One day, my mom says to me, with no context:

Mom: “I’m trying to think of… Bandersnatch.”

Me: “Jabberwocky?”

Mom: “No, that guy!”

Me: *Pauses* “Benedict Cumberbatch?”

Mom: “Yes! That’s it!”

This is my favorite funny workplace story. I used to sit opposite a colleague who was very polite and always friendly and proper. One time, she was in a call with the on-site technician of some location, discussing getting in contact with one of their users, a lady of Asian descent, to check if she still had some issue.

The lady in question was called [User] Fu. But, hearing only my colleague’s end of the call (and not paying particular attention, anyway, as I had other stuff to do,) I did not know that. What I DID hear was that this always polite colleague of mine told someone on the phone, in a conversational tone:

Colleague: “So, then, eff you.”

Maybe you can imagine my shock at hearing this colleague, apparently, swear at someone on the phone. From the incredulous look I shot her, she realized in an instant what her spelling of the end user’s last name sounded like, and two things happened.

She became redder than a lobster, and she started laughing so hard that she actually had to mute the phone (somehow managing to tell the user she needed to “update her notes for a moment” without bursting).

This was not helped by the fact that, realizing the actual situation and seeing her shade of red, I myself couldn’t stop giggling.

This story got told to new colleagues several times during the time we worked together.

For a time, in an in- and outbound IT call center, I used to share a “desk island” — four triangular desks forming a rhombus shape, basically sitting face to face with each other, divided by low panels — with three colleagues. Two of them are involved in this story; following the old trope, let’s call them Alice and Bob.

One time, as I got up to go to our kitchen, both colleagues had just begun a call and I heard the following conversation.

Bob: “Hello, my name is Bob, and I am calling you from [Company].”

Alice: “Hello, Bob, how are you?”

Bob: “I’m fine, thank you. How are you doing?”

Alice: “Thank you. I’m doing good.”

For a moment, I just stood there, thinking, “Have they really called each other?”

Of course, it turned out that no, Alice had simply called someone who had the same name as Bob, and their conversations started with JUST the right delay that their generic greeting questions and answers were in PERFECT sync.

I told them afterward, and we all had a good laugh about it.

This happened several years ago when I was fourteen. Let’s say my name is Robert. I was on holiday on a tourist island in Greece with my parents, and we went to meet some relatives which were in a village nearby.

It was August, and we were a few days from my father’s birthday. He decided to book a place and have a party, so we went to see the owner. My parents, our relatives, and the owners were hanging outside this large club/bar on the seaside typical of the Greek islands.

I went inside and took a seat in the largest booth facing the TV and start watching and changing channels with the remote.

I could hear the group entering the bar and moving toward me, and out of the blue, the owner yelled at me.

Owner: “Hey, Robert, [Greek profanity similar to ‘wanker’], stand up and get the f*** out! Free that booth! We need it!”

I didn’t move, just turned my head in shock. At that exact moment, the owner grabbed me and yelled again.

Owner: “Robert, [Greek profanity], I told you to stand up and get the f*** out of the booth!”

Everybody was in shock. My father was outraged and yelled at the owner.

Father: “What the f*** is wrong with you?! Take off your hands from my son!”

He almost attacked the owner.

The owner froze and started to look at me. His face changed color, and then the realisation hit him. He started to apologise profusely and yelled around several times:

Owner: “Robert, where the f*** are you?”

Finally, a guy resembling me came out of the restroom. He was the waiter and cleaner of the place, and his name was Robert.

We could cut the cringe with a knife. Nobody was saying anything, and I decided to get out of the place.

My father moved the party to another venue.

An acquaintance of mine is nicknamed Chuck; his name is something else but everyone calls him Chuck. His official email ID and the correspondence name he’d use was his actual name at all the companies he worked for.

Then, he joined this hip new startup. He got the email ID chuck@[website] and the freedom to use Chuck in all his correspondence.

One day, when sending me an email, he mistakenly signed his name as “F***”… while CCing the CEO.