Ironically, You Can See That You Are Blind

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2019

(I’m the stupid customer in this one. I’ve gone to the local one-stop-shop to put an item I expect to end up hard to find come Black Friday on layaway. I’ve never done layaway before, so I stop a passing associate.)

Me: “Excuse me. Are you guys doing layaway right now?”

Associate: “Yeah, I think so, until around the 10th of December.”

(I happen to look up at this point to see a sign that says this exact thing. He follows my gaze and points up at it.)

Associate: “Yeah, there you go, see?”

Me: “Best place to hide things is overhead or in plain sight, and apparently, I can’t look up today. How does this process work?”

(He gestures to another sign just around the corner, in plain sight, explaining the whole process step-by-step.)

Me: “Well, one last question, then. Can you tell me where the nearest optometrist is? Clearly, I’ve gone completely blind to the obvious, too!”

(We shared a laugh and he helped me put the Switch I wanted on layaway. Hopefully, I’m not this blind when I actually get it!)

Opposed To Being Closed

, , , | Right | April 23, 2019

Our shop has recently been bought out by a large chain. They’re keeping the staff on and they want us to help out with the shop’s makeover. The place is being painted, and we are getting new signs, new shelves, and new checkouts; everything is changing and the shop is busy with decorators and staff.

We’ve shut the shop for the day as we can barely move for all the equipment, stock, and general debris. We still have workers moving in and out of the shop, so the doors are still open, but we’ve lowered the metal shutters to indicate that we aren’t open. We’ve also had notices displayed for weeks to state we won’t be open today.

Despite this, several customers still try and come in, bending under the shutters and clambering over shelving. Only after that obstacle course is done do they look around at the bare wires and stripped bare walls and shelving, and all say the exact same thing:

“Oh, are you closed?”

Gauging Your Favorite Color

, , , , | Right | April 23, 2019

(I work in a body piercing store.)

Customer: “Can I have one of these, please?” *pointing to the display of different-sized tapers for stretching piercings to larger gauges*

Me: “Of course. What size do you need?”

Customer: “A blue one.”

Me: “…”

Paint Themselves Into A Corner Of Rudeness

, , , , , , | Right | April 22, 2019

(I’m running my particular department by myself on this Saturday; I got roped into covering a shift. It’s not so terrible, but I sell fine art supplies and I get the chance to deal with the most pompous customers from time to time. The phone rings, and I answer.)

Me: “Art and supplies; how may I help you today?”

Caller: “Do you have [Paint Brand]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we—“

Caller: *starts rambling about something unrelated* “So, do you have it?”

Me: “We—“

Caller: “I want cadmium red, orange, and a blue. Do you have [Paint Brand]?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t hav—“

Caller: “Do you have it?”

Me: “We don—“

Caller: “Stop interrupting me! You know, you young people are so g**d*** RUDE!” *starts rambling on and on*

Me: *hangs up*

Couldn’t Have Been The Sharpest TSA Agent

, , , , , | Working | April 22, 2019

(My friend and her husband are traveling for vacation. My friend works for an international fast food company writing training manuals and tweaking ingredient amounts for certain food and drink items. They successfully make it through airport security and are gathering their belongings on a bench thirty feet away to head to the gate. When she is putting her laptop back in the case, she feels something odd inside. She pulls out a large ginsu knife.)

Husband: “Uh, honey? What is that doing in your bag?”

Friend: “Oh, my gosh! I forgot to empty my bag from the [Company] conference! I was doing a demonstration with the knife, and I put it in here to bring home and never took it out!”

Husband: “How did TSA miss that?!”

Friend: “I don’t know! What should I do?”

Husband: “There’s a trash barrel. Quickly! Put it in there!”

(They gathered their belongings, knife hidden underneath her jacket, ran up to the trash barrel, and threw it away. I wonder what else gets missed.)

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