PTO: Plutonium Time Off

, , , , , , | Legal | December 5, 2018

(Part of my job is to be a go-fer for the office and the higher-ups — an errand girl, basically. One day, as I’m leaving to get something from the store, I see a couple of guys talking with three of our Loss Prevention and Facilities guys, all looking confused and somewhat alarmed. I don’t think much of it until I get back and see three cop cars in front of our loading dock investigating a truck. One of the LP guys points me out, and as I get out of my car, a cop comes jogging over.)

Cop: “Ma’am, you need to come with me.”

Me: “Wait, what? Why? What’s going on?”

Cop: “Ma’am, for your safety, you need to come with me.”

(I’m super confused but do what he says and walk over to the loading dock, where I realize one of the officers has a Geiger counter and is running it over everything in the truck.)

Me: “What’s going on?”

Coworker: “You know those guys I was talking to earlier?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “Apparently someone from Turkey shipped a package to us to be picked up by those other guys, like we’re FedEx or something.”

Me: “But our building looks nothing like a post office.”

Coworker: “Exactly. And those two guys were from Turkey, too, and flew all the way out here to pick up their package with the intent of taking it back to Turkey. With those bombs being sent to some people lately, we figured better safe than sorry.”

Cop: “Ma’am, I need to you hold out your arms.”

(I do so, and it finally hits me as they’re running the Geiger counter over me.)

Me: “Wait, you think I was exposed to radiation?”

Coworker: “You were in the mailroom this morning, and they’re scanning everyone who was there.”

(Startlingly enough, my chest area measured as somewhat radioactive. It took the cops another ten minutes to realize it was my necklace, which had a reading of .001 from God knows what, and that I had not inhaled anything radioactive. I still don’t know what was in that package that someone in Turkey had to ship it to the USA to be picked up by a couple of guys and brought back to Turkey on their flight. I’m also amazed it wasn’t a fever dream.)

Marking Down Items Takes Just A Sharpie

, , , , , | Right | December 2, 2018

(I am working part time at a temporary holiday store. This is only my second week there; it’s a Saturday near closing time. We have several small light-up figures around the cash wrap, basically impulse buys. We also have a specific method of marking down clearance or damaged items. I’m running the register, and we aren’t very busy, when this woman comes to check out with her son. As I’m ringing up her other purchases, she starts fiddling with the figures in front of my register where I can’t see.)

Customer: “And I want this, too.”

(She waves the figure at me, and I take it and scan it.)

Customer: “How much is that?”

Me: “$3.99, ma’am.”

Customer: “But it’s marked a dollar.”

(I turn over the tag and in RED ink, the original price is scratched out and “$1.00” is written above it. We have a manual tag printer for markdowns, and even when that device isn’t working, we never use red ink; furthermore, we have color-coded stickers that differentiate between clearance or damage pricing.)

Me: “I’m not sure, ma’am. I can check with my manager. Maybe it’s damaged.” *flicks the switch a couple times and it doesn’t turn on* “See? The light isn’t working.”

(She ignores me and proceeds to dig through the other display of figures.)

Customer: “Is this one a dollar, too? How about this one? What about these over here?”

Me: “I’m not sure, ma’am. They should be priced as marked.”

(She lays a pile of figures at my register just as my manager walks up.)

Customer: *points at me* “She said these are all a dollar! I want them all for a dollar!”

(My manager knows I wouldn’t say anything like that, and starts to explain that she cannot sell them for a dollar a piece. At this point, some other customers are looking on and shaking their heads at this woman. This woman’s son, aged about eleven, is trying to ignore everything, looking off in the distance.)

Customer: “Well, then, your employee lied to me. You should fire her and sell these to me for a dollar!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I need you to calm down. The only one I can sell you for a dollar is the one that is marked for a dollar. And I am making an exception for you, since it’s not even properly marked down. It is against policy to scratch out prices, and none of my employees would handle markdowns this way. You can either take this one figure for a dollar, or you can leave.”

