Well, Mow My Lawn And Paint Me Purple

, , , | Right | August 8, 2018

(I work in the paint department of a local home improvement store. Our phone system has three options for callers: power equipment, paint, and retail. For some reason, callers never pay attention and just choose a random one. I usually get repair calls at the paint department. I figure I’ll have a little fun after the tenth time the wrong call comes through.)

Me: “Paint department. [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, is my lawn mower ready for pickup?”

Me: “Oh, geez, sir, I don’t know. Let me go check the shaker to see if it’s done.”

Caller: “Wait… What!? What kind of operation are you runnin’ here?!”

Me: “It was a joke, sir. This is the paint department.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t want to paint my lawnmower! “

Me: “Okay, sir! I’ll just transfer you to repairs. You have a good day, now!”

Caller: “D*** kids, always trying to paint my lawnmower!”

Will Fedex Them The Medical Bill

, , , , , | Working | August 7, 2018

(As tech support for the office, I go into the server room one day and see two of the Uninterruptible Power Supply [UPS] units are showing battery condition warning lights. As these protect vital machines, I order two new batteries to be delivered overnight. UPS batteries are, in this case, sealed lead-acid units, weighing almost thirty pounds each. Next morning, I’m in reception, waiting for them, but someone calls with an urgent tech support issue. While I’m on the phone, a delivery driver walks in, and in almost a mime act, carefully places a deceptively small package on the counter.)

Delivery Driver: “These are UPS batteries, so be careful with them.”

Receptionist: “I don’t care what courier firm you’re from; there’s no special treatment here.”

(The driver was probably in a rush, so he didn’t stop to argue, but was on his way as soon as he was handed the signed delivery note. With a final, “Tsk!” the receptionist grabbed the plastic carrying handle on the package and pulled it off the counter. Her shriek as several pounds of plummeting battery nearly dislocated her shoulder was impressive.)

How Retail Has Worked Since 1972

, , , , | Right | August 7, 2018

(The local supermarket uses a self-checkout line in addition to the normal, staffed checkout lines. This helps some shoppers avoid long lines, and is convenient for students to finish shopping quickly. One day, I’m in line behind a man in his forties or fifties at the self-checkout line.)

Customer: “Hey, I need help over here. I’m not able figure this machine out.”

Salesman: “Certainly, sir. You just look for the barcode printed on each item you wish to bag. For fruits and vegetables, you simply weigh them on the counter and look up the item on the menu.”

Customer: *blinking rapidly* “Wow… You guys are so sophisticated. You went all out, didn’t you? Having to print these codes and s***.”

Salesman: “Actually, sir, there are barcodes on every item everywhere else. In other stores, the cashier checks them out.”

Customer: “Wait, there are barcodes on all items?”

A Hot Slice Of Confusion

, , , , , | Right | August 6, 2018

Customer: “Excuse me, but you’re out of cooked pizzas out front. Are you making any more today?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am! As a matter of fact, if you look behind me here, you’ll see that my coworker is slicing some fresh pizzas right now!”

(I point right at my coworker standing right next to a tall rack of pizzas. The customer goes wide-eyed.)

Customer: “So, you’re not making any more?!”

Riding This Complaint Train

, , , , , | Right | August 6, 2018

(I work at the one of the two kids’ areas at a theme park. The one I work at closes at 8:00 pm, and the other is open until the park closes. I don’t have people in my line or on my ride for the last ten minutes we are open, so I have all the “cars” buckled up and ready for closing. When I look at my watch, it is 8:01, so I finish closing by pressing the end of the day e-stop, which disconnects all power to the ride. I can’t start it again if even if I want to, because only managers have the keys for it. It is currently 8:06, and I am about to take the height stick and leave the ride.)

Customer: “C’mon, kids, let’s ride [Ride] before we leave!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are no longer open and I am no longer able to run [Ride].”

Customer: “But my kids always ride all the rides when we come here, and I was waiting around the ride for five minutes waiting for my kids. We have season passes and they love these rides!”

Me: *thinking* “If you have season passes, then you can obviously come back another day.” *what I actually say* “Again, I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but the end of the day e-stop has been depressed, and I can no longer run the ride even if I wanted to. If your kids were in line before eight I would have been happy to, but no one was in line and I have closed the ride up for the night.”

Customer: “Why is it pressed? [Park] is open until ten, right?”

Me: “Yes, but [Area] closes at eight. It is now 8:10.”

Customer: “Oh, well, it won’t take long to run the ride, just UN-depress the e-stop.”

Me: “I can’t. I do not have the key to do that.”

Customer: “I cannot believe this. I want to know your name right now! I will be leaving a complaint and getting you fired!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. I am doing my job as I have been trained to do. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I cannot run the ride.”

Customer: “But she—” *points to coworker running another ride* “—was running her ride at eight!”

Me: “Yes, but she also had guests in line at eight and I didn’t; therefore, I shut down the ride after eight. I do not have the key to run this ride anymore, but [Other Kid Area] is still open, and they have plenty of rides that I’m sure your kids will love.”

Customer: “They have already been there and ridden those rides today.”

(I see my supervisor walking by.)

Me: “There’s my supervisor now.”

(I call him over and explain the situation.)

Supervisor: “Ma’am, she is doing her job and the ride is shut down.”

Customer: “Well, if you didn’t have only three people on these rides back here, we would have made it in time!”

Supervisor: “We only have three back here because it’s been a slow day and had some people call out today. But since we only had three, I’ll make an exception and unlock the ride. But, just so you know, she was doing her job exactly right and shouldn’t run the ride unless you were already in line, which you weren’t.”

(The customer smirks while I look at my supervisor in disbelief. While I’m letting the kids off the ride after it has been run, the woman says:)

Customer: “See? If you just ran it to start with, we would be gone and you would be going home.” *walks away*

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