One Born Every Hour

, , , , | Right | February 1, 2019

(While we are usually a 24-hour store, for the past two days, from between 6:00 pm and 6:00 am, we have been closed due to renovations. This has been advertised on our social media page, as well as on large signs posted around both the store entrance and the drive-thru for the past week. These sorts of things have been happening several times an hour, despite stacking milk crates four-high — average person height — across the drive-thru, all the outside lights being off, and tradies almost constantly bringing large tools and material in and out of the store. First story:)

Me: *opens the locked door to let tradies in*

Customer #1: *following behind tradies* “Are you open?”

Me: *repeating line I’ve been saying all night* “Unfortunately, no, we’re closed until 6:00 am due to renovations.”

Customer #1: *trying to push her way in* “But you’re a 24-hour store!”

Me: “As I said, we’re currently closed until 6:00 am for renovations. However, since it’s only 9:00 pm, our other locations are still open.”

Customer #1: “But you’re 24 hours!”

Me: “All our equipment is taken apart for the renovation, and there are no registers open for you to buy anything; it’s impossible to make your food and there is literally no way for you to pay for it. Please, try one of our other locations on [Main Street]; it’s only a few minutes away.”

(She finally takes the hint and leaves. Second story:)

Customer #2: *drives straight through milk crates blocking the darkened drive-thru and screams into the ordering box* “WHY THE H*** ARE THERE CRATES IN YOUR DRIVE-THRU?!”

Manager: *through the headset, which he is only wearing for this exact reason* “We are closed until 6:00 am. Please drive through.”

Customer #2: *yelling* “This is bulls***! There aren’t any signs!”

(There are several signs around the customer. One is even taped to the order box in front of her.)

Manager: *visibly restraining himself from sighing in frustration* “There are several signs around you, including those on the milk crates you drove through.”

Customer #2: *still yelling* “How the h*** was I supposed to know?!” *reverses, knocking over more crates, and almost damaging our brand-new menu boards, before taking off over the speed limit*

This Does Not Spark Joy

, , , , | Related | January 30, 2019

(I am nearly a thousand miles away from home for grad school. In the past, every time I’ve been gone my mom has very sweetly “helped out” around my room. The only trouble is, my room is never untidy to begin with, and in addition to putting things in places I can’t find them, without fail, she washes my clothes and sheets in a detergent I’m allergic to. While home on winter break, I sort through my whole closet, setting aside a stack of clothes to donate and putting away everything I want to keep. I don’t have a chance to make it to the thrift store before I leave, so I place the donations in a paper clothing bag inside my closet. We have this conversation before I leave.)

Me: “Okay, I washed my sheets today, so you won’t need to touch those. And all of my clothes are clean and folded, so you can ignore those, too.”

Mom: “Oh, that’s okay; I don’t mind washing your things.”

Me: “Yes, but you don’t need to. Everything is clean and ready for me next time I’m home so please, please don’t touch anything in there.”

Mom: “Okay, honey. If you say so.”

(Nearly three weeks go by. A new series focused on cleaning house has launched online. I get this text after a long weekend.)

Mom: “You’ll never believe it! Your dad and I watched [Show] this weekend. As soon as it was done, he jumped right up and started going through his closet. We have two whole bags to donate!”

Me: “That’s great! What does he think of how she folds shirts? I know he’s been doing it the same way since he was in the Navy.”

Mom: “He didn’t change how he folded his shirts, but pants take up half the space the way she does it! I was so excited, I did your room next!”

Me: “Uh, what?”

Mom: “Yeah! All those clothes you had shoved in a bag fit in your drawers now. I wasn’t sure what was clean, so I washed it all.”

Me: “Mom, I told you everything was clean; why did you do laundry? And the bag of clothing was to donate; I had already sorted through it all but I didn’t make to the thrift store before I left.”

Mom: “Oh, that’s okay. I like doing laundry.”

Me: “I know, but now I have to sort through everything again and rewash it because I can’t use your detergent.”

Mom: “That’s okay. We can do it together! I wasn’t sure about your sheets, either, so I did those, too. You won’t have to do a thing when you get home!”

Does Not Register All The Registers

, , , , , | Right | January 30, 2019

(I am working at a baby store that is closing our location, but keeping all other stores open. Because of this, ALL registers are open, with our best cashiers ringing and others bagging, and we still have more than 20 people in each line. It has been a long day, with many stupid people, but this one will forever stick in my mind.)

Me: “Good afternoon! Thanks for waiting. Did you find what you needed?”

Customer: “You know, you should really have more registers open!”

(All I could do was stare blankly at her… Seriously, are you blind?!)

Pee Happens: A Novel

, , , , , , | Right | January 29, 2019

(We are attached to a mall. Our store is the only location outside the mall with a public restroom. Due to this, our bathrooms tend to be every shopper’s first stop. We try to keep it as clean as possible, but on busier days we can only check it once or twice every couple of hours. After one busy weekend day, we were just about to do a clean, when a woman marches over to my coworkers and me.)

Customer: *angrily points* “You! You need to fix the bathroom. I use it all the time and it’s disgusting.”

Me: “I’m sorr–”

(Customer cuts me off by slamming her fist onto the nearest bookshelf.)

Customer: “No! It’s disgusting and you are just lazy and just as disgusting if you think that’s acceptable. You are not getting paid to just stand. You need to work!”

Me: “We are actually just about–”

Customer: “No! It’s gross. You MUST do something! It smelled like pee and there was some on the seat! I can’t believe you allow that to happen.”

Me: “Um, what would you like us to do? Pee happens.”

(With that, she turned bright red, slammed her fists again, and stormed away. My coworkers could not stop laughing. The kicker, the bathroom was not bad at all. Not even toilet paper on the floor.)

Not Really Hitting That Sweet Spot

, , , , , , , | Working | January 28, 2019

(My dad and I go to a popular Canadian fast food chain for breakfast. I’m sick with the flu this morning, so I don’t want any food, but my dad asks me if I want anything to drink. Keep in mind that in Canada, asking for “iced tea” usually means you’ll get a kind of juice vaguely resembling cold tea and loaded with sugar, similar to sweet tea.)

Me: “Can you ask if they have unsweetened iced tea?”

Dad: *to the mic* “Do you have unsweetened iced tea?”

Cashier #1: “You want an iced tea? Lemon or green?”

Dad: “Is that unsweetened?”

Cashier #1: “Sorry?”

Dad: *exaggerated enunciation* “Unsweetened.”

Cashier #1: “I don’t understand.”

Dad: “Never mind.”

(He pulls forward to the window before the cashier can respond.)

Dad: *at the window, to a different worker* “What I was asking for was unsweetened iced tea.”

Cashier #2: “Sure! Lemon or green?”

Me: *suspicious because most brands don’t offer more than one flavor of unsweetened tea* “Is it unsweetened?”

Cashier #2: “Um… hold on let me go check.” *disappears for a few seconds and returns with this gem* “I think so. It says, ‘natural flavours.’ Which one would you like?”

Me: *internally face-palming* “Never mind. Thank you.”

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