Don’t Get Crabby Unless You’re Colorblind

, , , | Right | July 13, 2021

Customer: “Is this blue crab? It says red crab on the sign, but I think it’s blue crab.”

Me: “It’s red crab.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “You should make it more clear for your customers.”

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, , , , | Right | July 10, 2021

A lady comes to the register with thirty jars of pickled onions.

Customer: “All of these are out of date!”

I’m confused because those just came in.

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “These are all out of date! I checked them all and look! They’re six months out of date. What kind of shop are you running?”

Me: “Could you pass me one, please?”

The customer huffs and slams one down on the counter.

Customer: “I think it’s despicable that the staff here aren’t doing their job. Just disgraceful!”

I read the dates on the jar and immediately realise what’s happened:

Me: “Oh, I see. If you look just here, the date you were looking at was the production date; the ‘best before’ date is just below it.”

Customer: “I know how to read a date!”

Me: “It’s very easy to misread the label on these, but I assure you they’re well within date.”

It’s not easy to misread; it very clearly says, “Production,” on the first line and, “Best Before,” on the second.

Customer: “How could you be so rude? I’m going to call corporate and have you fired!”

She left in a huff and my boss — the owner of the company — who had watched the whole thing burst out laughing.

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Selective Reading

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: gestella | July 9, 2021

I’m selling a used car online for £395. My listing includes information about the car and says, “No offers.”

Potential Buyer: “£100 cash.”

Me: “Yeah, mate.”

Potential Buyer: “Where are you located?”

Me: “[Town #1].”

Potential Buyer: “???”

Me: “???”

Potential Buyer: “Says [Town #2]?”

Me: “Also says, ‘No offers,’ but you chose to ignore that.”

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Time To Call The Actual Police

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2021

I once managed a Blockbuster Video. We had a customer that consistently came in and tried to get the staff to take a temp check. We had signs posted all over the register stating we don’t accept them. Sure enough, this genius tries again. I get called over so that I can explain to him AGAIN that we do not accept temp checks as he is well aware.

After eyeing me for a moment, he says:

Customer: “Maybe this will help.”

He then flashes his police badge.

Me: “Am I under arrest?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then that badge is of no help here.”

He did not get his way.

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He’s Doing A Crappy Job Protecting His Kid

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: realtomgl | July 8, 2021

At one of my old hotels, I was sometimes literally the only person working on the PM shift. One night in the summer, a guest came in.

Guest: “Someone took their baby into the pool with them and the baby had an accident.”

I ran out and asked all the other people to get out of the pool. The pool was outside and next to a BBQ area, so the guests eating inquired what was going on, and when I told them, they immediately helped me get their kids out of the pool. Good guests — not bothering me, and giving me space to clean. They even asked if they could stay in the BBQ area.

I got the pool skimmer and pulled the poop out, and then I called my maintenance man to see what chemicals to put in the pool to clean it. I put up signs saying the pool was closed and even put yellow caution signs in front of both ladders entering the pool itself. All the while, I was hoping that the phone wouldn’t ring or a guest wouldn’t come to check in since, again, I was the only person working there.

I finally got it all done and went back inside, but then I heard a splash. I ran out and a kid had cannonballed into the pool, with his dad standing there watching.

I probably wasn’t calm but screamed and pointed when I came out to tell the dad to get his kid out of the pool. Ignoring signs and letting his kid swim with poop? Sigh.

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