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Voicemail Fail, Part 6

, , , | Right | October 13, 2021

I work in a call center taking inbound customer calls, and there’s another section that makes outbound calls for any inquiries that require followup. If we need a call back, we provide direct extensions, a reference number, etc. In other words, something more identifiable than just our first names.

Caller: “I just got a message from John. He said to ask for him when I call back.”

I know at least four Johns personally in sales.

Me: “Let me see if I can track him down. Did you happen to have the extension handy? Or maybe you have an outstanding order or invoice that you were calling about?”

Caller: “I guess I just have to listen to the message.”

He hung up, leaving me to wonder if he just heard, “Hello, this is John from [Company],” and hung up his voicemail?

Voicemail Fail, Part 5
Voicemail Fail, Part 4
Voicemail Fail, Part 3
Voicemail Fail, Part 2
Voicemail Fail

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Sounds Like She Doesn’t Need To Get Higher

, , , | Right | October 11, 2021

I’m doing my weekly grocery shop at 8:00 am. I see an older lady doing her shopping and she comes out of the store with a cart, which holds about twelve bottles of wine and nothing else. She ends up in front of the elevator. She walks toward it, goes back, looks at it, and turns around. She spots me and walks toward me.

Customer: “I, eh… don’t know how it works.”

Me: *Confused* “Oh, well… you press that button and…”

Customer: “Oh, but I’ll have no idea where I will end up!”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry, you—”

Customer: “I’ll just take the escalator.”

This escalator is more of a flat surface, so it’s easy to go up with a cart.

Me: “Eh… okay, then, I guess…”

I am confused: first, because she does not seem to know how an elevator works, and second, because I thought she asked for assistance and now she’s completely ignoring me.

I just go up on the escalator and I see the lady again. She needs to go up one more floor, but that floor can either be reached through the staircase escalator or the elevator. She looks a bit… panicked. 

Customer: “I… I have no choice but to take that elevator, right?”

Me: “Yeah, if you need to go up… Let’s press this button for you.”

Customer: “But how will I get out?”

Me: “Don’t worry. See those doors over there? Those will open when you get up. Now, remember, you are at ‘-1’ now, so you will need to press the ‘0’ button, to go up.”

Customer: “The ‘0’?”

Me: “Yes, I know it sounds weird. The grocery store is in the basement, we are now at ‘-1’, the garage, and ‘0’ is the ground surface with all the other stores.

The doors opened and the lady went in. I once again mentioned that she needed to press the ‘0.’ I could have joined her, but confined small spaces worry me. I hurried up the other escalator, and when I got up, the doors opened and the lady walked out. She acted like nothing was amiss. She even seemed to ignore me.

I don’t know if she was confused, but her responses did confuse me.

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Lemmings: Customer Edition

, , , , , , , | Right | October 11, 2021

I have just finished shopping and am making my way to the cashier. There are two cashier counters open, but for some reason, everyone is only queuing up for one of them. The other cashier is simply standing there looking at the queue and there is no “closed” sign or anything on her counter.

I move to the open counter and hand my purchases to the cashier, and she starts to ring them up without a word. Seeing this, several customers from the long line immediately switch over to my line.

The woman behind me rudely informs me that I was supposed to queue up. I point out that nobody was queuing here in the first place, and she chooses not to reply. 

I guess this is what happens when you simply follow the crowd without thinking.

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This Official Is Officially Inattentive

, , , , , | Working | October 11, 2021

In soccer, the officials have the discretion to “card” players for unsportsmanlike conduct or other flagrant rule violations. A yellow card gets a player a temporary suspension from the game; red cards get the player removed from the game altogether.

When I was a kid, my dad played in a recreational soccer league for fun and for exercise. He’s level-headed, calm, and rational… and this is the story of how he got his one and only card in soccer.

Dad played striker, one of the main scoring positions. One game, a teammate passed him the ball and Dad dribbled it down the field to take a shot on goal. One of the other team’s defenders slide-tackled Dad from behind, in blatant violation of both the league’s rules and “just playing for fun” spirit. 

Dad picked himself up off the ground and turned to the official, who had yet to blow his whistle to stop play as he should have.

Dad: “Are you gonna call that?”

The official shook his head.

Official: “I didn’t see anything.”

Dad: *Frustrated* “I had the ball; where were you looking?”

The official silently held up a yellow card and sent Dad to the sidelines.

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Too Bad Brains And Patience Are In Short Supply

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: MaiTai0427 | October 10, 2021

Me: “This is [Supply Company]. How can we hel—”

Caller: “How could you hang up on me?! I’ve been trying to get this order placed for the last thirty minutes with you, and we finally get to the payment, and we get disconnected, and you don’t even call me back?!”

Me: “I’m sorry that happened to you, but I wasn’t the one you were speaki—”

Caller: “I don’t care. Let’s just get this over with.”

Me: “All right, one moment.”

I search through the account that popped up via her phone number and there’s nothing from today. I’m dreading telling her that with every fiber of my being. I finally bite the bullet.

Me: “Sorry, there is nothing here from today.”

She immediately goes into a tirade about how incompetent we are and how she has never been so exhausted with a company. She demands to know how we can lose an order we just discussed fifteen minutes ago. This goes on for a solid minute.

Caller: “I demand to speak to the woman who hung up on me!”

Me: “The last agent you spoke to on [Day] was male.”

Caller: “I just spoke to a female agent fifteen minutes ago!”

Me: “Your last call was on [Day] with a male agent.

She’s so mad that she yells:

Caller: “Where are you calling me from?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you called me.”

She is so pissed off at this point that she goes silent.

Me: “Yes, you called me at [Supply Company].”

Caller: “Yes, I know that already. This is [Other Supply Com]— Oh, wait.”

She goes silent again.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, this isn’t [Other Supply Company].”

She hung up. I still whispered, “Have a nice day!”

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