Going Toe To Toe With Payday

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I am working the reception desk at my vet clinic. Our policy is to not schedule appointments for clients who have large outstanding bills. I am relatively inexperienced at appointment scheduling, and I really should have asked the client’s name before telling her what we had available. This happens on a Wednesday. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Clinic]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Client: “Hi. My cat may have injured his toe; do you have any openings on Saturday?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we are closed this Saturday, but we do have an opening on Monday morning at eight o’clock.”

Client: “I’ll take it.”

Me: “Great. Can I have your name, please?”

Client: “It’s [Client].”

(I pull up her account and see that she has an outstanding balance of well over $1000. Someone even flagged her account to make sure we don’t provide any more services to her until she pays us.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we unfortunately cannot schedule an appointment for you until you pay off a significant portion of your balance.”

Client: “I’m going to make a payment on Friday.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t schedule you until that payment is made.”

Client: “But I don’t get paid until Friday, and by then, that Monday opening will be taken!”

Me: “While that particular appointment may be taken by Friday, we have other openings next week. However, I cannot schedule you until you have paid off a significant portion of your balance.”

(This goes on for another two or three rounds of her saying she’ll make a payment on Friday and me reiterating that I can’t schedule her until she pays. Finally, I convince her that I’m really not going to schedule her appointment until she pays us.)

Client: “Well, I guess my cat will just have to suffer, then!”

Me: “Goodbye, ma’am.”

Full Definition Jacket

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2018

(I work as a sales associate in the children’s department at a well-known department store. It is winter, and I moved to Tucson from Washington State relatively recently. As it is close to the holidays, the store is rather busy when this customer approaches my register.)  

Customer: “Do you have boys’ jackets?”

Me: *indicating an entire wall displaying boys’ jackets* “We have quite a few boys’ jackets, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, I want a jacket.”

Me: *indicating the wall again* “All of our jackets are up on that wall, ma’am.”

Customer: “I’m looking for a jacket. A boys’ jacket. Do you have any jackets?

(This continues for a moment or two, until I am not only frustrated, but wondering if she’s trying to make some sort of point. Finally, I somehow remember noting how my coworkers, who are all from Arizona or Sonora, have never used the word “coat.”)

Me: “Ma’am, did you mean a coat?”

Customer: “Yes, a coat. A boys’ jacket.”

(I showed her where the winter coats were; she bought one and left. Later, during a lull, I wrote down every word for “coat” I could think of and showed it to one of my Tucson-raised coworkers. She had never heard of ski jackets, cardigans, or parkas. In Tucson, every supplemental outer covering that isn’t knitted is a “jacket,” and every knitted jacket is a “sweater.”)

Wants A Business Card That Will Rule The Roost

, , , , , | Right | September 24, 2018

(I work in a print department inside an office supply store. I am working the closing shift when I have a large family come up to my counter.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “How much are business cards?”

(I ask what he does and explain what kind of cards we offer. As I’m speaking with him, I glance down to see he is holding a live chicken.)

Me: “Oh! You have a chicken!”

Customer: *narrows his eyes at me* “It’s a rooster.”

(He promptly turns with his entire family and leaves the store.)

Me: *on the radio* “Um, I just had a business card customer who brought a live chicken into the store.”

Coworkers:No way!

(Discussion ensued about what kind of person brings a chicken into ANY store. All I can say is I know have one of the best crazy customer stories!)

Setting The Snowcone Tone

, , , , , , | Right | September 4, 2018

(At age 16, I am volunteering for the first time at a concession stand at a college football game to raise money for my church. Directly above the stand, a large sign says, “SNOW CONES $6 CASH ONLY.” Two guys in their twenties, apparently tipsy, come up to the stand.)

Me: “Welcome to [University] Stadium! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have beer?”

Me: “Sorry, but we only sell snow cones.”

Customer: “What? Where can I get beer?”

Me: “No alcohol is sold in the stadium, sir.”

Customer: “You’re f****** kidding me! Since when?”

Me: “As long as I know of.”

Customer: “Are you sure? You don’t have beer?!”

Me: “Quite sure. Would you like a snow cone?”

Customer: “I guess so. How much?”

Me: “Six dollars.”

Customer: “That’s so much!” *looks through his wallet* “Can I have it for five?”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t change the prices.”

(The customer hands me a credit card.)

Me: “Sorry, but the stands on this level are cash only. However, credit cards are accepted at stands on the ground floor.”

Customer: *to his friend* “What the f***?” *they start walking away*

Me: “Sorry for the inconvenience. Enjoy the game!”

Customer: “Are you sure you don’t have beer?”

Transferred Their People Skills Far Away

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2018

(I work at a call center for one of the largest pharmacy companies nationwide. Sadly, this is a relatively new practice, and people aren’t always happy to be routed to a call center when they’re calling their local pharmacy. Some are familiar enough with the process and ask to be routed directly to the pharmacy. We have to follow the same script every time and ensure if we can help the callers before transferring them.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Pharmacy], [My Name] speaking. How may—”

Caller: “Just get me over to the pharmacy. I got cut off.”

(Realizing she’s already frustrated, I start the process and scroll down the list of departments so that my cursor is hovering over pharmacy.)

Me: “Okay. Are you sure I can’t—”

Caller: “No, just transfer me.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Just remember that you may have to repeat—”

Caller: “Shut up and transfer me!”

Me: *caught off guard by her rudeness* “Oh, wow…”

Caller: “No, none of this. I don’t want to talk to you. Just transfer me, okay?! Just do it!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

(I scrolled down a bit more and transferred her directly to the pharmacist’s voicemail. Really, I hope she got through, eventually, but I had to wonder if she was actually cut off or if someone had hung up on her. I can’t imagine why.)

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