(I work for a software company. We provide document archiving services through internet and if/when customer ends the subscription they can order all the documents to be saved e.g. on a CD. This customer has done so. She calls a bit later to ask how she can search a certain document from the CD)

Customer: “I have this CD from you that has all my documents I once stored in your service. Now I need to find a certain document from here, how do I find it? There are so many documents here”
Me: “Well you need to go to your computer’s resources and use the search features your operating system has”
Customer: “But I need to find this certain document, how do I find it?”
Me: “You need to use your own computer’s search features for searching. You go to resources and type in the word you wish to search among the documents. Unfortunately I cannot give you more specific information on your computer’s search features because those can vary based on the operating system you are using and we don’t have training for that. You won’t have the search features of our service because the data is no longer on our server”
Customer: “… So…. How does my computer know what to search?”
Me: “You will choose on your resources the CD and the type in the word or words you wish to search”
Customer: “So… Do you mean that I have to put this CD into my computer first?”
Me: “…Yes, that is what I mean”
Customer: *very happily and cheerily* “Oh, good! I didn’t know where to put this CD. I was fearing that I would need some kind of special device to see the data on this CD!”

(I work as a customer support agent in a software company)

Customer: “I get an error message when I try to run this report”
Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Could you tell me which browser are you using?”
Customer: “I used to have Mozzarella, but now I have Firefox”

(When I connected to her computer remotely, I found out that she used IE)

(I work in a small grocery store that has a delivery system where customers order with email, via phone or through the online store. You can use either cash or credit card as a payment method. In credit card cases, the driver has a mobile payment terminal with him, and the payment is made at the customer’s front door. No numbers are required in the online shop. In cash cases, we pay the delivery with written checks which we’ve given the nickname, “Monopoly money,” and once the actual money is received from the customer, the Monopoly money in the counter is traded into the actual money. A cashier who is working on the school holiday gets one of these cash deliveries.)

Me: *hands the Monopoly money* “We are using these as a payment in deliveries. Treat this note as a normal [amount] bill.”

(Then I start packing. A minute later the cashier asks:)

Cashier: “What is the purpose of this note?”

Me: “We are using these as notifications that this account has received a delivery of this sum.”

Cashier: “Okay, then I will toss it in the trash.” *throws the monopoly money to the bin*

Me: *all the veins in my head explode* “NO! YOU’RE DEFINITELY NOT TOSSING IT TO THE TRASH!”

(My manager overheard this and repeated what I said to the cashier. Ever since then, she handled them like normal money. If you just listened to me for even ONE second…)

(I have gone to a sports and hiking store that has a big sale going on, and I figured they would have backpacks on sale, too. A couple of women enter the store, very fashionably dressed and looking quite out of place compared to the other customers. I overhear this conversation between them when passing them:)

Woman #1: “Hey, [Woman #2], what do you think I should buy? I just love sales!”

Woman #2: “I don’t know; just pick out something cute.”

(Most items on sale in this store can’t be described as “cute,” more like practical and comfortable, but I don’t pay any more attention to them after I have passed them. I notice a black backpack that I am looking for, the last one of that color. I examine the backpack and look at the price tag; it is quite cheap. I put it down on an empty shelf, still steadily resting my other hand on it, and flip my wallet open to check if I have enough money to buy it. Then I suddenly feel the bag being pulled away from under my hand. I look up and see one of the women from before, triumphantly holding the backpack up to check it out.)

Me: “Hey, I’m sorry, ma’am, I intend to buy that. Can I please have it back?”

Woman #1: “No! You weren’t holding on to it enough, so now it’s mine! Find another one!”

Me: “That black one is the last of its color, and I really would like to have it. I was just double-checking to see if I had enough money to buy it. And I was actually holding on to it. You snatched it out from under my hand.”

Woman #1: “Yeah, right! You’re just too poor to buy it, and you just left it there without even putting it back! You are the reason people hate working in retail because people like you never put anything back in its own place!”

(By this time she had raised her voice so much that she was drawing attention to herself from all the other customers, and I even saw a security guy on stand-by, ready to intervene. I decided to try to be firm but nice, so I wouldn’t come out looking like the crazy one.)

Me: *taking a non-menacing step forward and stretching out my hand* “Could I now please have the backpack back?”

(Even though my movement was relatively slow, the woman somehow took it as a threat and suddenly yanked me by the hair and gave me a push. I was totally unprepared for that so I crashed into a shelf, luckily not tipping it over.)

Security: “Okay, ma’am, you’re behaving in a threatening way and you attacked a customer. You need to come with me.”

Woman #1: “No! She tried to take my backpack! She probably can’t even afford it. Look at her! It’s my right to buy it!”

(She proceeded to rip down every display backpack from the shelf and tossed them on the floor. It didn’t take long for the security guy to overpower her and escort her out, while she was still screaming bloody murder.)

Woman #1: “This isn’t the end of this! I demand that I get to buy that backpack!”

(After the commotion, I got the backpack back and went to the check-out with it, where the cashier actually gave me a 30% discount on the already discounted price, to make up for the trouble I went through. I did catch a glimpse of the other woman outside the store, and she gave me an apologetic look and mouthed “sorry.” Well, the main thing is that I got my backpack, even though the process wasn’t exactly drama-free. Considering that the woman didn’t even know what she was going to buy when entering the store, she sure made up her mind in the end!)

(An older gentleman wants to have an old photograph copied, and he also asks a few questions about how the picture could be edited. Everything is fine, until…)

Customer: “We took this picture back in 1968. There’s my brother, my sister, my uncle… but the photographer accidentally left my grandmother out of the picture.”

Me: “Oh, no, that’s unfortunate.”

Customer: “Yes, so, could you add her in it?”

Me: “Sorry? You mean, could I edit her into the picture? From another photograph?”

Customer: “No, no, I mean, widen the original picture from the side so she can be seen.”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure I follow.”

Customer: “She’s standing right there, but the photographer accidentally left her out. I’d like for you to make her visible.”

Me: *long pause* “Sir, I am very sorry, but that is simply not possible.”

(He did seem to get it after a lengthy explanation. On the plus side, since his request wasn’t possible, he later brought a picture of his grandmother to the shop, and we edited the colours, etc., and made a big print, and the customer was very happy.)