Cash Back Attack, Part 6

, , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(My friends and I are on a road trip and we stop to get snacks. The store is bustling, and we go through the self-checkout section, thinking it will be faster as we each just have a drink and a food item, and the lines are long at the staffed registers. These self-checkout registers state at the beginning that they do not provide cash back, and you have to hit a button that says you understand before you can go through with scanning and paying. I check out and then wait on my friend, who is taking an extra long time to ring up her couple of items. After a minute or two, I go over to see what’s taking so long.)

Friend: “It’s giving me an error! All I wanted was cash back.”

Me: “You asked for cash back? Didn’t you see the message at the beginning?”

Friend: “Oh, I saw it had a message, but I just hit okay and didn’t read it.”

Me: *facepalm*

Friend: “Oops.”

(An associate ended up having to come over to clear the message, and then they had to open the machine to pull out the cash back that had been calculated by the machine already. She didn’t seem too happy, but we apologized profusely for being THOSE customers. I’m sure her Saturday had been full of people like us already!)

Cash Back Attack, Part 5
Cash Back Attack, Part 4
Cash Back Attack, Part 3

In Receipt Of A Pair Of Ears

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2018

(The customer in front of me at the grocery store has just finished getting his items scanned. This store offers the option of receipts in the usual paper format or by email to save waste.)

Cashier: “Would you like your receipt emailed, on paper, or neither?”

Customer: “No.”

Cashier: “Okay, then, no receipt it is. Please insert your card.”

Customer: *after paying* “Where’s my receipt?”

Cashier: “You said you didn’t want your receipt.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t want it emailed.”

Me: “No, she asked if you wanted the receipt emailed or on paper. You said, ‘No,’ so she said, ‘Okay, no receipt, then,’ and you paid. If you wanted a receipt, you should have said so.”

Customer: “I wanted it on paper, not email!”

Me: “Too bad you didn’t listen, then, huh?”

(The cashier had to call for a manager to get the receipt pulled up and printed — because if anyone could do it, theft would be really easy. There was a ten-minute wait and a long line built up because this guy desperately needed a receipt for his milk.)

Manners Maketh Them Mad

, , , , | Friendly | August 10, 2018

(I have been a part of my school’s annual musical for a number of years now. We rehearse at the theatre we own, which is attached to a private cafe that has a great relationship with our school, considering we provide most of their business. During late rehearsals we pre-order dinner from this cafe, and then collect it on our break from the pickup counter — a separate place from where orders are placed. Tonight when I arrive there is a long line up of other people at the register and a number of my friends hanging out in a group by the pickup counter. One woman with some young kids is also waiting by the pickup counter, and we assume she is waiting for them to call out her number, as she has probably just ordered. We tell a cashier our names and they bring us our orders. As I am saying my name, the woman speaks up.)

Woman: *angrily* “Hmm, I thought that we were at the front of the line, but I guess I must have thought wrong.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but the line to order is over there.”

(I point to what is obviously a line to order.)

Woman: *cutting me off* “Nope, I don’t care. I just thought kids had better manners than this. I’m going.”

(She grabs her kids and drags them towards the door. I cannot resist the urge to say something.)

Me: *overly positive* “Have a nice day!”

(I found it funny that she was complaining about manners when hers were absolutely atrocious!)

Fad Behavior Is Bad Behavior

, , , , | Right | August 10, 2018

(I work in a toy section in a super center that promotes a fad character I hate more than anything. My store is in a small town with not many local stores. The public has been begging them to get a fabrics section because there is no craft store within a four- or five-town radius. The party section is right across from my toys section, leading to this horrible conversation while I’m cleaning up after some destructive kids. I look at the destructive kids’ mother, who looks upset and lost.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yeah, where the h*** is your [Fad Character] party stuff?”

Me: *mishearing her over one of her children, who is now yelling and tugging on me to get my attention* “Oh, the [Fad Character] toys are right there; it’s the rather ugly, yellow section.” *points down the aisle as my joke goes over her head*

Customer: *suddenly way more angry* “NO! Where is your [Fad Character] party stuff!?”

Me: “Oh! They would be over in the celebrations department; it’s just across the main aisle.”

(I point, tugging my hand from one of the children on my arm to do so.)

Customer: *looks at me like I’m an idiot* “I was already over there. Why don’t you have any?!”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure, but I can help you look.”

Customer: “No! There isn’t any over there! WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY?!”

(She is now turning red, she is so mad, and she’s starting freak me out.)

Me: “Well, if it’s not on the shelf, I can go over and scan it to see if it’s in the back room.”

Customer: “There’s nothing of it over there! WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY?!”

Me: “I can check in the back to see if we have any to come out.”


Me: “I don’t control that section. I can take you to the person that controls and stocks that section to see if we have some I’m not aware of.”


Me: “We recently got fabrics; it made celebrations smaller. I can check in the back or with the manager to see if that product was put on clearance somewhere to make space.”


