I work in tech support for a medical office software company. Mostly, we get calls from the offices and hospitals that use our software, but occasionally, we get calls from patients who are able to log in to leave notes for their doctors, see their test results, etc. Usually, these are calls to help reset their password. 

We take turns working the night shift. Luckily, it’s a work-from-home shift and usually pretty quiet. I take a call.

Me: “[Software Company] tech support. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hello? Yes, I have an account and I need help.”

Me: “Okay, let’s look you up.”

I go through the process of locating her account, etc.

Me: “All right, I have your account pulled up now.”

Caller: “Yeah, okay, so I’ve been using the cream like the doctor said, but last night I couldn’t breathe if I laid down flat. Is that a side effect? Should I keep using it? Because, I—”

Me: “Ma’am? I’m sorry to interrupt, but this is the technical support line for [Software Program]. I’m afraid I cannot provide you with any medical advice.”

Caller: “Oh, really? Okay… Well, I just wanted to ask because I’d been using it…”

We go back and forth a few times, with me telling her I’m a tech support agent, not a medical professional, and her trying to get me to advise her about her medical symptoms.

Me: “Ma’am, please, you need to call your doctor’s office and tell them this. I cannot help you.”

Caller: “But they’re not open now! That’s why I called you.”

Me: “This is technical support. I can’t answer any of your medical questions. Please, call your doctor as soon as their office opens tomorrow.”

Caller: “But what if I can’t breathe again tonight?”

Me: “Go to the emergency room. That is the only advice I can give you. If you need help before your doctor’s office is open, go to the emergency room.”

Caller: “Ugh, fine. I guess I’ll do that.”

Me: “Thank you. I hope the rest of your night goes well.”

Caller: “We’ll see. I might not be able to breathe again.” *Click*

I made a note for my supervisor about the call, just in case she tried to claim later that I’d given her medical advice. We haven’t heard anything else about it so far, but it’s definitely one of the weirder calls I’ve taken on the night shift.

I work as a personal shopper. One of my main job duties is calling customers. This is very hard when I get laryngitis. I’m still walking and feeling otherwise fine, so I go to work. All day long, I’m practically yelling over the phone so customers can hear me. Most customers hear me just fine or don’t answer so I just leave a voicemail. Then, I get this customer.

Me: “Hello, Ms. [Customer #1]?”

Customer #1: “Hello?”

Me: *Trying to speak louder* “Hi, Ms. [Customer #1], can you hear me?”

Customer #1: “Hello?”

Me: *Trying to speak even louder* “Hello, can you hear me?”

Click.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], could you please call this customer for me?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

She calls the customer.

Coworker: “Hi, is this Ms. [Customer #1]?” *Pause* “[Store], online shopping.” *Pause* “No, [Store] online shopping. We finished picking your order and wanted to review it with you…” *Reviews the order and hangs up* “Yeah, she thought you were a scammer.”

Me: “Peachy.”

When customers come to pick up their order, they push the call button outside, and it connects to our phone directly. Whoever answers the phone will then deliver the groceries to the car. I have the phone currently. Again, so far, there haven’t been any problems with people not hearing me, despite the laryngitis. All the customers know that we ask for their last name when we answer, and even if there’s interference — like the car’s engine is running — and they can’t hear us ask, they still give us their names over the speaker. I am walking by the customer service desk when the phone rings.

Me: “Hi, can I have your last name, please?”

Silence.

Me: “Hello?”

Customer #2: “Hello?”

Me: *Yelling* “Hi, can I have your last name, please?”

Customer #2: “Hello?”

I hand the phone over to the clerk, who has been watching me.

Clerk: “Last name, please… Be right out.”

Me: “Thanks. I mean, it’s not like they don’t know what to do by now.”

My coworkers understand that I have no voice and don’t force me to talk. Customers in the store, on the other hand, aren’t so sympathetic, even after hearing me speak. I try to greet everyone I see like I’m supposed to, but I don’t put in much effort to make myself heard. If they have a question, they will stop me.

Customer #3: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer #3: “It’s very rude to not greet customers in your store.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I did say hello, but I understand if you didn’t hear me. As you can tell, my voice is shot today. Did you need help finding something?”

Customer #3: “No, you were just so rude. You need to greet everyone!”

Me: “Okay.”

I walked away. That customer did try to complain to my manager, but the manager was like, “She has laryngitis!” Some people.

The first day back after we open the office again after a shut-down for the health crisis, my coworker comes in without a mask.

Manager: “Everyone must wear masks at all times in the office. Here, have a spare.”

Coworker: “I have a medical exemption.”

Manager: “You’ve had two months of work-from-home to get me a formal medical note. Put on a mask.”

Coworker: “I can’t breath with a mask on!”

Manager: “Then choke.”

Coworker: “Are you telling me that you want me to pass out and die?!”

Manager: “Survival of the majority trumps survival of the few. Put on your mask, and take solace in the knowledge that you’re doing what evolution wanted you to do.”

Coworker: “I—”

Manager: “Choose your next words carefully. They will determine whether or not I place flowers on your grave.”

He put on his mask.

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I work at a candle store and we have a lot of great scents. I love telling customers about them, based on their interests.

Me: “Hi, ma’am, can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for the strongest scent you have because I have a big room to fill.”

I show her the strongest candle.

Customer: “I just can’t smell it.”

I show her another.

Customer: “You must not put very much scent in these because I can’t smell this, either.”

I remember one of the main symptoms of the health crisis currently doing the rounds.

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m sorry, but those are the strongest we have. Is there anything else I can help you find?”

Customer: “Ugh. Fine. I guess I’ll just go with the first one. Whatever.”

Me: “Perfect! May I also show you the hand sanitizer?”

During the 2020 health crisis, we order carryout from a local pizza chain. There is a queue to enter the restaurant in order to maintain social distancing. When I finally enter the store, I see that the only workers wearing masks are at the front desk. Only a few of the folks making pizza are wearing masks. The few that are wearing masks are wearing them around their necks and not covering their noses and mouths.

Me: “Uh, your workers don’t have to wear masks?”

Cashier: “They have respiratory issues so they don’t have to wear masks.”

Me: “So, of the twelve people working here, ten of them have respiratory issues?”

Cashier: “Well, we don’t ask for documentation of the illness.”

Me: “Cancel my order.”