It’s Better Than Just Stopping At Aaron

, , , , , , , | Related | November 3, 2017

(My spouse and I are having our first child in a matter of weeks. Ultrasounds show that it is most likely going to be a girl.)

Mother: “What baby names have you picked out?”

(My spouse speaks Russian, and the due date is around our nation’s Thanksgiving holiday, so I decide to Google “thankful” in Russian just to see how badly it sounds phonetically in English. I am texting both my mother and spouse about it.)

Me: “Let’s name the baby Blagodarnyy. It’s a name full of gratitude. If it’s a girl it has to be Blagodarnaya.”

(After I don’t get an immediate response, I add some flavor for plausibility.)

Me: “Anaya for short.”

Mother: “Okie dokie, then. Russian? I like the Anaya. No Celtic names? With a surname like yours—”

Me: “I’m kidding, Mom.”

Mother: “Oh, for crying out loud! I was trying so hard to be a good mom and mind my own business, but Dad said, ‘That poor child.’ It had ‘blaggard’ and ‘darn ya’ all in one name. Good grief!”

The Last “G” Is Silent

, , , , , | Working | October 19, 2017

(I am at a bagel place and have just placed my order.)

Employee: “Can I get your name for the order?”

Me: “Gregory.”

Employee: “We can only fit six letters. Can I put ‘Greg?’”

Me: “Sure.”

Employee: “Is there one ‘G’ or two in that?”

Me: “One.”

(A few minutes later:)

Other Employee: “Order for Gre! Order for Gre!” *he pronounces this “gree,” like “tree”*

Me: “Do you mean Greg?”

First Employee: “You said Greg with one ‘G.’ That’s what I put.”

The Daddy Of All Nicknames

, , , , , | Learning | October 7, 2017

Teacher: “If you have a nickname, or just want me to call you something specific, just tell me and I will. I’ll call you anything you want. But be careful what you choose, because I will stick with it for good.”

Class: *laughs*

Teacher: “You think I’m joking? I had a student want to be called ‘Daddy.’ He didn’t think I’d go through with it, but that’s what I called him for the whole semester.”

(I’m sure that’s not at all appropriate for student-teacher relationships, but who am I to judge? That must’ve been an interesting class.)

He Must Get Emailed Lots Of Interesting Questions

, , , , | Working | August 11, 2017

At my workplace, our email addresses are automatically generated by using the first three letters of one’s last name, followed by first two letters of the first name.

I have a coworker named Edward Sexton. His email is [email protected](business).com. The company refuses to allow him to change it.

Absolutely Megnificent

, , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(I’m working a few hours into my shift when a man comes up and notices my name.)

Customer: “Meghan? That’s an Irish name. Was it always your name?”

Me: “No, sir, my name was originally Megatron.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Really? That must have been hard growing up, with your siblings and friends teasing you.”

(My brother, who works as a bagger in the store, walks by.)

Me: “I don’t know. Hey, [Brother]! This man wants to know if it was hard for me growing up with you teasing me because of my name being Megatron.

Brother: “We teased her all the time.”

Customer: “Huh, I feel kind of bad for you.”

Me: “Sir, my name has always been Meghan. I was kidding. The Megatron thing was a joke from Family Guy.”

Customer: “Oh. Well I heard something about the Irish calling their daughters ‘Meeghan’ from birth to age 16. Then they are called Meghan as a coming of age thing.”

Me: “Well, sir, I wouldn’t know. I’m mostly French-Canadian and I don’t think my family ever had that in mind. Have a good day.”

(He walked out, still looking very confused.)

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