Many years ago, a friend of mine used to work as a civilian research scientist at a local Naval base. One day, they had a new machine delivered and needed to fit an electrical plug to it. So, he went down to the store to get one. The following conversation took place between my friend and the store assistant:

Friend: “I need a mains plug, please.”

Store Assistant: “Sorry, but we haven’t any left.”

Friend: *Looking past the assistant at the shelves behind.* “But there’s one there on the shelf.”

Store Assistant: “Yes, but you can’t have it.”

Friend: “Why not?

Store Assistant: “Because it’s the last one, and somebody might want it.”

Friend: “…?”

He gave up, went off base, and bought one at a local hardware store.

I’m at a local chain home improvement store. I needed lawn chairs and asked an employee where they were in the store. He looked at me dumbfounded.

Employee #1: “Lawn… chairs?”

Me: “Yeah… they fold up. Portable. Not like patio furniture.”

Employee #1: “…and they’re portable, you say?” 

I would have thought it was just an off occurrence, but he called over two more employees for help.

Employee #2: “Chairs… for lawns?”

Employee #3: “And… portable?”

Employee #2: “And they fold up, you say?”

Me: “Am… I in a Monty Python sketch?”

None of them knew what I was talking about. I had to go to a different store entirely.

I walk into a chain pizza pickup place and put in my order. The guy taking the orders seems very rushed and flustered.

Cashier: “Okay, that’ll be ready in six to seven minutes.”

Me: “Really?! That’s very fast.”

Cashier: “We… uh… we work fast!”

Me: “I mean, I know my pizza can’t even be in the oven yet. Saying six minutes feels like something you’ve been told to say.”

Cashier: *Smiles nervously.*

Me: “Would fifteen minutes be better? I can stop in at [Store across the street] and run an errand.”

Cashier: *Relaxes and looks relieved.* “Fifteen would be much better.”

I’ve also been that minimum-wage worker forced to say stuff due to company policy, so I get it.

I’m in line at a small store. There’s one customer ahead of me, an older woman. The cashier is going a bit slow, but it’s not that busy, and I’m not in a rush, so no biggie.

Cashier: “Your total is $16.”

The customer pulls out a twenty, but then says:

Customer: “Oh, wait, I have a dollar.”

She gets a dollar out and hands the cashier $21. This is what I would do if I wanted a clean $5 in change.

The cashier looks confused and takes the twenty, but leaves the one on the counter. She then starts slowly counting out four more ones in change, when the customer ahead of me says:

Customer: “I ain’t going to a strip club, give me a five!”

The cashier got it, eventually. She looked really happy when it was my turn, and I was paying with my credit card.

I’m getting some self-serve coffee from a coffee machine at a convenience store next to a gas station. A car of tourists driving through has pulled in, and one of them asks a question we get a lot up here in Alaska:

Customer: “Do you guys take American money?”

Cashier: “We do.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s very cool of you.”

Cashier: “But I have to charge a couple dollars more for the exchange rate.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, of course, that’s cool.”

Me: *In a disapproving tone.* “[Cashier’s Name].”

Cashier: *Rolling his eyes at me, but speaking to the customers.* “Oh, would you look at that, the exchange rate is the same.”

Customer: *Oblivious.* “Score!”

The customers leave, and the cashier half-jokingly says:

Cashier: “I could have made a couple extra dollars!”

Me: “Remember what your boss says?”

Cashier: *Sighs.* “We charge the a**hole tax, not the stupid tax.”

Me: “Were they a**holes or stupid?”

Cashier: “Just stupid.”

Me: *Thumbs up, and leaves.*