Customer: *grumbles* “Fine. But she’s still a liar.”

(My manager does the price override, I finish the transaction, and the customer leaves.)

Next Customer: “The nerve of some people…”

Manager: “That’s what it’s like to work in retail.”

A Textbook Case Of Bad Customer Service

, , , , , , , | Learning | October 30, 2018

(I am a college student, and classes start in two weeks. I decide to pop into the bookstore to pick up my required textbooks. When I get there all of the aisles are blocked off, so I go to the counter.)

Me: “Hi! I wanted to get textbooks, but it’s blocked off.”

Employee: “Yeah.”

Me: “When can I buy books?”

Employee: “It depends.”

Me: *pause* “On?”

Employee: “How many people are in front of you.”

(I look around the store. It’s just the two of us, another employee, and a customer looking at notebooks.)

Me: “Is there someone in front of me?”

Employee: “I mean how many orders are in front of you. It also depends on the courses you’re taking and the books you need. It really just depends.”

Me: “Oh, I have the list right here.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “So, I can’t buy books today? Or like… order them?”

Employee: “No.”

(Bewildered, I walk over to the student services center to ask someone there.)

Me: “So, I was just in the book store trying to buy my textbooks, and I guess you can’t buy them yet? Do you know when they open?”

Employee #2: “Their hours are—”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I mean when they start selling books. She just told me it depends.”

Employee #2: “Yeah, it really just depends.”

(I ordered my books online. I’m still not sure what the correct process is for getting books.)


Might Need A New Nanny To Watch Their Privilege

, , , , , , | Working | October 20, 2018

(I was just hired with this company. The chief information officer, department lead, and a couple of teammates invite me to lunch. I am sitting there listening to the CIO grumble about his home life.)

CIO: “Yeah, my wife is complaining that we need to hire another nanny for the kids.”

Boss: “Uh… don’t you already have a nanny?”

CIO: “Yes, we have two nannies. But one is the nighttime nanny and the other is the daytime nanny, and sometimes the kids have different activities going on.”

Boss: “Uh, don’t you have like… two kids?”

CIO: “Yeah?”

Boss: “And, um, your wife is still a stay-at-home mother, right?”

CIO: “Yes?”

Boss: *blink*

CIO: “Oh, well, my wife has to go to parent meetings, and shopping, and she has a few groups… and…”

(It’s still not sinking in to the CIO what an elitist a**hole he’s being yet.)

Me: “Gosh, it must be so nice to have three nannies and have all those activities! Me, I have been raising two kids by myself the last ten years, and I work eighty hours a week… Sure wish I could afford a nanny!”

(Everyone else at the table stares at me aghast.)

CIO: “Uh, yeah… um… so…. How about [project at work]?”

(After we get back to the office, my boss says:)

Boss: “OH, MY GOD, that was the best thing I’ve ever seen. I’m still not sure the CIO got what a snob he was being, but he at least looked embarrassed for the first time ever. Good work!”

He-He… Oh, Wait. You’re Serious?

, , , , , | Working | October 8, 2018

(I work as the admin at a fairly large office. I take care of supply orders, snacks, and stuff like that. The groups within the company are big on birthdays and accomplishments, so I usually buy party stuff for them. Today, I got this request.)

Coworker: “We’ve got three birthdays and two promotions tomorrow, so we want to do a helium balloon drop.”

Me: “Helium balloon… drop?”

Coworker: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, I can do one or the other, but not both.”

Coworker: “Why? Is it the money? Just the other day you got lunch for the managers, so I know you have enough!”

Me: “It’s not that; it’s just not physically possible. Helium balloons float. Even if I get them up, they won’t drop when released.”

Coworker: “Then find a way to make them drop!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Okay, I’ll just find a way to defy the laws of physics and gravity.”

Coworker: “Good! Now was that so hard?”

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