You Can Tell From My Face That I’m Not Interested

, , , , , , | Working | April 19, 2019

(Our mall is full of kiosks with people trying to sell random makeup brands, cell phone accessories, etc. I don’t begrudge anyone doing their job, and I understand a lot of them are under pressure to make sales. However, some of them REALLY need to work on their pitch. One day, I’m walking past a kiosk where a woman is trying to sell expensive skin cream.)

Saleswoman: “Here you go, ma’am! Sit down right here.” *pointing to her chair arranged in front of her mirrors*

Me: *smiling and shaking my head* “No, thanks. I’m not interested.”

Saleswoman: *pulls a concerned, comically disgusted face and speaks in a tone of voice as if I were on my deathbed* “Oh, ma’am, I have to ask… What do you use for your facial cream?”

(Maybe I should have been offended or something, which is what my husband told me, but it was just SUCH an incredibly bad attempt to, I don’t know, neg me into a sale or whatever that I just burst into disbelieving laughter at her and kept walking. She turned bright red and glared at me. Hey, maybe I COULD use a fancy skincare regimen, but with a sales pitch like that, there was no way I was going to buy it from her.)

Insecure About Your Security

, , , , , | Working | April 18, 2019

(I work as a contracted security guard at a university. My company’s posting is at one of the university’s newest acquisitions, a former corporate campus. Staff and faculty move in slowly over several months. This takes place one day while I am out on my rounds; I discover that a previously empty section is now occupied.)

Woman: “Excuse me, you can’t be up here.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “I said you’re not allowed to be up here. You have to go.”

(I gesture to the keys and radio on my belt.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am Security Officer [My Name] from the main gate-“

Woman: “Yeah, you’re contractors, right? So, you’re not supposed to be where we are.”

Me: “That’s not true. We can—“

Woman: “No, your place is at the gate. Not where we’re working.”

(A few of the other people in the department hear her and chime in that they agree.)

Me: “I see. Well, regardless of how you feel seeing us around, we’re allowed to be here.”

Woman: “But I said–“

Me: “Part of our duties requires us to go on patrol and check to make sure that not only is everything all right, but to help anyone who asks. That means that we have access everywhere and are allowed to go everywhere. That ensures that we can get to any emergency at any time. Also, contractors are not any less important than ‘real’ employees; we’re usually the first ones anyone calls.”

Woman: “You’re not Public Safety. You’re not real security.”

(I finally lose my patience.)

Me: “My $300 security guard license says otherwise.”

(I walked away, the woman still talking angrily. I notified my site supervisor, who pulled me off of rounds and went up to the new department herself. She experienced the exact same thing I did, and took down the names of every single person in that area. My supervisor then filed a harassment complaint with Public Safety, who made the ENTIRE department take a harassment and sensitivity course. You bet they were sunshine and rainbows the next time we saw them!)

Their Brain Is Also Not Working

, , , , , | Working | April 16, 2019

(I am working as a copier service rep. I am doing extensive maintenance on a copier when an executive administrative assistant walks in, holding a paper.)

Assistant: “Can I make a copy?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s not working right now.”

Assistant: “Well, I just need one copy.”

Me: “The copier is out of order.”

Assistant: “Well, even for one?”

Me: “It’s not working; I have parts pulled out.”

Assistant: “I just need that one page. Sure you can’t?”

Me: “It. Doesn’t. Work.” *opening my arms to show all the parts and tools spread out everywhere*

Assistant: “The VP is waiting for it.”

(I just stand there, not talking, looking at her.)

Assistant: “Oh, well… I guess I will have to use the other copier downstairs.”

(That would have been a one-minute walk, she was next to the staircase, and the other copier was next to it at the other end. When I told that to a fellow service rep, he said that he’d had a similar experience. However, after the third time, he said he simply stepped aside and let the customer use the copier. She put the paper on, pressed the start button, turned to him, and said, “Eh… it doesn’t work.” He answered, “Exactly.” She then understood and left.)

Some People Only Desire One Breast

, , , , | Working | April 16, 2019

(I am shopping in a grocery store and want to get some chicken breasts for dinner at the butchery. Because I only have to make dinner for myself, I want to get just a few. They are on sale and a nice worker is quick to help me.)

Me: “Hey, could I get one of the chicken breasts, please?”

Worker: “Yes, no problem!” *grabs four pieces and puts them in the plastic bag*

Me: “Oh, I wanted just one, please.”

Worker: “No problem!” *puts one of the pieces away and goes to put the three on the scale*

Me: “No, please. I said one, not three.”

Worker: “But no one buys only one. They are on sale.”

Me: “But I really need just one. Could I get it, please?”

(She sighs heavily, looks at me, and pulls two pieces out of the bag in a dramatic fashion.)

Worker: “You will miss out on a great deal by just buying one.”

Me: “I think I will get over that, thanks.”

(I grabbed my bag as I could hear her say, “Who just buys one?”)

Not Even Given Any Credit For Trying

, , , , , | Working | April 16, 2019

(I am checking in with my union. After confirming my identity, the clerk tells me my membership has been temporarily frozen due to debt. Note that during the whole interaction her demeanor is serious and calm, no smirk or frown to show she thinks anything is weird.)

Clerk: “Uh-oh! You’re in arrears on your dues!”

Me: “Aw. How did that happen? I remember paying three months’ worth just a month ago.”

Clerk: “Ah, that explains why you have a credit of [$$] on your file. Would you like me to take what you owe out of the credit?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

(How can a single account have both too much and too little money on it at the same time?)

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