Micro Realization Is A Big Problem

, , , , , | Learning | May 12, 2018

(We’ve just received instructions on how to ready a solution for one of our labs. Per the instructions, the solution needs to be heated to boiling in a microwave, and we have been told that it takes about a minute for one flask to boil. As there are only a few microwaves in the class, my classmates and I put multiple flasks in at once. After about a minute:)

Classmate #1: *concerned* “It’s not boiling!”

Me: “The microwaves are being distributed across multiple items, so it will take longer than what the TA told us. We just have to watch for it to boil.”

Classmate #2: *light-bulb goes off* “So that’s why my hot dogs are always cold!”

(These were all pre-med students, so I was very concerned for the future of our healthcare system.)

Not So Wild About Mild

, , , , | Working | March 20, 2018

(I am in the drive-thru of a restaurant that specializes in fried chicken tenders. I order a mild tender combo. This happens when I pull up to the window:)

Employee: “That was a four-piece tender combo, with fries, gravy, and a [drink], right?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Employee: “And you wanted those tenders spicy, right?”

Me: “No, mild.”

Employee: “Um… So, like, just slightly spicy?”

Me: “No, not spicy at all. Mild.”

Employee: “We only have original and spicy.”

Me: *restraining myself from slamming my head on the steering wheel* “Original, then.”

The Butt Of The Education System

, , , , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(Two customers in their 20s are looking to possibly buy a snake. Toward the end of the conversation about pros and cons of snake ownership, the topic of cage cleaning comes up.)

Me: “Since the snakes are eating once a week at this age, they’re pooping about once a week, which makes clean-up easier.”

Customer #1: “What? Snakes poop?”

Customer #2: *pause* “Yeah. Everything poops.”

Customer #1: “But they don’t have butts!”

Me, Coworker, & Customer #2: “What?”

Coworker: “Yes, they do.”

Customer #1: “That doesn’t seem real!”

(My coworker and I show her the snake’s cloaca — its “butt”.)

Customer #1: “Oh, my God! Snakes have butts!”

([Customers #1 & #2] walk away, with [Customer #1] repeating loudly, and with amazement, “Snakes have butts! Snakes have butts!”)

Me: “I worry about this country’s education system.”

A Different Kind Of Lip-Service

, , , , , , | Related | February 25, 2018

(My brother-in-law is over to play fighting games with my husband, and we are all clearing the coffee table so they can have it to put their fight sticks on. My brother-in law picks up my lip balm that was on the table.)

Brother-In-Law: “Is this lip balm from your gynecologist?

Me: “Yeah, they just have a bunch of them in a basket when you check out.”

Husband: “Isn’t that a little weird?”

Me: “No! They want you to take care of both sets of lips!”

Brother-In-Law & Husband: *horrified looks and awkward laughs*

Brother-In-Law: “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM MY SISTER-IN-LAW!”

Good Thing You Didn’t Tell Them It Had A Virus

, , , , , , | Right | January 13, 2018

(I am working a slow shift at a tech repair shop in my hometown, when an angry woman marches in with a laptop.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. How can I h—”

Customer: “Listen to me, kid!” *she opens the laptop to reveal a blackened screen with a good portion of it burned completely* “I’ve had this computer for a year, and nothing’s gone wrong. Today, the screen went blue and it wouldn’t let me keep shopping! My son said it was frozen, so I tried to thaw it out, but it just got f***** up! Fix it, d*** it!”

Me: “Ma’am… Did… Did you put an open flame on the screen?”

Customer: “Well, duh! I put it on the stove to thaw it out faster. What do you think, I’m stupid or something?”

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