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There’s A Time And Place, And This Ain’t It

, , , , | Working | February 2, 2023

This story happened years ago, not too long after an incident where a gunman attacked people on a military base. The timing is important.

My husband worked on a military base. One day, he texted me that he’d probably be late getting home because the base was on lockdown. Several hours later, he texted me that lockdown was lifted and he was going to grab [Fast Food] on the way home. I was both relieved that he was okay and intrigued because this was something he generally only did after a day when he was just done with everything. Those days usually had a good story to go with them.

He got home not too much later than normal, and eventually, I got the story out of him. Since his building was closest to the front gate, the security guys basically hung out there most of the day, and he got the full story from one of the guys he was friendly with.

Like on all military bases, the gate guards take their jobs extremely seriously. They have a set of questions they ask every single vehicle that comes onto the base, including the large fuel delivery trucks. Unfortunately for everyone on the base that day, this fuel truck driver had a sense of humor.

Guard: “And are there any weapons in the vehicle?”

Fuel Truck Driver: “Well, this whole thing is a bomb!”

And that’s why the base was locked down for FOUR HOURS.

That’s One Hot Birthday Party!

, , , , , , , | Working | February 2, 2023

I will remember this birthday for a long time! Tonight, we went to [Steakhouse Restaurant] for dinner to celebrate. I had asked [Husband] to invite everyone from the Armed Forces recruiting offices to join us, and a few were able to come.

As we were only able to get an 8:00 reservation, we were among the last people of the evening. Things were going smoothly with everyone enjoying appetizers, drinks, and engaging conversations.

Our food came, and everyone noticed that [Husband]’s boss had ordered a meal that came covered in a glass dome. The server lifted it up to do the fancy presentation and release the smoke.

What we didn’t realize was that our table was right underneath the smoke detector… and there was a lot of smoke! The commander’s young son kept pointing out the smoke to everyone, just as the smoke alarm went off.

They had to evacuate the entire restaurant while we waited for the fire department to arrive. After a few minutes of standing outside in the cold, we were allowed back inside the building, although we were asked to move to a different table so that the smoke detector could be reset.

The management felt so bad that our bill was completely paid for, and everyone in the restaurant was given coupons for free appetizers on a future visit!

Everyone got a good laugh about the entire situation. At least we all had a good time and now we all have a funny story to share!

They Deserved That Scare

, , , , , , | Working | February 2, 2023

I used to work for a company that made network communications software. I regularly attended trade conferences, and it was common for me to come back with various marketing giveaways.

Several weeks after one such conference, the office administrator stormed in, demanding that I clean my office immediately. Now, I’m not the tidiest person by any means, but my office wasn’t THAT messy.

Me: “What prompted this?”

Administrator: “The cleaning staff walked off the job, claiming it was unsafe because of a massive spider infestation!”

At first, I was confused, but then I realized what must have happened. We’d been having a problem with coins and other small items disappearing from employees’ office desks but hadn’t identified the thief. I opened my desk drawer and directed the admin’s attention to it.

In the back of the drawer, there was a bag of small plastic spiders — giveaways from the conference. (The Internet sort of resembles a spider’s web.) I hadn’t closed the bag securely, and some of the spiders had spilled out into the drawer. The only way anyone would have come across this spider “infestation” was if they’d opened the closed drawer and felt around in it.

The administrator stood there for a few seconds, staring at the plastic spiders. Then, without a word, he turned on his heel and stormed out of my office. The office trash didn’t get picked up for a couple of days, and then a different company started cleaning the office. 

Oh… and the petty thefts stopped.

(We) Don’t Have A Cow, Man

, , , , | Working | February 1, 2023

I am visiting my local chain coffee shop.

Me: “Cappuccino, please.”

Barista: “Sorry, we only have plant milks today.”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you! Can I have an Americano instead?”

Barista: “Do you want milk in that?”

Me: *Blinks slowly*

The Best Way To Judge Someone’s Character

, , , , , , , , | Working | February 1, 2023

Back in the 1960s, my father-in-law took early retirement. He and my mother-in-law set about building their own house in rural Wales and lived in a small caravan on the site. He hired bricklayers and roofers but did everything else himself with help from my husband and me.

When he reached the stage of needing the interior walls plastered, he asked around but could not find a plasterer who was willing or available to do the job. Then, one day, a man came to the door and offered his services, saying he was a plasterer who had been made redundant and fallen on hard times, and he and his little dog were sleeping in a nearby farm’s barn.

[Father-In-Law] was a bit sceptical about his story, but [Mother-In-Law] looked at the dog and realised that, although the man looked scruffy, the dog was well-fed and happy. She persuaded [Father-In-Law] to give him a chance, so he was told to plaster one small room as a trial.

He made a great job of that room and was hired to do the rest of the house, while my [Mother-In-Law] made sure he had one good meal each day. With the money the plasterer made, he was able to find somewhere to stay. Following recommendations from my in-laws, he was able to get more work, and he went from strength to strength, all thanks to [Mother-In-Law] noticing that he had taken good care of his little dog through his rough times.