Don’t Do Coke, Kids!

, , , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

Customer #1: “What kind of soda products do you have?”

Me: “Coke.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have a Pepsi.”

Customer #2: “Dude, she just said they have Coke products.”

Customer #1: “Isn’t Coke a Pepsi product?”

Me: “Coke is Coke.”

Customer #1: “Okay. Cherry Pepsi, please.”

Customer #2: “Me, too.”

A Sizeable Problem

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2017

(I work at a fast food restaurant. For some reason, people don’t seem to understand sizes. I am often on the drive-thru, and you would not believe the frequency with which these exact exchanges occur, with multiple customers.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll just have a #1.”

Me: “What size would you like that combo?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: “Okay, and what size?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: *over-enunciating* “Do you want the fries and drink small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “Actually, make that a [Other Soda].”

Me: *picks random size for them* “Thank you. Please pull forward.”

(Another incident: a customer goes through the process of ordering whatever food, and then…)

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “What size do you want [Item] in?”

Customer: “What does it come in?”

Me: “It comes in either small, medium, or large.”

Customer: “I’ll take a regular.”

Me: “So, you want that in a medium?”

Customer: “No, just give me the regular size.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll make that a small.”

Customer: “Just give me whatever size it comes in!”

Me: *picks size for them* “Thank you. Please pull forward.”

(Plot twist: sometimes the customer really wants “extra large,” which is not an actual size here, and pulls all the way back through the line to have us get their order “right.”)

Plenty Of Door-ama

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I work at a sandwich shop. It shares a building with a coffee shop. There is an entrance from the street, and another entrance on the other side that is shared with the coffee shop. The coffee shop’s door is about four feet across from the sandwich shop’s door.)

Customer: “How do I get to [Coffee Shop]?

Me: “Just go through that exit over there, and the door is straight ahead.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you!”

(The customer walks out the shared door and I return to work. Ten minutes later I see her come in through our street door looking a little huffed and confused.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I couldn’t find [Coffee Shop]. Did you give me the right directions?”

Me: “Yes, the shop is right through that door.”

(I am pointing to the shared door like before.)

Customer: “I went through that door and didn’t find it. Show me.”

(Since it isn’t busy, I walk from the counter directly in front of the door with her next to me.)

Me: *pointing to the other door behind the glass* “See that other door behind this one? That is [Coffee Shop].”

Customer: *red-faced and flustered* “Oh, of course. I didn’t see it; I’m not stupid! Don’t act like I’m stupid.”

Wish You Could Dell-ete

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I work on a busy sales floor. An urgent page goes out for a salesperson. My phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Big Defunct Computer Retailer]. I am [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need your price on a [Brand] computer, model [number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; we don’t sell [Brand].”

Caller: “Can you tell me more about [Brand]?”

Me: “As I said, we don’t sell [Brand], but let me tell you about our computer line. They are great, and I think you will find that they are as good as or better than [Brand].”

Caller: “I just really want to know about [Brand]. My company’s contract only allows me to buy [Brand].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I can’t help you with that. Is there anything else you would like today?”

Caller: “I’m very disappointed; you should be able to help me with my [Brand] questions. This is very poor customer service!

Me: “Since you can’t buy from us, are you really a customer?”

(The “customer” grumbled and hung up.)

Not In Receipt Of Your Hints

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I am the manager on duty right now. I am helping customers on the sales floor when a woman asks for my help with some new coats that just came in a week or so ago.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Is this on sale?” *points to sign on the rack that reads “Jackets, 30% off”*

Me: “Yes, they are! They’re 30% off and they just came in!”

Customer: “I bought two last week and I paid full price for them!”

Me: “Oh, do you have your receipt? We can give you a price adjustment today if you have it.”

Customer: “No, I don’t. But I bought two full-price last week.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when you get the receipt, come back and we will give you a price adjustment as long as the sale is still on.”

Customer: “I bought two full price ones last week, but I changed my purse so I don’t have the receipt.”

Me: “That’s no problem; you can get your price adjustment whenever you can bring the receipt in. No time limit, as long as the sale is on.”

Customer: “But I bought two full price jackets last week! This one and the grey one! In fact, you helped me! It was about $300!”

Me: “Right, and we can refund you if you go get the receipt.”

Customer: “I changed purses and it’s in my other purse.”

Me: *sighing inwardly in frustration* “We will give you the 30% off when you bring the receipt in, but I can’t do anything without the receipt.”

Customer: “I bought them for $[total] and it’s 30% off, so I should get $[amount] back!”

Me: “Yup, just get your receipt and you’ll get it back!”

Customer: “I don’t have my receipt; I changed purses!”

Me: “Then I can’t help you today.”

(I walk away to help other customers but she follows me, holding up two jackets.)

Customer: “I bought two full price jackets — this one and this one — last week! They are on sale now!”

Me:Yes! They are, and you can get your money back if you bring in the receipt, which is in your other purse! I cannot give you a price adjustment without the receipt.”

(The customer proceeds to repeat her receipt and purse story.)

Me: “Come back when you have your receipt.”

(I walked away, and every time she tried to talk to me to tell me about her jackets she bought, I said, “I’ll talk to you when you have your receipt,” and kept walking away. After a few minutes she got the hint and left.)

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