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Her Brain Ain’t Doin’ So Hot

, , , | Working | September 16, 2021

On a trip to the coast in a quaint tourist town, I decide on a sandwich for lunch. I end up in a deli that promises “freshly made sandwiches, hot and cold”. There is quite a variety on the menu.

Me: “Hi. May I have a cold cheese and ham baguette, please?”

Server: “No problem.”

I see her take a baguette already filled with cheese from the counter. She turns round to where all the cold meats are, and I expect her to put some ham in the baguette. However, she bags it up and passes it to me.

Me: “Did you put ham in that?”

Server: “I did not, sir, as you said you wanted it cold.”

Me: *Utterly baffled* “Err, can you not just put the ham in now?”

Server: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can only do a ham and cheese baguette hot.”

Me: “So, are there some already hot?”

Server: “No, sir. I need to make it up, put it in the oven, and then serve it hot.”

Me: *Increasingly baffled* ”So, you make it cold before you put it in the oven. Can I have one before you put it in the oven?”

The server looks at me as if trying to work it out.

Server: “I can do that, but it would need to be in one of these—” *holds up a ciabatta roll* “—as those are the only ones that we can do hot.”

I realised that any further argument was pointless and simply accepted a cold cheese and ham ciabatta roll. I left the shop still trying to work out what had actually happened and went and sat on the sea wall to enjoy my “cold ham and cheese baguette”.

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Try A Bar Next Time, Buddy

, , , , , | Working | September 16, 2021

I just started working for an international company. Our company uses a messaging app to communicate directly across locations. During my first week, an employee from another location messages me.

Employee: “Hi! I’m [Employee]. I’m at [Location] but I’m equal to [My Boss].”

Me: “Oh, nice! What do you think?”

Employee: “I like it. I’m glad you’re here.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m just starting out.”

Employee: “It’s nice to have someone to be with.”

I’m starting to get a weird feeling.

Me: “Yeah, I’ve met some great people at [My Location]. They’re really helpful.”

Employee: “I can help, too, if you need. We can be together.”

Although he’s said nothing outright inappropriate, something about him unnerves me.

Me: “Well, I have [Supervisor] here, so I’ll probably go to him, but I appreciate the offer.”

Employee: “We can cuddle up and get through work together.”

There it is.

Me: “No.”

He says nothing for a while and then comes back

Employee: “Are you smart? You have to be smart to do this job.”

Me: “Yes, I am. I have work to do. Enjoy your day.”

An hour later…

Employee: “I’ll try not to think of you.”

Me: “We can be colleagues who talk about work, but I will not engage in anything else. Is that clear?”

Employee: “I saw your ID photo and thought you should know you’re beautiful. That’s all.”

I did not respond. Instead, I saved the whole conversation to my computer and emailed it to my supervisor, his supervisor, and human resources. He was fired.

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So Much For Being Early

, , , , , | Working | September 16, 2021

I place an order online for a salad and wrap place. The earliest option is for twenty minutes later, but I go in early anyway in case they are also early. I walk straight into the “online pickup” area. An employee barely glances up since they are clearly busy making and boxing up orders.

The people who come in around the same time as me, but who order normally at the counter, start picking up their food as the employees call out that orders are ready. I figure they will call mine when it’s ready, so I continue to wait patiently. The rush finishes fifteen minutes after I came in, and I am the only one left in the restaurant. Finally, a different employee from the one I saw making food calls out to me.

Employee: “Are you picking something up?”

Me: “Yeah, an online order for [My Name].”

The employee reaches for an already wrapped-up box.

Employee: “Oh!”

Me: “Was it ready that whole time?!”

Employee: “Yes, just say something next time!”

I almost replied that no one had even acknowledged me when I came right to the pickup area, and that I didn’t want to bother the busy employee, so maybe this is a NAR!

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These Employees Really Need To Ketchup

, , , , | Working | September 15, 2021

I am getting my son some food from a fast food place.

Me: “I would like a hamburger kids’ meal with ketchup only on the burger, extra fries, and white milk.”

Employee #1: “Is that everything but ketchup or ketchup only?”

Me: “Ketchup only.”

Employee #1: “And chocolate milk?”

Me: “White milk.”

I pull up and check my food because I am suspicious about it being incorrect. I pull out a burger wrapped in yellow. 

Me: “This is a cheeseburger.”

Employee #2: “That’s a hamburger.”

I look down at the burger in my hand.

Me: “Then why does it have a cheeseburger wrapper, say, ‘cheeseburger, ketchup only,’ and—” *opens the wrapper* “—have cheese on it?”

She asks me to pull ahead and I do. A little while later, a guy comes out and gives me a bag.

Employee #3: “Your hamburger.”

Me: “Ketchup only?”

Employee #3: “It was supposed to be ketchup only?”

A little while later, the third burger came out, and I finally got my son’s hamburger with only ketchup on it.

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That’s A Fuphy Way To Spell It!

, , , , , , | Working | September 15, 2021

My wife and I are on vacation with my friend and his wife. After I check in, I wait by the desk while my friend checks in.

Desk Clerk: “Okay, I’ll check you in now! What name is your reservation under?”

Friend: “It’s under Stephen [Last Name]. That’s Stephen with a ‘ph’.”

Desk Clerk: “Very good, sir! One moment while I get your key card set up.”

The clerk enters everything into his computer, programs the keycard, hands him a map of the grounds, etc.

Desk Clerk: “Okay, Mr. & Mrs. [Last Name], you’re all set! Here’s your key card, a map of the hotel, and a list of restaurants and activities in the area. Hope you enjoy your stay with us! If you need anything, just call the front desk!”

Friend: “Thank you very much.”

A few days later, we were all checking out. My friend got his statement and noticed that the clerk had entered his name into the computer and spelled his first name “Pheven” [Last Name]! It’s not like his name wasn’t spelled correctly on the credit card my friend used to pay for his room!

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