Pokémon Go To The Doctors

, , | Healthy | November 15, 2017

(It is right around the time when Pokémon Go has come out. I take a fairly serious fall and injure my hip. When it doesn’t improve after a few days, I go to a doctor who specializes in sports injuries.)

Doctor: “How did you injure your hip?”

Me: “I fell off a stepladder.”

Doctor: “Oh, thank goodness! You’re the first patient I’ve had all week who didn’t injure themselves playing Pokémon Go.”

Can’t Erase That Comment

, , , | Learning | October 31, 2017

(It is the start of a new school year, in third grade. We have some free time to talk about our summers and such. One of my classmates has a package of ten quite large erasers, and is showing them to everyone.)

Classmate: “Isn’t it cool? They’re brand new!”

Teacher: *in a snotty tone* “Are you doing to make that many mistakes?”

Class: *stunned silence*

(That attitude made her the most disliked teacher in the school.)

Will Be Here Until We’re Eighty

, , , , | Working | October 3, 2017

(I’m the dumb employee in this story. I’m working as a cashier, and having just started the new job a week earlier, I’m not familiar with all of it yet. The customer has a huge pile of paper trash bags that are tied with a string. I assume I have to count them all since each bag has an individual bar code.)

Me: “Do you know how many bags there are in this?”

Customer: “Sorry; no.”

Me: “I’ll just have to count them then.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I start counting and am getting near to seventy when I’m interrupted.)

Customer: “I can the see the price tag on the shelf from here; it says 80 bags.”

Me: “Oh, thanks!”

(At this point, I finally read the barcode, not having done so before.)

Me: “Oh. It says 80 on the computer. I didn’t need to count them. I’m sorry!”

Customer: “New, aren’t you?”

(Luckily, they were understanding and didn’t start an angry rant.)

A Marriage That Hookers You In

, , , , | Romantic | September 29, 2017

(My husband and I work near each other and carpool to work. He is dropping me off at my office.)

Me: “I really don’t feel like doing [work task] today.”

Husband: *in a suggestive tone* “Well, I can think of an alternative to doing [work task].”

Me: “Yeah, but I don’t get paid for that.”

The Monster Calls Every Day Of The Week

, , , | Working | September 17, 2017

(I’m 24 and I’ve liked The Beatles since I was 16. A new documentary about them has been released to the theatres, so I decide to check it out. Most of the conversation happens in Finnish, but the documentary was released under its English name “Eight Days a Week.”)

Me: “Hi! I’d like these.” *points to the soda bottle and the chocolate bar that I set on the counter* “And a student ticket to Eight Days a Week.”

Employee: “What?” *says something incoherent*

Me: *assuming I said the middle part too quickly* “A student ticket?”

Employee: “But which movie?”

Me:Eight Days a Week.” *short silence* “The Beatles film…”

Employee:A Monster Calls?” *this film also goes by its English name in Finland*

Me: “No, Eight Days a Week. Beatles.”

Employee:A Monster Calls, at what time?”

Me: “No. Eight Days a Week, The Beatles, at [time].”

Employee: *brings up the seating chart for A Monster Calls* “This one?”

Me: “No.”

Employee: *finally brings up the seating chart for Eight Days a Week* “This one?”

Me: “Yes…”

(I wonder how horribly I mangled English to make “Eight Days a Week” sound like “A Monster Calls.” Or maybe I was just too young to be buying tickets to the Beatles documentary.)

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