These Are People Who Know How To Bargain!

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2020

I work at a tourist shop in Greece. Amongst other things, we sell helmets — like ancient Greek ones; tourists eat these up — that are 10€. This guy comes, obviously stoned, and asks in a slurry voice:

Customer: “How much for the helmet?”

Me: “Ten euros, sir.”

Customer: “Do you have another one?”

Me: “No, sir, this is the last one.”

His friend, who is even more stoned, comes in then.

Friend: “Do you have three?”

Me: “No, sir. As I told your friend, this is my last one.”

Then he starts to… bargain.

Friend: “Well, how about three for 20€?”

Me: “Sir, I only have one and it’s ten euros; I can’t go lower.”

Friend: “Two for 20€.”

Me: “Sir, I only have one.”

Friend: “Fine, then, one for 10€.”

Me: “Sure, it’s yours!”

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When Conspiracy Theorists Take Coach

, , , | Right | October 25, 2020

I’m on a coach travelling between cities. There happens to be less traffic than expected so we arrive at a certain stop fifteen minutes early. Five minutes later, two old women sitting next to each other start complaining.

Passenger #1: “Why have we not left yet?”

Passenger #2: “The driver must be slacking on the job! They’re all useless!”

Passenger #1: “And we’re paying them for that! Now we’ll be late!”

An old man sitting behind them decides to explain the situation.

Passenger #3: “Listen, the coach has to leave here at five and arrived fifteen minutes early. If it leaves on time, you won’t be late. Also, people who want to travel from here would miss it if it left before five and would have to wait an hour for the next one.”

Passenger #1: “They’re paying you to say that!”

The old man gave up.

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Why We Need To Build A Universal Translator

, , , | Right | August 6, 2020

I’m what’s called a rep, which means some kind of a tour-guide. We are a Scandinavian company with only Scandinavian guests. We do different things, like taking them on excursions, welcoming them at the airport, and guiding them on the buses. We also have hotel service; we show up at the hotels to let them book excursions and answer questions.

I’m visiting one of the hotels, and when I arrive, the woman in the reception is talking with someone on the phone. I go to sit down and wait for guests to arrive, and I remember I’ve got something for the receptionist.

When I walk over, she’s still on the phone, and she’s telling the person on the other end the same thing over and over again. She tells them that there’s someone from the company he’s travelling with here, and after a couple of minutes, she gets him to agree to speak with me.

Receptionist: “This hotel is all [My Company]’s hotel, and this guest wants to change something with his room booking. Please explain to him that he needs to take his request with you and pay for the request to you, as well. We can’t take any money from him as he’s your guest.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll try to explain it to him, but I doubt that he will listen to me more than you.”

The receptionist hands me the phone and I’m settling for a long discussion with a furious guest.

Me: *In Scandinavian language* “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company].”

Guest: *Starting to speak in English* “Hello, yeah, I’m coming down on… Eh, do you speak [Scandinavian Language]?”

Me: “Yes, I do. So, what can I help you with?”

He changes languages.

Guest: “Oh, okay, then! Well, I’m coming to the hotel this weekend and was wondering if [same request as the receptionist was explaining to me] could be fixed?”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is absolutely no problem!”

I explain to him how he’s going to fix his request, in the exactly same way the receptionist did, only in our language.

Guest: “Oh, so that’s how I fix it? Okay, then, thanks a lot! I’ll see you next week, then! Bye.” *Click*

He left both me and the receptionist speechless!

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Shove That Lamb Up Your Porthole

, , , | Friendly | February 14, 2020

(I have treated my mother to a cruise round the Aegean as a retirement present. The whole experience has been amazing with superb service all around. However, as we all know too well, there are some who would complain in Paradise. At lunch one day, we are sitting with one such woman. She’s complaining that her cabin doesn’t have a porthole — despite the fact that she obviously didn’t pay the extra I did for such a cabin — and that she has been denied an upgrade — despite the fact that we were greeted on board by a large sign saying that the ship was fully booked and there were no upgrades available — and on and on and on. Finally…)

Me: “Well, the only complaint I have is the pathetic excuse for a breakfast on the flight out here. I can’t wait to see what the lamb dinner’s like on the flight home.”

Woman: “How do you know you’re getting lamb?”

Mother: “He was given a choice and chose lamb.”

Woman: “Well, I wasn’t given a choice. Nobody asked me if I wanted lamb. I detest lamb. I can’t stand it and if they try to give me lamb, I shall get off!”

(Lady, at 35,000 feet, I’ll hold the door for you.)

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Not How You Ent-ice Customers

, , | Working | November 5, 2019

(Iced lattes aren’t popular here, so anytime I want one I have to describe the drink to the barista.)

Me: “Can I get a freddo cappuccino with extra milk?”

Barista #1: “Sure. Hey, just so you know, that drink is an iced latte.”

Me: “Oh, I know. It’s just that most people don’t know what that is so I have to describe it.”

(I come back to the same coffee shop, the same day, but it’s after a few hours so the shift has changed.)

Me: “An iced latte, please.”

Barista #2: “I don’t know what that is, but we don’t sell it here.”

Me: “…”

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