What Love-ly Service!

, , , , , | Working | March 23, 2020

(I am calling the bank to confirm some details. I have an effeminate voice, despite my gender, and someone with a masculine voice answers.)

Bank Company Representative: “[Bank] Customer Service, how can I help you?”

Me: “I need to ask some questions about a charge to my account.”

Bank Company Representative: “Yes, ma’am.”

(He confirms my account and identity details, and we go through the details I need to know. We prepare to wrap up the call.) 

Me: “Thanks for explaining that to me; you’ve been great.”

Bank Company Representative: “Is there any other way I can help you today?”

Me: “Nah, that’s all. Have a great day. Bye!”

Bank Company Representative: *got distracted* “Oh, uh, I love you.” 

(There was a gasp of horror and the representative hung up quickly. I couldn’t help but laugh, since I guess I sounded like his girlfriend. My wife also thought it was hilarious. I gave him a good rating when I got the survey questionnaire. He was a good employee, after all.)

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When They Burn Their Chance At Return

, , , , , | Working | March 23, 2020

(I place an order for a blue dress online. I get notice of shipment and the package arrives on time. The dress is fine. The very next day, I get another package from the same retailer; it’s the same dress in green in a larger size. I call customer service.)

Me: *explains issue*

Customer Service Representative: “Well, I’m sorry that you ordered the wrong size and color but that item is sold out now.”

Me: “No, I didn’t order the wrong item. I ordered the right item and received it. I also received a second, wrong item. I’m just looking to return it since I didn’t pay for it.”

Customer Service Representative: “Well, you can return it but since it’s not our mistake, you will be charged a 10% restocking fee and $7 return postage.”

Me: “I was actually only charged for the blue dress that I ordered and am keeping. The green one was never charged to me. I just need to send it back.”

Customer Service Representative: “Again, there’s a restocking fee and return postage charged to your card. The return credit is store credit.”

(I try again to explain the issue but cannot get her to understand. I ask to speak with someone else.)

Customer Service Representative: “I can’t transfer you to a supervisor. I can have them email you.”

Me: “I guess that could work.”

(Ten minutes later, I got a terse email that amounted to “restocking fee and $7 postage will be charged to your account for this return.” I replied with the facts and got a second email saying, “There are no exceptions to this policy.” I replied again, “If you don’t want this item back, I will donate it to charity.” I never got a reply, so I donated it. Evidently, doing the right thing is so unusual that their employees can’t understand it.)

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The Costs Of Living A Modem Life

, , , , , , | Working | March 23, 2020

(I cancelled my Internet four months ago but didn’t realize I had to send back the modem. I start getting calls from a number and finally, after a week, I pick up.)

Me: “Hello?”

Representative: “Yes, we are calling on behalf of [ISP] to inform you that you owe $200.00.”

Me: “I cancelled my service months ago; that’s impossible.”

Representative: “Yes, but this is regarding the outstanding modem that you needed to return.”

Me: “I needed to return that? I thought I had bought it. Okay, no problem. Where do I return it to?”

Representative: *laughs at me* “Yes, obviously, you needed to return it. Now we will be taking your account to collections.”

Me: “This is the first that I’m hearing about this and you’re taking me to collections? And did you just laugh at me? Can I speak to your supervisor?”

Representative: *brief hold* “Yes, my supervisor said that he is unavailable and that there is nothing that can be done.”

Me: “Well, where do I mail it to? Is there a shipping label?”

(The representative proceeds to give me information to write on the box, which I know will then cost shipping charges.) 

Representative: “And you need to do this today.”

Me: “And this is the first I’m hearing of this and I need to do this today…”

(I ended the call. That’s the worst customer service I have received recently. I called their customer complaint line, avoided collections, got the proper tracking label, and returned the modem. Even their care team couldn’t understand the other person’s problem.)

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It’s All Greek To This Rep

, , , , , , , | Working | March 21, 2020

(I work in a call centre for a mobile phone network. I hate it. It is a monotonous, dead-end job with no discretion. I find it frustrating. One day, a Samsung rep from a phone manufacturer comes to train us on their new products. For some reason, I give him a hard time.)

Me: *entering the classroom* “Annyeonghaseyo!”

Trainer: “Pardon?”

Me: “That’s Korean for ‘hello.’”

(His employer is Korean. The class sits down. Later…)

Trainer: “I want to start with a quiz. Does anyone know when Samsung was founded?”

(I raise my hand; the trainer points. I recently read the Wikipedia article.)

Me: “1937.”

Trainer: “Well done. Does anyone know what it was founded as?” *I raise my hand* “Anyone else?” *points* “You again?”

Me: “A grocery store.”

Trainer: “Well done again. What does ‘Samsung’ mean in Korean?”

Me: *without raising hand* “Three stars.”

Trainer: “Well done…”

(The quiz continues. Out of 20 classmates, I am the only person to get a single question right. Later, he is explaining a new feature. Without warning and mid-sentence, I interject.)

Me: “What are you going to do about the argument that a Samsung S4 is just a backward iPhone?”

Trainer: *speechless*

My Manager: *shocked* “Hey, [My Name]! Give him a break!”

(My classmates don’t know what has happened. The trainer is bewildered. The only person who knows what happened is my manager, who is well used to my antics. At the time, the market is dominated by the Apple iPhone 4S and the Samsung S3. Samsung is developing the Samsung S4, hotly anticipated by analysts. I am implying that Samsung copied the name of Apple iPhone 4S, except backward. Later, when leaving…)

Me: “Kamsamnida!”

Trainer: *confused*

Me: “That’s Korean for ‘thank you.’”

(They didn’t put me into any more training with manufacturers after that. I left shortly.)

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Trust The Process

, , , , , | Working | March 20, 2020

(My debit card company puts a hold on my card every time I travel more than fifty miles. It starts to get ridiculous. I call their number.)

Me: “You’ve blocked my card again! What do I have to do to convince you that I drive around the state frequently and my charges are not fraudulent?”

Operator: “You’re based out of Missouri, correct?”

Me: “Yes.”

Operator: “Were you in a [Fast Food Restaurant] in San Jose, California yesterday?”

Me: “Um… no.”

Operator: “So, maybe we weren’t overreacting.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

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