He-He… Oh, Wait. You’re Serious?

, , , , , | Working | October 8, 2018

(I work as the admin at a fairly large office. I take care of supply orders, snacks, and stuff like that. The groups within the company are big on birthdays and accomplishments, so I usually buy party stuff for them. Today, I got this request.)

Coworker: “We’ve got three birthdays and two promotions tomorrow, so we want to do a helium balloon drop.”

Me: “Helium balloon… drop?”

Coworker: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, I can do one or the other, but not both.”

Coworker: “Why? Is it the money? Just the other day you got lunch for the managers, so I know you have enough!”

Me: “It’s not that; it’s just not physically possible. Helium balloons float. Even if I get them up, they won’t drop when released.”

Coworker: “Then find a way to make them drop!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Okay, I’ll just find a way to defy the laws of physics and gravity.”

Coworker: “Good! Now was that so hard?”

Unfiltered Story #122324

, , , | Unfiltered | October 4, 2018

ME: “Thank you for calling [Bookstore]. This is [My Name], how may I help you?”

CALLER: “Do you sell pornography?”

(I can tell this is a teenage kid trying to prank me, but instead of calling him out on it, I decide to give great customer service.)

ME: “I suppose to depends on your definition of pornography, but we do have a sexuality section for books and several men’s sophisticates magazines such as Playboy and Penthouse. Is there something you’re looking for in particular?”

CALLER: “Are you down with that?”

ME: “I’m sorry, did you just ask me if I’m down with that?”

CALLER: (Obviously flustered that his joke isn’t working.) “Uh… no.”

ME: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

CALLER: “Uh… no.”

ME: “Thank you for calling and have a great day.”

Yoinks! How Rude!

, , , , , , , | Right | September 26, 2018

My parents were visiting from out of state, so we were picking up some snacks and supplies for their hotel room. My dad uses a CPAP that requires purified water, and we didn’t realize until we were waiting in line that we’d forgotten it. It was just before the holidays, and the store was packed, so I jogged back and grabbed a bottle while my parents were waiting to be rung up.

When I returned, another couple had pushed their heavily-loaded cart up and were starting to unload, and my parents’ order was almost done. As it would take a little finagling to get past the other couple and their cart, and as I’m a six-foot-tall woman, I just leaned over their order on the belt and placed the bottle of water at the end of my parents’ items, saying cheerfully, “‘Scuze me! Yoink!”

I then carefully moved around their cart and rejoined my parents, and only then realize the couple was staring at me, agog. I started wondering what was going on when the man looked from my mother to me and said, “Oh! You’re with them!

I blinked and then started laughing. “Oh, my God, yes. I was grabbing something for them… I’m sorry, did you think I just tried to cut in line by saying, ‘Yoink’? Holy cow, that would make me the biggest jerk ever. I’m so sorry!”

He started laughing, as well. “I was actually kind of impressed that a lady apparently had brass balls bigger than mine!” The cashier looked infinitely relieved that an incident was avoided, and the gentleman and I laughed about my “epic rudeness” for the rest of the sale.

Going To Spring Roll Around For Another Argument

, , , , , , | Right | September 25, 2018

(I work at an Asian fast food restaurant. We offer three basic meals where you can put whatever food items you wish in the meal. The most popular of these comes with one side and two entrees. We also issue a coupon that says you can get an additional entree for free with the purchase of this meal.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Restaurant]. Would you like to try any samples today?”

Customer: “No. I have this coupon, and I wanted to ask you what it is for.”

Me: “Sure! This coupon allows you to get an entree box with anything you’d like in it for free, as long as you also purchase one of our meals with two entrees and a side.”

Customer: “Okay. What counts as an entree?”

Me: “Any of our meats count as an entree, or you could use that coupon for an egg roll or an order of spring rolls.”

(I gesture to the table of food in front of me.)

Customer: “Okay. Can I try a sample of [food item]?”

Me: “Sure!” *gets her a sample of several entrees*

Customer: “I’ll take some spring rolls.”

Me: “Okay. What else can I get for you today?”

(I take her order. We get to the register, and I ask for the coupon. She can see on the screen on the other side of the register the amount that was taken off of the total.)

Customer: “Why did it only take [amount] off?”

Me: “Well, that was the price of the spring rolls and that is the extra entree that you asked for to use the coupon on. You didn’t get anything else I could apply the coupon to, and it would still be the same dollar amount taken off, anyway.”

Customer: “I thought I got a free entree?”

Me: “You did. I rang the spring rolls up for [price], and then I discounted your check for [same price].”

Customer: “No, I mean, I thought I got an entree for free.”

Me: *not really knowing what else to say at this point, I simply say* “You did.”

Customer: *rolling her eyes in a way that seems to say, “This guy is cheating me, but I don’t have the energy to deal with it.”* “Okay.”

(The transaction continues and she goes to her table after paying. I bring the food over when ready.)

Me: “Here is that food you were waiting on. Also, something just occurred to me. I think we may have just been having a miscommunication back at the register. You see, the spring rolls that I gave you are normally [higher price] when not being purchased with a meal. I think that might have been the reason we were having trouble understanding each other. I actually just rang them up as an extra entree on your meal so they were cheaper. That way, I can use the coupon that allows me to discount [same price] and the spring rolls are free.”

Customer: “No, that wasn’t what I was confused about. I just thought the coupon was for an entree.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It is. That’s what you got.”

Customer: “No. All I got were these spring rolls.”

Your Pay Is Horrific

, , , , , , , | Working | September 20, 2018

(Today is Thursday the 12th, and the company payday is tomorrow. In an attempt to make reference to the Jason Voorhees slasher films, I see one of my coworkers and go right up to him.)

Me: “Oh, hey, tomorrow is 9/11!”

Coworker: “Wait… What?”

(I stammered and explained that I was trying to say, “Tomorrow, we get paid on Friday the 13th.” How horrifying.)

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