Cooking Up All The Answers

, , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(I am a line cook in a restaurant that is inside a hotel. This exchange occurs when I am passing through another part of the hotel. I am in full uniform: chef hat, double-breasted chef coat with the hotel name and logo embroidered on it, apron, baggy pants, and chef clogs.)

Guest: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Guest: “Is there a restaurant on the premises?”

Me: *trying not to look down at my uniform* “Yes, ma’am, the restaurant is on the fourth floor.”

Guest: “Oh, good! What time is breakfast?”

Me: “We open for breakfast at 6:30 am, and we have a full buffet, as well as an extensive a la carte menu.”

Guest: “Do you have eggs?”

Me: “Yes, we have eggs.”

Guest: “Pancakes? Waffles?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, those, too.”

Guest: “Is the food any good?”

Me: “Our food is excellent. Of course, my opinion may be biased, since I am a cook in the restaurant.”

Guest: “Oh, really? I didn’t know that! Well, thank you so much!”

Looking After One Child So Much You Forget About The Other

, , , , , , | Healthy | October 12, 2018

My mother was a pediatric cardiac nurse and was taking care of a boy who had just had open heart surgery. She left for the weekend, and this story was relayed to her the next morning she was in.

The mother of the young boy suddenly started to have severe abdominal pains during the night. The nurse realized after checking her over that she had forgotten to ask her a very important question: when was the last time she had had her period? The mother said, “Oh, it’s coming any day now.”

The nurse looked at the nurse supervisor who was helping her. This is a children’s hospital, so they had no labor and delivery ward. The supervisor started to panic. This hospital is up the road from another, adult hospital. So, the supervisor decided to put the mother in a wheelchair and push her down to the adult hospital. This hospital is located at the top of a hill, so as he was pushing her down to the other hospital, the wheelchair slipped out of his hand. Luckily, he caught her before she got too far away, and got her to the adult hospital before she delivered the baby.

When my mom got back that Monday, she went to the boy’s room and saw that the mother was back already. She found that the mother had been so focused on taking care of her son before his surgery and getting him the surgery that she hadn’t realized she hadn’t had her period in over seven months.

Luckily, both the son and baby were able to leave the hospital soon after, and last my mother heard they were all doing well.

I Don’t Have The Conserved Energy To Deal With You

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(HR has just made an announcement over the loudspeaker that the store will be turning off some lights and turning down the air conditioning in order to conserve energy. I walk out onto the floor just as he’s finished making the announcement.)

Me: “I can take the next guest!”

Guest: *putting her items onto the counter* “Why are the lights off?”

Me: “We’re conserving energy.”

Guest: “Well, they should say something before turning the lights off!”

Listening Is The Best Solution

, , , | Right | October 12, 2018

Customer: “Which of these two weed-killers is better to use on my lawn?”

Me: “Actually, neither of them. They will kill the grass, also. Try this product, instead.”

Customer: “Why is the little bottle so much more expensive than the big bottle?”

Me: “The smaller product is concentrated; it will make thirty-two gallons of solution. That’s why it costs more.”

Customer: “But why is the bigger bottle cheaper than the smaller one? Is the smaller one better for my lawn?”

Me: “The smaller bottle is concentrated. They are both the same chemical. The big bottle is mostly water.”

Customer: “But which one of these two is better to use on my lawn?”

Me: “Don’t use either of them. You’ll kill the grass. Try this product, instead.”

Customer: “What? But that costs twice as much as the big bottle of weed-killer.”

Me: “It’s the right one to use on your lawn. The others will kill the grass along with the weeds.”

Customer: “I’m going to go with the big bottle. That’s the cheapest one out of all of them. It’s good for my lawn, right?”

Me: “Will that be cash or charge, sir?”

It’s A T(r)ap

, , , , , | Working | October 11, 2018

(I’m walking up to the Skytrain station so I can begin my commute for the day when I overhear this exchange between a station employee and a passenger struggling to get through the gates into the station. There appears to be a problem with the passenger’s transit card.)

Employee: “So, it looks like you tapped your card twice by accident; that’s why the gate wouldn’t let you through.”

(The employee uses his card to let the passenger through.)

Passenger: “Okay, thank you.” *walks into the station*

(The gates close behind the passenger, and the employee taps his card again to let himself through. The display lights up red, telling him his card has already been tapped.)

Employee: “Great, now I’m stuck.”

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