me: “No, sir, they’re used.”

Customer: *shuffles through his pile and holds up a book that was released quite recently* “But this one’s new.”

Me: “Yes and no. It’s secondhand.”

Customer: “But it is new.” *waves it in front of my face*

Me: *backing up slightly* “It might be a recently-released book, but it’s still secondhand.”

Customer: “Where are your other new books? I want brand new. Never been owned by someone.”

Me: “We’re a secondhand bookstore, sir. They’re all used.”

Customer: “Where are your new books?”

Me: *sigh* “We don’t have any kinds of books like that, sir. They’ve all been owned by someone else at some point.”

Customer: “What kind of bookstore are you?”

Me: “A used one, sir.”

(Wash. Rinse. Repeat.)

Egg-specting It Every Time

, , , , , , | Related | December 7, 2018

(I’ve never been able to eat eggs when they’re served on their own. It’s not an allergy, since I can eat them in baking with no problems. There’s something about the taste, smell, and texture that makes me gag. My mother-in-law has always known this about me, and yet… during a Christmas visit in 1992…)

Mother-In-Law: “[My Name], have some of this breakfast dish I made.”

Me: “No, thank you; I’ll just have some toast.”

Mother-In-Law: “Why not? I worked hard on that!”

Me: “It has eggs in it.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh. Right.”

(During another visit in 1999…)

Mother-In-Law: “Ah, [My Name], there you are. I saved you some scrambled eggs.”

Me: “Um…”

Two-Year-Old Daughter: “Mummy doesn’t like eggs!”

Mother-In-Law: “What? Since when?”

(During another visit in 2012…)

Mother-In-Law: “[My Name], have a bagel tuna melt.”

Me: “Thank you! I love bagel melts.” *takes a bite* “Um, is there egg in the tuna?”

Mother-In-Law: “Of course!” *as though I am stupid to ask*

Me: *quietly to my husband* “Would you like mine? I’ll just have the soup.”

(It’s been over twenty-five years now, and I don’t think she’ll change. We’ve never gotten along, so I suspect that she’s “forgetting” on purpose.)

It Was The Right Thing To Do

, , | Right | December 6, 2018

Me: “I’m afraid that we only have tickets available at either end of row X, at the very ends on either side.”

Customer: “Hmm, which side is better?”

Me: “Well, it’s the three end seats at either end of the row; there’s not much difference between the two.”

Customer: “But which has the better view?”

Me: “Like I say, the view is pretty much the same from either side.”

Customer: “But which do you think would be best for this show?”

Me: “The auditorium is perfectly symmetrical; there is no difference at all between either position.”

Customer: “Yes, but which would you pick? You know the venue better than I do.”

Me: *sighs internally* “You know what? The right side definitely has the better view. I’d go for that.”

This Mom Is All Bark And No Byte

, , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I’m working in the electronic department when I overhear a woman saying, “You can get whatever you want, since we just sold our house!” near the game case. She comes over to me a moment later asking for help.)

Customer: “We would like the [Game Console], the 500 GB one. Wait. Is that a 1 TB?”

Me: “Yep, and it comes with the same game! You get a lot more space with the 1 TB.”

Son: *to mother* “I want the 500 GB one!”

Customer: “No, you’re going to get the 1 TB one. You can get the higher-quality one! It’s fine!”

Me: *unlocks the doors and grabs the console* “Would you like any other games at all today?”

Customer: *to son* “What headset did you want?!”

Son: *pointing at a cheaper one* “This one!”

Customer: “No! You’ll get the more expensive one! I told you we sold the house! You can get what you want!”

Son: “Yeah, I want this one!”

Customer: “NO! You’ll get that one.” *pointing to a headset that is $10 more underneath the one her son wants*

Customer: *to me* “Get him that one!”

(I unlock the headset for her, and as I’m about to hand the headset to her son…)

Customer: *to son* “No, have her put everything in the cart and push it for us!”

Son: “What?!”

Customer: “You heard me! Have her put everything in our cart, and she can push it for us!”

Husband: *who was off in another aisle* “Wait? What are you making her do?!”

Customer: “I’m making her push the cart for us!”

Husband: “Uh… No?” *to me* “We’d also like to get a three-month online card for it.”

Customer: *to me* “And push the cart, too!”

(I put the items in the cart for her, move the cart a foot over to the next aisle, and grab an online card for them.)

Me: “Would you like to pay for this all back at our counter, or up front today?”

(If she takes it up front, I’ll have to walk the console up there.)

Customer: “Back here, obviously!”

(The husband pushes the cart to my counter, which is really only a few steps away. I’m ringing up items when the protection program window pops up; it’ll do it for each item. They are in the middle of a conversation, so I don’t want to interrupt.)

Me: “Sorry… Would you like the extended protection plan on any of your items today?”

(I am ignored.)

Me: “I’m sorry.”

(The woman stops and glares at me.)

Me: “Would you like the extended protection plan on any of your items today?”

Customer: “NO!”

(I finish ringing and bagging her items — minus the console and TV because they don’t fit — and she inserts her card. It’s waiting for her to sign, but she’s busy talking to her family so she doesn’t see it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, looks like it needs a signature to process your card.”

Customer: “Ugh.” *signs*

Me: “All righty, thank you. Have a good rest of your—”

Customer: *to husband* “She needs to put a paid sticker on [Console]!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have paid stickers.” *the consoles don’t fit in our regular bags* “If you’d like, I could put it in our larger bags that we used for Christmas… Let me see if I still have some… Oh, I do!”

Customer: “Whatever.”

Me: *bags it up* “Thank you and have a wonderful day!”

(I was ignored. Again.)

A Cup Of Mary With Your Cup Of Joe

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I’m taking the order of a woman talking on her cell when this exchange occurs.)

Customer: “Grande mocha, whole milk.” *goes back to talking on her phone*

Me: “Whipped cream on that?”

Customer: “Mary.”

Me: “Would you like whipped cream, ma’am?”

Customer: “Mary!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, would you—”

Customer: “M… A… R… “

Me:Mary! Would you like whipped cream?!

Customer: “Oh… Yeah.”

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