Being Treated This Way Is No Joke

, , , , | Right | April 10, 2018

(This is a very American fast food place. We serve burgers, fries, frozen custard, etc. This customer comes in about once a month and tells the same jokes every time he orders. This time, he happens to come in with his family.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, do you have sushi?”

Me: “No, sir. We have burgers.”

(The rest of his family orders.)

Customer: “And I’ll have some cheese turds.”

Me: *reads back their order to make sure I’ve got everything, including the cheese curds* “That will be [price], please.”

Customer: *hands me a couple of twenties, which I check for a watermark* “Oh, those are good; I just made them this morning.”

(Later, I’m cleaning the dining room, when the son-in-law tells me they spilled a cup of iced tea. I end up getting down on my hands and knees to mop up the yellowish spill with a towel.)

Customer: *to his wife* “You did tell her it’s pee, right?”

Me: “Sir, you’re not as funny as you think you are, and most people don’t pee ice cubes.”

Wife: “I don’t think anyone’s ever told him that before.”

Me: “Then it’s about time.”

The Crap That Comes Out Of Your Mouth

, , , , , | Healthy | January 24, 2018

(We have just finished working with a cat who was so scared of being at the vet that she soiled herself, and then got it everywhere. I have finished cleaning the treatment area but have yet to wash my hands. As with all health fields, it’s common knowledge that anything on your hands will eventually end up in your mouth if you don’t wash them.)

Vet: “Would you like to look at her ear slide?”

Me: “Sure. Let me just wash my hands first.”

Vet: *jokingly* “You mean you don’t want to end up eating poop?”

(I start giggling.)

Me: “It’s not that I don’t want to ingest poop; I just don’t want to smell it on my hands!”

Bean There, Done Cat

, , , , , , | Healthy | January 16, 2018

(I am playing with one of the clinic cats, Bean, and toss a toy to him. Unfortunately, I miss and hit him in the face, though he doesn’t seem to mind. Bean is cute, but he’s not the brightest cat ever. Later, I am telling the vet about it.)

Me: “I feel kind of bad. I beaned Bean in the head with a toy.”

Doctor: “That’s okay; there’s nothing up there, anyway.”

Unfiltered Story #102052

, , , | Unfiltered | December 18, 2017

(I worked in a fast food restaurant only found in the southwestern states. I’m wiping down tables and cleaning lobby, and my coworker is African

American, very tall and working the registers. I’m short, about 8 months pregnant, and looked high school age.)

Customer: “Sir, can you get someone to help me. I don’t trust you with my order.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I can take your order.”

Customer: “No, you can’t. Your ‘kind’ rarely have a high school education. You’ll steal my identity!”

Coworker:*sigh* “[My name], can you come handle this transaction?”

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I will not have a high school drop out whore handle my information either! Get me someone else!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not in high school, and I’m quite happily married. How may I help you?”

(She ignores me and looks around, seeing my manager in the back. Now, my manager is Hispanic, transgender from male to female, and from the back doesn’t look like it, with her gorgeous long hair.)

Customer: “Get me your manager! That manager right there! She should be able to help me! She obviously has her life together!”

Manager: *in an obviously male voice* “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Abominations! Abominations, all of you! Get me your highest manager, right now! I demand I have a decent person who can take my order!”

(My GM saw everything on the security monitors, and my manager explained everything to him.)

Manager: “Ma’am, he’ll be out shortly.”

General Manager: *with a ‘gay’ accent* “How can I help you, darling?”

Customer: *running out, pushing me over in the process* “Abominations! Every one of you! Abominations!”

(I went into premature labor, thanks to her, and had a healthy baby girl! I found out later that the same woman was arrested the same day in my fast food restaurant, she came in while my GM was giving the police officers her information for attacking me.)


It’s Going To Be One Of Those Days… We Think

, , , , , , | Working | December 8, 2017

(As a call center, we work seven days a week. As a result, most people’s weekends aren’t Saturday and Sunday. Today, Tuesday, one of my coworkers says to another:)

Coworker #1: “Tomorrow is your Friday, isn’t it?”

Coworker #2: “No, it’s my Thursday.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, that’s right; it’s Wednesday!”

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