A Real Hole Of A Store

, , , , , | Right | January 18, 2020

(I’m an electrician, and I’ve been dispatched to a store that has had a car plow through the front of it. The entire front of this small retail location has been boarded over. A manager is in the empty store with me — for security reasons — and I am up a ladder, working on the wiring in the ceiling. We both hear some rattling the front door.)

Manager: *calling* “We’re closed!”

(The rattling stops.)

Me: “Some people, right?”

Manager: “Yeah.”

(Suddenly, there’s a loud tearing crunch and both of us look dumbfounded at a woman, who has ripped several boards off the hole in the front of the store and climbed in.)

Customer: “Hey, your door wouldn’t open. I just need some things real quick—”

Manager: “Ma’am, we are closed. You can’t be in here.”

Customer: “But I just need—”

Manager: “No. We are closed. Does it even look like we can ring you up for anything?”

(Some cleanup has happened, but the shelves are empty and pushed all the way into the back of the store. There are no registers and most of the lights are off. I’m up a six-foot ladder with wiring hanging down around me, and I’m just staring down at this woman with a disbelieving expression.)

Customer: “But you’re here, so you can get me what I need out of the back.”

Manager: “No. We’re closed for business. And you are trespassing. You need to leave.”

(The woman protests, but is eventually herded out the door.)

Me: “What…?”

Manager: “Don’t think about it. The more you think about it, the more the stupid will burn. And we cannot afford an insulation fire right now.”

(The manager found a hammer and hammered the boards back into place. Several more people tried the door that day, but that lady was the only one who ripped a board off the hole in the wall to get in.)

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You’re Also Charged A Lecture On Top Of The Fee

, , , , | Working | January 16, 2020

(This takes place in the mid-2000s. The movie rental place near me does not charge late fees, but keeping the movie for over a month will result in you buying it and having your account billed accordingly. As I’m cleaning out my dorm to move home for the summer, I find a movie from them I forgot to return. It’s a movie I like and it is my fault for forgetting, so I’m fine with being charged the full price, but I still go to the store to settle my account so I don’t have an outstanding balance while I’m gone for the summer.)

Me: “I’m not renting anything today; I just want to pay my account balance off.”

Cashier: “All right. It looks like you kept [Movie] too long and have been charged for buying it.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s right.”

Cashier: “Our policy clearly states that even though we have no late fees, you’ll be charged the full price of the movie after keeping it for thirty days.”

Me: “I know; I’m here to pay that.”

Cashier: “We also call you when you’re past due to remind you before that happens.”

Me: “Yeah, I got the call and then forgot. I’m fine paying it. I don’t mind.”

Cashier: “There’s a drop-box for after hours. So even if you’re busy with class and work all day you can still drop it off. It only takes a moment, and we’re right by campus.”

Me: “I’m aware. I get that it was my fault, and I’m fine with it and here to pay off the balance.”

Cashier: “Look, I’m just trying to help you. Nobody wants to be charged full price for movies they only wanted to rent.” *finally finishes the transaction and gives me my card back*

Me: “I guess. Thanks.”

(I’m sure she’s used to people arguing with her about late fees, but sometimes people DO actually accept their mistakes gracefully.)

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Read This And Try Not To Scream

, , , , , | Right | January 14, 2020

(My coworkers and I joke that I’m the ghost of the supermarket, because for some weird reason my voice just doesn’t register with customers. I’m not quiet; my coworkers can hear me fine, but with customers, I’ll usually have to repeat myself three or four times, talk in a much louder and higher-pitched voice that normal, or rely on a coworker to “translate.” In this story, though, I’m recovering from a cold and can’t modulate my voice like usual, and I don’t have a bagger to help. The customer has piled her groceries on the belt in heaps and when the belt starts moving, a head of cauliflower falls off onto the floor.)

Me: “Oh, I think one of your veggies fell. Do you want to grab it?”

Customer #1: “What? Did you say something?”

Me: “Your cabbage– wait, no, it’s a cauliflower. It fell off the belt; it’s on the floor right there. You should probably grab it.”

(The customer stares straight through me and goes back to bagging.)

Me: “Ma’am, one of your groceries fell. Do you want your cauliflower?”

Customer #1: “I have enough bags, thanks.”

Me: “Okay, but do you want to pick up your cauliflower? It fell off the belt.”

(The customer doesn’t seem to hear me. Meanwhile, at the lane across from me, [Customer #2] comes up, finds the cauliflower on the ground, and looks at it, confused.)

Me: *to the second customer* “Oh, that belongs to this customer; if you don’t mind handing it to me…”

([Customer #2] ignores me and picks up the cauliflower, looking at it, perplexed. My coworker, who didn’t see this happen, opens up the lane for her.)

Coworker: “Okay, your total is $15.12. Did you want to get the cauliflower also?”

Customer #2: “It actually isn’t mine. I found it on the floor.”

Me: “It belongs to this customer! They dropped it!”

(The store is started to get busier, and it’s noisy. My coworker can’t hear me because their lane is too far away, and neither customer can hear me because of my strange curse, even though I’m speaking as loud as I physically can, and neither customer is more than four feet away from me.)

Coworker: “Oh, I can put that back for you.”

Customer #2: “Actually, maybe I should buy it. I always forget to get cauliflower.”

Coworker: “Hey, it’s fate.”

Me: *to the first customer* “Ma’am, they are buying your cauliflower right now. Do you want to get a new one?”

Customer #1: “I’m using credit.”

([Customer #2] leaves, happy as a clam with her new cauliflower. I sigh.)

Me: “Do you want your receipt today?”

(No response. Of course. The customer turns to leave.)

Customer #1: “Why haven’t you given me the receipt yet?”

(Cue internal screaming… although I might as well try external, since no one would notice, anyway. When I relayed this story to my boss, he told me to log the cauliflower as “left in the basket” in the forgotten items log, since no one would believe “a customer dropped it and another customer bought it off the floor while I repeatedly told both of them what was happening and they ignored me.”)

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The Effort Of Listening Is Too Much

, , , , , , | Right | January 14, 2020

I work for an optometrist and my job involves phoning people to let them know that their glasses have arrived from the lab, and are ready for pickup. This is done in between all my other tasks, and, theoretically, should only take a few minutes.

Very few people actually answer their telephones, so if their voicemail is activated, I leave this standard message: “Hello. I’m calling from [Company] to let you know that the prescription glasses ordered for [Customer] have been checked in. Please pick them up at your convenience. We are open today until 5:00 pm, and we are open tomorrow from 9:00 until 5:00. Thank you.”

As I am dialing the next person on the list, I get an incoming call, so I disconnect the call I’m trying to make to answer the incoming call. Nine times out of ten, the incoming caller says, “I got a missed call?”

I say, “And you are…?” After a peeved pause, as if I should recognize them somehow — we don’t have caller ID at the office — the customer says their name. I look on my list, and sure enough, it’s the person I just left a message for.

If you’re too occupied or too lazy to answer your phone when it rings, then listen to your voicemail message. I don’t have time to backtrack through the list when I’m trying to call twenty people. If you’re not going to listen to your voicemail, why do you have voicemail?

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Shouldn’t Skip Over Telling Him The Details

, , , , | Working | January 13, 2020

(A bus drives past the stop but decides to let us on when he sees two of us running and waving.)

Driver: “You need to pay more attention!”

(I suspect this is the driver that has skipped my stop three or four times last month.)

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