A Real Malt-Of-The-Earth Kind Of Server

, , , , , , | Working | February 15, 2018

(I am at a diner with a couple of friends. They are ordering dinner, but I have already eaten. I see malts listed on the menu. I haven’t had a chocolate malt in years, and it sounds good. The server, a teenage girl, arrives at our table.)

Server: “Are you ready to order?”

Friend #1: “Yes, we are.”

Server: “Okay.” *walks away*

Me: “Did I hear her right? Didn’t she just ask if we were ready?”

Friend #1: “That’s what I heard.”

(A few minutes later, the same server returns.)

Server: “Can I take your order now?”

(My friends order their meals. Then, it’s my turn.)

Me: “I’ll just have a chocolate malt, please.”

Server: *seems confused for a moment* “Do you mean a chocolate milkshake?”

Me: “No, a malt. The menu says that you have milkshakes and malts.”

Server: “Where?”

Me: *pointing to the menu item* “Right there. It says, ‘Malt.’”

Server: “Oh, but that’s made with something different.” *walks away*

(My friends and I raise our eyebrows at one another. I eventually got… a chocolate milkshake. I decided to accept it and not press the issue.)

This Testing Is Testing

, , , , , , | Working | February 15, 2018

(Part of my job is overseeing operations performed by fellow employees who are working remotely from their homes. In this instance, there is an employee who is supposed to be connected to a modem — yes, they are still in use — but she is having trouble dialing in. I decide to see if I can get into the modem from here in our office, and if it works, I’ll simply connect our employee to us and use the connection that way. This is all a very common practice. I explain my plan to the employee, put her on hold, and successfully dial the modem. I pick her back up.)

Me: “Okay, [Employee], I was able to get into that modem here.”

Employee: “Okay, great.”

(I then hear the notorious sound of a modem being dialed in the background.)

Me: “Oh, wait. I’m still dialed into that. You won’t be able to get in yet.”

Employee: “Oh. Did you want me to connect through you guys?”

Me: *holding back a sigh* “We can do it that way, yes.”

(I give the employee the information she needs to connect, and I hit “dial” on the modem again. The number dials out, but I then get a busy signal instead of a handshake.)

Me: “[Employee], did you hang up that modem on your end? I’m getting a busy signal here.”

Employee: “Yep, I’m not connected. I turned off my modem so it would stop dialing.”

(I groan internally. Turning off the modem unfortunately doesn’t disconnect the number, so it’s in limbo, with neither of us able to connect — again. I call the client, ask them to reset the modem, and wait for a call back when it’s clear. They do so, and I get back into the modem. The client asks if we can send some test data through.)

Me: “Okay, [Employee], we’re back in. Do you want to send some test data through really quick?”

Employee: “Sure.”

Me: “Okay, one second while I check with them.”

(I then sit on the phone with the client for well over a minute, MUCH longer than a test should take to appear, with them seeing no data come through. I pick up the employee again.)

Me: “[Employee], are you sending ‘test’ through?”

Employee: “Oh, not yet. I was waiting for you to let me know when.”

Me: *loses all hope*

(We did test successfully after that.)

Unhappy Annibirthentine’s Day

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | February 15, 2018

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], it’s Valentine’s Day!”

Coworker: “Not only that; it’s also my wedding anniversary.”

Me: “Aww, how romantic!”

Coworker: And it’s my birthday!”

Me: Wow! Your husband must be planning something really special, eh?”

Coworker: “Nope. I’m pretty sure he forgot.”

Me: *pause* “How could he possibly forget?”

Coworker: “I wonder that every year.”

They Will Fix It In Post

, , , | Working | February 15, 2018

(A friend and I sell items in an online store. Someone makes a purchase, so we pack up the item and purchase and print a shipping label through the website, which also sends a notification to the customer. Then, we drop the package off at the post office. Several days later, I get a message from the customer asking if the order has shipped yet. I check the tracking info only to see that, for some reason, that package has neither shipped nor even been checked in to the post office. My friend confirms she definitely dropped it off. We try calling the post office, but apparently, this branch is notoriously bad at ever answering the phones. Instead, my friend resolves to go to the post office in person and find out what’s going on. When she arrives and inquires about the package, it is quickly found on the floor in a corner, the label never having been scanned in. As my friend is making the employee scan the package into the system in front of her eyes, this interaction happens:)

Post Office Worker: “In the future, you should just hand packages directly to workers, rather than dropping them in the dropbox.”

Friend: “Seriously?!”

Post Office Worker: “What?”

Friend: “I did! You are the one I handed it to!”

(The customer finally got their package, and we don’t use that post office anymore.)

200 Miles Away Isn’t Enough

, , , , , | Learning | February 15, 2018

Me: *answering the phone* “Hello, [School].”

Woman: “Could you please tell me if [Student] is in school today?”

Me: “Are you a relative?”

Woman: “I’M HIS MOTHER!”

Me: *holding the receiver away from my ear* “All right. Just give me a moment.”

Woman: “I need to make sure that useless, good-for-nothing, piece-of-s*** father of his is keeping his upkeep of our son!”

Me: *after searching* “Could you confirm his name again, please?”

Woman: *sighs* “[STUDENT]!”

Me: “There’s only one student by that name in our records.”

Woman: “Is he in?”

Me: “No, Miss. He—”

Woman: “THAT F****** A**HOLE! I’LL CHOP HIS NUTS OFF! HE—”

Me: *interrupting* “Miss [Woman], the reason he isn’t in is because he left. Three years ago.

Woman: “What?!”

Me: “He finished his education with us three years ago.”

Woman: “Then, where is he?”

Me: “It says he went to [University 200 miles away].”

Woman: *pause* “THAT UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF S***!” *hangs up*

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