Me: “We don’t actually control our stock; our home office does, in another state.”

Customer: “WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY?!”

Me: “I can get a manager, but they will probably give you all the same options.”


(I go through this process of telling her how our system works and repeating my options a few times, with her kids still hanging on me, which she has said nothing about.)

Me: *tired of going in circles but trying to hold a smile* “Well, you could see if our site has it; we offer free shipping on most items.”


(It was Friday night. Then, we both noticed that her husband had been trying to get her attention and hand her a call on his phone. She proceeded to cuss loudly about me in the toy section around other children. I had to ask her children to let me go so I could work, and to follow their parents because both adults started to walk away without them.)

Attack Of The Entitled Mummy

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2018

(I work for myself as a children’s entertainer, advertising mostly by word of mouth. I receive an email asking for a quote.)

Customer: “Hi! [Parent I have worked with] gave me your info. I’m looking for a quote for my little princess’s fourth birthday. How much are you?”

Me: “Hello, [Name from email address], thanks for reaching out! I need a few more details to give you an accurate quote:

1) What day and time is your daughter’s party?
2) How many little guests do you expect to be there?
3) Where will the party take place?
4) What services are you interested in? I do balloon twisting, glitter tattoos, face painting, and a limited number of character interactions.

Talk to you soon!”

Customer: “Wow! I didn’t know you’d be so invasive! How did you know my name? I’m not telling you where I live! Just give me a quote!”

(After blinking at my screen for a few minutes I shake my head and try again.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I assumed your email was your name. My apologies for startling you. I need to know generally where the party is to see if mileage charges apply, and when it is to see if I’m already booked. I don’t need your exact address if you’re having the party at your residence; nearby major cross streets would work to get you an accurate quote. Thanks again for the opportunity to make your child’s birthday a little more special!”

Customer: “Main and 1st.”

(My eye is now sporadically twitching, but business slows down in summer due to the crushing heat and I could use the money. After a deep breath, I reply:)

Me: “Fantastic news! You’re well within my standard radius, so no mileage fees will apply. I just need to know the day and time you’re looking to book me, how many kids I’ll be working with, and which of my services you’re most interested in. Just a heads up: if you’ve hired a bounce house, I likely will not be able to face paint, as it’s against the bounce house company’s policy.”

Customer: “Don’t worry about who or what else I’ve hired. You are very unprofessional! I just want a f****** quote and you’re taking forever! I’ve wasted an hour of my life with you now! For f***’s sake! This Saturday at three pm, for an hour. And, you had better give me a discount for this horrid service!”

(I glance at my weather app and see that it’s going to be nearly 115° at that time. My balloons require indoor space under 95°, and most private-at-home birthday parties are backyard events. My suited characters don’t perform in that heat, either.)

Me: “I am available to face paint and/or do glitter tattoos on Saturday! Yay! It’s unfortunately projected to be too hot to offer balloon animals or character meet-and-greets. My minimum booking for just face painting is for two hours at $100 an hour. Usually glitter tattoos are an additional charge, but to make the day extra special I’ll throw in a dozen free glitter tattoos for the birthday girl and eleven of her closest friends. I will need a ten by ten flat space to set up my canopy unless you have shade, table, and chairs provided. If you would like to book me, please fill out and return the attached contract. Once I have received the deposit and signed contract, we’re all set!”

Customer: “I only want an hour. I’m only paying for one hour! And $100 is outrageous! It’s only thirty kids; it shouldn’t take you two hours!”

(I’m now full-on headdesking. Industry average for face painting is twelve to fifteen kids an hour. My rates aren’t the cheapest in the city, but I’m far from the top earners, and my work is solid, I’m insured, and I only use top-quality supplies. This is exactly why I always ask how many kids there are, not how long the parents think I’ll need to get to everyone. Two minutes per kid to pick what they want, sit down, get painted, and admire themselves in the mirror just isn’t reasonable. At this point, I pretty much want to just write her off but, again, I could really use the money. Without much hope, I try again.)

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but my rates and timeframe are both very fair. I average ten to fourteen faces an hour, so getting to all thirty kids in only two hours will be very challenging. I do want to help make your little one’s birthday as special as possible and work with your budget, so I’ll make you a deal. For my usual two-hour rate I’ll guarantee all thirty kids get painted, even if it takes another hour. I’ll bring a sign-in sheet to make sure everyone gets painted while still enjoying the party. I hope this works for you; if not I hope it’s a fun filled day, anyway!”

Customer: “So, if my nieces and nephews show up, too, you won’t paint them?! I can’t believe [Parent I have worked with] recommended such a shady, rude person! I’m going to tell everyone I know that you’re a selfish, horrible person!”

(The next day, the parent who originally referred me reached out and apologized for their friend. The customer showed the complete email chain as evidence of how “rude” I was in a Facebook group, and is apparently now the laughing stock of her mommies group.)

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