Not Even Remotely Listening

, , , , , , | Related | December 3, 2018

(I recently moved five hours away from home to start a new job after graduating university. My mom is planning on visiting me in a couple of weeks and has excitedly made a list of city attractions she wants to see with me while she is here. We are talking to each other on the phone.)

Mom: “There are so many things I want us to see and do when I visit! I’ve found a few brochures with different activities and have started making a list of everything we can do. I’m going to go get the list; I’ll be right back!”

(She sets the phone down for a moment while going to get her list and returns a minute later. She starts talking again, but mumbling and sounding far away. Note that she is home alone, so I know that she is not talking to anyone else.)

Me: “Sorry, what did you say? I can’t hear you properly; I think something’s wrong with the connection.”

(She just continues talking as if she hasn’t heard me. Her talking is still distant and I can’t make out what she is saying at all. This continues in the same fashion for about three minutes, with me trying to tell her that I can’t hear what she is saying and her continuing to mumble distantly non-stop. I eventually give up, hang up the phone, and try to call back. I get a busy signal, which shows she likely hasn’t hung up the phone from our conversation yet. I call back several times in the next few minutes, only to hear the busy signal each time. Eventually I just give up and wait for her to call me. Five minutes later, the phone rings.)

Mom: *laughing* “You are never going to let me live down what I just did.”

Me: “What happened? I couldn’t hear anything you were saying.”

Mom: “When I got back with my list I sat down, picked up the phone, and started talking again. Eventually when you weren’t replying, I looked down to see the phone on the coffee table still. I had been talking into the TV remote, instead!”

(She had managed to talk into the TV remote instead of the phone for about eight minutes before figuring out her mistake. I’m still not sure how she managed to talk for that long before realizing she couldn’t hear me talking to her at all! She did come visit a couple of weeks later, and we had a great time and got to do most of the stuff from her brochures.)

 

Doctors Without Diagnoses

, , , , | Healthy | December 3, 2018

(I get a strange painful lump that shows up while I’m pregnant. The doctor tells me not to worry and that it will go away after birth. Six months postpartum, I go to get it checked out again. The doctor tells me to give it more time to heal. Eight months postpartum, I go to a GP to get it checked out, because I’m still in pain and tired of being blown off. I’m quickly diagnosed with a hernia. As I’m getting ready for surgery:)

Me: “I wish my doctor had just told me he couldn’t do anything and told me to go see someone else.”

Nurse: “Well, that would have meant having to put aside his ego; doctors don’t like to do that.”

Now I Know My XYZ-Packs

, , , | Healthy | December 2, 2018

(The urgent care doctor says my test results for flu and strep are negative. She prescribes anti-nausea medication and wants to put me on antibiotics for ten days. I have some complicated gut issues, and I explain that the last time I was put on antibiotics, my stomach was messed up for weeks.)

Doctor: “There aren’t any antibiotics you can tolerate?”

Me: “I really don’t know. I could try taking them, but if I get sick, I can’t stop taking them until the bottle is empty, right?”

Doctor: “Oh, I will just give you the five-day Z-Pack, then.”

Me: *trying not to ask her if she’s stupid* “Isn’t the Z-Pack stronger, since it’s used for only a few days?”

Doctor: *lightly and carelessly sighs as she responds* “Oh, yeah…”

God Acts; Warranties Break

, , , , | Right | December 2, 2018

(About a week or so ago, there was a fairly large earthquake in the region which caused a reasonable amount of damage. I am working at the customer services desk one night when a customer comes in carrying a large TV.)

Customer: “Hi. I bought this TV a few months ago, and it fell over in the earthquake. Now it is no longer working.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir, but there is nothing we can do about that here; you will need to contact your insurance company.”

Customer: “But it has a one-year warranty.”

Me: “Yes… but it is a warranty against manufacturing defects, not against physical damage caused by the earthquake. You will need to contact your insurance company about obtaining a replacement.”

Customer: “But… it’s broken and it has a warranty. Why can’t you fix it?”

Me: “Because the damage is not covered by the warranty. Warranties do not cover Acts of God; that is the job of insurance companies. The manufacturer will not cover damage that is not their fault.”

Customer: “But… there’s a one-year warranty, and the TV is no longer working. Why can’t you fix it?”

Me: *sighs heavily*

(He eventually left with his TV after several more exchanges where I tried to explain that there was no way he would be able to get his TV repaired under the warranty.)

What’s The Deal?

, , , , , | Right | December 1, 2018

(As with most retail jobs, I have a few questions I have to ask each customer as I’m cashing them out. Some variation of this happens a few times per day.)

Me: “So, with your purchase today, you can get any of—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “I don’t want any; just let me pay.”

Me: “Okay but—”

Customer: “Just let me pay!” *forcibly inserts chip card into reader before it’s active*

Me: *cashes them out*

Customer: “Wait, what’s this $4.98 thing?”

Me: “It’s our purchase with purchase. With a purchase, you can get these items for $4.98 instead of their original listed prices.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me about that?”

Me: “You said you weren’t interested.”

Customer: “Well, can I still get the deal?”

(Ah, yes, thank you for ignorantly dragging down my units per transaction and average sale amount, while also destroying percentage stats for every employee working that day and slowing down the line-up. I really want to do you a favour right now.)

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