The Attack Of The “Wait” Finger

, , , , , , | Legal | February 17, 2021

My house is on a corner with the side street on a slight hill. In the winter, the hill gets icy and even four-wheel-drive vehicles have difficulty getting started after stopping for the stop sign. Because of this, I have installed a heavy timber retaining wall to stop vehicles from running through my fence and into my yard; I have to replace parts of that wall frequently, however.

But now it’s summer and weather conditions are fine. It’s about noon and I hear a familiar crash. I look out to see a large black SUV straddling the timber wall, a middle-aged lady at the wheel, still talking on her phone, her tires still going forward but a couple of feet off the ground. A mix of radiator fluid, engine oil, transmission fluid, and power steering fluid is squirting all over.

I go up to her.

Me: “Turn off your engine before you ruin it, ma’am.”

I get the “wait” finger while she continues on the phone. I finally SHOUT:

Me: “TURN OFF YOUR ENGINE!”

She does so while continuing her phone call. (Gee, I wonder how she missed the turn and ended up on my wall!) She finally gets out of her car, still on the phone.

Me: “Do you want to call the cops, or do you want me to?”

She turns her back to me; I am obviously interrupting her very important phone call. I call the police. The police arrive about ten minutes later and the lady is still on the phone. They ask me if I was involved and I explain that I am the homeowner and the lady was driving.

Cop: “Ma’am, can I please have your license, registration, and insurance information?”

The lady gives the cop the “wait” finger and turns her back to him. After several minutes:

Cop: “I need your license, registration, and insurance papers. Please put your phone down.”

She scowls at him and sets her purse down on the retaining wall in front of her spewing vehicle. While still on her phone, she digs with one hand through her purse and gives him her license. He has to ask her again for the other papers, which she finally gives him. He goes back to his cop car to do whatever they do, make reports, etc.

I am still on the scene, so I walk closer to the lady and overhear part of what she is saying.

Lady: “Yeah, I just got my car out of the shop this morning, and I’m already in another wreck.” *Pauses* “Yeah, some guy put this wall out in the street so that it hit me.”

I intervene and speak to her, interrupting her important phone call.

Me: “I put that wall on my property to keep cars out of my fence.”

I point to the newest section of fence where a car took out some of the wall and went through my fence into my yard last winter.

Lady: *Screaming at me* “I would not have gone through your fence! Idiot!

The cop came and gave her a ticket… and she still had not put down her phone. A wrecker came — oh, boy, that’s ANOTHER story for another time — and ignoring my pleas to lift the car off the wall, just chained up and dragged it from the wall, causing more damage to both the car and my wall.

Still on the phone, the lady got into the wrecker and left.

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There’s Strengthening Your Immune System And Then There’s This

, , , , , , , | Healthy | February 17, 2021

I’m a volunteer marshall. I do anything required at a vaccination site to make things go smoothly, except preparing and giving the actual injections, though I have applied to be trained to do that, too!

The tested vaccine protocol for both vaccines currently on offer in the UK is two doses, three weeks apart. The government has decided to focus on getting as many people their first vaccination as soon as possible, so patients are being told to wait twelve weeks for their second vaccination. I was vaccinated three weeks ago, which means I am ready for a second shot, but I probably won’t be called before Easter; it’s the end of January now. However, I am working on the front line, so I will take it if they offer it to me. Before administering the vaccine, they ask a series of screening questions — allergies, are you well today, etc. — and one of them is, “Have you had a vaccination of any kind in the last seven days?”

I’ve arrived late for my shift at a site I haven’t visited before. I go to the check-in desk where patients go when they arrive to pick a fresh mask up before finding something to do.

I take a mask from a box on the table and indicate my hi-viz.

Me: “Thanks. I’m a volunteer; I have just arrived.”

Admin: “Great, just take a seat there.”

I sit in front of a nurse, thinking she is going to deploy me.

Nurse: “What’s your date of birth and NHS number?”

Me: “What’s happening here?!”

Nurse: “Don’t worry; I’m not going to give you an injection.”

Phew! She asks a few more questions and I see where this is going. 

Me: “You are not going to give me an injection, but after this, someone else will?”

Nurse: “That’s right.”

Me: “I had the [Company #1] vaccine on the eighth.”

Nurse: “That’s fine; it’s more than seven days ago.”

Me: “What vaccine are you using today?”

Nurse: “[Company #2].”

Me: “But I had the [Company #1]!”

It took a few more moments to work it out. It had been a long day, and she had asked these questions a lot. There was much laughter as the people nearby had wondered why I kept saying [Company #1]! If I had been at the end of my shift and as much on autopilot as she was, I might have been an n=1 study of the effects of mixing two vaccines.

I guess it’s a reminder to own your own healthcare.

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They’re So Not Ready For Aisle Two…

, , , , , | Right | February 16, 2021

Customer: “So you guys don’t have any coleslaw or chicken salad?”

Me: “Yes, we do have those. They’re in the cooler on the end of aisle one.”

Customer: “So, which one’s aisle one?!”

Me: “The… first… one?”

Customer: “Well, how the h*** was I supposed to know that?!” *Stomps away*

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A Porch Choice Of Seating

, , , , , , , | Right | February 15, 2021

There are a few outside tables spread out for social distancing. A customer wanders indoors.

Waiter: “Ma’am, I’m afraid we don’t have any indoor seating.”

Customer: “Oh, I know, but no one came by to give us menus, so I wanted to see if we’re supposed to order inside or something.”

Waiter: “I’m sorry about that; I’ll bring your menus right out. Which table are you at?”

Customer: “The one on the porch.”

Waiter: “The one… Can you point it out to me?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t see it from here. On the porch, around to the left?”

Waiter: “Around to the left… Ma’am, that’s not part of [Restaurant]. I’m pretty sure that’s just someone’s house.”

Customer: “Oh, God! The waitress said we could sit anywhere, and I guess we just… we might have taken that too literally.”

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It’s A Very Bad Signs, Part 3

, , | Right | February 15, 2021

We have a service elevator that only works with employee cards and does not go to the guest lobby. A big white sign explaining this is on the back wall of the elevator along with two signs on each floor by the buttons.

I enter the elevator and there is a lady sitting in the corner. 

Guest: “I have been sitting in here for so long; this elevator doesn’t work.” 

Me: “This is the service elevator which only works with employee cards. I will take you to this floor.” 

Guest: “Well, it doesn’t say that anywhere.” 

I show her the sign that is right behind her. 

Guest: “The floor I came from doesn’t have any signs saying that.”

Me: “Every floor has been labelled with a sign explaining this.” 

The elevator doors open. 

Me: “Okay, just around the corner there is the guest elevator that one should take you to where you want to go.” 

Guest: “This is stupid. You should make these clearer. What’s your name?” 

Me: *In my head* “Not again.”

Related:
It’s A Very Bad Signs, Part 2
It’s A Very Bad Signs

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