Every Coffee Shop Has Its Own Not-Ben

, , | Right | June 25, 2020

We’re a well-known cafe that writes the person’s name on the cup and calls the person’s name when their order is ready. This happens on a particularly busy day.

An elderly lady customer has just ordered a hot latte, specifying both hot and latte about five times.

Me: “Ben! Grande mocha frappuccino!”

Lady: “Did someone call me? Is this mine?”

She takes the frozen coffee and sips it and wonders off. She comes back after sipping about half the drink.

Lady: “This isn’t mine. I ordered a hot latte!”

Me: “I’m sorry, Mrs. [Not Ben]. Your drink will be ready in a few.”

I made sure her drink was next to avoid any further confusion, and then remade Ben’s drink.

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To Get Into The Lot, Is A Lot

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2020

One of the parking lots for my building requires you to pull a ticket if you don’t have badge access to the lot. Once the ticket is turned in to security, we’ll give out tokens so people can leave the lot. There’s an intercom at the entrance and exit for anyone having trouble, so they can reach security.

Me: *Over the intercom* “Security, can I help you?”

Driver: “Yeah, how do I get into the lot? I don’t have a badge.”

There’s a sign at the front of the lot, as well as a notice by the intercom telling drivers what to do.

Me: “Sir, you need a ticket.”

Driver: “I do? I didn’t see a notice! How do I get one?”

Me: “Sir, there’s a ticket dispenser just a few inches from the intercom.”

Driver: “So… how do I get a ticket?”

Me: “Sir, the button says to push.”

Driver: “So, I push the button?”

Me: “Yes.”

Driver: “Will I get a ticket?”

Me: “Yes.”

Driver: “Where’s the dispenser again?”

Me: *Head-desk* “Right next to you, sir.”

Driver: “Oh! So… uh… Now what do I do?”

Me: “Take a ticket, sir.”

Driver: “Oh… and what do I do with that?”

Me: “Bring it to security for a token, so you can leave the lot.”

A lot of drivers understand the process at this point, but at least once a day, we get this over the exit intercom from someone trying to leave.

Me: “Security, can I help you?”

Driver: “Yeah, hi, I got a ticket when I came in, but there’s nowhere to return it so I can get out!”

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That GIF Was No Gift

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | June 24, 2020

Today, I was talking on Messenger with a friend whom I haven’t gotten to see in months because of the quarantine. She was feeling particularly down-in-the-dumps, so I decided to send her some fun GIFs to cheer her up.

After some browsing, I found a GIF that showed a clip of someone pushing brightly-colored confetti across the floor, reversed so that it revealed the words “ur pretty”. Content with my light-hearted choice, I clicked the GIF and watched it send out into cyberspace.

And then, I watched in horror as the GIF played again on my screen. After the person in the GIF revealed the words “ur pretty,” there was a pause before they continued moving to reveal the word “UGLY” in much larger letters. I hadn’t realized there was more to this GIF!

I quickly scrambled to apologize to my friend who, luckily, found it hilarious. Lesson learned: watch the entire GIF before you click!

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Another Case Of Not Checking The Case

, , , | Right | June 24, 2020

It is an extremely busy Saturday at the bakery, so we pretty much only have a few items in the display case to sell.

Me: “Hi. Just to let you know, all you see is all we have left. We got wiped clean tonight, as you can see.” 

Customer: “Hi. Can I have the cheesecake, please?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we are sold out of that tonight. Everything you see is all we have left today.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. May I have the chocolate cake, please?”

Me: “We are sold out of that, as well.”

I point to the pastry case and viennoiserie.

Me: “All that you see is what we have left.”

Once again, the customer looks up at the menu above my head.

Customer: “So, does that mean you’re also sold out of the almond croissants?”

While walking her over to the pastry case, which is five inches to her right:

Me: “Yes, miss. We are sold out of almond croissants, as well. We have plain croissants and anything you see in this case tonight.”

Customer: “Oh, well, you should’ve told me. I just wasted my time looking at the menu!”

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On The Bright Side, Your Hair Can See Really Well

, , , , | Related | June 23, 2020

I’m running errands with my daughter. She’s autistic and doesn’t feel comfortable talking. We usually manage to communicate just fine despite this.

Me: “Hey, sweetheart, have you seen my reading glasses?”

My daughter points to my head.

Me: “No, those are my sunglasses; I’m looking for my reading glasses.”

My daughter looked at me like I was an idiot and pointed to my head again. I felt around the top of my head to appease her.

Lo and behold, I had, indeed, perched both pairs atop my head without realizing.

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