A Very Testing Tester

, , , | Right | May 1, 2021

I’m at the local grocery store waiting in line for checkout and there’s one customer before me. The cashier is ringing her stuff and stops, holding a body lotion jar, and talks to the customer.

Cashier: “Excuse me, did you notice this is the tester product?”

Customer: *With an accent and very unclearly* “What? What do you mean?”

Cashier: “This is the tester. Do you want to go and get a correct jar?”

Customer: “What? I don’t understand?”

Cashier: “Here on the jar, it says this is a tester. You can’t buy it.”

Customer: *Louder but not any clearer* “What? Why? I don’t understand.”

The cashier is starting to get red and nervous but tries to stay calm and friendly.

Cashier: “This tester is for anyone to open and look; you can not buy it.”

Customer: *Loudly* “Why would you have something like that on your shelf?! Why can’t I just buy it?”

Cashier: “You can go and get an unopened jar right there and buy it.”

The customer finally left to get a jar that was for sale and mumbled all the way about how stupid it was that she couldn’t buy the jar that she wanted. She came back and started ranting about it. I couldn’t understand half of it and neither could the cashier.

The customer paid and bagged her things while still continuing to rant. The cashier had been friendly and smiling all the time, though she seemed to be very uncomfortable. This is where I stepped in and started talking to the cashier, although the angry customer was still complaining while bagging. The cashier looked relieved and ignored the angry customer and started ringing my stuff. When the angry customer finally left, the cashier just nodded her head and smiled at me.

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No Argument From Us

, , , , | Related | May 1, 2021

I work from home in online customer service, where we usually talk with customers via phone. Since our opening hours are from morning until late evening, I most often still work after my husband and our two small children have come home.

The children are very good at not coming into my “office” (our bedroom) while I’m working, but they are still small, so they tend to forget every now and then, and there’s no lock on the door. Usually, it’s no harm.

I am in the middle of a call when my two-and-a-half-year-old comes in. I try to tell them without words to go out, but they have a “very important message” to give me and will not leave no matter what. I have no other option but to ask if the customer is okay with being on hold for a second.

The important message?

Toddler: “Mommy, I am your friend.”

They gave me a bright smile and walked away happily.

I had to inform the customer about this. They could only agree that the message was indeed very important.

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What Do You Think Law School Is For?!

, , , , , | Legal | April 29, 2021

I’m a lawyer working at a law office. One day, a group of four people enters the office and sits on the couches in the waiting area. There are clear signs at the door that, because of the health crisis, all appointments must be reserved by email or phone before coming to the offices and that the number of people attending any meeting is limited to two.

A secretary goes to greet the customers and inquire about the purpose of their visit. After a while, she comes to my room.

Secretary: “They say they have an appointment here to close a long-negotiated issue, but I can’t find any appointments under their name. Could you please double-check with me?”

We look through our appointment system and all the lawyer’s calendars but can’t find anything with the name they provided. I go and talk to the customers to get more info. Their matter is in the field of law that we operate in, so I start to fear that we have messed something up. Their issue would require a lot of preliminary work and there is absolutely no way to make the documents here and now. I go and check all our systems again, but nothing comes up — no files, no billing information, nothing. I brace myself and go talk to the customers. I talk to a middle-aged woman who seems to be the most agitated.

Me: “I apologize, but there must be some kind of a mix-up. There are no records of your case in our files. Are you sure you are at the right law office?”

Woman: “Yes. Look, here is the text message invitation to the meeting.”

She shows me a text on her phone. It is the right time and our address.

Me: “Yes that is our address. Who is this [Man] who sent this message to you?”

Woman: “He is my cousin. He made the appointment with you and sent the time and place to the rest of us. He will be here any moment. [Man] knows how to handle things. [Man] will clear things up.”

We wait a few minutes and [Man] comes through the door.

Woman: “[Man]! Thank God! This lawyer says he can’t find any of our documents.”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is true. I’m sorry but there seems to be no record of your case in our system.”

Man: “Of course there isn’t. I looked at the pricing on your website and frankly, it is ridiculous. Your fees are way too high. It was a simple matter to draft the documents myself, so I did.”

He has a smug look on his face. I am totally confused.

Me: “So… why are you here now?”

Man: “We are here to make some minor changes, like the date and the names of the witnesses, to the documents, and then sign them. We require a room for an hour or two at most, a printer, and two of your lawyers to bear witness to our signatures.”

I am having a hard time believing what I’m hearing.

Me: “You didn’t contact us at all before coming in and inviting a bunch of your relatives to our office?”

Man: “No, why should I have? It will take you no more than five minutes to act as witnesses and according to the hourly fees on your website—”

I cut him off.

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You have some self-made legal documents. You expect us to just drop everything we are doing, give you a room and a printer, and sign our names and our company’s name to some random papers we’ve never seen?!”

Man: “Well, I …”

Me: “Firstly, I never sign any papers without thoroughly going through them, nor does any other lawyer that I know of. Secondly, most lawyers will never witness any documents that are made by a layman, as the lawyer’s signature at the end of the document gives most people the impression that the lawyer has made said documents. And thirdly, I don’t think there is a company on earth that will give the use of their rooms and office equipment to strangers who just barge into their office.”

Man: “This is your field of law and—”

Me: “I am completely amazed that anyone would think they can act this way. Please leave.”

The man started to argue but his relatives pushed him out, apologizing profusely. The secretary and I just stared at each other in disbelief.

I got a call maybe two weeks later from the woman customer and she apologized again. I told her it was no trouble and asked how their legal issue was doing. They had gotten a great lawyer, who looked through [Man]’s papers. After a week of correcting for [Man]’s mistakes, the documents were ready. They had signed them at the lawyer’s office, and that time, they had had an actual appointment. [Man] had been very quiet during the meeting.

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You’ll Get It One Day, Pops

, , , , | Related | April 1, 2021

Back in the early 1990s, Internet and its various aspects are not common knowledge, even though they have been around for years. My dad works at a national broadcasting company and I decide to try to send him an email from my office. I figure out his email address — not a trivial thing when there are a few different address protocols — and send a short greeting.

The next morning, my desktop phone rings.

Dad: *Angrily* “You were on my computer.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I sent you an email and, apparently, you got it.”

Dad: “Is this some kind of hacker thing?”

Me: “No? This is how the Internet works. You can send emails from one computer to—”

Dad: “Just don’t do it again.” *Click*

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You Can Jeer But Still No Beer

, , , | Right | March 14, 2021

My job is, among other things, to maintain order and safety on trains. I come upon a gentleman with an open beer in his hand. This is illegal in Finland; no alcoholic beverages are allowed in trains, except for those sold in restaurant compartments, which we don’t have on this particular train.

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I’ll have to ask you to hand over that beer; no open containers of alcohol are permitted on the train.”

I reach out my hand to take the beer.

Passenger: “Do you know who I am?!”

Me: “Nope!” *Still reaching out*

The passenger’s friends are laughing. He hands over the beer.

Me: “Thank you!”

And that’s how I deal with “Do you know who I am?!” Honestly. I have no idea who you are; now, please comply with the law.

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