She’s Editing What She Hears Into What She Wants To Hear

, , , , | Related | June 22, 2020

I need to do a small skit with my two younger brothers for a youth group we’re in, and I am explaining to my mother how it will work out.

Me: “We need to take two videos, and then later, someone in the youth group will combine them.”

Mum: “Why don’t you combine them? You did that for French class, didn’t you?”

Me: “Yes, but that was putting together five separate videos that didn’t need to look natural at all. It wasn’t like this, where it needs to look natural.”

Mum: “But it should be just fine; that’s exactly the same thing.”

Me: “No, it’s not. It is not the same thing at all.”

Mum: “I think you should do it anyway; maybe it’ll be better than the other person who’ll do it.”

I’m still in high school and the other person actually does video editing for a career.


Mum: “Okay, you can try it later. Thanks for agreeing to do it!”

Me: “…”

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It’s A Bank Holiday For Everyone Except You

, , , | Right | June 20, 2020

I work at a zoo that takes lots of free tickets. These tickets cannot be used on bank holidays, and it states this in bold on the tickets.

Me: “Hi. How many today?”

Customer: “I have a ticket.”

Me: “Sorry, but as it does say on that ticket, we don’t take those on bank holidays.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say that.”

I take the ticket and read out the top line to them, circle it, and pass it back.

Customer: “Well, I didn’t read it, so I am not paying.”

Me: “You are welcome to come back and use it another day, but today it cannot be taken, sorry.”

Customer: “BUT NO ONE TOLD ME!”

Repeat this scenario at least sixty further times on any given bank holiday.

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How “I Want To See Your Manager” Became A Thing

, , , , | Right | June 20, 2020

We are having a pretty large sale. A lot of stuff is on sale but for different percentages off. A customer is looking at the scarves and pashminas on sale.

Customer: “Why are these scarves on the rack 50% off but the ones on the table are not?”

Coworker: “Because only the scarves are 50% off; the ones on the table are pashminas and a different brand, but they are $3 off.”

Customer: “Well, I want it to be 50% off.”

Coworker: “I am sorry. I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager!”

My coworker comes to get me first; I am a lead.

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

Customer: “I want this for 50% off.”

Me: “I am sorry, but those are only 25% off. Only the scarves signed 50% off are 50% off; the table is signed separately.”

Customer: “Well, the table is touching the 50% off rack! Let me talk to your manager!”

I go get one of the floor managers and tell her the problem.

Manager: “I am sorry, but they each have their own sign; I can’t just give it to you for 50% off.”

Customer: “The table is touching the rack that’s 50% off; it’s unfair! I want to talk to [Store Manager], the store manager; I know her!”

I went to the office and told her that a customer asked for her by name and we were having an issue. The store manager went to see what the problem is and essentially told her what everyone had been saying. The customer fought with the manager and the manager finally caved in and gave it to her! She causes a problem every time she comes in.

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Working Pro Bonehead

, , , | Legal | June 19, 2020

Me: “Good morning, [Attorney]’s office.”

Man: “Yes, hi, I need [Attorney] to help me with my real-estate matter—”

Me: “[Attorney] does not practice real-estate law.”

Man: *Not listening* “—in New Jersey—”

Me: “[Attorney] only practices law in Maryland.”

Man: *Still not listening* “—and I have no money now, but I’m sure I’d be able to pay them once the matter is thoroughly settled.”

Me: “[Attorney] does not now and has never worked pro bono; they require a retainer and a signed Representation Agreement upfront.”

Man: “Oh… so will they meet with me or what?”

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Losing Your Sanity(izer)

, , , , , , | Right | June 19, 2020

I know that customers are notoriously bad for ignoring signs, but this whole outbreak issue has seemingly bred a whole new breed of ignorant customers.

At the shop where I work, management has installed a hand sanitiser dispenser by the door. Because people use way too much, we run out quickly, and after having a stream of customers telling us it’s out, I decide to put a sign over it saying, “OUT OF USE.”

I’ve honestly lost count of how many people still press the lever violently trying to get sanitiser out despite there being a huge sign in capital letters saying, “OUT OF USE.” I even repositioned the sign to cover the lever, and several times that day I had to straighten it out because people had been lifting it out of the way to try and use the sanitiser underneath.

Also, we stopped accepting cash, finding it so much easier for all involved to use card only. Around the shop, we had at least ten signs saying, “NO CASH ACCEPTED,” even on the card machine outside the shop. These signs were on three of the fridges, along the barrier next to the tills, on every till point, as you come through the door, and on the exterior windows.

I have had customers do their entire shop and then come to the till and attempt to hand me cash. They then throw a hissy fit when I tell them I cannot accept it, and that we no longer have any cash on the premises to even give change. It’s usually at this point that I stare in disbelief at the massive sign right beside the customer saying that no cash is accepted at all. We also have people saying, “But it’s just £1!”. The amount doesn’t change the rule. No cash!

I’ve even witnessed a grown man storm off and throw the products back onto the shelves, swearing at the top of his voice about how ridiculous we were. 

In a somewhat related comment, recently — because we’re operating self-scan only right now — a customer commented how it was like a holiday for us. Verbal abuse and growing stupidity on a daily basis and having to put ourselves at risk just so you can buy your groceries. Yep. Some holiday!

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